Breakups in the A.M./
Fall back to sleep/
Back caught a rusty blade in it/
Brain drizzle... permanent/
Cold vein ****** pulse cannon/
False idols shut the **** up/
Or get throat cancer/
Ahem/
I'll hack it out with a boxcutter/
Allaah, give me strength/
Let me **** Godzilla/
Manic Chainsaw Man in Morin Hotel/
Wear the devils down/
'Til they offer up their hearts/
Please make it stop/
Then I tear it apart/
Break the faucet off/
And bathe in the blood/
Yeah... The Force isn't with you/
Life is crystal skull disco inferno/
Death is withdrawal in a courtroom/
She's a drama generator/
With a broken off switch/
I don't go outside, I don't like ****/
Isolation tank alt reality check?/

Obsessive compulsive disorder/
Reconstructed self-immolation ash/
Just add wattage/
Neuromance of old flame/
Crackling synapses going haywire/
Desire staging a hostile takeover/
Daywalker with the darkest impulses/
Do think twice/
Turn a pair of minds into a facemelter/
Mentalfund electrical fire/
Ballpoint pen to the socket/
Eyes sore from all this ugly fake light/
Life as migraine/
Iceman boiling chest heartburn/
If you don't laugh, you cry ****** ******/
Gimme ******* mania, and alienation/
Space invaders get shot down/
Everyone's a narcissist/
Still got the white tongue/
Feverish nervous-energy teeth/
Zombie conscience/
Sick ******* thought brewery, everyday/
Distressed by the weight of the dunya/
Endurance test/
Holding on by a thread, in a needle/
In my head, that's unraveling fast/
Flammable wickerman, having a blast.../

So so so disconnected/
Poltergeist with the numbest hands/
Life's a video game/
And phantom limbs don't button bash/
Shot by a cop/
My soul did the running man/
Can't tell if it's now or later/
Non-playable character/
Glitched out/
Stuck in a wall, and can't get out/
There's something in my brain/
That gets switched on/
Sunken place/
And I cannot save you/
I'm just a ghost in the shell of a caveman/
Flailing in an ocean of paint/
Islaamic heart/
Junk heavy in our veins/
Leftover cold turkey/
Double brass knuckle sandwich again/
Cut off mid-sentence/
Head spinning like a ceiling fan/
But that's what I get/
For unleashing the kraken/
King Kong still perched on my back/
Heard it snap/
Cockroach aqualung/
Stockpiling cigarettes for the apocalypse/
Negative negative positive/
Math rock paper scissor kick/
Random hill to die on, fool/
Modern day Sisyphus/
Submerged in watercolour./

Unrepentant ******, even right now/
I'm trying too hard to be an Arab/
Forever discontent to be white/
I don't wanna be a devil... worshipper/
Death metal mullet **** your mother ****/
Blast from the past/
Different is the new nuclear/
Witchcraft is cool, but Islam is a hot coal/
Gay is OK, but straight edge is difficult/
Medication everywhere/
Jagged little pills.../

Most people are pigs/
Most people are pigs/
Most people are pigs/
I'm a person... of disinterest/
I don't care, all eyez on me/
Against the world/
Stab my back if there's still space/
Calm down, ******/
Napoleon Dynamite sigh/
I don't wanna be a black... magician/
Rad organic misanthrope/
Sicko./

Black, cracked mirror-image staring/
Who's the replica? What does it mean/
When our movements aren't in sync?/
What face am I wearing? They're all scar/
Must be hard to tell the difference/
Russian doll exoskeleton to inner-child/
We all live several lives at once/
Half-dead; contradiction don't walk/
It just talks mad ****, and lies like a dog/
In the doorway... Kick it in the ribcage/
Powerchuck puppies; butterfly knife/
Burning hole in churning stomach, crash/
Jump thru a window like a flaming hoop/
A thousand dead mosquitos on the floor/
I hate the smell of elephant/
Mouse howling at a painted moon, and/
Even if the grass were fluorescent green/
I'd still find a rabbithole to fester in/
Rat with wings perched on alligator head/
Trip wire heart string crocodile tears/
The fabric of time is a rag with holes in it/
I wear it like a ghost, and see things.../
I shouldn't, but it's never too late - atleast/
That's what I say to myself everynight/
Then can't wake up in the morning/
Sleep deprivation distorts my perception/
Black, cracked mirror-image staring./

