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1.8k · Feb 2018
Broken System
“Grades are getting low,
the teens are getting high.
That 12 year old is pregnant
and her parents wonder why.

A 1st grader is swearing,
a 3rd grader has been *****.
Just take a look around you,
isn’t the system great?

Who isn’t faded these days,
teens are sending nudes,
kids are getting beaten,
the teachers see the bruises.

No calls for help are spoken,
teens are smoking ****,
young girls are cutting,
this isn’t what we need.

The marks of taunt and yelling,
parents are divorced.
That 14 year old is drinking beer,
this can’t get any worse.

A little girl has killed herself,
nobody seems to care.
Another kid has been expelled
for a stupid dare.

But it needs to change.
Our world is officially broken.
It’s time to take a stand;
your thoughts need to be spoken.”

Thoughts are running wild
As the tears stream down my face.
Depressed and suicidal,
But I should just stay in my place.

I’m feeling kinda broken,
Feeling kinda lost.
I wanna make my pain
Just go away at any cost.

Don’t get me wrong, I grew up
In a nice enough neighborhood.
And I did everything that
Anybody said I should.

But it wasn’t enough.
It wasn’t me.
I thought that I could help the world
With the things I’ve seen.

My cousin lost herself
In drinking hard and smoking ***.
My good friend tried to run away
And lose her past a lot.

I, myself, have struggled
With thoughts of losing it all.
The pro and cons of jumping off
That cliff into the free fall.

I mean if there's something that can save me
Then it'll show up, right?
It's worth the wait to take a blade to my wrist
And **** it up, right?

The truth is, I don't know
How to do this and win the fight.
I need someone to show me
There's still a ray of light.

I fell into a pit of despair
And it consumed me.
I guess the only way to help the world
Was to lose me.

Finding myself is gonna take a while.
Don't know if I can make it.
Keep giving out my heart
Hoping someone will take it.

Drinking, smoking,
Doing everything to make me numb.
Doing stupid things.
Making people call me dumb.

Popping pills like candy
Just to get me through the day.
Trying to end it all;
To make the pain just go away.

It wasn't perfect. Never.
It wasn't good enough for anyone.
So I always sat alone
And wished my life was done.

~Ashton Grayson Everly
The part in quotes was written on Facebook by Will Smith. The rest is mine.
1.3k · Oct 2018
Freewrite Friday
My teacher told me,
"Write something.
It's required."
So, I did.

And it hurts,
to put it down
on paper,
to share it with the world.

But I was inspired.
He inspired me.
It's a mess of all the things in my head,
but it all comes back to him.

it hurts
when you see someone this attractive.
he has messy brown hair
with golden streaks

and eyes
like a oceanic abyss.
he smiles as if
i'm the funniest thing in the world.

and his laugh
is the music
my ears have unknowingly longed to hear
all my life.

he's a musician,
an actor.
his voice is like the rocks on the shores
that sirens lured sailors into.

it's the rough,
raspy,
most beautiful kind
of angelic.

he's beautiful,
and
i think
i love him.

~Ashton Grayson Everly
i will never forget him
as long as i live.
he's the light
that has guided me from my darkness.
i fell for him once, then fell again.
and i can only hope for the best...
562 · Oct 2018
GAY
GAY
IMGAYGAYMEANSHAPPYIMFEELINGGAYTODAYYOUSEEMYFINGERSSNAPPINGIWANNAS­EETHEWORLDDONTFEELLIKENAPPINGTODAYIMQUEERLETSBECLEARWHENISAYTHEWO­RDQUEERIMEANECCENTRICORWEIRDANDLETMETELLYOUALLIMBEINGSINCEREWHENI­SAYTHERESNOTHINGWRONGWITHBEINGQUEERILIKEMENMYFELLOWMENWOMENANDMEN­ANDEVERYTHINGINBETWEENANDBEYONDWOMENANDMENILIKEEVERYONETHEENDOKAY­IMGAYBUTTHATSNOTQUEERWHATSSOSTRANGEABOUTHOLDINGMENDEARIMCHEERYBEC­AUSEIMGAYANDIMOKAYWITHME

-THOMASSANDERS
~Ashton Grayson Everly
i'm not even sorry.
418 · Nov 2018
Special
You're not special, no.
You still need him.
He doesn't even want you.
He never did.

