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 Oct 2018 A heart lost poet
Dev A
You broke me
But somewhere deep inside I always knew,
You and I were not meant for forever.

I always knew we wouldn't last;
Something in me told me that.

But over and over
My mind runs through our time
And I wonder why?

Why does it hurt when I knew we'd end?
Why does it hurt knowing I won't see you again?
Why do I wish for one more day? One more night?

My mind tells me to move on forward,
But my heart, it wishes for just a little more.
I'm at war with myself,
Logic and reasoning
Versus
Wishes and dreaming.

My mind says move on
But worse off
My heart says what if?

You broke me
But deep inside I always knew you would
And yet I still hurt.
 Feb 2016 A heart lost poet
J Lee
They say after it rains the sun will shine.
they say after you cry you'll feel better..

But, What if what we are told are lies.
What if were meant to cry in the sunshine,
and smile when it rains.

We treat the sun as a prize.
Reaching to the light after a storm.
Clarity??..maybe..
Or is it for that rainbow that never seems to go anywhere but goes on forever.
Who knows..
I know.
The Rain knows..
and now I understand love,
like regrets ugly back hand.
and we fall in love for all the wrong reasons
and still love them after all the wrong done.

a kind of love,
that came with out warning,
had my heart in seconds,
who could of said no?

because I should of said no,
and sometimes,
you don't pick who you love,
with wide open eyes,

but there the people who get you,
for reasons you don't understand,
for reasons you can't really explain,
even when they shouldn't,

but then you figure out the bad things,
and just because you let them go,
doesn't mean you wanted to,
and time didn't heal wounds exactly,

but now you gave yourself some armor,
and a new outlook,
and helped you smile and not sob,
and the fact that I still love you,

but everything is different now,
makes it easier to give myself to boys that didn't matter,
because you were the only one that ever did,
and the fire in me no one stops to see,

but they see my smoke signal for miles,
and instead of putting me out,
they ignore me,
or use me for there warmth,

but sometimes you need to listen,
to your butterfly's,
screaming out your not in love,
because its not the butterfly's,

its your pain.
idk just something
I'm tired of feeling all this pain, I feel so num
I wan't to go back to when I was young
To the time where nothing matter
No worrying, No jealousy, No guys
Just friends
I wan't to go back to the time where depression didn't exit
instead of cutting wrists
we cut paper snowflakes
The time where boys had cooties not hormones
The time where all I wanted was to be a princess
The time where I cried over broken crayons not over boys
The time where *** didn't matter
It's so different now
instead of looking like a princess, you have to look like barbie
And guys expectation are just so high
And even if they say we are perfect
we aren't
because it's the same thing ever day
they still look at the naked chicks on the front of those playboys  
It's so painful
Now I wait to get hurt
I'm just expecting it
It's an every day thing
Worrying that another girl will take my place
You say that they are just friends
But you use to like them at one point so it's not that simple
I'm a girl my mind over thinks
I've been hurt so many times by you and other guys
I just don't trust anymore
You've lied to me
once you lie you lose all my trust
now I'm laying here while my mascara runs.
Everyone has a bestfriend
Well i have a special best friend
Our relationship is not like any other
Ours is more then words can describe
5 years ago we met
And we are still going strong with our friendship
We never thought we would be where we are today
He's been there for me through everything
Our bond is special
We have no secrets
No lies
Nothing at all to hide
I trust him with my life
He doesn't just look at me as his best friend
I'm also his crush
Have been for 5 years
At first I was just like oh its just a crush
But no its more then that i realized these past 5 years that
He loves me more then anyone could love someone
He's shown that in so many ways and I would just push him away
It's going to be going on 6 years and i'm just now realizing there might be more with us
Something even more special then I already thought we had
So if you have a best friend never let them go because you need someone special like them in your life
Humanity's so overrated
My tests have been turned in and graded
I got an F in humanity
An A in insanity
Because morals are things I have traded

I traded my morals because I don't need them
Although I used to eat, sleep, drink, and bleed them
Without morals and feelings this pain I can bear
Sometimes it's almost like I'm not even there
And now I put down my thoughts so you can all read them

Escape and suppression are two different things
If suppress is to hum then escape is to sing
Those who suppress are told they can leave
Those who escape leave many to grieve
The mourners dress in black and the church bells will ring

To be rid of this madness you must be rid of your life
Be rid of your parents, your children, your wife
Yeah they might miss you but you wont feel sad
You don't feel anything, remember, you're mad
The only thing you may feel is the embrace of a knife

There is nothing else past the threshold of death
Not the pain of regret not your sweet lover's breath
So there's no need to worry
And certainly don't hurry
Because the last thing you know will be death

By reading these words you may not find pleasure
But maybe these ideas will stick with you forever
The reaper has come
My emotions are numb
The executioner will now pull the lever

But before I go and before I die
I have one last thing to say and that is
Goodbye
Hurt, Hurt is what I am
Wait know
Hurt is  
Harm
Damage
Wounded
Pain
I'm way more then hurt
Hurt is only one word
I'm confused,scared and embarrassed
People say I'm such a bad girlfriend
That he can do better
That I treat him like ****
But no that's not the case if I did he would tell me
He tells me all the time I'm the most amazing girlfriend
But
I don't know what I wan't
I should be happy I have such a perfect life
But i'm not
I'm scared
Because I feel like i'm losing everyone
I'm scared to make a wrong decision
One minute I want one thing and the next I want another
I don't know what I want
Today my mother said for the first time
oh is that my son in law on the phone
I nearly died inside a part of me was happy and another part didn't know
Yes I love him and want to be with him for the rest of my life
But I don't know yet
I don't know if i'm quite ready to settle down just yet
And is it wrong to still have feelings for your best friend... Idk I'm just confused
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