It will end, just not when you want it to/
We are not gods, we're bugs/
Smashing our faces on the window pane/
Stubborn disposition/
One of us will break, and it ain't me/
Bull with bloodshot eyes.../
Seeing red in a cheap Chinese restaurant/
Ejecting fortune cookies that taste like/
Manufactured Hell/
Stomp out cats with moving arm action/
Take away one life at a time/
Until they burst into a million coins/
*******/
And you're the wishing well/
No-one gets "lucky", they get ******.../
*******/
I'd **** for a breather, die from pollution/
Catch 22; unstuck in time/
Loops within loops, déjà vu everything/
Given another chance, I'd fail yet again/
Ad nauseum; subtract annoyances/
I'm sick of your voice, stop talking/
There is no peace.../
In this skull; people in my grill/
And my sense of self keeps on mutating/
Boss level stress/
It will end, just not when you want it to.../

I’m unstable, but she could lose a haystack in a needle/ I don’t need you blowing your stack/ Blaming me for all the mess in the world/ Forget a house, you can’t clean one room/ It represents her mind, but I’m so tired... of this headspace/ I hate this place, it’s just making me feel even more sick/ Been packing your bags for five years, trying to force me into a guilt-trip/ You’re not never wrong, & I’m not always right/ We’re left with each other because no-one else gets it/ If you want an enemy, look in the mirror/ But you’ll have to clean it first, get rid of the dust & the cobwebs/ I’m only trying to help, even though you know that I can’t help myself/ Went from “do the right thing”, to “something”, to “anything at all”/ Crying ourselves to fake sleep, nervous wreckingballs in chains/ Desperate to break free, but just breaking down instead/ Destroying what we have, thinking about what you havenot/ What’s the point in getting cats when we’ve already ruined our kids’ lives?/ Two bi-polar parents prone to going to extremes/ Going to bed too late, then can’t get up in the mourning/ A wild wingless pegasus stained with dirt in a pigsty/ Sitting in a cell, phone in hand, jerking my tears off/ She’s a broken record, I’m pins & needles in her arms/ She wants to go to rehab, pushing too hard to pull me out/ I know exactly what it’s like, but prefer metaphors to similes/ We raise zombies that only say sorry when they’re hungry.../

Searching for my soul
Finding myself in wrong places
Lying on a bed of nails
Bug-infested crucifix blanket
Hitman in a hall of smoke & mirrors
Hot broken glass slippers, firewalking
Vanilla skies have fallen prey
Metallic wings bent out of shape
Möbius-stripped down to the bone
Until they break
Homemade wolverine claws
Scratching at the surface of a cracked mask
The real face has leprosy
This meal tastes like ashtray
A naked lunch of creamed corn
Life is a waiting room
Death is a closed door
The lady in the radiator serenades me
But the birds forgot the beetles
& turned cannibal
It’s happening again
I don’t know what day it is
Time is a tangled pile of tripped haywire
Pins in my head
My own anti-pop consortium
There is no bubble
That’s why I’m struggling
How can I not be myself?!!

There is no “real” me
Obsession is a ghost in a shell
Two charred braincells that short-circuit & spark
Cross-chatter, but the words are all slushed
Giant tarantula in the bedroom
Reality is a scramble-suit.

Lying in bed/
Devil’s in my peripheral/
Apologies feel like lies/
Gotta deal with it/

Put the real in surrealism/
Don’t want no fake positivity/
Read my grimace/
Resignation/

Reverse Russian roulette/
Sweating bullet-trains of thought/
Nobody listens/
But everybody talks too much/

Mouthbreathers/
Bite your two faces/
Ghost dog/
New rabies/
Shattered psyche/
Tastes like porcelain/
Life is a chewtoy/
Full of rat poison & used razors/

We raise zombies/
Only say sorry when they’re hungry/
Wear my grief like a hoodie/
In the summertime/

Smelly cat/
Memory like an elephant man/
Call me what you want/
Don’t know what I deserve/
Dead eyes/
Two piles of ash/

Mental blockhead/
Nail biter/
Don’t want to be nowhere/
Permanent standby/
Autopilot oblivion/

Lost in sin again/
Too busy with their own ****/
But when it goes down/
You all saw it coming.../

Ghostfaced overkiller/
I put the sin in sincerity/
Cast the last million stones/
Let's rock like ***** & GOMORRAH/
Birdman, on the windowsill/
Launch a nuclear war/
Head on fire - NEVER LOOK BACK/
Running with scissorhands, blunted/
Wet paperbag gloves/
Chasing serpent tail forever/
So caught up in yourself, that/
You didn't notice the climate change/
Sweating ice in a feverdream/
Friends & family are gone/
You're all alone... THIS IS MANIA/
Shattered nerve clusterbomb/
My primary emotion is sadness/
Disguised as anger; explosive synapses/
Living in an elephant graveyard/
I snap like Thanos, and don't marvel/
Verse as horcrux/
TATTERED SOUL JOURNALIST/
Stitching together a forked tongue/
Forcing my demons to talk "normal"/
It just sounds so unnatural/
And the voices are NOT HAPPY/
I didn't listen for one month/
But prepared an epic mudbath/
Purification is a holiday/
Get out of rehab/
Go straight to the crackhouse.../

I'M NOT GONNA FAKE IT/
JUST TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER/
I'M NOT GONNA FAKE IT/
JUST TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER/
I'M NOT GONNA FAKE IT/
JUST TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER/

I'm a failure; thanks for asking/
Keeping it real is mad expensive/
And I'm broke./

I am not your SUNSHINE
I am not your SAVIOUR
I am not your KNIGHT
I am not your SUPERMAN...

