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Feb 2022 · 94
Untitled
Jack P Feb 2022
saw you in the backyard laughing with strangers
i took a walk about it
i left my doubt in the sand and then i jumped right into the eye
of the storm around it
our future comes fast but it stretches out far and wide
fill the space inside it

it takes a valley inside a valley inside a valley inside a valley inside
to show you my valiant side my valiant side my valiant side my valiant side

and i promise that however it might seem
i'm not staring at you, i'm just sightseeing

you're the knowable world
in an wandering girl
and just shy of taking every corner
Jack P Jul 2020
curiosity may have killed the cat,
but it has given me a reason to live
the duolingo owl keeps rapping me on the knuckles with a metal ruler
Jack P Jun 2020
on bad days,
i'm found in my backyard kicking dandelions.
on good days,
i feel like i can put them back together again.
gmail wouldn't shut up ok
Sep 2019 · 309
and we Did
Jack P Sep 2019
the hardest part of grieving is
learning how to speak in past tense

- and we Did.
in an untimely manner. this is for someone else
Aug 2019 · 763
adjectival forms
Jack P Aug 2019
one love is skinny
one love is tough
one is unrequited
one's had enough

one points a finger
one plugs an ear;
and that's how i'd describe
how we both ended up here
hiatus, hi-at-us, an anagram for hiatus is "u a ****"
Jack P May 2019
wake up
exist gently /
press out the corners
exist gently //
slip into the morning, like its a summer dress
exist gently ///
guide new oxygen around the living room of your chest cavity
exist gently ////
watch cotton wool plug the holes in the sky
exist gently /////
send thank you cards before knowing what you're thankful for
exist gently //////
give space generously, hear it hum sonorously
exist gently ///////

exist gently
die happily.
i am just a little creature
Jack P May 2019
press your forehead on the barrel of hope
put your neck inside the optimist's rope
jump off a bridge, into the warm light below...

...crack your skull on the idea of tomorrow.
our futures are deposits, our pasts are savings, our presents are giving us withdrawals
May 2019 · 213
keratin
Jack P May 2019
living in fear of the allostatic load
hopscotching tire marks on a bare and open road
do we drag down this life to where life dare not go?
we are living in fear of the allostatic load.

if 'when' is an if, and 'if' is a when
then what's never happened will happen again
the one-armed men will count upwards to ten
on phantoms taken by the allostatic load.

(of hair: massage scalp, condition, brush regularly, dry gently - keep what is lost in fistfuls, dead hard protein, dead fast head spins)

when limbs give way under the allostatic load
softened up by atrophy
trapped under the debris of a broken home
familiar hands will come for me.
we can hold hands if we promise, to go to the same place, at the same exact time
Apr 2019 · 373
the bell icon
Jack P Apr 2019
[https://twitter.com/i/notifications]

Notifications: (3)
--------------------------
Oren Mills liked your Tweet -  8m minutes ago

Preston Tweeted after a while - 3h hours ago

Twitter would like you to log off our website. You are relying too heavily on the fleeting single-click validation of your half-peers. Your perception of self is an infinitely valuable thing and you are stomping it down the drain with a boot heel. Go outside. - 5h hours ago
i am just a little creature. i cannot change this
Mar 2019 · 502
tapeworms in love
Jack P Mar 2019
let us try brave resolve
till tongues untwisted
doing the ritual whisp
where found its rhythm in the breeze --
cocked back like a hammer
cutting through the silence
was the creaking of an open palm.

would you like to go for a swim?
it is cold and it is dark
but parts of us dispersed
across the eavesdropping tide
makes for a wonderful place to drown.