You're not special, no.
He "loves" you so much.
Tell me then,
why he betrayed your trust.

You're not special, no.
Not when
there are so many other girls
to choose, and he has.

You're not special, no.
There's a place in hell for you,
right beside him,
so you forever suffer your heart.

You're not special, no.
Just because you have his ring.
You gave him your heart,
now you've lost your mind.

You're not special, no.
he tells her he loves her too.
and he's using you, child.
I just want to help, don't you see?

You're not special, no.
There were promises made,
in the dark, in your sleep.
Promises you now must keep.

You're not special, no.
You gave him your love,
love he has easily betrayed.
You gave it all, now take it away.

You're not special, no.
**** your love for him,
and you can live again, my dear.
just as if you had never loved at all.

You're not special, no.
he played you, sugar.
Now, when you need him,
he's leaving you broken.

You're not special, no.
He danced like that with her, while you watched.
He taught you how to dance,
and you danced to forget the pain he brought.

You're not special, no.
You never were.
You were just a shiny new toy,
for the game he wanted to play.
And you lost.
273 · Oct 2018
To Await Our Deaths
The class of my death
Strolling in each day
Day after day
To know things I already know
To experience things I have already experienced
To await the internal fade away that is my life
To await my life

Every day the same
School, repeat
Nothing more
Nothing less
Nothing experienced
Nothing gained
Nothing matters
But now we just wait, hoping one day something might change
That something might been different
That something might make better
To start a new
But no
We just await.
Just await our deaths

Every day looking around, the same person
Wanting nothing more
Nothing less
But it will never happen
It could never happen
Nothing at all
But I just sit here and wait
To await his death

Day after day,
School, people, repeat
Nothing more
Nothing less
To just await
Our death
written by: Trev
183 · Oct 2018
What Is This Feeling?
stuttering,
panting,
increased heart rate...
nervous?

smiling,
excitement,
fluttering heart...
happiness?

scared,
nervous,
excited...
"LOVE!"

~Ashton­ Grayson Everly
172 · Apr 2018
But You Don't Act That Way?
The cold winter wind is blowing
the breath out of my lungs.
Even in the summer.
Cause this winter called depression
lives in my mind.

But I don't act that way?
Yeah, you're right.
It's not an act.
It's who I am
and I can't change that.

My heart races and I try not to black out
as I ground myself
because Anxiety and Panic Attacks
are my two best friends
and they never leave me alone.

But I don't act that way? Right again.
I spare the people around me,
the people I'm close to,
the people I love
from this hell that haunts me day and night.

The view from my closet
is not the same as the view from the living room windowpane.
But I can't come out into the open, because
no one will let me
I will hide forever and suffer in silence.

But I don't act that way?
I hide who I am because I am a disgrace.
No one understands and
it
hurts.

My broken pieces
don't fit together anymore,
and I'm waiting
for someone to notice
because I can't take it.

But I don't act that way? No, I don't.
Because when I do,
I'm written off as "****** and annoying"
or "faking it and selfish"
or "on my period and just causing drama."

But I hold it together.
And I **** well
don't have to prove my pain
to you.
It's not your pain,
not your business,
not your sob story to hear
because you feel like faking pity.
It's mine.
And I'm done letting you dictate what it looks like.

