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641 · Jun 2021
red flags
i told you that i loved you

you told me that i could do better
332 · Apr 2021
someone new
and here i am
grieving the loss of you
and there you are
already moved on with someone new
284 · Aug 2021
temporary high
the intentions that you set with me were clear
but the intentions that i made with myself were not
stop looking for love in a temporary high
282 · Nov 2021
first time redo
you tell me that its okay to be nervous
and you promise to be gentle and go at my pace
little kisses trailing down my body
brushing your fingertips
along my waist
intertwined hands
tucking my hair behind my ear
you look me in the eyes and
you tell me that i'm beautiful
its slow and kind and respectful
the right time
no ill intentions
not a checkmark on your list
you ask if i'm okay

yes, everything is perfect
241 · Aug 2021
dishes
the mug that you got me
it sits at the back of the cupboard
it still has my lipstick on it from the last time you were here

will you stay this time?
im tired of unwashed mugs
214 · Jul 2018
starve
you feed me all of your love on a silver platter one night
only to starve me the next because you found a prettier girl to feed

yet for some reason, I still stick around
waiting to be fed

even if it is only one bite

because

  I would rather starve for a few days than lose you
I feel so stupid for loving you
214 · Sep 2018
terrified
I read a post today that said
'you can't heal in the same environment where you were hurt'
and now im terrified

that I wont be able to move on
and that I wont be able to ever be happy
and I am terrified

because im back home
and I am immersed in everything that is you
and I am terrified

that I am going to be stuck in the loop of continuously loving and hating you
212 · Aug 2018
cream and sugar
cream and sugar
always in my coffee
but ever since you left
i only drink my coffee black
i dont want to taste the sweetness of the sugar
or the smoothness of the cream

it reminds me too much of kissing you
i miss your kisses
209 · Sep 2018
self love
despite it all
the hardest part
is the self love

because im over you
but im not over the fact that you didn't choose me

and I need to learn
how to choose me
204 · Aug 2018
the weather
I cannot comprehend
how one day we can talk about everything
even something as simple as the weather

and the next
you're gone

I understand that one day we will all be gone

but I wasn't ready for you to leave yet
because I hadn't thought about what my life would be like without you

and to be completely honest it *****
its like learning how to walk all over again
it hurts so badly

and all that I want

is to talk about the weather
I need someone to tell me that im going to be okay
201 · Aug 2018
in the morning
I used to love the mornings
but now they remind me too much of waking up beside you
watching you squint as the sun hits your face when I adjust the blinds
listening to you laugh as I jump on you asking what plans you have for the day
makes me remember when I would wait forever for you to get out of bed
so that we could start the day together

now I hate the mornings
waking up alone
again
and
again
and
again
while you wake up happy and beside someone that isnt me

and I am so angry
that you took away my favourite part of the day
and turned it into a time that I no longer look forward to
197 · Dec 2019
why?
maybe it’s because she looks older than me
maybe it’s because she has shinier hair and the figure of a model
maybe it’s because she’s from a big city with fancy lights and expensive taste
maybe it’s because she has a softer voice than me...softer lips
maybe it’s because she’s smarter, has more friends, likes more of the same things that you do
and
maybe you were tired of me for the night
maybe you wanted the thrill of the chase
maybe you wanted to try something new

so many different ways the story could have played out
but i’ll never know
191 · Aug 2019
Nervous
He made me nervous
And not the good kind
Not the kind that gives you butterflies in your tummy

It was the kind that makes you look for the closest exit
The closest sharp object
The closest thing that will help you to get away from him

This was the kind of feeling that makes you feel guilty
Absolutely disgusting
Terrified
Weak

The list goes on

This feeling makes you run through every single terrifying scenario in your head
Makes you think about the things this person could do to you if you gave him the opportunity

But the anxiety made me stay
Made me continue to carry out the conversation
Made me say things I didn't want to because I was too scared to tell the truth

This made the guilt grow bigger and bigger
And I felt that guilt for days

But, no matter how many times I replay conversations
Or the entirety of relationships
in my head
In the end
I ran
And I got out

That's all that matters
173 · May 2021
drives
i drove with the windows down today
through your home town
singing at the top of my lungs
and i thought about you
166 · Jun 2019
will it fall apart?
it feels like im always trying to make things easier and enjoyable for everyone else, even though no one is bending over backwards for me

if im not putting in an effort, wont everything just fall apart?
164 · Oct 2018
thank you
its the way you take my clothes off
you do it
with such intensity
and such need
but also with such compassion
163 · Sep 2020
bittersweet
you remind me of candy
i just keep craving you
wake up in the morning thinking of the sugar high
my mouth watering enough to make me go a little bit crazy
some days i am able to eat just enough to be satisfied
but some days my stomach turns sour
rejecting you from the inside

my body knows i cant have anymore of you before my mind does
160 · Jul 2018
your eyes
like an endless golden sunset
I could get lost in them forever.

they make me believe that you have good somewhere inside of you

the problem is
they make me look past
all of the awful things you do to me.

