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Jul 2022 · 279
I would live for you
alupa Jul 2022
I would die for you
But that doesn't mean much
As I would die for practically anyone
I would die without it being for anyone
I would even sacrifice things to die
I would die
If I could
If I knew it wouldn't hurt anyone
Then I would die

But for you
I would even live

That's the thing
Even if I was hurting
I would live for you
Apr 2022 · 214
alupa Apr 2022
The wolves inside of me are starting to get hungry
They are licking my liver in an almost affectionate way
But I suppose they just want to taste the salty blood
They are going to **** me and die with me
And I can't blame them
I too have burnt down my paper house just to feel warm
And now that it's not only cold but I'm also out in the dark without shelter
I don't mind the wolves winning anymore
Feb 2022 · 654
alupa Feb 2022
You filled me with
cold cigarette smoke
             my lungs,
                               my clothes,
                                                    my heart.
The scent was all over my sheets.
And then
It all turned into poison.
Dec 2021 · 363
Be brave
alupa Dec 2021
Be brave enough to be honest
Be brave enough to be honest with yourself and  with others
Be brave enough to ask for help
Be brave enough to speak up for yourself and your beliefs
Be brave enough to say “No”
Be brave enough to do the right thing
Be brave enough to admit you were wrong
Be brave enough to apologize
Be brave enough to say you do not understand something
Be brave enough to learn
Be brave enough to try new things
Be brave enough to follow your dreams
Be brave enough to be yourself
Be brave enough to feel the good and the bad
Be brave enough to be different
Be brave enough to dress the way you want
Be brave enough to leave ****** situations
Be brave enough to keep going
Be brave enough to change
                                                  your mind,
                                                                        your life,
Be brave enough to live
Oct 2021 · 425
maggots in my marrow
alupa Oct 2021
I'm standing straight
But there are maggots in my marrow
And I don't know how much longer I can pretend
that my spine isn't about to break
that I'm not about to collapse
My bones are rotting away
And there are maggots in the marrow
And it's just a matter of time until I fall
And the flies spill out of my mouth
Sep 2021 · 1.0k
alupa Sep 2021
I feel like a dandelion
My rib cage is fragile
And it takes nothing more
than a gust of wind
for my heart to fall apart
Sep 2021 · 586
i am going to be sick
alupa Sep 2021
The butterflies in my stomach
feel more like moths dancing around a flickering light
and gradually
one by one
they all burn to death
Aug 2021 · 657
a lonely star
alupa Aug 2021
There's coldness all around me
Everything is so far away
Light years of empty space
Between you and me
And I'm burning up my soul
Just to feel a little warmer
Burning up my soul
So you might see me from over there
Might see the flickering fire
Of my broken soul
I'm losing myself
I'm drowning
All alone in the middle of an ocean of coldness
I'm losing
But I don't care no more
So I pour another glass of gasoline
Into my burning soul
Jul 2021 · 273
alupa Jul 2021
I'm starting to see ghosts everywhere
They are all around me
all inside me
Lurking behind corners
And under my bed
Not just reaching for my feet
But reaching for my heart
Touching me in my most vulnerable moments
When I wake up
But haven't quite woken up yet
And am still lost in my dreams
They are clutching my guts
And trying to choke me
I'm starting to see ghosts everywhere
You tell me they aren't real
But I know you're one of them
alupa Jun 2021
It was more like I was slowly sinking
deeper and deeper each day

You poured your love into me
And it drenched my heart
streamed through my veins
Soaking every single cell of my body
Leaking out of the pores of my skin
And dripping from my fingertips
To bleed into everything I touch

It flooded my chest
And filled up my lungs
Until it spilled out of my mouth
Trickling from my tongue
Saturating every single word I say

It flowed through every part of me
And eventually seeped into my bones
Making all that I am
Crave all that you are

I never fell in love with you
I drowned in it
Apr 2021 · 112
alupa Apr 2021
The brain is like a map.
Every path leads me to you.
Apr 2021 · 1.0k
sweet syrup
alupa Apr 2021
You're still stuck on my fingertips
And leave your mark on everything I touch
Maybe it's time to wash you away.
Apr 2021 · 744
ending and beginning
alupa Apr 2021
Suddenly, everything changed
The universe I knew was supposed to be black
But never had I seen all these tones of grey
Dark figures emerged
And the sky was full of blood
Drowning millions of lights beneath its greedy waves
And I thought the world was going to end
As everything I used to know started to change
Fire appeared on the horizon
And I was blinded by it
Everything went from black to white
But once my eyes had adjusted
I saw that the world didn't end
It was full of colours
No, it rather seemed like it had just been born
a sunrise
Mar 2021 · 774
r a i n
alupa Mar 2021
Like a steady drizzle
You changed me
I didn't even notice you did
Until my soul was soaked
Feb 2021 · 310
If you were a song
alupa Feb 2021
If you were a song
then one of these that everybody claims to hate but secretly admires.
You'd be one of these songs that stick in your head all day while you can't remember their name.
You'd be one of these songs that I never get tired of listening to.
If you were a song
then one of these that move people's hearts.
If you were a song
you'd be a soft, slow, sad one.
If you were a song
you'd be a mysterious and nobody would know where it came from.

