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Amanda Jean May 12
I’m so alone
No ones home
I am afraid
Of better days

No one is home
I am so alone
I am afraid
Afraid of today

No one is here
To steer me clear
Straight out of here
This hole that I’ve been living in

I cannot seem
To help myself
I haven’t been
Been in the best mental health

I fell down that rabbit hole!
I don’t know what to think no more!
I tell you I am afraid
My world is straight drawn out upside down
I don’t know how to live my life now

Our town has driven me dead and insane
I want to dance and sing
And scream at these walls
My anxiety has shook me up
No words come out
I ask for help
But who? To where?
I’m scared I’m scared
I don’t know how I got here anyways!

I can’t even begin to tell you what I went through
It’s dark and dreary blue
My curiousness and confidence almost killed me
Or maybe it was my insecurities
I’m no doctor
I don’t know what it is
All I know is what I’m feeling

I just can’t seem to shake these bad feelings I wonder if Alice always felt spiders crawling up on down her back
I only know that I tried to **** myself after that tea party
Ribbon noose, I’ve been blindfolded by smoke ever since

It didn’t have to be this way
I know hearts are hard to change

The thought of your existence makes me want to throw up

I always get these bad feelings whenever you’re around

I cannot seem to get over the impossibilities of empathy and reality

Sitting here wasting away
Done with today dreading tomorrow
Can I ever get out of this place?
Can I make it out alive?
This doesn’t even feel like I’m living anymore
This ain’t even surviving
I’m barely afloat
I’ve lost myself
Where am I?
It’s the same old game
Let’s play the pity party of death reapers
We’re begging for the end
Begging for some kind of new beginning
This kind always flies by too fast
Can’t make the good times last
Fast forward to the *****
Yesterday’s honeymoon was never meant to last
This life is the ugly stepchild of Garden’s Eve
Meeting a snake is all I ask

Just gotta get right out of here
Amanda Jean May 12
Daddy was never there
Did he know what sports you played
Promise broken, parallel again
I hate how we play these games
Oj in the morning, art during meetings
There's a spark in your eye, memories flow through mine

Bleeding again
L ove stings
Amanda Jean May 12
I've been broken
I've been beaten
But I have survived
And now I'm living

This is the best explanation of my way and how I live
I see the good in everyone and give everything I can give
Amanda Jean May 12
Reigning down with sunrays pure sunshine I’ll give you some I got mine
We pushing for the moon the divine
go get her goddess Luna in the night sky she always knows better
we’re filled with light and water moving with the stars till we all turn to dust again for the next life next time next try to fly high while we living fine see me in the next dimension see me in the dreams of anarchy I’ll be living free against the efforts of time don’t cha know it’s all a lie we’re reincarnated every day but the patriarchy tells us to stay stagnant and the same but time isn’t real it’s relative these societal standards have got to give I’m tired of y’all hating on the witches when it’s us ******* giving birth to all you hoes and your holidays you don’t understand the pagan ways even though it’s how we’ve all been raised I’m praying we will find the change in our hearts to all love each other the same They say boo ***** they repeat it again I said me too ***** these dudes be wavering they don’t gotta change but I’m not here for it bae I’m not standin for it babe we here for accountability and positive affirmations they’re here to get their **** licked and ***** relations  
And if you’re a dude and you woke too then this ain’t about choo boo I’m here for the enbys and trans I’m here for the truth you’re here because of your parents listen to the sun don’t listen to the childish rampants of our **** president *** this country has gotten so wack I need the obamas back we need to get out of iraq we need to stop the genocide of black and brown lives I stand with Palestine I stand with Sudan we need to feed Yemen we need to stop concentration centers on our own soil don’t tell me to calm down you need to check yourself man
Let’s go back to the Egyptians let’s let go of our prescriptions let’s take dmt till our head feels fine let’s smoke all the **** till our bodies feel right do I let ya in my mind oh babe you know I try but no pill shame but I’m just saying I wanna change everything I got the save the world complex and I’m coming for the government hexes the injustices run pools of blood from bodies I’m sorry to be so gawdy but this **** has got to stop will you pray to your god please
I’ll pray to my god please, and I’ll pray to your god please,
and you will pray to mine don’t cha see we all have the power
don’t cha see we could easily take over
why don’t cha see what i see who feels what I feel who knows what I know
where you at who are you are you coming cause here we go we’re shining like sunshine come get yours I’ve got mine
Amanda Jean May 12
Do I run or do I fight I lay down my pity and I give up tonight
Give up on pain give in to love give up my sorrows to the the heavens above
Giving up my suicide tendencies giving up the control of self harm, ma please
I’ll come clean later I’ll tell the truth someday but today is the day where I take for my own sake and I take what’s given to me
Drugs, give em to me, love, give em to me
If only I could give up the demons in me
Spirits I thought wasted away always coming up when least expected before I try to wash em out again
I beg my partners to stay but I can’t expect them to hold fire with their bare hands
Nothing rhymes nothing times right all my loved ones building their empires and I’m sitting in my lonesome box, please pray
Will we forget our gender norms will we forget the lies that society told will we forget what we came here for
Bouncing back between planets I’ve got the eye of my soul twin twinkling will our ether bodies ever meet
I’ve got a bleak soul I’ve got tremendous turmoil I just want fire and water to exist in harmony with each other
When the words flow they don’t know what they’re saying they’re just part of the music making of our soul ticks of existence
I’m trying hard to not let it bleed
I’m trying hard not to scream I’m trying I’m trying I’m trying please just let me be
I never want y’all to see me like this unless I’m dying and crying and reaching for some kind of sign
Please stay with me through the storm please babes I need your more now than ever
I need to be at peace I wish death would take me and my life cease
Please babes just know I’m trying but when you turn your backs I’ll be crying
Amanda Jean May 12
Make a list
Set things right
Be like your father
Smoking green to appease
Smoking green to please
Smoking every single tree
Apples falling drumroll deeds
Amanda Jean May 12
Nap it tap it everybody’s bat **** don’t know how to take **** always going on about a lick what ******* time is it 5:54 to 5:55 we seeing repeating numbers from the fours to the fives y’all realize we all got nine lives right
Left brain doing yo thang fight it out rub it in pushing for a better dimension y’all hate sin we all got sin y’all screaming Jesus’s name but you don’t know how to better yourself from within
In me just like you I like Jesus too but he was just a witch like me boo don’t be mad I’m only playing but really didja know Jesus was gay and guess what he black too my dude was for sure as **** cool
Chillin with travelers and drug addicts and *** workers and y’all ain’t mad about it but if ya can’t transfer that **** to reality then guess what ***** your religion is really just a fantasy world girl
Y’all live your blissful lives while living on blissful lies and y’all don’t do **** you don’t even try to help someone less fortunate than you y’all basically spit on us while we walk by
Calling us slurs and acting crazy I ask you is this how you pray to your God babe?
I mean y’all don’t get me wrong I’m queer whitey from the suburbs but the sick **** ain’t so slick no more we older and I’m calling out the hypocrisy on my own turf so we can pave a better way for us all to live at peace on Mother Earth.
Get past it move on the spirituality of the human soul is coming on we screaming fire we're flying on water we're all born as daughters y’all trying pushing the breaks on feminism but I don’t think you quite yet understand the new waves or what it says we’re singing inter-sectionalism we’re singing gender is on a spectrum sexuality is not what you may think it may be finding our true selves should be our first priority but times up the sun is coming up we turn our Luna crown away as the new day brings on capitalism half of me weeps while I start my daily grind to survive half asleep
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