*******.

and the way you look at me through your
stupid
big
beautiful
brown
eyes.
all it takes is one look to make me forgive you
159 · Jul 2018
awake
the morning that you told me you chose someone else, I poured the rest of my coffee down the sink and watched it circle the drain; I didn’t want to be awake any longer than I had to
this is how it all started
152 · Jul 2018
almost
last night I stayed up later than I intended
just so I could talk to you
you almost made it through an entire conversation without lying to me
almost.
but then it happened
you said those three little words that mean nothing to you
but mean everything to me
just to make me stick around longer
stop lying just to make me stay
145 · Oct 2018
blue
you make me happy
when skies are
blue
144 · Feb 2022
hi - bye
I don't know if you ever search our names on the internet
and i'm not sure what that means or if I even want to know
regardless of if you read these poems or not
i don't think that your eyes deserve these words
this little glimpse into a life
one that you could have so easily been a part of
this window into the heart and the brain
i don't want you peeping through it anymore
because these poems sometimes feel like this is our identity
and if you didnt want us in real life
why should we let you have us online

but here we are
posting with the hopes that you'll read it
so that maybe you can feel some ounce of guilt
for what you put us through
143 · Jul 2018
mind games
all I ever think about is you
I hate it
**** that
you dont deserve to take up all my time
I have more important things to think about
140 · Oct 2018
butterflies
yesterday morning
you made me breakfast
and i got butterflies in my stomach
at the thought of your kindness
and i fell in love with you all over again
136 · Oct 2018
greedy
you took something away from me
that wasn't yours to take
and when I said no
you didn't listen

you left me broken for a long time
and I will never forgive you for that
135 · Jun 2019
yes or no
i was supposed to try and say yes more
Was supposed to try and talk about how i felt
But apparently saying yes makes people think they can push you farther even though no is a complete answer in itself
Apparently my feelings arent correct, they are socially unacceptable
But they say that i should talk about them
So am i just supposed to sugar coat things?
Keep out the parts that make people think im an awful person?
Well thats not talking about them then
Thats just lying
And im trying not to lie anymore
Because saying yes when i want to say no is a lie
i just feel so frustrated and upset and it makes me want to push people away
im trying to differentiate my feelings of actually not wanting to be around someone and just feeling tired and frustrated with external factors
trying new sentences and techniques to become a better person and to be able to stand up for myself isnt supposed to be so hard and make me feel so ******
135 · Oct 2018
locked doors
you look at me from across the room
and I know exactly what youre thinking
we both run up the stairs
lock the door
and thats when everything comes off
but thats also when we come together

that was one of the best parts of us
you always made me crazy
you know the motion of wringing out a cloth after you've just wiped off your car windows?
the hot, soapy water running down your arms as you spend the day outside smiling.
and you know how sometimes you set the cloth down on the driveway and forget about it for a couple hours?
and when you come back its still all twisted?
but its no longer warm and soapy,
its dry and stiff.
and you go to untwist it but its rough on your hands and it wants to stay coiled.

This is what the foundation of my body is: twisted, stiff, rough.
all of the uncomfortable words you can possibly think of, that is what makes up my physical self.
and after saying these words do you know what they have in common?
pain
****** pain and emotional pain
do you know what its like to feel like this everyday? twisted, stiff, rough.
there isn't a day that goes by where I don't notice it
and I don't think that anyone will ever understand this.
its not that im not trying
unfortunately this body is not able to be mended
133 · Oct 2018
happy
i can love you
and still walk away
because in reality
i never made you happy
and im okay with that
because
im going to make someone else happy
133 · Nov 2020
I think a lot about choices
Are they really our own or are they up to the universe
If the events of my youth were created by me or by fate

Is the trauma resulting from my poor judgement or was it fundamentally imbedded into who I am as a living being before I was even conceived

Would I still be broken
Would you still be evil
131 · Aug 2018
smoke
cigarettes
theyre helping me heal
theres something about inhaling the warmth of the smoke
and feeling something other than emptiness inside of me
enjoying the vibrations of the nicotine coursing through my body
creating a calming hum that resonates throughout me
and for the few minutes that I inhale and exhale
im focusing on something
other than you
130 · Jul 2018
friends
I am trying
trying to get over you
trying to be happy for you
trying to act excited when I hear about your new love
trying to teach my stomach not to drop when I hear your name
trying to continue to be a good friend despite our past
trying to push my feelings aside
I am trying to ignore the fact that this is the hardest thing Ive ever had to do
130 · Sep 2018
the healing process
we drove around the city at 1 am
and we made up stories about the people in the car beside us
we laughed together and talked about everything under the sun

