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  Dec 2014 Akela Santana
B
She looked at the calender.
The day she decided it had to end.
Their special day.

He wasn't the same man.
He became better.
This was the man she wanted.

Her heart came back.
Could she give it a second chance,
after knowing what he had become?

She grew more lonely.
She pushed away all those who got too close.
Even the man that loved her.

She pondered if she could try again.
He had bettered himself.
It sweetened the urge to rekindle.
He finally became the man of her dreams.

Just not her man
All of them
you know that feeling you get when you're at the top of a building, or edge of a mountain?
that urge to just poke your head out a tad to see whats beneath you?
the fact that if you make one wrong move you can easily fall to your death is breath taking.
see that's how i like to live.
to do things that are risky, but not letting them take control of what happens.
sometimes when ive had a little too much to drink i go to the top of my apartment complex and just look around.
i can sit on the edge and look over , but i make sure im not careless because i control what happens
sometimes when im in doubt i take my dads bullets from his gun and hold them in my hands and just think about how much power i actually have.
i can have harmful things around me but not let them ruin me.
the bullets with out the gun cant hurt me,
so the risks i take cant either if im within moderation.
again i say that feeling you get from looking down from a high area...
i love it
im a risky gal what can i say?
Akela Santana Dec 2014
Your memory is like a cigarette.

I lit the flame; got it burning with passion.

The smoke blurred my eyes.

All I can see is a grey foggy haze.

You were so beautiful through the light.

It burned and burned straight down to the filter.

But little did I know you weren't so beautiful past those days; and just like a cigarette, I was left unsatisfied.
****.
  Dec 2014 Akela Santana
Melissa Ann
She blew the smoke from her lips beautifully and delicately, as if she didn't want it to break as it left her.
"So you just wanna talk?" She said pulling the cigarette away from her mouth and dipping it into the ash tray.
"Just talk," I replied. Calmly, soothingly.
"Alright Mack, you paid $2000 for tonight. Do you want me to talk to you naked or with my legs in the air?"
I smirked and shook my head.
"Just talk. Fully clothed."
She stared at me a long moment before lighting another smoke and taking another drag; she exhaled with just as much intensity. She looked at me, up and down. Her blue eyes taking in each detail.
She put the cigarette down for a moment and unfolded her long legs, and leaned toward me, clasping her hands together in her lap. The shadows from the lights outside the hotel room were moving with her face, until the light shone on just her right eye and the blonde bangs fell, hiding the rest of her expression.
"Why is it you paid for me tonight?"
"I wanted to get to know you."
She gave a humourless laugh, quick and almost painful to listen to.
"Did you wanna fix me or somethin'?"
"No," I replied. "Only you can do that."
She took that in, backing herself back up into the shadows.
"I have one question for you to answer. That's it."
"Really. That's it?"
"That's it."
She looked at me with eyes that changed. They had become sad.
"And what is it you want to ask me?"
I looked down at my intertwined hands and back at her. Into those beautiful, sad eyes.
"Why did you decide to make this your life?"
She didn't look taken aback by my question. She didn't even look phased. She looked as though she had been asked this a thousand times. Then, her eyes went back to being cold and dark. All traces of sorrow were gone.
"I had to. What's it to you?"
"Just seems someone with so much potential would go into school for being a doctor or a lawyer."
She smiled a sad smile. "How do you know what potential I have? Besides, I'm 33 and have the body of a 20 year old and I bet I make five times more then you do in an hour."
"You're probably right," I said nodding. I ignored her question about her potential. She already knew what she was capable of. She was just afraid of it.
I looked back up at her.
"But can I ask you something else?"
She was smoking once more. "I thought you said just one question."
"Enlighten me."
"Alright. What?"
"Do you love doing this?"
This time, she was taken aback by this question. She held the cigarette in her fingers, staring into the ash tray.
"No," she said quietly. "No, I don't."
"You don't have to do this, you know."
She shook her head sadly and looked out the window as she took a drag.
"It's not that simple."
"Why?"
She blew out the smoke and turned to look at me. A single tear falling from her eye.
"Because I am broken, and I can't fix me."
More of a short then a poem.
  Dec 2014 Akela Santana
B
It comes in quick
like a fierce wind.

It hits you hard
and then its gone.
The mountain pinnacles slumber; valleys, crags, and caves
are silent.

“LISTEN to me,” said the Demon, as he placed his hand
upon my head. “The region of which I speak is a dreary
region in Libya, by the borders of the river Zaeire. And
there is no quiet there, nor silence.

“The waters of the river have a saffron and sickly hue; and
they flow not onward to the sea, but palpitate forever and
forever beneath the red eye of the sun with a tumultuous and
convulsive motion. For many miles on either side of the
river’s oozy bed is a pale desert of gigantic water-lilies.
They sigh one unto the other in that solitude, and stretch
towards the heaven their long and ghastly necks, and nod to
and fro their everlasting heads. And there is an indistinct
murmur which cometh out from among them like the rushing of
subterrene water. And they sigh one unto the other.