~ Ashton Grayson Everly
Hey. It's been a while. My apologies.
131 · Feb 2018
Unsteady
"  H      O       L      D,

H      O      L      D

        O
            N

H    ­  O      L      D

        O     T
            N     O

              M
                  E,

cause i'm a little

U     S                     ...
    N     T             Y
                E      D
                    A

a little

U     S                     ..."
    N     T             Y
                E     D
                    A

                                        ­                                            ~Ashton Grayson Everly
Just a quote from "Unsteady" by X-Ambassadors.
You were my everything.
My light;
my world;
my life.
I loved you.
What happened to us?
I don’t know what I was thinking. It clearly wasn’t going to work.
Do you know why? It’s because you’re too cold to feel anything.
You were chatting it up with everyone
except the girl who fell hopelessly for you the day she met you.
You were gone before you ever left. I lost you before I got lost myself. You were the last bit of light before the darkness came and captured me. To this day, I am still in love with you.
No matter how many people say that I don’t know what love is,
I know that I felt it with you.
It was different than anything I’ve ever felt before.
You make me weak in the knees and I can’t think when I’m around you.
I gave you my heart, and you dropped it.
I would rather you had given it to someone else.
But you dropped it and it cracked. You stepped on it; it shattered.
You left me a broken girl with an empty heart.
I can’t feel anything except the effect you have on me.
I am an unmarked box that gets returned to the sender;
a poison apple;
a lost cause.
I am the broken girl with the broken heart;
with the ghost smile;
with the stuttered breaths.
I am left behind and I am not the same.
Because of you, I am no longer the happy little ray of sunshine
with the bright smile.
I am a hollow person;
a mere shell of the girl I was before.
I don’t smile as much anymore,
and I feel a weight on my shoulders that never leaves.
And now, I wonder, if you were to see me
in the halls,
or on the sidewalk,
or anywhere,
would you recognize me?
Would you even remember my name?
Or was it just a joke to you;
a bet maybe,
to see how badly you could break me?
You were my light;
my world;
my life.
And now
I’m consumed
by the dark.
                                                           ­          ~ Ashton Grayson Everly
One of my first creations that I made out of heartbreak. Can't believe it got me this far.
I'm gonna love you forever.
That's just my
curse, it's
whatever...

- A Nobody


~Ashton Grayson Everly
From a song.
120 · Mar 2018
Winter. Is. Coming.
"Why did this happen to me?"
All I can ask;
All I can say.
"I was happy.
I was normal.
I didn't have these."
The scars I see across my face in the mirror.
The panic attack came without warning.
"****. Ground yourself."
'5 things you can see.'
"Bars on the door.
Bars on the window.
Stone wall.
Metal floor.
Tile ceiling."
'4 things you can hear.'
"Voices in the hall.
Screams a few rooms over.
Blood rushing through my veins.
Air entering and leaving my lungs."
'3 things you can touch.'
"Metal arm.
Cracks in the wall.
Bed posts."
'2 things you can smell.'
"Sweat.
Serum."
'1 thing you can taste.'
"Blood."
The calm finally takes over.
I can breathe normally again.
I hear a voice.
"Everything special about you
came out of a bottle."
My eyes snap open once again.
"Who the hell do you think you're talking to?"
"I was talking to you, Grandpa Steve.
Turn your hearing aids up."
I pass out after the last word.
The questions are bugging me.
Who is Steve?
Could he be important?
Is he part of a past that I barely remember?
Steve...
Steve!
The little asthmatic who picked a fight with everything that moved.
Steve from back home in Brooklyn.
All those years ago... how is he alive?
Super Soldier Serum.. No..
Stevie, what have they done to you?
...
Two weeks later
and here I am.
Where is my Steve?
He's out here somewhere.
Oh. My. God.
the chaos...
I'm here now.
And this time, I'm not going away.
Not for the army.
Not for Hydra.
Not for anyone.
I hacked a comms unit.
"Hey. You don't know me.
But can you tell Steve I'm here
to give him back some of his stupid?"
I start firing at the obviously winning team
who have been fighting the "Avengers" for an hour.
I hear Arrow Guy speak into the comms.
"Steve there's a one armed soldier
that says he's here to give you back
some of your stupid.
Does that mean anything to you?"
I see a blue thing freeze.
It turns around and starts running
toward where I am.
That blue thing has a face...
"STEVIE!"
"BUCKY!!"
I hugged him and-
"How are you here? You should be dead."
"The serum... it was permanent."
"They can't.
It can't."
You decided to tamper with my Stevie.
Get ready.
Winter.
Is.
Coming.
115 · Jan 2019
Things We Lose
WHAT happened?
where WAS your mind?
did I miss something?
you weren't THINKING clearly.
I miss you.
I see her standing there,
     so close to me.
I don't know what to do.
  It's hard to breathe.