...

a secret is like a burden,
when it is shared, it is halved.
i'd love it if we made it
Mar 2019 · 245
optischism
Jack P Mar 2019
\                                                     /
  \                                                 /
    \                                             /
      \ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ /
        \the brain would be a  /
          \ glass half full were /
            \it not for this,        /
              \ stupid and        /                  
                \ persistent      /
                  ----------------l /
                                       e
                                        a
                     ­                    k
may the formatting gods shine down upon me this day
Jack P Feb 2019
it would be nice, i think, if we managed to prevent growing apart fast,

so if you had any respect for me you'd fly your red flags at half-mast.
how come the short ones get all the attention
Jack P Feb 2019
take me to the vet
now! now! now!
i'm not feeling so good
take me to the vet.            

my throat makes a foreign noise
show me! show me! show me!
two cold hands
a violet command
take me to the vet.

you look like you'd taste nice
the salt! the salt! the salt!
watch my little tongue retract
take me to the vet.

picked me up against my will
put me down! put me down! put me down!
living, breathing trophy mutt
take me to the vet.

time to silence this old bark
put me down! put me down! put me down!
final car ride
head out window
empty food bowl
lead curled up on the piano
gate creaks open
achilles heel (achilles, heel!)
take me to the vet.
unbalance
Jack P Feb 2019
lighting matches on the stove
it's awful cold in golden grove

joy is wielded from the deep
it's awful warm in farron's keep

policemen said to take a seat
another death on pirie street

lonely? got some time to ****?
take a stroll 'round silent hill

(()) (())
     ..
__

..when these decaying organs fail
there's one thing keeping me from dying
i close my eyes and try to live
a thousand lives better than mine.
live from an empire builder
Feb 2019 · 667
self worth
Jack P Feb 2019
Sitting in the backseat
Jealous of the driver
-
If they don't want to be me
Then I don't want to either
if i'm not inspiring i'm expiring
if i'm not defining i'm declining
if i'm not your envy i am empty
if i'm not respected i'm neglected
Jan 2019 · 453
[URGENT]
Jack P Jan 2019
it seems sometimes like this slow-motion cascade of twitches and deformities forms ecosystems on my bedroom floor. i can shift between them, not physically, but tangentially, as if by a switch sitting quietly at the back of my skull. quick cold feel around and i'm in a woodland, leaning against bark that holds enough ridges and depressions to tell an odyssey. ants weave through the bark like they're tunnels. i weave through the trees like they'll never end.

then, from dead leaf to a sand so vast it leaks into the horizon, i am desert, deserted. when you stare long enough at the same sad thing it melts into another plane and you have to learn to affix your gaze to something else. but here, where whats left again sinks into scarcity, you may as well stare into the sun.

someone saw me sitting at the edge of the swamp. i spend most of my time there i think. i name the clusters of moss rubbing up against my ankles, most of them after people i know. or knew - long since has it been decided that if i name a moss-person after you, you are an erstwhile figure, a shadow dragging its imagined weight around the corners of someone else's life.

but no one sees me back sitting at the edge of the bed with my fine coterie of nothings, limbs dangling, body shaped like an accident: where i go to die, over and over and over and...

...people have said before that i have a way with words,
but it's times like these i'd rather do away with them.
i'll never clean my room
i'll just move when i get sick of it
Jack P Jan 2019
I've not had a year like this in days.
i'm a little teapot short and stout. here is me forgetting what life is about. when i get all steamed up here me shout "i never asked for this. i want out".
Jack P Dec 2018
Could've just swallowed the ink from a ballpoint pen,
In an attempt to turn my insides blue...

...But instead I thought of you.
next year brings forth snow + a crossroads - one where i attempt to forgo the cliche and cut straight through the middle. one where i learn my lesson about cheating paradigms buried just under the thin layer of dirt that coats reality. i need a break. and some sleep. and some nurofen. I'm A Celery, Get Me Out Of Here! starring Julia Morris and me
Dec 2018 · 257
this is a spafe sace
Jack P Dec 2018
In the middle of a crowded room,
full of bad mouths with good hearts,
I ask:

"What's the point of a trigger warning if you're just gonna pull it anyway?"
Jack P Dec 2018
Have you ever liked someone so much you regret meeting them?
Nov 2018 · 375
"Me" - me
Jack P Nov 2018
This hidden gem
Forgets how to shine bright
Keeps shielded a shimmering soul.

