One year ago today I tried to **** myself.
I called you crying on the phone, begging to see you, saying I needed you. I did. I did need you. You said you had other things to do, and that included her. And you hung up. I went into my room and I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't breathe. I saw the bottle of Tylenol *** on my headboard. We had a conversation in my head. I finally took the bottle and chased a handful with water. It came down hard. But I waited. I texted you a couple times and got no response. Then I fell asleep for a while. Then I woke up and I had to go to work. I left and started letting the animals out but the entiretime I was in so much pain. My stomach, my head, my heart, my lungs, my legs, my hands, my eyes. It was all useless. Ifelt like I was going to throw up. I thought I was dying. But I didn't. Tricia texted me and I told her everything. She called my mom. My mom watched me work for the next couple hours. She never said anything. When I finished, we went home and I locked myself in my room. Thenext day I called into work. The next day I went to school and I had an anxiety attack. So I texted my mom asking her to come get me. She did. She tookme to see Stacy, my therapist. They convinced me to go to Research. And after an hour of saying no and crying, I went. My first day was what would have been our one year anniversary.