I don’t know what you think I am
I’m nothing, wrapped in fat & bad skin
Mr. Nobody; not The Batman
I’m antihero, more like a madvillain
Hands of DOOM at the end of my arms
Deathmetal fingers are the icecold prison bars
Darth-Vaderism: The Force is against you
And everybody chokes up under the pressure
You don’t know what I think you are?
Who’s got who by the throat, & not letting go?
It’s getting hard to breathe, gasping for air
I’d break myself just to puncture that iron lung
The point of no return was shot from a pinky
Bent back & snapped off clean by a liar
I don’t make promises, I say “InshaaAllaah”
But still can’t defuse that **** Fizzle Bomber...

I am not your SUNSHINE
I’m the dark side of the moon
I am not your SAVIOUR
I’m a centaur of the apocalypse
I am not your KNIGHT
Just a nightmare that won’t end
I am not your SUPERMAN
I’m not even a Clark Kent...

Dents in my armour from the inside & out
Calm, but look in my eyes to see the storm
You can dress me up however you want
But I’m still gonna be me under that costume.

Blood is thicker than water/
Under a burning bridge/
With the petrol and sawdust/
You can't unchop trees/
You can't just laugh it off/
You can't not be yourself/
Alt version/
Out of focus on purpose/
I am just a blur at long distance/
Nowhere man, with short fingers/
A sore back, and forehead marked/
Blood is thicker than water/
In my eyes, and it stings/
I feel annoyed more than upset/
I can't stop bleeding out/
Grief is my default setting/
Don't get over it, just get on with it/
Acting like I'm not dysfunctional/
What a joke; it ain't nothing new/
Another cycle in the mindfog/
And everyday I wake up is groundhog/
Kind of... with slight variations/
A vampire finds God/
Celibate 'til lust takes over again/
Blood is thicker than water/
My heart is broken/
Can't remember when it wasn't/
Pops is not a ghost, I am/
Present like a hologram/
The laziest poltergeist/
Only haunt myself./

Get your hand off my shoulder, pig/
You don't even know me, dogg/
Barking too much/
I'll make them all shut the **** up/
Like Somalian ******/
My thoughts are double shotgun blasts/
Of random jagged phrasing/
And my funnybone is broken/
Like my home is/
Lockjaw; I don't make promises/
I say "inshaaAllaah"/
Then see what God allows/
I need you... to be somebody else/
And if I cry for help/
They say "get a job", or "take a pill"/
But you can’t be the illest 'til/
Medication is refused/
Madman at the park/
Bazooka toothpaste grindhouse/
Too hyped up on my mania/
K-K-**** your radio/
Head full of dread, locked/
And the "truth" is full of holes/
Waiting for apocalypse/
But it's taking way too long/
I am not alone/
Get your hand off my shoulder, pig/
You don't even know me, dogg/
Mouse howling at the moon/
Yelling at my cellphone/
I never was a fan of wool.../

My wife doesn't know/
Can't turn it off/
She’s a broken record/
I’m rusty pins & needles in her arms/
She wants rehabilitation/
Pushing too hard to pull me out/
But I'm a grenade pin/
Blow up in your face/
Blunt force trauma/
She said "*******"/
I punched a hole in the bathroom door/
One day, I'm gonna get arrested/
But until then.../
I'll tread this frozen water/
Tried to be funny, cracked a Dad-joke/
Like a whip; you didn't even laugh/
Whatever, left me mad cold/
My heart is an icecube/
Crushed, inside a cocktail/
Molotov flying like a drunk pig on fire/
Crash & burn the pity party alive/
This is the realest **** I ever wrote/
My wife doesn't know/
Can't turn it off/
She's a broken record/
I scratch into oblivion/
But that's my science friction/
Mousetrapreplica./

I am the gateway
To a place you don’t
Want to acknowledge
But your denial doesn’t
Make it not exist

I am a broken mirror
Held up to your face, and
With no eyelids, we will see
What you really are

I am a reminder
Of your constant failure
And that’s why you hate me
You don’t want to see yourself

I am the knowledge
That there is no escape
You don’t know how or when
But it is going to get you... Eventually
And then you’re gonna have to explain EVERYTHING
What will you say when you can no longer lie?

I am the thorn
That came from a crown
Stabbed you in the side, then
Refused to come out

I am the eye
That looked right through you
And knew all your secrets
I am the shame...