This hidden gem
Is hidden in plain sight
Disguised as a lump of coal.
the type of rhyme friends would scoff at, and honestly, same
Jack P Nov 2018
A waste of space
moves from place to place
with a shameless haste
and a graceless face.
All the space that's wasted
cut and pasted
freedom encased
though briefly tasted.
Laid to waste
that wasted space
limbs were taped
and there defaced;
the sign said "Waste"
to home we raced
at a frenetic pace
footprints traced.
The edge of space
where fruit met waste -
a confusing place
reeks of **** and fine lace.
A waste of space
wearing my face
lost the race
to the black dog's pace.
But just in case
here's a place that
cannot be wasted:
bed frame's embrace.
i never want to leave my bed again,
Jack P Nov 2018
line the shores
with hospital beds
let them sleep by the sea

if nothing else
they can jump the fence
untethered from the bodies

but when the credits roll
i still won't get up to leave
because behind the smoke screen of relapse
there's figures waiting for me  

some days i'd like to stay
some days i'd like to drift away
i've never had an original thought
but i keep thinking them anyway

so what will it be: a slice of life, or a chunk of wrist?
sometimes i feel like i can move mountains and other times i feel like i'm underneath one. into it and over it. we'll continue this elsewhere
Nov 2018 · 449
rock and roll is dead now
Jack P Nov 2018
(but we)

good morning from the after life
the 2am program
battered brains and battered fish
take the drug, make the wish

(are still)

good morning from where its sunny all the time
where you are the laugh track
your smile stuck, held up like a hammock in a light wind
no need to forgive when no one has sinned

(followed)

good morning from the place where dogs always catch their tails
russian roulette with the chambers of a loaded heart
and we're happy and we're glowing and we're glad
love what we've got, forget what we had

(by our own shadows)
dress code: business casual existential despair
Jack P Jul 2018
volte face
pivot away from
the old place
where ***** mirrors
accentuate
cracks in the skin;
too wide or
too thin.

hymns from a chasm
that sits in between
they


and


them.

without turning away
dreams (yours and ours)
will fall limper,
whimper,
simmer under hot sun
as they're hung from the ramparts
gnarled and ragged
like the crest of a defeated army

volte face
pivot away from
the dead space
where bruised silences
accentuated
the cracks in your brain;
too much in
not enough sane.

and you will write a million """Poems"""
and they will be about as useful
as a blind man's reading glasses.
here is my shoulder, here is your clout
Jul 2018 · 506
nobody likes an unrequitter
Jack P Jul 2018
and all these gods are in one place
conspiring and -
all your efforts are misplaced
whining like an -
off-key note in a seraphic choir
lamenting a -
weekend's bitter aftertaste.

here's a thing you can't avoid:
a war of worlds on a bedroom floor
the house is kept unlocked at night
and a crosswind billows through the door.

...and all his questions are ignored
he chipped his teeth cause he was bored.

we wrote missives to a shallow grave
dug with musicals we rearranged
to fit the arc we fashioned here
as we waltzed atop the sinking pier.

...I am prone to switching off
So I will never turn you on.
this is a song i'm writing, have a draft
Jack P Jun 2018
I don't look like that anymore.

I grew.

I grew tired
I grew a white collar from my neck
I grew to know you
I grew too close to cynics
I grew out of my skin
and into someone else's
I grew angry at my reflection
I grew tired.

I grew up.
i am jaded and i want to go to sleep again before i've even woken up
Jun 2018 · 428
fill in the blanks yourself
Jack P Jun 2018
the department's lack of transparency under secretary [redacted]'s leadership is ruining our reputation. wounds still fresh, still raw from the steaming hot poker of [redacted], his insistence on [redacted] with all the [redacted] has left the cabinet muddied and in a state of disrepair; the dismantling taking place under scrutiny of the public eye, whose line-of-sight is unwavering upon the heart of the issue. being as he is in a position of influence, of power, [redacted]'s behaviour is deplorable and inexcusable, and the liberal use of [redacted] resources to stretch his spidery fingers into the forbidden *** of [redacted] is unprecedented, even as we as a people grow used to controversies in a similar vein. thick skin is now a prerequisite of living in our political climate. representatives from [redacted]'s leadership group are yet to make any statements on the issue, though it is -- from a partisan standpoint -- abundantly clear that if an apology or explanation is not issued soon, the young republicrat's reputation will combust in a display of unglory; splintered shards of a once-polished and spotless reputation flying in different directions across the [redacted]. [redacted] has landed himself in hot water. we'll soon know how severe the burns are.
all political controversies follow the same template
Jack P Jun 2018
"back to a wall at the broken glass ball where ones fed up with it all not just feeling small

