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alexxa Feb 2019
loving him was red.
all she saw was red
as his words sank in,
"you'll never be as pretty
as those other girls."
but she knew he was

loving him was orange.
all she saw was orange
as the sun came up at 5am.
she waited all night for a
simple text that never came.

loving him was yellow.
all she saw was yellow
as the bruises he gave her
healed. "i'm fine," she said,
"i just fell again."

loving him was green.
all she saw was green
as she laid on the grass
outside of his house.
she passed out there, drunk
and alone. just wanting him
to come outside and tell her
everything was fine.
and that he didn't sleep
with the other girl.
(he never did)

loving him was blue.
all she saw was blue
when he left her for the
other girl. an all too
familiar color, one that
matched the bruises on
her skin. but this bruise
was internal, on her heart.
one nobody could see.

loving him was indigo.
all she saw was indigo
as the sun fell behind the
trees and in came the night
time breeze. she sat alone on
her rooftop as she thought how
things would be if she hadn't
been so blind to see that he
wasn't good for her.

loving him was violet.
all she saw was violet
as she remembered his
favorite color. the color
she once adored that was now
set to flames as she watched
every memory she had of him
burn away.
he still haunts me to this day.
alexxa Feb 2019
i write every day,
i have a lot to say.
not all of it is good,
mainly bad.
i can't help that i'm always sad.
one day my words will be the only part of me,
the only thing left of me for people to see.
it will sit there as a reminder,
a reminder of what once was.
a girl who felt too much,
then felt nothing at all.
a waste of time,
a waste of space.
given everything,
then gave it all away.
it wasn't her fault,
she didn't know life would be so cruel.
she didn't know that boy would break her heart.
she didn't know someone she trusted could betray her.
and worst of all,
she didn't know she'd be her own worst enemy.

let these words serve as a reminder of the girl you've lost.
this is horrible but my brain won't shut up
  Jan 2019 alexxa
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Youllneverunderstand me
  Jan 2019 alexxa
If I die today,
Would tears flow,
like a rushing river?
Or the clouds weep,
screaming in thunder?
Would the earth break,
shaking in anger?
Will the world care?
And for a moment,
forget laughter?

If I'm down
to my final heartbeat.
Will anyone be there,
sitting beside me?
When I draw,
the very last breath.
Will you hold my hand,
and feel upset?

If I go,
without saying goodbye.
I want you to know,
that I really tried.
To live and love,
to endure and smile.
To find the truth,
in this realm of lies.

If I'm fated
of leaving soon
to talk with God,
in his glowing room.
I'll be rejoicing,
when I face my doom.
Even I end like a flower,
that withered,
before it blooms.

If inside the casket I lay,
Would there any heaven for me to stay?
Or will my sins, demand me to pay?
Don't even know, how much this life has weighed.

If it's my time, to step on the scale.
Done of my part, in this play.
A lot of regrets,
but nothing more to say.
Wish me luck.
If I die today.
  Jan 2019 alexxa
Bipolar Hypocrite
You've given me tons of reasons to leave,
But I still stay
Because those reasons weren't enough
To keep me away
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