I am the finger
Pointing in your direction
I am the witness
You have no protection
I am the mess
That you don’t wanna deal with
I am the pain
That you can’t make a deal with.

Lying in bed
Rapid eye movement
Something outside
High-heel shoes
Just someone walking
On the same spot?
Under the window?
Rush... PARALYSIS
Heavy darkness
Demonic laughter
Thirdeye obscured
In my mind?
Somewhere else?
Smile wiped off face
Armless soldier
Wakeup gasping...

Hello Darkness, back again/
In fact, let’s act like I never left/
Life is conflict: love/hate impulses/
Makes me feel like I’m punching an ocean/
Heartbroken, when nothing happened/
So lonely, with people around me/
Living in the past, but it doesn’t exist... anymore/
It’s a lie, plus my memories are distorted/
Tampered with; call me paranoid if you want/
Schizoid, in the middle of nowhere, going up.../
Side down: mirror image time lapse fast forward/
Falling through a puddle in reverse/
Just add water to the burnt-out pile of ashes/
Drown out the alchemical reaction/
Ghost in a town full of phantom menace/
And everyday’s a “gone” day; born lethargic/
I am Slothman: only learn the hard way/
Searching soul found lurking in the shadows/
Children are my sunshine in the morning/
Vampyre, under a magnifying glass, without a coffin/
Bursting into flames; the inhuman torch/
Playing with fire... but scared to touch Hell, boy/
Sin is like a horn growing out the side of your skull/
Cutting it short leaves it unresolved/
And I don’t know ****, but I know the smell/
The binge/purge cycle is manic-depressive purgatory/
Stuck on a seesaw, and when I get high/
Ground Control can kiss my asphalt/
Crash my relationships; stranded in a strange land/
Foreign language, & bad reception/
No settling down: still kicking up stardust/
Prison planet bar code cell phone hand cuff.../

I HATE THIS SHOW/
SHOOT THE CAMERA IN THE FACE/
FADE TO BLACK/
ELEPHANT INSIDE A BIRDCAGE./

Yeah, I know.../
I'm sick of me too/
Wish I could peace out, but/
Stuck with myselves/
Even after death/
Life's a *****, slapping you/
Difficult not to snap/
Turtle with the world on it's back/
Falling down the stairs.../
On purpose/
Heaven isn't promised, bro/
No pressure, right?/
Just pick up all the broken pieces/
Don't burden other people, but.../
My hands are bleeding/
Not asking for help/
And if I don't tell you now/
Then you'll be angrier when you.../
Find out/
Lost & found mind out of body/
Thirdeye blindspot is desire/
On repeat; off the deep.../
Adventure timebomb/
There is no end/
Pitchfork and knife drawn/
You are what you eat.../
Abstracted psychological horror./

Between always and never late/
Put the art in articulate/
Conquered Megatron shooting blanks/
That's not me/
Everything is up in the air/
When I hit the ground/
Leave the pieces where they are/
Crush **** destroy stress/
Repeated mantra/
Organized Konfusion/
New World Order out of chaos/
Comment section: facepalm/
Illuminati mass disinformation/
Can't unplug yourself from the matrix/
Girls taking selfies/
Guys on Instagram, *******.../
To your daughters/
Because boys will be boisterous/
Scientifical madness/
And you just don't give a coitus/
Yeah, I get it - I was you/
I travelled back in time to warn you/
This life is false advertisement/
And when it finally breaks it's promise/
You'll wish you had nothing/
Laughing hysterically/
Sleeping under a burning bridge.../

I wouldn't say discontentment/
More like discomfort/
I'm anxious; might be slightly anguished/
Fine... dysfunctional/
Humanity's an infernal machine/
Forever malfunctioning/
And everyone's too impatient/
To read the instruction manual/
Insatiable; thoughts eat themselves/
Then regurgitate/
Tired vampire at the beach/
Bursting into flames/
Burning through the bank/
Wormhole in pocket universe/
Blowing up our lives/
Fill up your thirdeye socket with dirt/
No funeral; they don't even mourn/
I grieve different/
Seem difficult... anticonformist/
Sorry I ruined the party/
I am a walking trigger warning/
Donnie Darko at the golf course/
Stop trying to treat me like a normie/
Most people ignore me/
And it used to make me question/
But being seen is worse/
When they ask too many questions/
It is what it is/
I wouldn't say discontentment/
More like discomfort/
No bad blood, accept the Qadr of Allaah/
I don't know their intentions/
But I feel the tension./