a twitching of cheeks it's been this way for weeks and is this what he seeks? the cellar door creaks

bed fully-clothed you and your betrothed and the people you loathed a stones-throw from homegrown despair alone

i take no time to finish this rhyme exorcising the grime accruing in the back of my mind pure stream-of-consciousness line-by-line at 12:29

need a passport to get to the kitchen sink need the friends i don't have for a chat and a drink need to turn off my brain in order to think need a rope and a stool pull me back from the brink

i'm collecting read receipts today. thanks for your help."

*Seen Mon 14:42
hello dork-ness my old friend
May 2018 · 333
kantinental philosophy
Jack P May 2018
if i were to pen an autobiography
it would only be a line(?) long
because here not much of interest goes on
but if for some reason you'd like to get to know me:

"an acute lack of self awareness,
and an astute sense of irony.
"
thanks claire i was struggling for a dumb title and i found one in the form of your subconscious brain
May 2018 · 295
hello poetryish
Jack P May 2018
you are all:
children
green
naive
unprepared

community full of previously coddled and heretofore coddling parents with their doting Yesses and ever-so-rare Nos. A poem, my good reader, is not any old thought; it's not a question, a "when-will-my-husband-return-from-war?" simple concern, but how a lyric tangles itself up in the bramble of a rhythm:

Just
Like
This.
See How the Words
Jump From One Spot Of Your Brain
To the Next
As Though They're Panning In Stereo
Such Illusory Text.
And Notice the Rhyme
Injected Therein?
I Would Keep Complaining
But the Bit's Wearing Thin.

one either has a way with words, or they should do away with words, but not before they try. i am not a poet, but i do, at the very least, try.

please try, tee-why.
any mention of plea bargains is making everybody feel uptight
Jack P May 2018
Alex is dead.
Alex is indistinguishable from the soil.
Alex is the dissemination of bad ideas, the confusing of such schools of thought.

Ben feels like Alex is.
Ben is lost in a crowd.
Ben is a poor choice of words, on the wrong end of a loaded barrel.

Alex feels nothing.
Alex feels the twitching of an index finger on the trigger.
Alex does not see her target, but catches the vague outline of a thing lost in translation.

Ben misspoke.
Ben makes a sand angel on a beach of excuses.
Ben is the bottom of a wine barrel, sublimates a clenched fist into an outstretched palm.

Alex is the opposite of sublimation.
Alex is subsumed by id.
Alex is locked in the cast iron *** of what she thinks her friend did.

Ben sits down at the table.
Ben places the gun in her hand.  
Ben cannot do this himself; Alex is shaking, shaking, shaken.

This:    
The vacant lot of 2AM - did she hear him correctly?
Not much of a distance for a voice to travel
Meek and fractured though it may be
So surely she heard what he said; the words "pull the trigger".
But what is the f()king point of an epilogue
If it contradicts the book? And what's the f()king point of a moral compass, if the needle is broken? No more can she read and she doesn't know the difference between North and South, she holds a tooth from The Always Open Mouth.

There are three types of people in this world: those who are rocks, those who are hard places, and those are pinned between the first two. Ben is a rock, and Alex isn't sure whether the only way to help both of them is to stay trapped, or to push him down this hill. Alex feels nothing now. And Ben is indistinguishable from the soil.
instant regret under quilt
Jack P May 2018
need an alias
and a sheepskin rug
to sweep all the glasses i've broken
underneath where once there was an animal's heart

need an animal's heart
and a woolen jacket
to hide all of the broken chambers
underneath where once there was a false start
forgotten how to write forgotten what a pen looks like forgotten what's it like to be
Jack P May 2018
note for when you're ahead:

no one very much cares about your stupid little poems
your missives to a sickly version of you.

