That amazingly blazing smile you have on your face when you are talking.
I look into your eyes that look like night sky's.
They are broken.
But your smile still holds firm.
Never going away, obeying what your mind is telling you.

His smile is gone, his head is down.
His mind say's nothing of a smile.
Just hurt.
Just hurt is in his eyes and his face...

Is there a difference?

A smile.
No smile.
A laugh.
No laugh.

It's all the same my dear.
But your eyes...oh your eyes tell me different.

because the darkness grew
I lied and said you would help me be strong
but the fires in my eyes came down to roost
and now I can't help but sift through your ashes
to find your bones

is there any way to undo
the knots I tied around you
before I lit those flaming words within your soul?

is there escape from the walls I build
to keep me in?
because I don't mean to build them around you too
but somehow I do
and then we're stuck together

and more ashes litter the floor

afterwards.

can I not do this anymore?
or is there something inside me that
claws its way through my eyeballs
to find your soul and **** it bare
and leave it to dry in the night?

is it me?

I wish i knew if I did this to you,
or if it is the night
inside me
flirting with the day to find
a little spark of
demented happiness
in the screams of your eyes
when you look at me for

who I really am.

you know what? I wish I knew who I was
because lost inside the beating of my heart
I think I see a spot of color
but then it's gone and
I don't know anymore

I don't think I ever did.

Because there's so much more
to being me
than burning you.

I just want to find out what that is
because this demon isn't gonna stop
and I kinda wish it would
because I think my soul

is dying

or maybe life is death drawn out in tiny ebbing circles
like a tiny ebbing tide
and the ashes that I make of you
are the tears of last year's bride
condensed and broken into
microscopic
shards
of

fairydust?

I just can't tell anymore.
But if it will happen.
It will happen.
Or leave me behind.
It will make me happy.
Or it will make me cry.
It shall make me dance into the night.
Or cry on my knees.
I yet don't know.