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Aléa Boodoo Nov 14
You could break me twice if that’s what you desired
You could have brought me to my lowest low and I’d still put you higher
You could rip my heart out and I’d believe that it’s right
For loving you whilst you hurt me is how I brought my heart delight
11/14/2019
Aléa Boodoo Nov 14
One day someone will read my life in these words and fall in love
But what they won’t know is that this person is no longer here and now above
11/14/2019
Aléa Boodoo Oct 24
You clap as it destroys. You laugh as its flames soar higher
You want the smooth cheater. You love the beautiful liar
But if that’s what you love now, is that who I have to be?
Do I have to make you feel bad about yourself and become your enemy?
Hell Nah. I’m good. It’s sad that you’d love me even though
You’d love me the most when my worst emotions start to show
You’d love me when I scream and kiss me when I yell, or
Do both and not once question the person that you fell for
I have the love to satisfy your deepest wishes. With me, it’s all or none
But I can not bring myself to hate or curse you. Sorry to ruin your fun
Even though I know it’s too late, maybe we’d get the chance we deserve
Please yell at me for my regrets and mistakes. Say that I’m on your last nerve
Stop loving me unconditionally when I make you cry at night
About that other girl who never bothered to make things right
Say you’re disappointed and that you hate the bad things I do
And then I’ll get on my knees and say the rehearsed apology I was supposed to
Before you beg to differ, I’ll give you my broken heart and apologies for making you suffer
I’ll say sorry for picking the cold one. And when I denied you to proclaim my love for her
I’d apologize for leading you to that monster
I’d acknowledge everything you’ve done for her
And for your broken heart, I’d gladly be your comforter
And when you unashamedly tell me again how you feel
While cupping your tears, I’d say it’s mutual. And this time, for real
8/24/2029
Aléa Boodoo Oct 24
You’re in pain
I know
Partially because I’m to blame
I’m why you sit in the dark replaying all your faults and all your mistakes
I’m why you’re remembering every “I love you” and picking out which is real and which is fake
And they’re all fake. Don’t ask me how I know. That’s just the way it is
See, I wanted to love you, but I didn’t want the burden that comes with it
The burden of carrying something more special than my hands were made to hold
So when I’m done repenting, I’ll turn over my life for you to scold
But you’re not going to. You’re going to hug me and say it’s okay
You're going to say that you love me and I can't change that, no matter what I say
Because it’s who you are. Perfection at its finest
Next to your kindness is me, a shadow in my wrong
Knowing that I feel for you, even when my shortcomings feel long
I know you feel for me too. You love the code to your destruction
I bring balance. In some twisted way, you need me to function
I knew that, and yet I watched you blindly walk on the road to your innocent love’s end
I watched you dance in the dark. I saw you fall in love with heartbreak’s friend
I knew it didn't have to be like that. I knew I had a flexible position
Instead. I denied my love for you, and for your emotional death, I started the ignition
I'm sorry that I said I loved only her and not you
It’s just that my love was blinded by another
She dried my tears. You healed the wounds in my mind. Somehow neither the perfect lover
I let you meet the friendly stranger. The one known for its addicting danger
But that’s what you like, and that’s what you desire
Beautiful liar
You go deeper in the water and you love messing with fire
8/24/2019
Aléa Boodoo Sep 26
I celebrate myself and sing myself
Yes, me, the one living to fulfill her own expectation
The one who laughs, and sees the fun in the worst situations
With a fear of being scared, and scared of being alone
Alone, I was born... and yet alone, I am scared
Scared of things I can not control, and things I can not predict
Yet I live for unexpected opportunities and people I can die with
I  don't need anyone else, and for that, I celebrate myself
But I want the presence of somebody else, and for that, I celebrate myself
For there was a time in which I couldn't separate my wants from my needs
And in that time, I remember a world of toxicity and greed
Life of the party I am
And eager to post about myself on the gram
But not the self who comes from a broken, lost world
Not the hesitant truster who dances among elements of confusion
How is it that I like being alone, but I hate when people leave
I've looked happy since the third grade and mentally aware since the eighth
I used to laugh, hoping my happiness would stay and become real
It was easier to joke around and so I avoided every chance to feel
Sports became my tattoo for happiness
Before the thrill, I used to think
That if I could smile through the rain and get over my problems
Then the storm, the rain, and the clouds will pass
But that's definitely not how I think now, and hopefully not how I'll think in the future
Because I've learned that it's okay to not be okay
And that after every missed catch, there is always going to be another
So I'll be better than I was
Now I acknowledge the past, live in the present, and hope for the future
And for that, I celebrate myself and sing myself
Inspiration: I celebrate myself and sing myself by Walt Whitman
Aléa Boodoo Sep 13
I tried ignoring you.
Pretending you didn't exist.
That we never happened.
It didn't work.
It doesn't make sense, but it's harder to leave you alone
I wanted you in whatever form I could get
How are you blinded from what your poison does to me
It's like you don't care
Why are you so quick to cut me off?
Do you not love me?
I want you for who you are
You say one thing, and do the next
If I only chase you, why are you worrying about those I chased?
Why is it so difficult?
What do I do now?
How do I act?
Why are you so worried about them and not us?
You know I care about you when I hate myself
You know that I pay more attention than you do to yourself
But why is your pride so big?
Why do you care about caring
That's your problem
Love shouldn't be like this.
Para tu
9/13/2019
Aléa Boodoo Sep 6
I went to bed hoping that I would dream dreams of love
I woke up back to the nightmare that was my reality
Each day I wished that I was enough
And fell in love with the thought of you loving me
I excused all your faults and all the signs in red
I pretended that I cried for me, and not for you
I forgot to love me and focused on loving you instead
But you don't understand how easy it is to need you
To love you
Or to think of happiness without you
But I guess, you weren't mine to keep
Too bad, I was looking for half of me in you
While I ignored the whole of me
You were only here when you felt lonely
And when you needed to be held, after given something to fear
Perhaps, it is me to blame
For falling in love with a nightmare
Who goes by your name
7/28/2019
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