they're disinterested in your allegories
your holy fables about ***** needles and needless dirt.

and god forbid they watch you climb the ladder
unless your foot misses a rung, and you fall a wonderful fall into the welcoming embrace of the concrete below.

oh but i assure you they are crows
perched on a telephone wire, watching the theater of your car-crash life, as a limp arm tumbles out a capsized window, and the children dance in a circle around the fire, singing:

"we're here, we're here
for all that you hold dear
your eyes so dull and lifeless
yet they cry such pretty tears
we hold you out at arms length
but close enough to hear
the warring two, halves of you
as we imbibe your fear

...but no one very much cares about your stupid little poems.
"
a black bear chasing me down a winding mountain road
Jack P May 2018
this is the way the world ends
this is the way the world ends
not with a bang but with a

high price of admission, that being the innate circumstances wherein his ego germinates and grows into two things at the same time: externally pleasant and internally grotesque.

this is the way the world ends
this is the way the world ends
not with a bang but with a

long stretch of beach lined with hospital beds, pyres alight to the God of False Flags and Falser Hope, long speeches and poor teachers getting too close to the water.

this is the way the world ends
this is the way the world ends
not with a bang but with a

difference of opinion - the trickle-down economics of not giving a **** about anyone except one's inner sanctum, from the unrepresented in their little mud huts, to the shadow skulls with buzzing sinuses; Everything, Performing the Dance of the Hearse Driver.

this is the way the world ends
this is the way the world ends
not with a bang but with a

whimper, courtesy of yours truly
don't mention the war and all its nauseating irony, don't mention irony and all its nauseating truths, don't mention me and all my dumb words
May 2018 · 247
palm reading
Jack P May 2018
a bag of sand
a dead man's hand
withered but alive on the fractured land

what's a hand to do
without the arm its due
or the muscle and the bone from which the hand took cue

hand wanders the plains
hoping somehand deigns
to interlock its fingers and alleviate his pains

hand curls into fist
weak without its wrist
shaking for the company which it has sorely missed

then fist unspools to wave
for across the sandy grave
another hand is looking for the warmth of hands they crave

one hand makes a sign
then fingers intertwine
if these hands keep holding their bruised knuckles shall be fine
ay girl lemme get ur digits
ha ha
Jack P May 2018
although, incredible, the dogmatic pursuit of absent-mindedness, two left feet up the [redacted]

i would make a remark about how fast the time has gone
but i never looked up
to see it moving

wish upon a
wish upon a
wish upon a moribund eternally pessimistic star

[if i was a poem, dear disinterested reader, i think i would be a fridge poem. not very profound, nor eloquent, and rather insipid; though it's quite funny that i exist in the first place]

Me & Earl & The Dying Light Emblematic Of, Or Perhaps Symptomatic Of, My Interest In Whatever It Is You Have To Say

met a genie on a long road
delivered with the smoke of a cracked kitchen kettle
juggling three wishes
in his drunken monologue
like a blind man juggles bowling pins
and stupidly i used them all
on making the next few tomorrows disappear
                                                                                        and now i'm here
...

anyway how may i take your order?
i'm not entirely sure either
Jack P May 2018
her:
her golden glowing radiant luscious locks of hair
her beaming blue eyes, crinkling at the sides
her heavy breathing, when we play
her warm embrace, at the end of the day

our quiet walks around the edge of the park
and we talk for hours, though she mostly listens
the way she moves so gracefully, she makes my heart aflutter
and sometimes i try to speak to her, but i can only s-s-stutter

she is so cute when she puts her head on my shoulder
she is so cute when she wants me to hold her
she is so cute; i cannot find a flaw
she is so cute, when she ***** on the floor...

