You don't understand how I hurt
You can't know the pain you caused
When I even think of you
My very insides boil
How can you influence me so?
How I view myself
I look in the mirror and see
The wrath of your actions
I throw out a half assed smile
You don't understand how I hurt
Deep, hot, throbbing pain

Dandelion dust,
Falling like leaves,
Floating away in the warm Spring breeze.

Eyelash landings upon soft skin,
Reminiscing on old memories,
Seeming to be lost within.

Making 11:11 wishes,
For soft, light, fingertip, kisses.

You have come accustomed to my crying
I am jade
I am rose
you lay there, perezoso
but I expect little.
let me sleep
I am exhausted.
do as you must to be entertained
your chest
and shoulders
offer sympathy and condolences
and after all this time
you’re the subject of my writing

Father,

Did you never stop and think

when you used a woman

or many women

when you ******* them all

and fed them lies

or let them fall

for your disguise

and kept their strings

coiled tightly

to your fingers

and used your charm

to bewitch them into bed

did it never occur to you then

in your head

that one day I’d grow

and find men like you

because that’s what a girl

is supposed to do?

Did you never think to yourself

that one day I too

might get used

and abused

and lied to by men

and not only by

you?

Did you have any foresight

or did you really never think

that someday I too

would become a woman

and meet men like my father

and did it never occur to you

that each woman you broke

was another man’s daughter?

Quiet,
quiet,
quiet.
Eyes looking in every direction but me,
but the raw emotion on my sleeve.
The fear, perhaps,
that I am worthless.
Some god with a wasted gift,
I am no longer in your ranks,
I wasted it
                                         away.
I’m wasting
                                         away.
My cup was never full,
but you drank from it.
With sick, gluttonous gulps.
Gasping and gurgling my insides,
until your veins were pulsating
with the blood of two.
Overwhelming? Perhaps.
I wanted you so badly
to hold me together
to hold me up
to hold me down
to hold me in your sweet arms.
I loved myself, in you,
I did.
The kind that was infinite
and reached with hopeful fingertips
stretched out over eternity.
The kind that made me understand
the beauty
I wanted to be.

I could taste it then,
I could almost reach.
The purpose I served is unclear;
it is clear now that I am
                                        worthless
              ­                          in our eyes.

Not an explanation
nor a look of remorse,
no hidden smile
i could see.
We no longer care for the heights,
                                          for the taste,
                                          for me.
You climb on your own now
with others pushing you
upward.
They feed you
and once again you are
ravenous
for admiration.
                                           But not for me.

No, I need no nourishment,
it only makes me wobble.
I whimper inside
to the silent room,
it echoes from dusk ‘til dawn.
The fix, inhale and shoot.
Drugs and blood
they pump your heart and fire it
in wild directions.
You love it?
Who doesn’t?
An addiction we would all admit
to craving
one worth the
painful recovery.
                                              And I am a
                                               fix.
Momentary, but sweet.
The moments were sweet,
and still….

When nothing else
existed
but the threading of
two minds, connected.
The strange,
that was so impossible
so bittersweet
to us both.
I never felt such power;
a strong hit was all.
We devoured it so quickly
and the beauty we could almost reach
was
                                              gone.

In the dust forgotten now,
or that’s what I’d like to think.
                      Better to be forgotten
                      then noticed and
                                               not
                                               missed.