I wish you knew how you undo me.
I wish you knew how you unravel my senses.
I wish you knew how you untangle my thoughts.
I wish you knew how you still affect me
  When you are now but a mere memory.

I wish you knew my memory of you
  Changes with time, as memories are wont to do.
I wish you knew my recollection of you
  Fades with every recall, as clarity is apt to flee.
I wish you knew my impression of you
  Diminishes with the years, as life is accustomed to.

For you are but a shadowed face in the past,
A silhouetted figure encased in the bygone days,
A man I thought I knew and will never see again.

I asked the stars
If it was ok to make a wish
Even in the daylight
Because I hate facing
My demons in the night.

I asked the stars
If it was ok to make a wish
Even in the daylight
Because at night the tears come
Too quickly for words to form.

I asked the stars
What price I had to pay
For my daylight wishes
To come true.

I asked the stars,
But what can stars say?
They are but light from a distant past
With no bearing whatsoever on the present.

They say we're all looking for someone
Who will love us as we deserve,
Someone who will take in all our flaws,
Put up with all our idiosyncrasies,
Accept all our apologies,
And say "I love you" over and over again.

But what if that isn't really what we need?

What if what we need is someone
Who can see through our painted masks
And coping mechanisms and backgrounds
And upbringing and learned habits
And realize that we love them?

What if what we're really looking for
Is someone who will let us love them
The way we know how.

What if what I'm looking for
Is someone who accepts
The freshly washed car
Or vacuumed living room
Or home cooked meal
Or day at the theme park
Or new pair of shoes
Or message on the mirror
Or giant bear hug
With a whispered "thank you"
As my way of saying "I love you"?

What if to be loved,
What we really need is someone
Who will let us
Love them?

The pleasant cacophony
Of mirthful feasting
Surround and invade my soul.
In the midst of the crowd
I stand
And yet alone.
Always has it been.
Ever it will be.
It longs for belonging,
For acceptance, for connection,
My soul.
But when every attempt
At conversation falls into
Short and stilted phrase,
When every try to be friendly
Is met with cold shoulders and icy glares,
I'm left to quietly sip at some iced beverage.
And it is harshly reaffirmed:
I know I will never find what I'm looking for.
And there is no consolation in that.
Just an unrest, a disquiet,
That slips through every fiber of my heart,
And without another's notice,
I slip away
Back to the dark confines of the solitude
I have come to call home.

Curled in a quivering ball,
She holds her lips sealed tight.
Her sole goal is to pass the night
Without utterly losing it all.

Fingers pressed to temples,
Eyes shut with all her might,
She waits for dawn's first light
And begs for it to be gentle.

She begs for Time to have mercy
On her worn and wearied soul.
She pleads, beseeches, and cajoles
For Time to find her worthy.

And when the sun's beams
Breach the womb of dawn,
Her exhausted form looks upon
A new day and a new dream.

Blue skies like a canvas overhead
With painted, cottenball clouds.
Shrieks of gleeful mirth
And raucous athletic cheers
Float on a gentle spring breeze.

But for me...

Thunder rumbles
In my boiling-blooded veins.
A quiet intensity
Settles like the dark cloak of night.
Time slows,
And the world stands still.

I should be moving on, letting go,
But all I know
Is that I miss you.

Almost made it to the state line.
I was headed your way
To give you a piece of my mind
Because I've got a whole hell of a lot to say.

I wanted to tell you
How much it hurt
When I finally knew
That all my hopes were shattered.

I wanted to scream
So very many things
About the pain I've endured
And the losses incurred.

I wanted you to feel
The shame and loss and guilt
I think should be forcing you to kneel
And beg for forgiveness.

But then I passed the sign
That changed Central to Mountain time,
And I realized I can't change your mind,
And the words on my lips died.

So turned my car around
And drove the 6 hours back to town
And home.

And when I'd relayed
What I had attempted today
To a couple of friends
I knew this was the start of the end

Of me giving you
Another thought,
Another chance,
Another moment of my time,
Another place in my life.

Do you know what they said
When I finished my story?
"Thank you for turning around.
Thank you for coming home."

And they're right, you know.
I am finally home.