He's so dumb.
Yea I made mistake but he just lost a good *** friend.
What friend doesn't make mistakes?
He's made hella mistakes, but you don't see me flipping out and saying things I would never say to a person.
But it's okay.
He's confessed everything.
Everything he's done or said was a whole lie.
Which is okay.
Just shows me that I believed and gave my trust to the wrong person.
I have a big heart and I do the dumbest things sometimes.
I'm okay.
If he apologizes, which he won't, but if he does I swear to you I'm not letting him in this easy.
Or won't even let him in period.
He's done too much to get in easy.
I've taken too many apologies sir.
I've build a barrier around me and promised myself I won't be weak over this.
Up out my face please.
Irrelevant.
He can get up and leave.
I just hope he knows if he ever dares to come back, things will be extremely different.
Now, we might not ever talk again, which is okay.
He was scandalous, couldn't handle it.
Keep the headaches.
I'm moving on COMPLETELY.
He made things very awkward now.
This whole time I broke my back for him, be gone with all that.
I cried and begged.
We needed to be done.
We weren't seeing eye to eye,
But I tried my hardest to.
I'm changing my life because who can live like this?
Hope he lives a good life.
He said he broke backs for me, but who told him to do that?
He messed up long ago.
Wasted my time with these games.
I'm not dealing with this little boy anymore.
I'm shaking it off.
And it feels really good.
He thinks I'm going to stay around.
Needs someone who's gonna appreciate the things I do.
The love I give.
Don't need someone who's willing to be nice to me just for my sake.
Go somewhere.
Wasn't worth my time,
Gotta get this off my mind.
I'm doing this for the best of me and if it means tarnishing the past and memories,
Then so be it.
Every harsh word he's told me, it's being checked in my book of thoughts.
He put me out of my place and that wasn't cool.
He threw me in the spotlight and accused me of so many things that never came out of my mouth.
Did I ever do the same? No.
When you're mad and you say things, you must be careful what comes out the box because one day those words can push a person out and you'll never see them ever again.
Doors closed.
A little birdie once told me that you don't have a lot of people to talk to, so losing me was a mistake.

How weird is it?
To think I used to not know of your existence.
I somehow...
Liked the half of my life where I didn't know you were a person.
Once we met though,
God, I haven't been able to get you out of my head since.
It's hard to imagine...
I used to be able to like my life without you consuming my head with thoughts.
I want to kiss you,
but only in the the most ways.
No dictionary definition would stand a chance...
To describe how your lungs could be filled with the sweetest air possible,
Yet you be so breathless.

I weep and told you I always said I was the reflection of you.
God wanted me to breathe the air you breathed.
I cried for us to be together.
Don't do it for our parents, do it for us.
We were here to agree to disagree.

So sour, yet delicious.
Your lips pucker, your eyes squint.
The tangy juices drip from your mouth.
Citrus smells arose.
Lemons are sweet, their winched.
So sour, yet delicious.

Let me know now.
I can't wait hours and hours with my head overflowing with so many deeds.
If it's bad, it'll hurt like thorns and knives,
But it's good to know.
If it's good, my mind will settle and I'll be happy.
This long progression always happen.
God told me to wait. Don't expect too much either.
Things can go left and right, bad or good. Just don't give up.
Just let me know.
Let me know so I'll be prepared.
Let the bird chirp now before it's too late.

To the Libra who sparked a bit of happiness in my path.
That person came to me on a spontaneous act.
We connected,
Chopped it up as if we knew each other for years.
We're libras.
We clicked,
Had things in common.
They made me feel good while also fearful.
I knew they weren't mine,
But I couldn't get enough.
I would have my suspicions,
They were outweighed by the bond we formed the more we spent time alone...

We cut people up. We move on. We don't have time to worry about the blood, death, or the way people feel.

When I steep down,
My heart disappears and I feel weightless.
Confused, scared, excitement spins in me as I'm falling to my death.
I feel weak,
Tears trickling down my face,
So cold.
I close my eyes to avoid the fear in me,
But yet I'm still afraid.
When it's done,
I laugh.
How crazy was I to think I would lose all my identity.
It's just a roller coaster.