If you were a song
I'd play it.
And I wouldn't let it end.

if you were a song
I'd be good enough to make it keep going.
I could prevent the melody from fading out,
the words from slipping away,
the song from going quiet.
if you were a song
I could still hear you
because I'd be good enough.
Jan 2021 · 302
winter mystery
alupa Jan 2021
A movement in the corner of an eye,
noises in the dark,
a missing glove,
a cold breeze and the door shuts.

Today, footprints in the snow,
the curtains move in an empty house,
a faint stain on the carpet,
melted ice on the kitchen floor.

A melody, indistinguishable from the howling wind,
a whisper in the walls,
steps outside in the garden,
soft on the frozen snow.

Sweating despite the cold,
a pale star in the night sky,
distant voices in the dark,
a figure wandering the deserted streets.

Rose petals on the doormat,
dust floating in mid air,
a flickering candle light,
just a ghost lingering at the house.

Just another lonely soul that can't let go,
until it's forgotten,
like all the lost gloves,
and footprints,
and stars.
Like all the figures in the foggy winter's night.
Dec 2020 · 102
alupa Dec 2020
Looking at you
Is like looking at the sun.
It hurts.
But still
My eyes are drawn to you.
Nov 2020 · 82
happy dreams
alupa Nov 2020
At night I dream my happy dreams,
Of love I've lost or not yet found,
Of closure, hugs and calming sound
Of crashing waves and gentle streams.

I dream of dancing through the night
Under the bright stars of July,
I dream of having wings to fly,
And of oceans filled with light.

I dream of wanting to grow old,
not simply everything to end
I hear the laughter of a friend,
And sweet stories that I'm told.

I dream of a kid's shining eyes
When jumping barefoot in a puddle
I dream of kissing a soap bubble
And of chasing butterflies

I dream of immersing in book pages
And of exploring unknown towns,
I feel that all the sorrow drowns,
I feel the death of all my rages.

At night I dream my happy dreams
At night I laugh and breathe and rest
Have splendid hope inside my chest
But my day is lacking gleams

I'm happy when I drift away
When I'm laying down to sleep
I feel this joy that I can't keep
I've not yet found it in the day.

But I still get out of my bed,
I still smile and fight anew
So that all of these come true,
These happy dreams inside my head.
Nov 2020 · 159
alupa Nov 2020
The emptiness inside his chest
It felt like a vacuum
Like everything would be forced to fall towards it,
in an attempt to fill the void.

And indeed the emptiness,
the vacuum
****** in everything
in an attempt to disappear.

It ****** in the world around him
Until it collapsed under its weight
into a black hole,
until he couldn't carry the weight of the world anymore
and collapsed under the weight.

It ****** in his soul,
until he disappeared.

The emptiness inside his chest,
It was so consuming,
so heavy,
so full,
It left no space to breathe.
Emptiness is basically the opposite of what it implies.
Nov 2020 · 289
so much
alupa Nov 2020
I wanted to say so much,
so many words,
say them out loud,
tell you everything.

But I couldn't make my mouth speak.

I just sat there,
in front of you,

There was so much to say,
but all I could get out was “sorry”
after you talked all the time because I didn't say anything.

I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry and so much more.
So much more
but I just can't tell you that.
Nov 2020 · 286
homeless stray
alupa Nov 2020
I was sad.
So I walked the way that was still traced in my mind
Searching for security
Followed the path blindly, subconsciously
Searching for comfort
Only to find myself
In front of the reason for my sadness
In front of a stranger's house that once felt like home
Oct 2020 · 61
alupa Oct 2020
Am I scared
Am I safe
Am I asking
Am I knowing
Oct 2020 · 228
alupa Oct 2020
I coloured your soul.
Drew stripes
in blue and purple.
I painted your heart.
Covered it in silver splatters
I made you my finest art.
But I failed.
Just one small streak in the wrong direction
ruined my imagination.
So I scrunched up the paper
And pushed you away.
Why is nothing ever enough for me?
Oct 2020 · 63
losing someone (4)
alupa Oct 2020
What am I going to do with all this future?
Without you in it...