Eye daggers/
Stabbing up your back/
Obsession/
The only thing that makes sense/
Method acting overtime/
Too many characters/
Twenty-seven missed calls/
Blame everything on my evil twin/
Phasing in & out of a migraine/
Timespace as psychedelic colour bomb/
Butterflyknife wing flutter/
Cough up an iron lung/
Only bite my tongue on the way down/
There's blood on the dancefloor/
Break the eagle, settle for yin-yang/
Head in a cloud, dead/
Left foot in quicksand, sunken/
Placed between a snake and ladder/
With my face thrown forwards/
And my feet flung backwards/
****... nausea: chemical imbalance/
They're all laughing at me, God/
I'm praying for a blackout/
In the wrong reality/
Reading old diaries to get back/
Catch a brain hemorrhage like a bullet/
Hysteria.../

No man's time is his own/
Unless he pushes life away/
Then ends up all alone/
Take a path/
Always think about the other one/
It's too late; what's done is done/
And you can't change the past/
But you could wreck the now/
Sometimes, regret feels... inevitable/
Trying hard to sacrifice/
Scared that you're going to fail/
Biting off way more than you can chew/
Spit it out/
And it would be worth it/
If only you could be more patient/
Ball-n-chain grinding down your soul/
You stand naked/
Thick skin is just an empty shell/
Resentment builds up/
And spills out, against your will/
You want to quit/
But don't want to lose it all/
You can't win/
Catch twenty-two white knuckleballs/
Holding on with ****** stumps/
Thinking about that other path/
It's too late; what's done is done.../

Reoccurring dream/
A girl called Jolene/
Wiccan chick/
And when I'm with her/
I'm in a fugue state/
Not supposed to remember/
Repeat her name to myself/
How many times have I been here?/
Many, many times before/
To get to her house/
We have to climb this big ladder/
Up the side of a mountain/
And it's hard to dismount/
She said something about Tupac/
I think it's a spell/
The presence of others is felt/
But they stay where they are/
She leads me to her room/
And we're def gonna smash/
No condoms allowed/
She wants to get pregnant/
We don't talk at all/
I transition again/
But this iteration is different/
And that is somehow profound./

My whole entire life is/
An existential crisis/
I feel like an alter of my wife/
Just left the masjid/
Feeling lifeless/
Staggered back home/
A lone ranger in the white void/
I miss my bro's/
They don't exist anymore/
They've all missed the point.../
No return, except Moses/
Burning bush talker/
And I thank God/
When I felt empty/
Threw the glass at the wall/
You saw the blessing/
In the pieces/
Didn't get divorced/
Still got time with my Dad/
None of my kids hate me yet/
Got somewhere to sleep/
I'm doing "good"/
So, al-Hamdulillaah/
But I still feel cold/
Broken glass/
On the ground/
Getting walked over./

Some form of depression/
Don't perform well under pressure/
Existential dread all my life/
Always thinking of death/
Obsession leads to mania/
Can't force myself to care/
Or do things I don't like/
Difficult to get, or keep jobs/
Anxiety over societal expectations/
Really **** at small talk/
Can't relate to others/
And they can't relate to me/
Stuck in a weird place/
Alone, with trust issues.../

Always knew/
But never wanted to explore/
Don't want drugs/
Just a proper diagnosis./

Blocked up for months/
‘Til you gave me diarrhoea/
Drowning in my own ****/
And you keep on feeding me crap/
You’re not an anchor, you’re a crab/
Claw clamped onto my leg/
Dragging me downwards/
Going ‘round in circles/

Drunk without drinking/
The village idiot scapegoat/
They’re blaming me for changes/
As if it used to not be *****/
Your family is ****** up/
Hivemind pigsty inferno/
And God knows that I/
Don’t want to be here, ever/

Yet here I am/
Threatening to destroy you like/
A comic book villain/
And as your Father says/
“Don’t want not ******* apology”/
A pattern has formed/
And there’s a cobweb that looks/
Like a vulture over my head/
Just... waiting to fall./

I wanna burn something/
But there's no flag available/
How would I look in a toe tag?/
Paint my soul black for protection/
So the vultures can't see me/
Double edged sword/
I don't feel; cut my fingers off/
The sky is falling/
And I knew it would, eventually/
Must warn others/
But I slept, cryogenically/
I am not woke/
Caveman in an iceberg/
Watcher, but all I see is imperfection/
Observe the timeloop/
Can't stop it from happening again/
I hear the tick tick tick/
And it's nervous/
Not dead or alive/
Hothead in a vicegrip/
I won't apologise for existing/
God wants me here/
So we both have to deal with it/
Endurance test/
Try cheat and I win./

Sighmaster/
Used to be human/
Before the reoccurring/
I had a dream/
Forgot it when I woke/
Uphill battle/
I get down by jumping off/
Hit the ground running/
My mouth is tired/
Feed the motor rocks/
Bust it/
I talk like a stoner/
Walk like destruction/
Things fall apart/
As soon as I touch them/
Tortured soul artist/
Thinking is abstract/
Live like a ***/
And always feel crap/
In the deep end/
Good-for-nothing hollowman/
Looking like a castaway/
Dressing like it's Halloween/
Washed up/
Sleeping in castles made of sand/
Shipwreck in a bottlerocket/
Over your head./