“But there is a boundary to their realm—the boundary
of the dark, horrible, lofty forest. There, like the waves
about the Hebrides, the low underwood is agitated
continually. But there is no wind throughout the heaven. And
the tall primeval trees rock eternally hither and thither
with a crashing and mighty sound. And from their high
summits, one by one, drop everlasting dews. And at the
roots, strange poisonous flowers lie writhing in perturbed
slumber. And overhead, with a rustling and loud noise, the
gray clouds rush westwardly forever until they roll, a
cataract, over the fiery wall of the horizon. But there is
no wind throughout the heaven. And by the shores of the
river Zaeire there is neither quiet nor silence.

“It was night, and the rain fell; and, falling, it was rain,
but, having fallen, it was blood. And I stood in the morass
among the tall lilies, and the rain fell upon my head—
and the lilies sighed one unto the other in the solemnity of
their desolation.

“And, all at once, the moon arose through the thin ghastly
mist, and was crimson in color. And mine eyes fell upon a
huge gray rock which stood by the shore of the river and was
lighted by the light of the moon. And the rock was gray and
ghastly, and tall,—and the rock was gray. Upon its
front were characters engraven in the stones; and I walked
through the morass of water-lilies, until I came close unto
the shore, that I might read the characters upon the stone.
But I could not decipher them. And I was going back into the
morass when the moon shone with a fuller red, and I turned
and looked again upon the rock and upon the
characters;—and the characters were DESOLATION.

“And I looked upwards, and there stood a man upon the summit
of the rock; and I hid myself among the water-lilies that I
might discover the action of the man. And the man was tall
and stately in form, and wrapped up from his shoulders to
his feet in the toga of old Rome. And the outlines of his
figure were indistinct—but his features were the
features of a deity; for the mantle of the night, and of the
mist, and of the moon, and of the dew, had left uncovered
the features of his face. And his brow was lofty with
thought, and his eye wild with care; and in the few furrows
upon his cheek, I read the fables of sorrow, and weariness,
and disgust with mankind, and a longing after solitude.

“And the man sat upon the rock, and leaned his head upon his
hand, and looked out upon the desolation. He looked down
into the low unquiet shrubbery, and up into the tall
primeval trees, and up higher at the rustling heaven, and
into the crimson moon. And I lay close within shelter of the
lilies, and observed the actions of the man. And the man
trembled in the solitude;—but the night waned, and he
sat upon the rock.

“And the man turned his attention from the heaven, and
looked out upon the dreary river Zaeire, and upon the yellow
ghastly waters, and upon the pale legions of the water-lilies.
And the man listened to the sighs of the water-lilies,
and to the murmur that came up from among them. And
I lay close within my covert and observed the actions of the
man. And the man trembled in the solitude;—but the
night waned, and he sat upon the rock.

“Then I went down into the recesses of the morass, and waded
afar in among the wilderness of the lilies, and called unto
the hippopotami which dwelt among the fens in the recesses
of the morass. And the hippopotami heard my call, and came,
with the behemoth, unto the foot of the rock, and roared
loudly and fearfully beneath the moon. And I lay close
within my covert and observed the actions of the man. And
the man trembled in the solitude;—but the night waned,
and he sat upon the rock.

“Then I cursed the elements with the curse of tumult; and a
frightful tempest gathered in the heaven, where before there
had been no wind. And the heaven became livid with the
violence of the tempest—and the rain beat upon the
head of the man—and the floods of the river came
down—and the river was tormented into foam—and
the water-lilies shrieked within their beds—and the
forest crumbled before the wind—and the thunder
rolled—and the lightning fell—and the rock
rocked to its foundation. And I lay close within my covert
and observed the actions of the man. And the man trembled in
the solitude;—but the night waned, and he sat upon the
rock.

“Then I grew angry and cursed, with the curse of silence,
the river, and the lilies, and the wind, and the forest, and
the heaven, and the thunder, and the sighs of the water-lilies.
And they became accursed, and were still. And
the moon ceased to totter up its pathway to heaven—and
the thunder died away—and the lightning did not
flash—and the clouds hung motionless—and the
waters sunk to their level and remained—and the trees
ceased to rock—and the water-lilies sighed no
more—and the murmur was heard no longer from among
them, nor any shadow of sound throughout the vast
illimitable desert. And I looked upon the characters of the
rock, and they were changed;—and the characters were
SILENCE.

“And mine eyes fell upon the countenance of the man, and his
countenance was wan with terror. And, hurriedly, he raised
his head from his hand, and stood forth upon the rock and
listened. But there was no voice throughout the vast
illimitable desert, and the characters upon the rock were
SILENCE. And the man shuddered, and turned his face away,
and fled afar off, in haste, so that I beheld him no more.”



Now there are fine tales in the volumes of the Magi—in
the iron-bound, melancholy volumes of the Magi. Therein, I
say, are glorious histories of the Heaven, and of the Earth,
and of the mighty Sea—and of the Genii that overruled
the sea, and the earth, and the lofty heaven. There was much
lore, too, in the sayings which were said by the sybils; and
holy, holy things were heard of old by the dim leaves that
trembled around Dodona—but, as Allah liveth, that
fable which the demon told me as he sat by my side in the
shadow of the tomb, I hold to be the most wonderful of all!
And as the Demon made an end of his story, he fell back
within the cavity of the tomb and laughed. And I could not
laugh with the Demon, and he cursed me because I could not
laugh. And the lynx which dwelleth forever in the tomb, came
out therefrom, and lay down at the feet of the Demon, and
looked at him steadily in the face.
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