Where does it hurt? They ask.
How badly does it hurt? They ask.
What type of pain is it? They ask.
When does it hurt? They ask.
Where does it hurt? I repeat.
What do you mean? I answer.
Today? Right now?
By the quadrant of my body?
Aching pains first?
Throbbing pains second?
How about pins and needles?
Should I prioritize?
It’s here, I say.
It’s all the time.
It’s every moment.
And please, I say,
They brush me off.
I’m not dying.
I will not die.
I have to repeat it to myself.
Because it feels an awful lot like death.
But I am chronically ill.
Ill, but not dying.
The doctors don’t listen,
It hurts! I said.
But I’m not dying.
I lit a fire once
spent hours feeding it
fanning the flames,
stoking the embers
just so I could watch it burn
until I got bored
to watch it die
she gave me warmth, comfort, and love and in the end, I didn't even give her enough to keep going
I was sitting in my room one evening
racking my brain for something, anything that might resemble a poem
when I realized that I wanted to go home
it had been so long since I felt at home
that I wasn't even sure
where home might be,
if it even exists
but I think maybe
I caught a glimpse
last time I held you in my arms
I'm homesick for a place that i'm not even entirely sure exists, but if it does, then I got some traveling to do
and the weather
are all pretty reasonable fears
my biggest fear with you
is being happy,
because I know
that it will be life-changing
my world will revolve around you
and no matter what happens,
I'll know that you alone
will be enough to sustain me
and then one day
I'll wake to find
that you're gone
and I'll be completely lost
and I'm really not sure if I can make it through all that again. You're my everything
On the outer
carapace of it,
all seems ok
I am held
single dry thre
and strips of
they keep me
a package of
e x p l o d e in
but one scratch
beneath the surface
How I wish,
whorled and spiraled
for the gently fluted
forces of my being
to be parted
like sacred seawater
with my psyche
f l o a t i n g
the zing of
yes. I long
to be ever-slowly
layer by layer
cell by cell
until all that is left
are the platelets
I felt it,
our quiet blaze
in the iridescent
dust of our
there are seven billion puzzles
on this third rotating planet
each one has their troubles
in this world that we inhabit
these seven billion mysteries
hold secrets left unshared
they all have their histories
but their futures make them scared
and these seven billion riddles
leave you speechless, without answers
with pieces missing from their middles
we're unconscious of their cancer
I always found the idea that everyone is a puzzle that can never be completely solved to be both a beautiful and a devastating concept at the same time. People are fascinating.
I lay in my bed and think about you
I love you so much I don't know what to do
I feel your warmth at my side
The pain in my heart moves to my eyes
So far away yet always so near
You are the reason I am still here.
I await the times when we can talk
I await the times we can finally hold hands and walk
To feel you for real... so close to me
The happiest person in the world is what you would make me.
Your eyes shine like a million suns
You shine more brightly than anyone
Your smile so sweet can't help but make me smile
It stops my world even for a little while
I await the time when my hand is in yours
To hear you say those 3 little words.
There are still no words I can say to describe
My heart it aches and my eyes they cry
But when we talk my heart flies
you always wipe away the tears I cry.
Even though you aren't here
And I miss you so much my dear
I'll love you forever and ever
I'll always love you my far away lover.
My Long distance boyfriend wrote this for me... Love him! <3
If there's a way to dig a little deeper into
a new layer of skin, tap into
something in our bones that hasn't already
been analyzed and speculated by
doctors under bright white lights on cold
impersonal tables surrounded by
an army of masked, gloved and
sanitary conscious individuals-
a method of existing that hasn't
been romanticized and isn't cliche,
I'd really like to know.
Because in vicious turbulent cycles I'm falling head first
for things that have been worshipped
so many times in trance-like
moments of adolescent anguish and
pretenses of solitude seeking introverts that lie
to themselves cause they don't have
the guts to do it to others.
Who the hell is alright behind a smile masking a cringe?
And all the tropes idolized and hymns
murmured by Sad folk
don't really make you feel special anymore
cause you've lost your individuality
by stepping into yet another trap.
But then again hating all things has long ago been branded as
valueless, when in fact
values are the only things you're really searching for.
I miss writing. I miss venting and trying to make sense of it all.
Feedback is always appreciated... Was it confusing, too angry, or just plain dumb? lemme know!