I want to capture
all this blood-sludge-drainage
dripping drops down my femur.
I put down the ******* to look for the creamer.
She's lost, they say. She's a dreamer
stuck in a dream catcher
fetch her a blade quickly. Come
over to see her last breath.
I want to capture it all
in words
lines on paper
drape the world with it,
so everyone will be lost
and no one will be lost
and I won't be lost.

This is where I love
Boston
The frigid cold, the night lights
Bring out the adventure in us, the child in us
As we run through the streets
Free
As we explore our city, blaze new paths only we've walked
Where we can lay together, falling into an uninterrupted slumber
Where can can love at the top of our lungs in the hot rain

This is when I love
Young, but bold
Figuring each other's past out
Looking into the uncertain future
Clawing, pushing, fighting our way forward
When it all could end instantly, that's when we love
When things are still dangerous, when things can go wrong
We love when we don't know what's next, when we are still in love

This is what I love
The smile on your face, the glance you give me
The little smirk that no one else could see
The winks, the touch, the hand in mine
The tongue in my mouth, the lips on my cheek
The hugs that you give, the hurt when you leave

This is who I love
You
Your golden blonde hair as it blows in the wind
The edgy red tips that shine in the light
You love me when others would turn away
And you cry when you think you've hurt me
As I do the weirdest things you kiss me more
Watch me sleep and hold me still
The bluest eyes

This is why I love
Because no one deserves it more
Because in my darkest times you were there
Because I swore I would change you for the better
Because I need you to satisfy my addiction
I love you because you don't judge me for who I am
Because I can be myself and not have a fear in the world
Because I know that no matter what
At the end of the day, I'll at least have you
I'll at least have you to send me a text
You to say hello
You to give me the most basic love that I don't get

I love you in Boston
I love you when we're afraid and unsure of where to go
I love your smile as I tickle you
I love you
Because you love me

One peculiar dark, and frigid night,
I took to gaze upon the somber light,
Not quite illustrious in their sight,
Yet were inspiration to thoughts contrite,
Acutely I felt, as it were,
To hearing the Biblical thunder,
Yet I could see no seal asunder,
I stared up and began to wonder.
-
They seemed so organic, yet lifeless and vexed,
They  betray one another leaving wake perplexed,
Their existence, a lie to live so convex
The lust, crave-less, without love or ***,
And as my lungs filled again with smoke,
A steady exhale belied when I spoke,
Softly and gentle, hardly a croak,
A whisper perhaps, of a hatred invoked.
-
It  seems to me that this beautiful sky
Is but an illusion, a trick on the eye,
This precious star was dead before we saw its light,
Its life meaningless, a piteous invite,
To feign the bane of the rain's reigning vain hope,
Is to stifle the wonderous seeds of the brain's growth,
Therefore it must be pointed out that meaning is meaningless,
Everything up there was dead long before we noticed.

We try to live differently from everyone else,
Afraid we might be a copy of someone's original.
But oh how funny it is, that it is to the world's ways we have returned.

Our generation is completely made up of people
Who hide their beauty inside and admire someone else's.
Self worth is a merit no one believes in,
And confidence isn't a virtue any longer.

We have found the flaws in our sins and turned it into who we are.
Our identity is no longer founded by truth,
But scripted from lies.

We have gotten use to the word depression and misery,
Yet we are surprised when a joyful being comes along our way.
It seems as if our self destruction is not worth mourning for,
We have gotten use to a catastrophic world.
The emptiness we have seen in others,
Is now our own.
The beauty we once had,
Has been buried deep in a heart that use to be pure,
But is now vile.

Where, oh brave souls, are you?
Where is the courage we use to have?

Dear heart, it is time to take a stand.

I promise you the fight with yourself does not last forever.

Be careful little tongue
how you dance
I know the music moves you
it moves us all the same
the tide waltzes in and out
to the song of a specter orb
but you must be both moon and ocean
for the heart is far too often eclipsed
and is given to mixed meter
fiddles are superfluous these days
and find themselves in the hands
of any drunken stranger
there are melodies for every key
of sorrow and vulgarity
any bar hand will serenade
fix your ear to the tune that rises
like an eastern sun
above the muddled herds
you will hear it first
and then you will sing
then realize you were singing it all along
dance to the rhythms
of the right path resounding
ever in your hands
and in the souls of your feet

be careful little tongue
how you dance
you cannot retract a child
ideas are born with every dip and twist
every curtsy gives them name
each one will grow
each one will know its mother
do not let your words be *******
the product of fiddlers and moonshine
be sober and sure footed
kiss each of your children goodbye
their fruit will come to be your fate
you will shape their taste for dancers
I have seen armies of children
lead open faced rebellion
and sever the ties
between their mother and her friends
listen for that beating
in your palms and tired feet
dance with care little tongue
there is no ballet so dangerous
or beautiful
as speech

People tell me over and over again that they'll be here for me no matter what.

But every phone call goes straight to voicemail

All the texts go unanswered

*my cry for help is always ignored