Angel

Angel Mar 2017

Family

Mom, dad, child, sibling;
This nuclear family you have in mind
no longer exists today.

Homes are mixed, split, shared
time meaning nothing to the children but
adults taking what is theirs.

Entitlement surges through moms and dads
talking about his time, her time, their time
but never about our time.

Homes no longer feel like home
but places you go to sleep, wake, and go about your day.
Not knowing who's house you will be in,
and stepparents making you feel incompatible.

There are no more yelling matches
but now there are finance matches,
who pays what, when, or where.

Why can't you just get along
and stop with all the hate?

Angel Mar 2017

Going Nowhere

Where do I begin my journey,
is it walking down the road without turning back
or is it driving past the red lights as fast as I can?

Running away never seemed to solve my problems
like a child throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of the store isle.

No longer a teenager
waiting on mom and dad to deal with my anger;
Sitting alone in the corner wondering why the tears
keep rolling down like tidal waves across my face.

The car is on humming that beautiful engine sound
the birds are out and the sun is bright,
but I can't move my body to make that first move.

Am I waiting to make a change or am I stuck in the same routine?
I continuously ask myself as I feel the heat of the sun on my face
not knowing how to change.

Angel Mar 2017

Self Love

I will love myself today more than yesterday;
for the days of chaos before my calm
relished in my mind,
spinning crazy thoughts of suicide and hate.

Today is a new day, I say
I love myself in ways no man or woman can.
For the touch of my fingers sweeping across the bed
gives me life I never knew I had.
The smell of my perfume filling the air of my apartment
reminds me just how great a friend am I!
Brushing the strands of hair into the perfect shape
getting ready to lead the night into day.

Today is a new day to love again,
to remind myself that healing is forever.
I put my makeup on and sway my hips
to the sound of those gorgeous lips
singing "Today Your Love, Tomorrow the World"

I am beautiful
I am loved
I am worthy
I am enough.

#love #honesty #selflove #selfesteem

Mar 2017

Pablo Neruda

Sonnet XVII: Love

I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving

but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

Mar 2017

Pablo Neruda

Always

I am not jealous
of what came before me.

Come with a man
on your shoulders,
come with a hundred men in your hair,
come with a thousand men between your ******* and your feet,
come like a river
full of drowned men
which flows down to the wild sea,
to the eternal surf, to Time!

Bring them all
to where I am waiting for you;
we shall always be alone,
we shall always be you and I
alone on earth
to start our life!

Angel Feb 2017

PTSD

It wasn't that you said you loved me or that you even cared
but how you showed me that you were never really there.

At first it was just a love tap;
right across my chest, deep into the the depth of my soul.
Screaming inside just please let me go!

The fear of anger seeps into the home we once called our own,
where the children played and I was all your own.
I loved you for the man I knew
and not the man you really are.

Mommy is a *****, you scream into the face of our child
who's trying to hide, not knowing what you've done.
Thump, thump, pounding on the door
I open to see you were on your knees, crying on the floor.

We ran away into the dark
to hide from the vengeful mouth that fed upon my soul.
Lifeless am I, crying on the floor
I miss you but I can't take no more!

#anger #abuse #family #ptsd