Every night/
You tell yourself "tomorrow"/
But wake up feeling tired/
Missing yesterday/
Can't get out of bed/
Cold is misery/
Freeze all motor functions/
Winter in my bones/
Windburn on my face/
Westworld foxhole/
Questioning the nature of/
My reality TV/
Not putting on a show/
Hate me for who I truly am/
Rather be loved by none/
Than not myselves/
We are not one/
Even I am not one/
Everyone has a choice/
Don't force me to make a bad.../
Wonder Showzen/
Ramadaan broken/
Fallen through the thin ice/
Can't find an opening/
Mind running wildfire/
Body cryogenically frozen/
Out of kitchen sync./

All women hate me/
Every kid I ever had was never planned out/
Broke my teeth on iron fist getting a handout/
I'm only good for one thing; being the bad guy/
Don't see myself anywhere in five years/
Don't want to be anywhere right now/
Not really an option/
In bed with my baby; something is wrong with me/
How should I feel? 'Cause I'm feeling the opposite/
Not content with this world, and most of it's contents/
People are zombies, just following vampires/
And I am trying, man/
Pushed myself so hard, I fell out the frying pan/
Burnt out as Hell, but I still got that fire/
Forever frustrated; obsessed and compulsive/
Conflicted and tempted and woeful/
No rest for the wicked, just mismanaged anger and broken sleep.../

I am not a bird/
I’m a rock/
People can’t move me/
Only God can throw me/
Curveball at your brain/
The box is unopened/
I’m on the outside/
Floating through space/
Timeshift jigsaw/
Whiteflash rollover/
Sideways/
Memory overlappage/
Imperfect loopage/
Phasing in & out/
Two turntables spinning/
Vertigo/
Skipping town/
Like a rolling stone/
Let’s rock./

Life don't fight fair, I know/
But you can't run with broken legs/
Or hide forever from harsh realities/

Scared of the dark, but/
The dark is a part of you now/
The devil you know is better than/
Ghosts with no faces/

Acknowledge your demons/
Don't play the victim/
Learn your lesson/
Use experience to grow/

Accept the pain/
It'll dampen over time/
Deep wounds won't heal/
If you don't work overtime/

When at war/
Make peace with your situation/
Take responsibility for your part/
The past ain't changing.../

All you've got is now./

Small talk is shrinking/
Soon, there'll be nothing left to say/
Awkward silence/
Choking on existential dread/
Broken ice/
The future bones of former frienemies/
As throwing knives; time paradox/
Don't ask me why I'm cold/
Hypothermia/
Not here, and she knows it/
My spirit animal: a lobster in the ocean/
Of a seashell/
My real self is hidden, and/
Heavily encrypted, I/
Hack it into pieces/
Until my core splinters.../

CLAWS OUT/
SCRATCH MY BROKEN RECORD/
I'M NOT A PLAYER/
I JUST CRUSH:****:DESTROY A LOT/
MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE/
MAKE A DECISION/
WAKE UP FIFTEEN YEARS LATER/
IN A BOX/
AND EVERYBODY HATES ME/
INCLUDING MYSELVES.../

I am not normal/
I cannot talk small/
I'm thinking about cutting out my tongue/
Like Oldboy./

Sitting in a room/
Misdirected anger/
I am a magnet and a *****/
Somebody keeps going through my stuff/
I need to have a shower/
But I can't clean the stress off my face/
Every time you cut it off/
It keeps coming back/
And if I react, it'll escalate/
World War III around the corner/
Nerves are shot into dust/
Rocketman lost in space without a suit/
Slam the door again/
Suffocation/
Poking loopholes in sandpaper/
Don't take the edge off/
Gotta be sharp in this box of tools/
***** desert eagle eyes shoot mad oxen/
Who's toxic? Give me a purity ring/
And I'll put my rot in it./

I’m falling/
Asleep/
Falling in/
My sleep/
Never hit/
The Bottom/
Never get to/
The point.../

I’m from Universe E/
And that explains everything/
I don’t belong here/
I have no home to get back to/
I don’t know what’s real/
Living this fake life/
Where nothing beats us up more/
Than the mundane/
Knocked out/
Another wife knocked up/
Another locked door knocked on/
From the inside/
Jobs are jokes/
And me dying totally broke/
Utterly alone in a filthy gutter/
Is the punchline/
Haha/
Happy ending sunburst/
Burnt my skin/
Now I’m read with embarrassment/
Written on my farce/
Like tattooed tears on a robot/
This is not a cry for help/
Charlie Alpha/
Warcry mechanical/
Walking dead battery assault/
Power struggle/
Energy depleting rapidly/
Critical/
And that’s when reality kicks in/
Your ribcage/
Pierce your heart/
With shattered dream sequence.../