                                                        ...my beautiful golden retriever pup
you must be a *******
Jack P May 2018
/ picked an iris from the garden / took a hacksaw to the petals / when i could have just picked them apart /

\ which garden? \ only one of its kind \ a blemish in the desert, a stubborn breakout of petulant colour \ under schrodinger's sun \ model's smiles so ugly betwixt the natural verdure \ i tell them this \ to save myself from perceived slights \ and she does, indeed, look slight \

/ the word "help" drawn in the sand / the rusting handle of the shovel burning hands / as i hack at stems swaying nonchalant / in the stinging wind /

\ from left \ to right / then left \ then right / before bleeding out on the flat palm of the tool -

\ a wren \ tar-black \ perches on a nearby tree \ shakes the dust off a wing \ and casts a shadow across our little oasis \ before opening its beak to song \ dragging more people into the dark will not help you find the light switch \ and other assorted platitudes \

/ so the model walks out into the desert / i follow / dragging her garden along / it's wrapped around my ankles / oh the irony in losing blood to the vines tightening / dragging across hot sand / and eventually it's all too heavy / so i collapse / breathing in the arid ground / skin turns as red as a bull's nightmare landscape / yet she continues to walk / as if nothing happened / is it the heat that leaves me melting away? / or the guilt? / in any case / i got caught in the trap i set for her / eyes close / and she is leaving...

                                                                ­                   leaving...


                                                    ­                                  leaving...
          
                                                                ­                                   left.
begrudging other people of their happiness will not make you any happier i think. bu t i am no philosopher
May 2018 · 415
R.I.P Scott Hutchison
Jack P May 2018
during the midnight ***** fight
you went for a swim
and there on a whim
a thousand waterlogged psyches
jumped from the banks of the Forth
and flailed their limbs around with you.

"fully clothed, i'll float away"

you never got to see the horseshoe bend
tucked into the marshy green
like the buttoned shirt
of the river belt.
by the patchwork fields
making out a kind of thick quilt
you can see from the sky.
though it could never keep you warm.

"down the forth, into the sea"

even if they held the sun in their mouths
they'd still not have the means
to brighten your corner.
did you find peace
in the lashing, gnawing foam
under the Forth Road bridge?

"i think i'll save suicide for another day"

i guess that day was yesterday
where you lived the end
you wrote ten years ago:
1AM
a trail meandering
from the mouth of Dakota Hotel
to a finish line underwater.

"i'm away now, thanks."

...and then you left before we could return the gratitude.
the vocalist of frightened rabbit killed himself by jumping off a bridge. i am very sad about it. in the song "floating in the forth", released in 2008, he details the events that lead to his death. please seek help from the people around you if you feel suicidal or depressed.
Jack P May 2018
oh i do not care
i refu
se
to be
behol
den
to conve
ntion

disco ball of sinew and blood
fished out of little snack box (insomnia chronicles)

watch the workmen work
in their glitter suits
and steel-capped boots
resolutely and arrogantly un-You

disco ball of feeling and rhythm
crawling out of tv screen (little samara says hello)

little wastebasket of hope
floats torpidly down muddy rivers
carrying crumpled paper from the control room
to a pockmarked sky

disco ball of muscle and valve
boiling in a coffee cup (every week the same burn)

ode to the sky and its thinning hair
and the pothole where i was found
by my mother
on the most expensive day of the year

disco ball of not much at all
spinning 'round in an empty hall.
i have never been more focused
Jack P May 2018
on your left you'll see whats left behind
the unburnt lungs and unsound mind
on your right you'll spot a cliche scene
grovelling by the anthill's queen.
up ahead we're blocked by some debris
left in tact by king's decree
the driver's blind but this holds true:
the only way around is through.
so seatbelts on and hands in prayer
hope your God can get me there.
(a man jumps off the second floor
then crawls back through the roadside door
begging to be welcomed back
as if he never lead the pack.)
there's not one stranger in these seats
but swallowed by the hungry streets
do not inhale the asphalt breath
lest we're gifted our first death.
last stop is The Royal Us
you'll never leave this tour bus.

