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she wanders
she has not been found
the sky doesn’t give her limit
and she will not spare any time feeling timid
but she flies the clouds around secretly praying
that the earth will finally value her being.
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how I am in truth
a fool
concealed
with sprinkles
and dreams.
you are
your own salvation.
20s
20s
life sometimes
gets a little
blurry
and
the other times
it gets
even more bleary.
bad thoughts
and intrusive nightmares

scary aimless future
and unprogressive present

things that drown me
but leave no mark on my surface
a collection of sadness
buried underneath smiley face

sadness in the head
throughout the day
in need of solace
to bring me out of isolation
all day thinking about
unforeseen safe haven.
wish I could be
          who I wanted to be,
wish I could feel
         unexplored senses
                   and fly away
                   along with the comfiest breeze,

flying,
thinking,
aimlessly,
I always wanted to be
proud of who I have been,
but all who I have been
is someone
not comfortable in her own skin,

I wish I could feel ambitious
with my own future days,
just like the wind trusts the end of the sea.
You are
a reality away
from
becoming my dream
that holds so true.
I am always on the bleacher
one of the voices cheering you up,
but after all the crowd has left,
and all the noises have gone,
I will still gladly make the sound.
has it arrived?
the future you’ve been
chasing all along

running down your path of fate
quivering all the way thru
conquiring demons
of your ached childhood

you stand tall
over debris of broken walls
your bruises are just like tattoos

but you lost sight
of what you feel right
and another chase feels
it might satisfy your thirst

will you only stop when you’ve
been the best?
I think your heart can use some rest.
hopes flown high
by the two hands of mine
and I say Amen

in delicate intent
I pray that
they will emerge
                    thru the sky
                    and knock the heaven’s door
                    to finally come down
                    as rain of blessings,
                                                      Amen.
I am in love with the soul I bear
for I can feel unwavering dreams she keeps
and for the sake of her I will jump my body down on so many new things.
home gets harder to define.
I can now only contemplate the distance
from where I stand to where it glistens
the winding road ahead I forecast
brings myself the feeling of tense

the hesitant first step will always be the hardest
no idea exactly where is the ending
but here is me at least trying.
if you never try, you’ll never know
the things you love,

can exhaust you too.
have you ever wondered
about how the tide waits
for the recede to come along
and save her from her alarming high?

but it is always too late
too late half a day unfortunate
to save the tide
from her dark scary deep night
to help her drown her stormy thought

recede always comes only in calm & bright
left alone and sad for so many nights
the tide knows she does not even need
any guide.
shiny sparkling lives
of others
and cracked brick days
of mine
dreaming of progress

seeing through the bleacher seat
of empty and blacked out podium

watching
as they are running
with triumph in hands
looking petrified but euphoric

I am dwelling upon my sad days
dying for any progress
watching from the bleacher seat.
again I find myself daydreaming
being with you who’s so alluring
can’t bear my self to keep scavenging
every thoughts I hear you yarning

you’re just that amazing,
inside your mind is a galaxy
with cluster of stars
that I don’t mind forever floating within
being starstuck
sometimes being soft leaves you dealing with heavy burden instead.
a no would have been better.
the sun set early
the sky gloomed
and the moonbeam faded
the world takes all its light to mourn tonight
to hug you at peace
to calm you at quietude
and to shoo away your solitude.
my bestfriend’s father just passed away today.
we address each other
so much in anonymity
whereas who knows
we could become
each other’s remedy.
but how do you be found,
when you have never been lost?
in the end of the story you’ll see,
being lost is also a part of the journey.
no chaos is like the strings in my brain
for every time I try to pull them out
they knot messier inside

it seems crazy how
for every thought to disentangle them
they spin around instead
my mind becomes crowded
my head gets heavier

so please pardon the frown.
bad day
It is easy to feel happy when you're surrounded.
But when the room is empty,
and you've got days, or even months to befriend yourself,
is it still the feeling of whole that's lingering on your chest?
The art of being alone is the art of cherishing your own self.
The only person who will stay for you long as you're present in life
is your own self.
The most meaningful presence for yourself is your own.
built up a sky-tall courage
to break us
words have gone dry
and now we are
only half

the thought of future’s plans
I bet they’ll go great in the picture
of you and someone else

don’t try kneeling to my doubtful wish
and hurtful secrecies
we don’t go well together
with our unchangeable frequencies