Is it really hard to love?
Not love as in the cherish womb you were in, or the precious care of family and friend.
Is relationship love hard to cope with?
Is there really a special someone out there for us?,
Sitting on a deck swaying side to side.
Or does love even exist.
It's hurt to know that no one is loving you.
No one to hold or share a kiss.
It hurts to know  that it's hard to find it out there in a big world.
But don't give up, love has to be shared.
You'll find it.

This was new to me.
I never in my life experienced something this raw, human, beautiful.
Of course,
I was nervous,
but my heart was safe with him and I knew I didn't want to experience that with anyone else ever again but with him.  
The pain wasn't excruciating but sharp like a small razor blade cut to the finger.
You whispered in my ear telling me everything was going to be alright.
Just breath.
Slow and steady I began to enjoy the fruits of my labor.
Everything fell into place as I started to feel what every other female felt.
Lust.
It was a brand new step to my beginnings of womanhood.
I'm glad I got to experience it with you.

Your fingers wrapped around the camera,
Clicking and snapping every moment.
Me.
Fogging up the lenses.
Laying, slaying, posing, showing what I can do for you.
The white flashes strike every bare skin and strut.
I stand and change positions just so you can capture every glimpse of beauty.
No actresses, actors, scripts.
Just raw films. Raw image.
Let's make a movie with these clips.
I'm the model. You're the photographer.

I'm walking away from where I started.
I'm dropping behind the nest and moving on.
I'm taking a foot further and experiencing.
I'm leaping towards the light.
I despise this new comfort zone,
But I have to do it.
When you step out of the darkness, there's light beaming on your soul.
Make that change,
Even if it hurts you and the ones you love.

It was the day he left me.
I was crushed miserably.
Thought my life was over.
Everyday of my life I was crying, gasping for air to even function properly.
My chest was tight as my heart tried to break through my rib cage.
I was weak, trembling every time I grabbed onto something, legs not being able to hold me up.  
Continuous headaches and nightmares.
Continuous sleeping and insomnia.
The urge to do anything I pleased wasn't there.
Day by day by day I wasn't healing and I swore up and down we would be together...

Hi, my name is female.
I might not fold my hands the way she does
Or flip my hair the way that girl does.

Hi, my name is female.
The width and length I am shouldnt define if I'm qualified for Vogue.
The way I lick my lips may not be as attractive as the next female,
How my eyelashes flutter may not appeal to you.

Hi, my name is female and I like mashed potatoes and Thai coconut.
They say “eat less, its prettier. Where this, it shows more.”
Why?
I shouldn't have to balance myself on misleading scales that does nothing but swallow my pride up.

Hi my name is female.
Because one chicken breast is smaller than the other….it's not the same?
Because another person's peach is plumper than mine….its better?  
They're still the same and we should treat them the same.

Words get thrown at us everyday and its expected of us to pick them up and change the way we are.
No.

Hi, my name is female and I shouldn't be talking this way just for a guy.
I shouldn't be crying for this guy,
I shouldn't be kissing up to this guy,
I shouldn't be changing for a guy,
I wasn't made for a guy.

Because I can't reach my toes like the next female, shouldn't mean a thing. Because my palms may ash more or my bones may creek more, shouldn't define how pretty I am.
Her hair may reach her elbows, her hair may touch her neck.
Her skin might love the sun, her skin might hate it.
Its still beautiful.

Hi, my name is female and I like mashed potatoes and Thai coconut.
Just because you may not like it, doesn't mean Its gross or Im repulsive..

One female can say, “I am” while the other girl across the street can say, “I is.”
“No I won't”
Or
“No I ain't”

I can still smile just like the next female,
I can hold a laugh,
Cough,
Sneeze,
Wink,
Eat like the next female.

We're all one conjoined masterpiece.
One cannot make me feel low of myself.
One will not tell me she's better than me.
One will not let me cry my eyes out.

Hi, my name is female and I have a name.
My name defines me.
I am beautiful just like the next girl who likes mashed potatoes and Thai coconut.

Embrace your beauty, honey. You're gonna have it forever.

