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Advent Feb 2019
You’re sad. And sadness, well, it’s characterized by negative circumstances in your life. But have you ever thought about it? How the brain controls emotions? How the brain, literally, controls every reception in our body?

Loss of a family member, of a special someone, disappointment over your colleague–everything that happens in our world is pure information. And our brain decides how to react to it. I am sad, you are sad, he is sad. Everyone feels the same, though never exactly on the same degree. But the point is everyone endures feelings because our mind tells us to. And sometimes your brain will fail you and would you ever know why? Why the system of the neurons rewiring in your head suddenly choose to break you? As much as you want to be in control, it’s hard and it’s a process. But thinking about it, isn’t it magical? How the brain controls your decisions and suddenly your entire life?

But remember, you’re just science in this world. We all are. You’re a walking anatomy of cell tissues. A speck of humanity sitting in corners. Barely significant. You’ve read books about the philosophy of mankind, of intangible things, of excruciating norms. But the mind could only absorb what you feed. Now I’m asking, how do we take control? Our emotions? Our tendencies to reciprocate what’s unworthy? How do we justify the unthinkable? Art? How do we take control of our lives? Faith is a good concept but aren’t we just a product of science–-science of pumping blood and adrenaline glands? Science of DNAs and reproductive system? Bottom line is, mortality is cruel. And all our stories end in one–death, decomposition, and a life untold.

So try not to be sad. Try to take control of your feelings. Take over your ******* brain–your freaking hypothalamus. Because in years time, eventually we’ll crumble in the ground. And we won’t remember a thing, memories happy or sad.



―a.t.
Advent Feb 2019
I know very well that I could escape the sorrow of leaving. But right at this moment, I’m choosing not to.

I wanna let it flow all through me like poison that will slowly **** me. I wanna breathe the fire in her lungs. I wanna scrape all the good memories and let the bad ones break me.

I think I know now what I deserve―and the ones I don’t.

‘‘To here”, she said.
“I know, I’m sorry”, I replied.

Shards of pain were visible through her eyes. She easily dismantled and I had no right to pick up her lone pieces. I caused pain and never its absence.

But maybe someday I could try.
When both our hearts are free.



―a.t.
Advent Feb 2018
Used cups of coffee
crumpled notes on top,
all scattered
all left untouched

Shoulders’re in pain,
lumps in my throat.
Sitting straight back,
head’s wandering
thoughts I can’t explain

The screaming, the jolting
the laughing, the crying
multitude of emotions
happening all at once
in different corners
of this orange box

and I keep waiting
for time to tick off
and find myself
floating on the driest desert
withering,
lost―
in actions and in words

a.t.
Advent Feb 2018
Of parallel universes,
of Plath’s metaphors,
of Soviet wars and
extistence we abhor

Things she cannot comprehend
not as much as
the words,
and thoughts she lend

Fantasies, realities
blocks
and pieces
are puzzles from different places

Glass and water
are lone,
veracious crystals

Therefore, this girl with
burning curiosity
hair tied,
matching red bow
will come after
rainbows, unicorns
and blackholes

Whilst her head’s buried in books
and mysteries of the undiscovered nooks
Advent Feb 2018
Brittled skins of a maiden
From last night’s
     torment
Under a coffee shop’s peaceful ambience
Feeling bluest of blue
As secrets and confessions
Were written in cuts,
     crimson wounds
Advent Feb 2018
read my body
read my actions
read my lips
and groans of unsatisfaction

stop pretending to be blind
from the reality im not trying to hide

i’m not down for love
but a yes for lust
not for romantic dusts
and fleeting bonds
but a yes for drama and
golden nights

a.t.
Advent Nov 2017
emotions at peak
decisions at risk
in one sec,
love falters at no bliss

you spiral through
every wrong corner of your madness
lies start to slither
tongue to tongue
coursing
love-abundant trunks

in spite of
wreathing selfishness and apathy
in spite of
disintegrating pieces of your body
your fallout―
backbone ceasing to give support

you were able
to see through the darkness
surrounding your consciousness
lest,
no other soul shall
and will be
annihilated by
another part of thee

and so,
stop blaming me

―a.t.
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