Telling her would end with
         catastrophe.
So I smile and pretend.
         I'm happy.

                                            I think I love him.
                                                 "Let it go."
                                         The voice in my mind
                                           Had to let me know.

                                           Loving him will be
                                              the death of me.
                                          So I sit and pretend.
                                                 I'm happy.

                                                         ­                       I'm losing my mind.
                                                           ­                  They don't like me back.
                                                           ­                They're just a kid who's life's
                                                                ­                 on a different track.

                                                         ­                       Telling them is hard
                                                            ­                    But now I truly see.
                                                            ­                   I don't have to pretend.
                                                        ­                             I'm happy.

                                         I told him how I feel.
                                       He said he loves me too.
                                        I got so **** excited
                                       Didn't know what to do.

                                   It's amazing how a kiss changed
                                            everything for me.
                                           I finally figured out
                                         how to say I'm happy.

     Seeing that smile
made the wait worth it.
We can find a better start.
     We'll unearth it.

     I can't wait for her
to smile once more at me.
  I know she knows that
she's the reason I'm happy.
                                                          ­                          ~Ashton Grayson Everly
A pansexual person on Valentine's Day for several years. As a pan person, I can confirm this.
103 · Apr 2018
Dragonfire Life
Dragonfire Eyes
Shining Bright,
Revealing All
Throughout the Night.

Dragonfire Smile,
In the Sky.
Cities to Ash
We Don't Know Why.

Dragonfire Flames
In the Night,
Completely Shutting Out
The Fairy Lights.

Dragonfire Lost,
As All Fire Dies.
Creating Secrets,
Spreading Lies.

Dragonfire Hides
Out of Sight.
Filling People
Up With Fright.

Dragonfire Dream
Flying By.
Can't Be Caught.
It's up too high.

Dragonfire Fears,
A Chilling Bite.
Breathing In and Out
Is A Serious Fight.

Dragonfire Heart
Feelings Try
To Take Over My World,
Unsatisfied.

Dragonfire Love,
Heart is Tight.
Surpressing Joy
With All My Might.

Dragonfire Life,
Sad, Tis Quite.
I'm Cutting It short.
The Ending's Not Right.

~Ashton Grayson Everly
I was really mentally ******* up when I wrote this. Enjoy.
102 · Apr 2018
My Star
Starlight;
Star bright;
My favorite star
I've seen tonight.
I wish you may,
I wish you might,
realize you are
worth the fight.

I don't have to look that far
to know you're perfect as you are.
Even when we have a fight,
I know I'll still love you tonight.
Look and see; we've come so far.
Cause you are my favorite star.

You are my starlight;
the brightest starlight.
You brighten up my dark Black night.
You show my favorite constellation.
Orion and the Dog Star.
What a sight.