It was one, hot, soothing day, and i was still going to summer camp. We all headed to the beach that day. My friend and i had the hunger of wild animals. We rushed over to the food stand for some delicious chili dogs n nachos. Boy, it was a long time. We waited in the blistering heat, starving. While we were waiting, a song was playing from afar. "It's in the Morning" from Robin Thicke. When we me and my friend heard the song, we analyzed every part of it. From lyric to lyric, chorus to chorus. It was fun. This kept us busy till our scrumptious food came. This was the best day ever.

You're my honey BBQ glazed love,
Taste like syrup.
My pineapple cranberry kiss,
My sweet orange teriyaki chicken nugget.
You're a caramel lookin one.
Suga gumdrop sexiness,
My cherry apple sweetie pie.
You're my bubblegum candy pop.
A lemon dripped goodness.
My hot cocoa cinnamon spice,
And Lip lickin brown strawberry sugar.
You're a coconut drizzle,
A melted sunny candy corn.

You're trying to make him yours,
He may not be mine but he's still my property.
Don't touch him, kiss him, laugh with him, sit with him.

Nothing.

Me and him have a connection,
Our bond is weak and strong, i don't need you ruining it.
We may have parted, but i still love him in a way.

Mine.

He's special, is that why you're trying to steal him?
He'll probably fall for you but never love you.
Trust me, he comes to me even when the spark is gone.

Can't own something that's not yours.

You can call it jealousy, at least i don't show it.
Don't give me those stingy looks,
You don't scare me honey.
I've seen worse.

Nice try.

You can't have what's mine.
It's against the rules.

Open up a can of humans into bowl.
Add dashes of corruption and manipulation.
With a cup of the government, pour it slowly and discrete.
Dont forget to add money, taxes, high politics.
With a bag of bullets,
Drop about 20 deaths per minute.
You will need 2 tablespoons of police brutality, child abuse, ****.
3 cups of pollution and overcrowd toxic factories.
With spatula,
Flip over green gardens and wildlife.
Flatten it with concrete and buildings.
Chop up living creatures and get rid of any access fresh produce.
Add this to the chain of fast foods and overly priced merchandize.
While stirring, don't forget to add rigged votes.
Once mixed, bake in tanning bed till fake golden brown.
Make sure it isn't black.
Let it rise, but not plus size.
Take it out and stagger around it putting it on social media,
Retweeting, tagging, sharing, liking.
Let it cool then glaze it with conspiracy theories then you're done.
Enjoy America.

Hello Ms.Patty.
How you been?
It's been a while since you've caused me pain.
You don't remember?
Well i do.
Ms.Patty, you remember the insults you'd hit me with everyday?
The flaws you'd poke out of me?
Remember those days or torments and tease?
I know i do.
Ms.Patty, did it ever occur to you that you hurt souls?
Hypercrits don't live to see the other side.
Oh Ms.Patty, you say the meanness things, yet put a smile on your face.
Remember the name calls?
They hurt Ms.Patty.
Ask yourself, why did you do the things you did?
Was it to hurt the innocent or just to please your cold withered heart?.
Ms.Patty, i forgive you, i just don't trust you.
What you did laid a scar on my heart, but it didn't damage my forgiveness.
Keep smiling Ms.Patty, you'll look pretty.

As I caress her soft, gentle skin with my velvet touch, I start to see chills rise up.
Her knotted hair ties between my fingers.
I try to get a hold of her face, but with all of her twitching and moving, I lose grasp.
I look deep into her eyes, I see fear.
I can almost feel her nails digging into the skin on my back.
My hand over her mouth, she becomes silent. Her breathing has deceased.
All the lights become dim, the world stops moving.
With one blink of an eye, she's gone.

I had a dream.
I was there,
you were there.
We were there with your mom at her house helping,
You bragged about having a bigger refrigerator than hers,
more food to eat,
more room to do whatever.
How you didn't want to be there.
I rolled my eyes and continued helping.  
In my head I was proud you had gotten a place of your own.
We were all in the kitchen.
I remember telling a story from our past about how we ordered so much chicken,
it went to waste.
That was the only time you and I had a connection and made eye contact.
Time shifted.
There was an art festival,
and you just happened to be there with your current girlfriend.
Talk about showing off...
Flaunting her around was a lousy way of getting my attention.
I was not moved.
I woke up in laughter and realization that you no longer have power over me.

