Isn't it beautiful
I breathe in all those gasses but
my body chooses you
Inhales you
Absorbs you
Allows you to caress my lungs
Fill my blood
Give me energy
give me life
I open my arms on a sunny day and
you swath me in your gentle breeze
I gasp for you
Yearn for you
I need you
Even when I'm not aware, you're
always there

So why is it when I'm drowning
When I need you most
I gasp
I yearn
I scream
I beg
I cry
you never come
I suddenly lose my breath
and suffocate in your absence

I hope you didn’t cry.
I’m not worth your tears,
let me cry myself to sleep—and forget this ever happened.

Nothing changed.
I see your pain.
I tried therapy.
I tried counseling.
I tried praying.
I tried working out.
I tried opening up.
I tried making friends.
I tried good habits.
I tried bad habits.
I tried overwhelming my brain.
I tried underwhelming my brain.
I’ve tried, I’ve tried, I’ve tried, I’ve tried.
All I do is try. And I’m so tired.
Why now do I get **** for resting.
Why am I not allowed that.
what did I ever do so wrong
how do I always end up right here