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I set a timer for five minutes
Five times
And finally cleaned my room
Seeing the floor for the first time
Since December.
I woke up on time this morning
And I made my bed
For the first time in years.
I ate breakfast
I looked nice
I respected myself.
It isn't much,
But it's a start
And I'm actually getting better
 Sep 2018 a friend
JR Falk
so I noticed that we both drink coffee.
just like anyone, we both like ours a certain way.
i like mine sweeter, with just the aftertaste of coffee there.
caramel, sugar, creamer.
i think about when i’ll have my next cup, and the idea of it alone makes me happy.
i don’t care what time of day i have it, i almost always have a cup.
i make time for my coffee.
it might be safe to say i think you like your coffee black.
you might add just the smallest touch to soften its bitter taste, but never too much.
sometimes i think you just pour it and carry on, as though it’s nothing important at all.
as though all it is, is just some quick fix.
like you just want to get it over with.
we drink it in two different ways.
i drink it slowly.
i note every flavor in every sip, i enjoy it.
i note the warmth it brings me.
i like it all hours of the day.
you drink it quickly.
quicker than me, at least.
you don’t care if it burns your tongue, or perhaps you’re used to the pain.
you accept it.
you never let it last, you move on to something else soon after.
i lay in your bed, watching your eyes as they skim the screen in front of you.
your mind is somewhere else.
i savor the moments you look my way, if even for a second, and smile at me.
i wonder if you even notice them.
i feel your laugh vibrate my bones, making the hair on my arms stand on end.
do i make you feel at all?
i reflect on it every time i drink my coffee.
i think about it with each and every sip, taking my time.
something tells me that you don’t do the same.
after all, it's just coffee.
but i put my all into this coffee.
i think you like your coffee black.
3:06am
08.09.18

im actually drinking coffee rn. rip
I am beginning to realize that
There are things in life
That will not matter in the end
For example my high school GPA
There are things so much more beautiful
And important
Like being a mother
A lover
A sister
A daughter
A friend
A human
And I am striving to be all those at once
Rather than stressing over how
I will finish my senior year
As I transition into the real world
Where I'll attend college with my best friend
Who unknowingly has made me see all this
And spray-painted "Black Lives DON'T Matter"
In the parking lots
The week before they changed the wifi name
To "School Shooting at 1"

But it doesn't matter!

Of course it matters, but it doesn't

But listen
Because what I have to say might be important

The truth of the matter is this:
Hate is so cruel
It's mean
That's its nature!
But we don't have to accept it
Those incidents?
They were a couple different things
Caused by a few ******* teens.
But it doesn't matter
Because we are all here to just be
That's all.
We are meant to hurt
To cry
To bleed
To be pained
But it is not the end state
I do not care what your personal beliefs are
But I do
Because you are an individual soul
Fragile and beautiful
But you are just one
The same for myself
Now think
Together we can be powerful
We can be strong and wonderful
We are unstoppable

Have you ever seen a revolution led by only one person?
No supporters?
No agreeance?
More than likely not.
But it always starts with one.
One person
One idea
One value
One soul
One perspective

I am ready to take up arms
Against cruelty
Against hate
Let's start a revolution
Let's love
...did we become so hyper-focused
On hatred and negativity
.
.
.
Rather than loving everyone
And everything
So whole-heartedly?
 Oct 2017 a friend
JR Falk
I am a human being
I am a human being
I am a human being
I am honest
I am strong
I am beautiful
I can be friends with whoever I want
I can protect myself
I can defend myself
The world is not out to get me
I am me
I am my own person
I do not exist at the expense of others
MY life choices should not control someone else's
Someone else's life should not control mine
I am not property
I am allowed to roam
I am allowed to be depressed for no reason
I am allowed to be happy for no reason other than I am happy
I will not cheat
I will not lie
I have never cheated
I have never lied in that matter
I never will
I am trustworthy
I am not my mother
I am not my father
I am not my past
I am honest
I am careful
I am hushed
I am scared
I am in love, and it terrifies me
Love controls me
Love tells me to not have friends
Love tells me I cannot stray
I cannot be by myself
I am not allowed to talk to anyone it doesn't know
I am not allowed to talk to anyone it does know
I have restrictions
MY love is bold
MY love is loud
It does not care what it does
It only wants to exist alone
So when my love exists
I do not
I don't know what to do
There is no winning

"There comes a day when you rectify
Who you are
With who you want to be with.
I cant make those two things coexist."
The Wonder Years
You are cherished deeply and infinitely. I know we are in the process of grieving. All of us are grieving differently and many of us are grieving different things. Some of us our grieving the loss of Kyle. Some of us are grieving our being mortal. Some of are grieving memories that are swelling to the surface. Regardless, almost everyone is grieving. But that's okay.
I write this letter to remind you that you are not alone. I know this first month of the school year has been rough. And honestly, we haven't taken much time to acknowledge just how rough it has been. But know this: there is still hope in the world. There are infinite possibilities for everyone. You are the only one who can decide how you will live your one crazy beautiful life. In the end it will be okay. Maybe right now it's not okay, and that in itself is okay. But know that if it's not okay, it's not the end.
So for now be still. Breathe. Let it sink in. Let it be. And when you're ready, move. Because life goes on. If you need someone to talk to I am here. Just message me. We can go out for coffee or fro-yo sometime. Whatever. I'll listen. It'll be okay friends. For now, let's be still together. You are a wonderful being and I hope you realize you are completely loved.
Love,
Samantha Moore
PHS Senior
I have come to learn
That I have been hiding
Behind what I believe
Everyone wishes to see

I have decided
That I am no longer
Taking orders
From that lying little *****
In my head

I am me
And that is far
More than enough
You both have such beautiful minds
Beautiful hearts
Beautiful souls
Sweet Eleanor and wondrous Ezra
Everytime my visitation is granted
You are lights in my world
And you open my eyes
Remember these words that I have for you

Never stop loving fearlessly
Because once you do, the world has won
Fight like the princess and prince you are
Only you can choose your kindnesses
Speaking of which,
Always always choose kindness
There is never reason not to
If I catch you being even a little bit mean
You can be assured I will be talking for hours
Please know that time is not money
Time is love
Spend your time on family and friends
The rest will fall in place eventually

But above all else
*Never stop searching for the beautiful in each day
I needed to be a four year old
With a twinge of mom today
I didn't want to look at my problems
In fact, I wanted them to erase
I thought that I could be fantastic
But learned that I could be great
I convinced myself I could get away with
All this evading of my pain

I wanted to paint pictures, **** my thumb
Thinking it would be okay to love
I desire to see the world and all of its beauty
And I have decided that will be enough

Only then will I be happy
When I see a world filled with peace
I'm learning that sometimes to be a big girl
I have to think like a little one
Because being so open
Is a grand and simple solution
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