My mind is jumbled up with feelings and thoughts that i once stored away. Is this this real or is this lust?. I miss your touch, your scent, your lips, but is it worth it?. I don't want to fall into the center hole that trapped me, i can't catch anymore feelings. Little skits remind me of you, i shouldn't be thinking like this. Things will all go back to normal, then where will I stand?. I need you to fulfill my empty space, but i just can't be with you. It's a pleasure to know I'm on your mind, but a sin that I'm locked in this triangular dungeon. Should i praise or cry?. Just be in my presence and I'll live. I'm so confused, yet i know where I'm going. No one else can portray you...

You were there when it all happened.
I dreamt of having a tattoo for years,
my day had finally come.
You decided to come with me and my sisters,
so I can have the moral support.
So many thoughts ran in my head,
"I change my mind..."
"I want to go home.."
"I don't know if I can do this!"
But you pulled me back to reality telling me if I didn't do it now I'd regret it forever.
I did it.
And you were there.
Holding my hand tight as the needle chafed against my bare skin.
I wanted to cry,
but I wanted to show you I was a big girl.
I can handle this.
Yes,
You were there when I got my first tattoo,

The lilacs brush up against the brick houses.
Sun cascades over the roofs and sidewalks,
showing its welcoming invigorating warmth.
The wind hushes the chaos as the birds are all nestled amidst the trees.
Nothing like the smell of pine and damp soil in the air.
Nature,
speak to me like I'm a child in your womb.
The branches tick and tack against the windows.
Leaves skip and sail across into the muddy puddles.
Oh, how I love the way the sky brushes fresh colors of periwinkle and apricot.
I sit outside my porch and gaze upon what life has given us,
nature.

He's not coming back.
Leave it alone.
He's not going to call.
He's not going to text.
There will be no ringing of the doorbell,
No knocking of the door.
He's not coming tomorrow.
He's not coming next week.
He's not even going to come next month.
Years will go by you won't see him.
You're not going to hear his voice.
You're not going to see his face.
He's gone.
Just like that.
With a blink of an eye and and a twinkle of a star.
Flash of light.
Gone.
Seasons will pass but he won't pass your house.
He is now a fiction of your imagination.
He never existed.
He's a replayed cassette tape of a vivid once had.
A chapter you've folded a crease on to reread again.
He's nothing but a memory.
A ghostly wind that overcasts you.
Broken clock stuck on 12 o'clock
He's never going to show his face again.
He's out of existence.
Let it be.
It's over.

The sun kissed her velvet skin as she opened her arms out to the shore.
“Take me as I am!”
Nobody wants to be left here with nobody.
The wind ran its fingers through her sweet hair.
“Love me for me!”
It's hard to be grab on the ones you love when they're not there.
Her tears were cold, sad.
The pain in her heart ate her insides as she breathed.
Her lips wanted to be kissed, but that was impossible.
“Why?”
“Don't leave me sun, for you is all I have.”
There's not a soul out there that wants her.
She's a loner on the fearful shore.
Knees buckling to the wet sand,
She cried even more.
“Take me as I am!”

I groaned and cried till he looked upl at me
Why are you crying?
You've wounded me...
Wounded you? How?
With your words,
You cut me like a knife not only shattering
My every thought of you
But gouging me with evil.
You hurt me.

They say be happy.
When you are,
They judge you.
What is life?.

They say laugh,
When you do,
They look at you weird.
What is life?

They say smile,
When you do,
They frown up.
What is life?

They say be you,
When you approach it,
They judge you again.

What is life if people don't like the way you live.

I'm so use to pain,
It's like a dealer use to drugs.
Swallow yourself with hatred words,
Like you'd do with pills.
Inject sorrow like narcotics.
Snort the heartbreak,
As if it's coke.
Take breaths of depression and exhale them.
Drink your tears as if alcohol.
Pain is a addictive drug.
Once you're hook, you're use to it.
It hurts once in a while, but that's how all drugs are.