and I have built up a sky-tall courage
to break us
just to be destroyed and fallen out like rain
after I, again, look into your eyes.
the face of uncertainty
is always
in the eye of the beholder.
for the umpteenth time
she falls for the same charm
convincing herself it’s only a mind trick
when verily she has been completely bewitched.
on an easy day
I wish I would dream
about being a raindrop.
without fear
I fall into
an unbeknownst ground
and end up into the watery mob.
and then when I want to
I will again, join the cloud.
and just like the others, I will,
fall again.
I am on the running track
looking for you
black tee and glasses
vision so determined

you bring the world
on your shoulder
with the verve smouldering
and I could be waiting
for anyone's place to barter
just for your life I could enter

you run on the track
always a winner
back to back

I keep up with your pace
just to see
I am not fast enough
to be on your race.
kindness

                  goes

a long                         way
                  
then                         it goes

back                         to you.
look through my eyes
and believe
that I know

life has burnt you out
but soon you become
a phoenix
rising from the ashes
of life's pernicious burn.
I see you there
I see you everywhere
it’s always something in you
that attracts my eye
the way you get your job done
and the way your jokes sound
it saddens me that
you’re just a tale
I will never tell.
this world's dark bitterness
is sometimes too forceful
I have always been scared
and anxiety always has ways to eat me

but I think I will no longer
surrender to its mouth

I fight the waves
I shut their prejudices

I wanna be free
I wanna calm my thoughts.
I am on the verge
of my own thinking

looking down to
absurdity of the world

looking back to
fast-running confusion

don’t let me jump
to my false conclusion

save me with your erudite
kind of wisdom.
someday someone will come into your life and make you certain;
you weren’t asking for too much.
things you haven’t figured out
will never hurt the present you live in,
the people you haven’t known
will never overlook the spots you’ll come upon,
and the love you haven’t found
will never be forever lost
you have no idea how many times
God has saved your ***
maybe including the times your wishes weren’t granted
and the times those doors remained closed.
I’m drawn to the universe you made
being a foreign I don’t mind
learn your languange I will.
I wanna know
but I don’t wanna beg
for your secrecies
and your sad stories

just let me be
the one you call away
when the world makes you swayed

I wanna know
but your sadness always feels distant
I wanna hear stories
and not just statements.
I’m happy
but at the same time I’m not
I feel content
but somehow missing something
it’s confusing
how I feel like longing for something
but my mind is searching
for it’s something I don’t know existing
I have no idea what’s happening with me
you are
a pair of shoes in smaller size.
something that can be the most uplifting and in other times might be
the most heart-wrenching,
have you ever listened to
my parents’ saying?
how could you live off a dream
and still feel like you’re
nothing but lacking

how could you shine like the stars
and still hate your reflection
on the looking glass.
I see you wounded
your dreams are flawed
I notice your scars
from giving too much
how can you keep calm?
watching the fall of your realm

once upon a time you were glorious
yet now I still see you grandiose
the bedtime stories you told
caressing me still
hear you by the words, I will
in this matured time, I will

I will sow the stars in your dream
I will gather the sheep to your sleep
I will protect you from the misbehaves
and from the promises you shouldn’t have
again you will be standing firm
again you will reach your dream.
you are brave
with concealed fear still
your hands as yet tremor
and your words are kept
before they’re said aloud

you are matured
and to date
often confused
by witless doubts
but you go along with ugly risks
looking bold with hidden sweaty palms

you are all the things you are,
and you are all the things
you do not talk about,
you are without fail a sublimity,
you’re daringly living
while cluelessly learning about it,
you are a fighter.
the battle they are trying to fight outside
the front liners we salute you with absolute respect
the same battle we try helping
by just staying inside.
please just #stayathome. don't let the virus spread more. please don't hang out in time like this.
some days are filled with hope
like an optimist
and some other
are just not friendly
feeling like a failed party

what to do?
what to do?
my skills are deteriorating
I am fatigued
walking on an ambiguous venture
trapped in
never ending days
of waiting.
listen up my dearest self
please stop falling
for people
who’s not
gonna
catch
your
fall.
your words
slither through my mind
then they cut me open
and
I feel like
I can bleed ocean.
I've been harsh to you
swallowing thoughts
of the inside good consuming

why is it never enough
all the yesterdays I mourn
all the tomorrows I feel I don't own
it is always that easy,
letting, you;
my soul,
down

in the battle I made myself,
I have been surely defeated.
eyes have memories
for every scene
your heart tries to forget
and the views
your brain doesn’t want
keeping safe

they probably have seen
your past history
they probably recognized
your written destiny

eyes do not lie
for through them
the lights enter
and onto them the heart
leastwise sometimes rely.
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