~Ashton Grayson Everly
98 · Apr 2018
Lost In Stereo (Part One)
I want to be mad.
I want to hate you.
But I can't.
Cause I love you.
Why do I feel this?
You make me so helpless.
I want it
to end,
cause you're only
my friend.
And
I'm done.
-LostInStereo
~Ashton Grayson Everly
Part 1 of a scavenger hunt series I'm making.
87 · Jan 2019
Amortentia
It’s unique to everyone.
Maybe it’s rain,
or the ocean.
Gasoline
or coffee.
How about fresh linens
or cinnamon apples?
You could smell new books
or old books,
fresh parchment,
cotton candy,
or bubble gum.
Maybe it’s chocolate,
or fruits,
or mint toothpaste for you.
How about flowers -
lavender
lilies
roses
daisies?
Carnival foods
like funnel cake,
and hot dogs.
Or air fresheners
that smell like erupting volcanoes.
New cars,
or ancient forests,
castles filled with only the finest
or abandoned ruins.
Things burning,
fresh-cut grass,
strong or subtle perfumes,
or maybe sterile hospital rooms.
If you’re into it, sweaty athletes,
or band kids,
or comic shops
where you can play your favorite card games.
Is it your room?
Your house?
Is it home?
Where you belong.
Curled up next to someone you love
on Halloween,
reading or watching a movie,
realizing this is what you were missing.
Is it makeup,
or hairspray?
Certain shampoos that trigger happiness?
Or candles with the best scent ever?
How about baking –
cookies
brownies
cakes?
Maybe it’s cologne,
or the smell of the air
as it changes from familiar to foreign.
It could be a theme park,
or the mountains.
How about old forts,
and rivers you grew up around?
You know these smells,
the ones you love.
Well, that’s my favorite.
It’s the smell of love.
oh look i wrote a long one. been a while.
YOU ARE AN IDIOT.
no i'm not.
YES YOU ARE. YOU LOST HIM.
IT'S YOUR FAULT.
i said sorry.
SORRY DOESN'T CUT IT.
BAND-AIDS AREN'T FOR BULLETS.
i just didn't want him to get hurt.
i was trying to help.
YEAH? WELL, LOOK WHERE THAT GOT YOU.
what do you mean?
HONEY, YOU ARE BROKEN AND ALONE,
AFRAID OF YOURSELF.
i know i messed up, okay?
i just want to fix this. all of it.
GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.
HE WON'T EVEN LOOK AT YOU.
i didn't ask to love him, okay?
i didn't ask for any of my emotions,
and yet here i stand, stuck with you.
DON'T YOU DARE TURN THIS ON ME.
I'M NOT THE ONE WHO RUINED EVERYTHING.
I'M NOT THE ONE WHO DOES IT EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
YOU ARE.
just leave me alone. please.
YOU KNOW I CAN'T DO THAT.
YOU DESERVE THIS AFTER WHAT YOU DID.
i know. i could just make you stop.
HOW?
the same way i could just make everything stop.
YOU DON'T POSSESS THAT POWER.
wanna bet?
goodbye.
*crash
Just the words that haunt me. Caps are my inner thoughts. Lowercase are my outer thoughts. I haven't pulled the trigger yet, and I probably never will. But the thought remains, day and night. All the time. I'm already dead inside. Outside doesn't seem half bad by comparison. Oh well.
74 · Apr 2018
Gracy
gracy oh gracy,
i love her dear
i get happy whenever she comes near.
she is a star so beautiful and shiny
she also has a great hiney
GRACY IS AWESOME
from gracy:)
65 · Jan 2019
But That's Over Now.
WHAT could help?
nothing. I know.
things were SAID.
I am sorry.
life TRULY hurts.
i MEANT it
when i said I
LOVED
YOU
ENDLESSLY.
I miss you.
61 · Dec 2018
Happy
I think I knew
from the start
that
it wouldn't work.

That I would look back
Remember all of it.
All of us.
And call myself stupid.

I remember
The first time
When he made me
smile.

I felt beautiful.
He loved me,
I thought.
I loved him.

I remember
The last time
When he made me cry.

I felt awful.
He never loved me,
I thought.
I still loved him.

I remember
When I saw her.
He was with her.
He was smiling.

He loves her.
Not me.
Stop it, stupid.
He's happy.
HEY Wyatt.
the MOON is pretty tonight.
can you PLEASE look at it?
i don't want you to FORGET.
what else is there TO do?
except tell you that i FALL short.
and write DOWN my thoughts.
I miss you.
How many times
have I cried,
knowing that I'll
have to leave?
Fell down the
rabbit hole again.

I think that,
from the start,
we were right
for each other.
But these things
always go wrong.

I want love.
There's the truth.
He makes me
feel loved; happy.
I'm not afraid
to keep living.