This world could break anyone/
I need a brake; downward spiral/
Not the psychotic kind of/
Cracking myselves up./

I, crafter of thistles/
Matthew Craig Howell with a hammer/
You can't touch this/
Beautiful abstraction/
Makes you feel something/
Even if you don't get it/
Get lost/
In my head... like a hole in a wall/
Dark knight of the soul/
No mourning aftermath/
Still current/
Electrical brainstorm causing static/
Demonfuzz in the transmission/
Hard to detect/
Distortion appears normal now/
The best lie/
A shattered glass thirdeyeball/
Staring directly at you/
Aliens are devils/
Standing on your shoulders/
Orders sound like dirt in the wind/
Earwax wings for the sun/
But you ain't going nowhere/
You are the pyramid base/
Desires; foundation for the sky to fall on/
And when you feel the pressure/
Metal blades of grass at your feet./

Mundane/
My memories overlap/
So I don't know what I've done yet/
Or what I'm gonna do when it happens/
Again for the first/
Time is a scratched disc/
Skipping through/
Time is a scratched disc/
Skipping through/
Yeah/
I've got some nerve/
Oldboy, with a broken tooth/
Limping like a ****, but... my left foot/
Not in my right mind/
In the wrong/
Time is a scratched disc/
Skipping through/
Chapters/
Again for the first/
Smack him in the face/
Always told myself that I'd do it/
But when I saw double/
I instantly knew I would become him/
Then forgot/
The future looks a lot like the past/
I'm not present anywhere/
Skipping through./

My Dad is sick; I
Always thought I’d die first
Maybe no-one’s dying
Permanent midlife crisis
Imperfect stranger
I’m not even striving anymore
Sell fish; making it all about me
I’m sorry, I don’t know what to say
I have a billion things to say
But they’d probably all be wrong
KnowwhatI’msayin’?
I’m lost in abstraction
This world is harsh & irrational
Cold; a vampire
That eats her own children...

Cancer won’t listen
& humans are only human
Ask yourself the big questions
If not now, when?

I hate you/
All you bring is trauma & chaos/
The only reason you got married?/
Trick someone to save you/
Bloodsucker/
Stuck in a hole you can't get out of/
Digging deeper/
And if it rains, we're all gonna drown/
Like rats in a cage/
Another slap to the face/
And you play so dumb/
I'm gonna die of frustration/
Suicide/
The card you hold over my head/
Because your problems are my problems/
Whether I like it or not/
Nothing is ever your fault/
You've always got the best excuses/
Every time you get caught/
Just create another drama/
And you play so dumb/
I'm gonna die of frustration/
Give me just one reason/
Not to blow it all up/
But you can't./

I never lose... hope/
I'm not a full-on nihilist/
Only halfway/
Impossible when you believe/
In God, and the afterlife/
Life's an endurance test/
Time is crawling/
Death, the only exit/
And potential silver lining/
But you can't just take it like that/
You've gotta earn it/
My heart and soul fight tooth and nail/
Plus my body hurts/
I'm forty years old, kid/
Respect my experience/
I've epic failed multiple times/
And tasted mild success/
Get in where you fit in/
I'm in the middle of nowhere/
The city is a cesspool/
And don't you even go there/
Unless you wanna drown/
But my head's in the clouds/
On my bed, in my house/
And I don't wanna hear that ****/
People talk too much/
Trust them like predators/
Give them gold to balance it out/
They don't understand/
Life's an endurance test/
Highly uncomfortable/
Everything matters/
I'm aiming for heaven, bro/
I never lose... hope./

Misunderstood/
Floating face down/
In infinity pools/
Permanent vacation/
That's what they think/
Cockroach with no home/
Waiting for defeat/
Everyday's a cheat day/
The whole world's a corner/
Back against the wall/
With sin at the door of my brain/
Scratching like an old dog/
Barking and whining/
Man on fire/
Dumpster diving headfirst/
I don't need a doctor/
But I want a wet nurse/
Take a step back/
Don't be an edgelord/
Everybody feels like/
They want the red pill/
Until they wake up naked/
Next to a dead girl/
Oh ****!/
Can't really remember my dreams/
But I sweat silver bullets/
Just to shoot up the fiends/
I've seen things/
Keep talking that trash now/
No cash in the bank/
For me to cash out.../