What am I going to do with all these plans?

With all these places we wanted to visit
all these movies we wanted to watch
all these moments we wanted to share
all this future we wanted to live...
When there's no "we" anymore
Sep 2020 · 181
alupa Sep 2020
Autumn is just so full of you.
The pale sun, the fading colours, the cold wind.
It's all the same and yet so different.
Autumn is where we met.
But you're not here anymore.
And I'm not the same anymore.

The trace you left in my mind is mirrored in the reality.
In the way I see things.
The way the trees sway as if they didn't want to stand any longer.
The way that faith crumbles to dust like the leaves on the ground.
The way the people walk by in a hurry.
It reminds me of you.

I see you in the way everything seems to be ending,
see us there.

Autumn was our favourite season.
But I think it ain't that anymore.
I guess it's a little messy.
Sep 2020 · 130
One last letter
alupa Sep 2020
Today I'll write one last letter.

One last letter to finally forget.
Because everything's over,
our future is set.

One last letter to softly let go
Because I am done,
feeling so low.

One last letter to gently forgive
Because that's the thing,
I need to live.

P.S I hope, that soon I'll feel better
but deep down I wish, this weren't my last letter.
Sep 2020 · 60
alupa Sep 2020
You treated me like I were the moon
among a thousand stars
Like I were special

And in the end
you were right
I'm different than the others
I'm indeed a moon among stars

But you didn't understand what that means
I seem to shine brighter
but I don't

I just reflect their light
Just betray, just cheat
And if you looked into my eyes
you'd see that there's nothing shedding light
inside of me

Not a single star,
not even a candle

So don't look at me like I were the moon,
the most beautiful thing you've ever seen

Look at me like I were the moon,
the most pathetic thing, you've ever seen
Aug 2020 · 165
Outgrowing Soulmates
alupa Aug 2020
Yesterday we talked and I realized
we aren't the soulmates that I wanted us to be
We grow neither at the same pace
nor in the same direction
Maybe we've been soulmates one day
But I guess we've outgrown each other
Aug 2020 · 2.3k
Losing someone (3)
alupa Aug 2020
It's not that I just think of you, every now and then,
Or that I sometimes hope that I, will see you once again.
It's not that you're the late night thought, I try to keep at bay,
Or that I wonder how you are, when I start my day.
It's not that I wish you were here, when I feel alone,
Or that I'm calling out your name, when I'm coming home.

It is that I look for you, in an empty room,
And that since you walked away, all I see is gloom.
It is that I overthink, everything you said,
And that no matter what I try, you're always in my head.
It is that everything I think, and all the things I do,
are drained and soaked and coloured black, by the loss of you.
Aug 2020 · 116
too late
alupa Aug 2020
It's too late now
to tell you
"I'm sorry"
You're gone.
And I'll never
see you again.

It's too late now
and it'll be
too late forever
gone forever.

And I'll never
get the chance
to tell you
"I'm sorry"
it's too late.
Aug 2020 · 189
alupa Aug 2020
You were
like a rainbow
Beautiful to look at
But when I touched you
I felt nothing
Aug 2020 · 117
Losing someone (2)
alupa Aug 2020
The worst about losing you wasn't the moment it was over,
It were all these nights I lay awake, scared you'd leave.
It were all these hugs and kisses in the awareness they could be the last ones.
It were all these tears I silently shed when I felt you falling out of love with me.
It were all these conversations that made me realize we have nothing to say anymore.
The worst about losing you was being right by your side, knowing there was nothing I could do to make you stay.
Aug 2020 · 98
*insert name here*
alupa Aug 2020
And one of these words I never say,
since you're far, so far away,
is your name because I fear,
to hear it, and not have you here.
Somehow saying their name out loud makes the fact that they're gone feel real.
Aug 2020 · 65
Losing someone (1)
alupa Aug 2020
When you came
you made me laugh
after I've felt almost nothing
for such a long time

When you began talking to me
you made me care
after I've been indifferent
for such a long time

Then you left
And you made me sad
after I've been happy
for such a short time
Aug 2020 · 114
alupa Aug 2020
What if I don't love you
but just the way you look at me?
What if I don't love you
but just that what we seem to be?
What if I don't love you
but just how you truly care?
What if I don't love you
but just that you're always there?
What if all these “what-if”s are true,
and I am not in love with you?
It was inspired by the thought that I may not love someone for who they are but because of the way they love me.

— The End —