Maybe I lost
who I was.
Maybe I forgot
where I belonged.
I don't care.
I'm different now.

I'll never be
what he needs.
I'd hold him
so far back.
He's meant for
much greater things.

I'm not special.
I'm stuck here.
Nothing for me,
except for him.
One more smile.
One more tear.

I wish I
could tell him
every thing I
feel, and smile.
But he'd stay,
abandoning his chance.

He could get
away from here.
From this old,
broken down town,
and so far
away from me.

I'm too much,
and not enough.
A huge problem
to love him.
'Don't get attached,'
they always say.

But we did.
Me to him,
him to me.
and I know,
given the choice,
he'd never leave.

I love him,
with my everything.
He's just perfect.
He loves me.
He was only
figuring it out.

I'm not special.
He's going places.
Nothing for me,
except for him.
One more smile.
One more tear.
i wrote this for my boyfriend's birthday next month.
50 · Jan 2019
Light Through Darkness
OPEN your eyes.
THE world is gold.
DOORS to life are open.
TO live is to believe.
THE earth is glowing.
JOY to those who seek it.
I miss you.
Way back when,
many years ago,
is where we start
this tale of woe.

We never gave
a second thought
to one undeserving
of what she got.

Sat and watched
for five whole years,
as you faded out
with little fear.

There was snow on the ground
when I saw you last;
before you became
a face in my past.

The one who taught me
to spin wool into thread
is lying now
in the ground, dead.

We got the news
when light attacked.
You were gone,
no coming back.

Smiles gone
we mourned the day
the lord came back
to take you away.

A birthday destroyed
unknown to him.
We don’t heal
by lying to kin.

The truth we hide
to spare a child
has made me cry
and fake a smile.

They say you’re better,
that you kissed pain goodbye,
that you’re free and riding horses
way up in the sky.

Things have changed.
This much is true.
New Year, New Me…
Without You.
49 · Oct 2018
Him.
He's the smile on my face,
the laugh falling from my lips.
The crinkles by my eyes
that pop out with my joy.

He's the stars in the sky,
and the moon when it's full.
The sun in all its glory,
shining down on my dark world.

He's the song that you wait for.
The one you dont know you want.
Until you hear it.
Then you never want it to end.

He's the way an angel sounds.
His halo is visible for miles.
The wings on his back are warm around my cold skin.

He's the smile on my face,
the laugh falling from my lips.
The last thing I ever expected,
and the best to ever happen to me.
He is the lighthouse in the night that will safely guide me home.
46 · Apr 2019
I Remember
It was cold.
I hated the bus.
I finally got home.
Ready to be us.

But I never got the chance.
I never thought to ask.
I forgot that good things
Can seldom last.

You've always been my moon.
I tried to be your sun.
But sitting here alone,
I'm the only one.

I thought I'd never get the chance
To, once more, hear your voice.
But now, four months later,
I've captured the beautiful noise.

When I got it,
Life was made easier for me.
All because
I now have more than memories.

I try not to think
About that dark day in December.
But, despite my strongest efforts,
I remember.
I miss you.
45 · Dec 2018
Gerard Way
life is life
love is love
u came for the moans
were all jacket *****
44 · Oct 2018
Things I Know. (For M.B.)
1) Doesn't write much.
2) Likes Captain America.
3) Really sweet.
4) huge dork.
5) Likes my smile.
6) has really nice hair.
7) amazing voice.
8) b-day Jan 8th.
9) his laugh is the music I've been waiting for.
10) sees right through me.
11) doesn't think he has talent.
12) likes talking to me.
13) is aesthetically pleasing.
14) thinks I'm cute.
15) said I was awesome.          
16) makes me blush.
17) makes me smile a lot.
18) is actually really nice.
19) makes me laugh more than anyone else.    
20) favorite color red.          
21) was born in Russia.
22) likes me..
23) knows places to chill downtown.
24) I'm his favorite person.
25) Is the best thing that could have happened to me.
26) He's saving me and doesn't realize it.

— The End —