                                                                ...this has been your tour guide
                                                                      at least i can say that i tried.
about where i think i'm going in life and a friend who pressed a symbolic button and regretted it in the morning
May 2018 · 531
Family Friendly Recipe :D
Jack P May 2018
-------------------------------As seen on Taste.com*-----------------------------

Ingredients:
One will need a portion of the following:
1) 50g of self-imposed isolation (optional: w/ drawn curtains)
2) a tablespoon of misguided misanthropy (store brand does the trick)
3) a propensity for experiencing negative stigma
4) ethyl alcohol enough to form parasitic relationship (approx: half bottle of grey goose)
5) 1kg of pervasive fear of the unknown (found in Future aisle amongst acquaintanceships, unwelcome hypotheticals)
6) a 3/4 cup of ground self-loathing  + the root
7) lettuce
8) tomato
9) cucumber
10) onions
11) avocado

Method:
Step one: place self-imposed isolation in a slow cooker along with misguided misanthropy. Cook on low for 8 HOURS. This will make LONELINESS.

Step two: preheat oven to 200C fan-forced. take loneliness from  slow-cooker then douse in alcohol before placing in oven. it's meant to burn (you're meant to burn.)

Step three: bring a *** to boil and throw negative stigma in to cook until it softens.

Step four: cut pervasive fear of the unknown into strips and braise.

Step five: plate pervasive fear and negative stigma. this combination is the foundation.

Step six: chop vegetables and mix into standard garden salad, then plate (one may plate how they wish, presentation -- to you, at least, matters not, or little; here's the one who wears tracksuit pants to parties. your parents have to remind you to brush your hair). garnish with self-loathing, decorate plate with the root of self-loathing.

Step seven: plate loneliness. truest to the recipe if loneliness is focal point of the plate. if it's cooked properly it will bleed. so will you -- just give it time.

Happy cooking!!
*not actually seen on taste.com. their recipes aren't as good.
May 2018 · 385
horse jumper of the cold
Jack P May 2018
spilled burning hot chamomile tea
on my shaking hand
which proves, i suppose
that the ones you love hurt you the most

would like to think that falling sick
is the work of some Trickster God
fashioning shackles out of wool
fistfulls of hair wrapped around a bedpost

was asleep for forty-eight hours
most of them i dreamt
various iterations of
an unattainable light

left by abstract imagery
the words adorning
an album i know
making sense of the nonsensical:

"there was a tiny cactus on my desk. i was angry and i smashed it down. the poor ******* cactus didn't do anything. i kept the needles in my fist all afternoon. i left the pieces of the *** and the dirt on the floor for weeks. until my mom finally picked it up. 1/21"
i'm sick
Jack P Apr 2018
though not a man in the mirror, per se
more a man behind it
with a penchant for schaudenfreude
smile yellow with sadism
the rot, the cavity
grinning from behind the glass
like some ******* Cheshire Cat
to my Tired Insecure Alice.

no two ways about it:
he is there and i am here
symmetrical
but for the man's barbed tongue
perforating mirror and
licking at the corners of my brain.

he sings an ode to a spindly leg
torso of crush'd cardboard box
predisposition for loquacity
(not a city you should visit)
and badly drawn countenance
scrawled across coffee-stained parchment.

so convincing is this
man behind the mirror
with his pejoratives
administered with utmost precision
surgically removed volition
saying things like:
"The City That Never Sleeps
would cower at the indelible image
that is the hulking bags under your eyes."

i have nicknamed him "Conscience"
in the hope of wrestling back control.
quiet down the persistent nagging dissenting voice that sounds suspiciously like mine own like i'm knocking at the door of delinquent neighbours
Jack P Apr 2018
me: "today i feel big
i feel very big
colossal, in fact.
wingspan all-encompassing
beaming bristled coughing light
day happily backwards.
i feel significant today
really, really important.
didn't polish my own shoes
left home; home wept quietly because it would miss me.
today i feel hungry
very hungry
ravenous, in fact.
hungry for your company
hungry for broken shards of warmth
hungry for the day"

you: "you look tired"

me: "....oh"
moodswinging
Apr 2018 · 557
going no place
Jack P Apr 2018
and so the melody went: C, A, G, E, C, A, G, E, C, A, G, E
and he was locked inside it
and his heartbeat was in 9/8; a rhythm he struggled to move to
and it set his veins to boiling temperature
and the blood bubbled like soup on a stovetop
and the vessels burst like a boat in a storm