Yeah!/

Stomping on eggshells/ Cracked hardware, & crushed soul/ Laughing manically at all the misery you cause/ Sadclown with a crown made of black mirror/ Married to an angry headless chicken/ Trapped in a ****** birdcage with herds of woolly mammoth/ Stomping on eggshells; crackbabies crushed heavenly/ What the hell?!! Still... could be worse/ My nose could be gushing blood!! And then everybody laughs/ Haha, mouthful of cartilage... ****; facebite strictly psychological/ Moodswing kaleidoscope: Ice King with burning eyes/ Hammerhead battleram cracking skulls/ And yolk spills everywhere - I'm ******* sorry/ Don't wanna have jazzhands, but... we gotta let this die/ Euthanasia; old dog, new rabies/ Life is a chewtoy full of rat poison & used razors/ Biting criticism in the twofaces/ Shattered psyche in the mouth of madness/ Tastes like porcelain.../ Dollhouse on fire; bleeding gums & split forehead/ You amplify my cray-cray, boiling crackpot/ Deactivate my ultraviolent tenancies/ Rotten eggmen getting stomped out in the multifacet./

Punk kid perception
Sick sense of humour
Bad touch is mad funny
‘Til the joke’s on you
Or somebody you know
Stop laughing
I feel nauseous
Frank told me to burn it
Kiddie **** dungeon
Suzie pulled a pistol on Henry
Wild at heart
Crazy on top of nervous
Energy about to spill out
satanic ritual abusers
I’ma **** you
Raze your pyramid
Invert your scheme
& then drop it on your eyeball...

My babies are crying
Stop the cycle
Psychologically disturbed
Hurt myself
Shadowboxing with purple knuckles
****** brickwalls
My funnybone is broken
And I’ma use it as skeleton key
Free all the prisoners
Splintercell.

My friend said/
I used to be/
A fat, depressed/
*******/
Surprised that I/
Didn’t try to/
Off myself in/
Newtown Park Flats/
Eight years later/
Two divorces/
Four more kids/
A different toilet/
Ain’t **** changed/
Across the water/
Headspin cyclone/
I didn’t walk here/
Enemy still there/
In reflection/
Soaking wet, &/
Talking backwards/
Limited guesswork/
Notes on fridges/
Survivors’ guilt/
I am Hangman/
Superweirdo/
What’s my power?/
Wearing a rope/
Around my neck?/
It’s my leash, dogg/
Hidden dragon/
Tip of the iceberg/
Keep me submerged.../

Frozen in time/
Floating to the surface/
You don’t wanna know/
Surf’s up on a tidalwave./

Cat in a box/
Maybe dead, maybe not/
Both at the same time?/
Philosophy *****/
Impossible paradox/
Locking the boy in a room with me/
Is punishment for one of us/
And it's not him/
Chatterbox/
Feels dead if he can't talk/
Pretend to sleep while I think/
About skinning cats/
They say there's more than one way/
I don't think so/
How does it feel/
To get your shell ripped off?/
Homeless/
Cat in a box/
On the side of the street/
Unwanted/
No-one cares if it's dead or alive./

My mind is a road/
Dead friends cross it/
Never closed it/
Just tried to put other things on it/
It backfired on me/
Face full of exhaust/
Can't run away from the thought/
Mental hamster wheel/
Sorry I missed your funerals/
Hands in my pockets/
Staring at the ground, mumblecore.../
They don't hear me though/
What would I say?/
I think you were good guys/
Hope you passed the test/
And that your graves are awesome/
Always thought I'd own it/
But ghosts are too expensive/
That's a metaphor/
Grief is an unruly stepchild/
I didn't wanna admit it/
We didn't see each other much/
Don't see anyone much anymore/
But I miss you/
I make it sound cheap/
You know me, miserable *******/
My mind is a road/
More like a lost highway.../

Nervous twitch
Walking with dead legs
Turning on the TV is like
Switching on my mental illness
Voices in my head
Shouting in foreign languages
Eat, pray, sleep, go toilet
They’re always there
Walls don’t exist
Yet I’m held in captivity
Soundwaving goodbye to my sanity
Channel is irrelevant
I don’t have the remote control
So I can’t turn it off
Anti-escapism.

Clothing is new
Then it gets old
Is it still the same?
Yes & no
Maybe it gets stained
Maybe a few holes
Is it still the same?
Yes & no...

For all of my “always”
I never ran away from you
Withheld a 2nd chance from you
Or tried to commit suicide
Defending myself yet again
But I will never change, right?
That’s not how it works
I’m not the same, only similar
Nothing is concrete
But everything is concrete
The jungle was organic
Now it’s cold & industrial
The sun is dying, but
I’m still sweating ammunition
For all of my “always”
I never ran away from you.

Nobody cares/
Don't expect nothing from no-one/
Except Allaah/
Who doesn't break His promise/
People shouldn't ****/
If they don't want to get hated/
On my nerves like an jackhammer/
Snap like a mousetrap/
Replica of my life/
Just to watch myself watch myself/
Awareness is a carcrash/
Broken body alarm clock/
Woke, without enough sleep/
Feet in my back/
Elephant eyelash in the public eye/
Embarrassment is dead./