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 Oct 2018 Adam Holmstrom
i’m afraid
you’ll find me
for loving you
too hard
too fast
too much
i want you
to know
all my thoughts
but i’m scared
you’ll run
I love broken poetry like this
I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.
wake with a wedding ring
sparkling next to you; fingerless
 Oct 2018 Adam Holmstrom
Our Story
 Oct 2018 Adam Holmstrom
The first time you kissed me
I knew I loved you
but I could not have you

The first time you touched me
I knew I needed you
but it wasn’t our time

The first time we made love
I knew I could not let go
but in the end I had to

The first time I told you
“I love you”
I let it slip out, so effortlessly
but you, still, were just out of my reach

The first time you
called me your girlfriend
made me realize anything before “us”
was utterly meaningless
God, I love you.
I see all of you grieving
because I recently passed.
I hope each day you grieve for me,
it's the last.
just as you never left my side;
I'm always near you,
even though I've died.

I can't describe the way it feels,
only that, all my pain is gone,
and here every broken heart heals…

There is no more self loathing,
betrayal or lies.
It no longer hurts,
  once peace takes over,
insanity subsides…

I know I left you suddenly,
and I never reached out…
you see,
I knew you'd come running
But I wanted out.

  I simply could not continue
with this facade
inside it was dark
I felt twisted
and flawed.
those who were closest to me
can convey
I never wanted
to live my life in this way

I'm sorry I left you
with questions unasked…
I lived barely present;
deeply stuck, in the past.

You all were the reasons
I got up each day,
Your love filled me then
and it still does today.
let the comfort
from our memories
be enough for now.
Try not to focus
on your anger
or obsess over how.

I live in your heart
so please don't be afraid
if you hear my voice whispering,
‘’Don't cry, I'm okay’’

I have lots of friends
and family
I've missed over here,
but remember
I still love you
and hold each one of you dear

I haven't left you
I promise
I'm always right here.

I am grateful
I had such amazing friends
it's crazy
because that is all
really matters
in the end…

Written by
Heidi Shavill
Remember sadness comes and goes
 Oct 2018 Adam Holmstrom
trembling all while I think about leaving you,
oh but how freeing it seems to be too.
i miss your touch; i miss the feeling,
but i can’t have any of it just staring at the ceiling.
i often think it’s time to go separate ways,
but then my head is fogged by this love, this haze,
yet tonight i don’t know that our love will last,  
so goodbye,
this is yours truly,
a lover from the past.
i still see you
sitting in the sun
holding a pale ale
up in salutation
steel grey hair
down your back
legs crossed at knee
ankle jigging
up and down
to the beat of
the music
in your head
dressed in "blacks"
with a flash of colour
this time pale lemon
in your hand
a dhurrie, self rolled,
thin and a little bent
smoking gently, the whisp
of it curling in the breeze
today your face is thoughtful
caught up in a memory that brings
the corners of  mouth up
into a wry smile.
i still see you
in the periphery
of my mind
yet when i turn
you are gone..
a memory
playing tag
with my heart
 Oct 2018 Adam Holmstrom
A fortunate man can cry over spilled milk, a misfortunate man no longer flinches. Those who throw stones surely have never bit a bullet. When did bad blood become a luxury? You collect heads to decorate your wall with. I pity you, I cannot envy you.
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