I was the spotlight once
I was a star
Swelling with confidence
Outgoing by far
But mistake after mistake tore me down
I've been beaten into the ground
I had so many friends
But their tolerance met an end
And it's funny how I can be forgotten if I sit quietly
Nobody seems to miss me
No matter how grand my memory
Nobody seems to remember to see
How miserable I feel
That my mind can't tell what's fake or real
Hollow I am, just an empty shell
I was at the top, and then I fell
I just can't shake my misery
Or the memory of what I used to be

Be the person to leave a mark
not a scar

****, im about to slip
Will you catch me
Or let me slip
*the choice is yours

I was so foolish to believe
*you actually loved me

His eyes were empty
but filled me with life
His hands were cold
but warmed my heart
I knew his lips spoken words of pain but his kiss numbed me
He had been broken before
But he completed me now
I've seen the girls staring at him
Who could blame them?
He was beautiful
He taught me that some people can only give what they can't receive

I want to rip my flesh open,
And tear out your influence by force.
I want to split my skull with a chisel,
Insert a hypodermic syringe into my frontal cortex,
And drain my memories of you into a bucket of wasted time.
I want to regurgitate the anxiety you left me with
Into a black and sloppy pile at the throne of your falsehood.
An offering to set me free from these chains,
So held down, hands bound by your instabilities,
Your insecurities, that ate us both alive.

I'm so sorry it had to end this way.

I lost myself in darkness
Trying to find your light

Have you ever loved someone so very deeply,
And knew they were the completely wrong person?
You knew they were going to shatter your heart eventually
But you just didn't care.

You embraced everything about them.
How high they made you feel,
How low they drug you down
How they could be a complete disaster
And you'd still be around
worshiping them,
Putting them on a pedestal,
and bowing before it
Knowing full well their throne
Is built on a lie.

The worst part is when
You start to see right through them
When you've committed yourself
But you're too far along to quit
So you stay in the game
Asking yourself every day
"why'd you have to come my way,
With that deadly, ambiguous gaze.
I'm running through your maze,
Delirious, deranged
all the while expecting you to change."

You'll think that they're different,
That they're not the same,
You'll buy into the  illusions
That haunt photo frames
And you know that they'll  say
"I'm doing my best!"
But you can feel all their baggage
Weighing down on your chest,
And it becomes hard to breathe

Funny now, how the nausea replaces the butterflies