I looked out the window and closed my eyes
and put my hands out the sunroof
letting the feel of the air between by fingers take me away

and I listened attentively when you talked about her
because I was genuinely happy for you in that moment
and I was content with being your friend

when we got home we sat on your bed
and you looked at me the way you used to

and for a split second I let myself believe that there was a part of you that still wanted me

and now im back at the beginning of the healing process
128 · Oct 2018
questions
what if my heart cant love anyone
at the same capacity
in which it loved you?
126 · Dec 2019
you
you
its a house, small but comfortable
its a dog, maybe two, or three
its you, coming home from work and seeing your eyes light up when you see me
its watching movies on weeknights and regretting it in the morning because we stayed up too late
its going to our favourite pub on friday nights and smiling and dancing and yelling 'WHAT' a million times because the music is too loud
its communication and equality and kind words and loving actions

its you
125 · Oct 2018
river
beautiful boy
your fur just like sunshine
your tail showing me how excited you are
your cute pink tongue always ready to give me kisses

...thank you for saving me
125 · Mar 2019
choices
people believe that everything happens for a reason
but me?
i believe in choices
and i want you to choose me
i know this makes me selfish, im sorry
124 · Dec 2019
i see you
Nobody wants to see the worst in someone they love
124 · Nov 2018
the world
her: I want to give you the whole world

him: I don't need the whole world

her: why not?

him: I already have the one piece of it that I need
that one piece is you babe
121 · Jun 2019
Sunny Days
You make me nervous
Both in good ways and in bad
The nervous where i feel butterflies in my tummy when you're around me
But also the kind of nervous that comes along with uncertainty
About the future, about us, about what life would be like without you
But im trying not to think about it
Because i have to believe that you and i will be okay
That this chapter in our lives is supposed to be read
That you have faith in us, in me
121 · Oct 2020
the face of an angel
i thought you were my saving grace
a love story come back from the grave after 3 years of non-existance
soft skin and almond eyes
passion and expertise after finding ourselves
coffee in a french press and pancakes on the stove
laughter and stolen glances and 'remember whens' until 3 am
slowly reviving my soul
reminding me of how good men still exist
I really wanted you to be one of the good ones

a constant reminder to love yourself first
119 · Nov 2021
no title yet
two broken souls
i’ve lost hope that either of them will be whole

how unfortunate that two perfectly split pieces
won’t fit together
113 · Jul 2018
blind
what happened to you?
when did your heart become so broken that you stopped believing in a love that lasts
always moving from one girl to the next
never settling or giving any affection to them in return

you whisper words into their ears to make them feel wanted by you
but shatter their hearts when they become too attached and ask for more than youre willing to give

the thing that you dont understand is

these girls live for the whispered words spoken softly into their ears late at night
even though they know when theyre gone, there will be another girl in your bed

these girls keep coming back because they never lose hope that in the end you will pick them

and the worst part about all of this is

you cant even see how much youre hurting them
I am one of these girls
105 · Apr 2021
keep up
even though my world has stopped
everyone else keeps moving
everyone keeps living
and i cant keep up
i need to learn how to keep up
how am i supposed to keep up
when nobody waits for me
and my number may go up year by year
the words that are spoken to me getting longer and more difficult to understand
the expectations rising
but with every passing minute
it feels like i am stuck with the same adolescent brain
never learning never gaining
75 · Jan 2020
busy bees
i am a flower
with roots that run deep and spread wide across the earth
never moving

i like it here when its warm
with honeybees all around

but when its cold I have to stand tall and brave the ice and wind
waiting for my time to bloom again
but i dont mind because i like it here
despite the cold
i like my unmoving, unchanging roots

i wish the bees did too
75 · Mar 2020
balance
you're losing me
and i'm not even sure that you care
im not hard to keep
i dont ask for much
with love
you have to give and take
but i only give and you only take
and its not the kind of balance that i deserve
i used to think i could survive off of giving the love i know i deserve
but i cant
i need something in return
no excuses
wheres the balance?
61 · Sep 2020
part 1
im caught up in the thought of you
and i dont know why
you live exactly 305 miles away and i've moved on

and i dont remember what you go to school for
or what your favourite foods are
or what kind of clothes you wear

but i remember the first night we met
drunk in the basement of a highschool party

and i remember the kiss and the laughter and your face

and i remember how you were the hardest goodbye i've ever had

and i remember how much i hurt you - i told myself it was for the best

but the truth is, i wasn't ready

but now i am, and its too late
60 · Sep 2020
part 2
i see the pictures
you look so happy

i hope youre happy

soon we'll be in the same city
i wonder how close we'll be
maybe -hopefully- we'll run into each other

i'll give you a hug

we'll catch up

i'll wish you the best

tell you that i'm sorry

and then i'll walk away

because you deserved better then, and you deserve better now

— The End —