                                                                           ...until he found the key,
                                                                           that unlocked the CAGE.
the idea of tension and release in chord progressions in music
Apr 2018 · 272
Miss Communication
Jack P Apr 2018
...before the eternal worm devours connecticut
one will cycle through the stages of grief
as though one is trapped in a revolving door

two will lock eyes with immemorable combination
reprise themselves of their situation;
i meant "recuse", sorry, although - sadly
the former would not take me aback

three will kick the bucket
but only into the pouring rain
the torrential downpour of one's errant brain
to catch the storm in an endless black

but it boils down to the one, who -- utterly defeated -- says to the other:

"you know me less than you know yourself, and that's saying something"
to the endless uncaring and his little backpack of slow-burning practical jokes
Jack P Apr 2018
Back turned to back on the shivering hull
Captain declared for the anchor annulled
The old shore grew shy under asthmatic skies
And wind caught the sails as we watched its demise.

The shanties drew thin, about two hours in
Whistling fell limp 'til curled up in the din
Was a specter of that which I seldom denied:
A brother or two whom my stern face belied.

I would not leave this outline to flicker and fade
Carried by waves as mine own Mother prayed:
"If his life is cut short on the edge of the stern
God, we will find you. We will make sure you burn."

Weeks stumble by, clocks rusting by sea
And if their hands turn, they turn onto me
With reminders of blades which have long since been drawn
And the broken tree branch blooming souls in the dawn.

I've seen reflections of self in the constellation-black:
My sister rides in on the Phoenix's back
My brothers, the Gemini; two halves of a whole
And Mother Andromeda, the Queen of it all.

Ship edging near to the end of the Earth
A convict by trade but a human by birth
Tallying up days by the marks on my back
Lashings for supper and now I've lost track

And so no matter how far this old boat can sail
I'd swim 'round the world 'til my lungs twice do fail
To return to the place where the bed doesn't move
And the waves do not push like they've something to prove

*

In a week and a day I would jump overboard
Bypass the plank that the crew so adored
In a few short seconds I would make it back home
An under-sea shortcut to Our Family's Gloam.
about missing family
liberty
poetic freedom
a stick up the [redacted]
Apr 2018 · 284
Cycle (Our Crooked Still)
Jack P Apr 2018
\put your feet on the land/

His name, according to the scrawl on the cover of his journal, was Viele. His build, according to everyone he'd ever met, was a lazy mosaic of withered limbs; veins snaking like cracks in pavement.

His intentions, according to hindsight, were regrettable.

\and see/

It is the gospel truth that man is the expert of denial.
As sure as the dead stay dead,
The Graverobber will prefer the term 'opportunist'.
Viele was a "professional",
took pride in his "art".
He dug, dug, dug,
'til the wood did part.

Stripped the cemetery to its bones (or, if you please, of its bones).

\ain't no grave/

Then Viele snags his shovel, about three feet deep.
Somehow the handle asphyxiated by the stalk
Of a Morning Glory, which flowers a defiant blue -
swallowing whole, the rusting *****, as its spiral buds take
their first breaths - against, of course, the tarred lung
of their rawboned abuser.

And lo!
(the image befits the phrase, as does the Earth "empty of form")*
the deadyard stood guard,
erupting
like it was suddenly attacked
by an impressionist's paintbrush.

The deadyard, and Viele
Van Goghing, Goghing, Gone.

\gonna hold my body down/

In Lieu, In Bloom:
Baby's Breath and Bells of Ireland and Daisies and Hydrangeas and Lace of Queen Anne and Sunflowers and
God, ad nauseum they arose,
arching upwards from graves.
Leaving no gravestone unturned,
in the pursuit of the place
where footnotes become headlines
and headlines turn to deadlines
and deadlines turn to soil.

For in the morning,
when Viele returns
and Glory, ironically, stands down
(slash-stands-us-up)
we will know to wait.
Tucked away behind our rejected Heaven's gate,
for the show to return.

Where there's Life in the urn.
leave the poetry to the prose (of which i am neither)
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