I sometimes think of what could’ve been or what needs to be.
I fight with what battle scars and a chipped tooth,
Nose bleed and churned stomach.
I overthink the unthinkable thoughts that think they’re slick but thought wrong.
We sometimes ******* false words or ideas that never play through.
My porcelain fingertips bursts as I try to touch within you.
Cold as a throat,
Hot as my heart.
Annoyed with the constant bleeding and choking.
You give me hot buttered love,
Melting me like m&ms in a fat girl’s pocket.
My heart’s been played more than an Al Green record at a fish fry.

Papa,
my beautiful papa.
He doesn't look at me anymore.
His smile has disappeared from his face.
Papa's bones are as thin as the weeds out back.
Remember papa?
You made me that handmade bike because you couldn't afford me a real one.
Your hands were the only things that helped me and momma.
The medicine you take, the bed you live in,
Your only depends.
I'm the one you should depend on papa.
I hold your fragile hand as you shake in fear.
Papa, your fever is too high.
On some nights, I sit with you in the oddest hours, keeping a cool damp towel placed  on your forehead.
The medicine can only hold you here for so long.
Papa, I can't sleep knowing that you're coughing your life away.
I stay up thinking of the days we use to spend in the blistering sun.
You drinking your ginger beer, giving me a sip.
It was sweet, yet burned on my tongue as it went in the back of my throat.
Warm feeling.
Papa, you were there for me when my days were dark and momma wouldn't be around.
She works a lot more now.
Why does life have to take the only thing I need to live?
Papa, you're getting weaker.
The hammer and nails you use to use, now mock your lack of strength.
Momma can only do so much.
Remember when the holidays would come around and you'd be out so long?
Scorching yourself to find the one gift for me?
Weary and tired you would always be,
you did it for me.
Papa, it's my turn now.
I loved the way you would smell during the mid-summer days.
The burnt cigarettes and fabric sweat was your name brand smell.
Every night,
you would come home beat with sweat beads on your forehead from the hat you wore.
It resembled the long weary hours you worked for that money.
Stale bread bottoms and scarce water was all we had.
Holy socks and beaten shoes was all I needed.
It was all you could afford papa.
Now life is in my hands.
Your sickness is the only tight bond left that's keeping us close.
Papa, you're daydreaming again.
Collarbones and hip bones are not suppose to be visible on you papa.
It's hurting me more than it's hurting you.
Your eyes are glossy.
The hair on your head that was once thick and brown,
has now gone grey and thin.
You're undernourished.
Papa, I can see the fear in your eyes.
You're worried about me and momma.
Don't worry.
Sad how the doctors turn their heads in shame.
They can't do anything.
If you leave me as I'm speaking,
remember that your life has given me great fortune.
Whether it was working till your knuckles bled or staying up all night with me,
just know that you're a wonderful papa.

Like paper boats,
Love floats, then when it's damaged
Soiled
Crinkled
Damaged
Torn
Old,
It sinks and fades away.

To write
to write one's life
is to take a road that leads nowhere
and yet parallels the totality of one's existence

To write one's life
is to evoke a silhouette
that of the writer rushing through his past

One cannot tell where he is going
as he detours diverges deviates
but that is why we want to follow him

Along the way like a lost traveler
he picks up pebbles from the ground
and stuffs them in his pockets

As he gropes backward he loses himself
but we are willing to be disoriented with him
willing to be lulled by his vain repetitions

Stranded in time with him
we lose ourselves in space with him
and yet everything holds in place underneath
as if pulled by a magnet

All that was absent
forgotten from his life
is now suddenly present again

My lips pressed together so my thoughts won't escape.

After we stared at each other...

After our hands touched each other and our lips met...

After we kissed and whispered...

After the sun went down and everyone went to sleep
and the sounds of music stopped and the train cried it's plea in the air...

After the weeds been smoked and your hands touched my thigh...

After my lip gloss was wiped away and our faces coated with blush...

We looked at each other and promised to never say anything.