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813 · Feb 2021
Back in my head.
Alice Chew Feb 2021
My feelings pop in my head
I want to write them down
I want to press send
Here goes the countdown
500 · Jul 2017
Who's fault is it?
Alice Chew Jul 2017
Your face was like a breathe of air
Your way like nothing before
Sometimes change isn't good
To something that I was made aware
I knew I loved you from that moment
It was a Instant feeling
It's just a shame your afraid of relationship enrollment
The first time to the last
It cut deeper into my soul
But your games too much of a craft
I always begged for your hand
Never to leave me alone
But I guess you always had it planned.
Your words,your silence it's driving me mad ,feel like I'm drowning
I wish I was never bad
You said I laughed with him
I said I laughed with you, you don't believe me
And now we are through
I wish you were still here
I lost control, you weren't there to save me
Piercing my heart and soul
There's too many people involved
You won't let me come home
I can't just let everything dissolve
Mind games are all in the past
At times I'd let it slip
Even when I brought it and told you I was afraid you'd never ask
I know you always told me the truth
But they feel like lies
Now your happy to say goodbye
Loosing myself, detached from reality
Not believing what was going on
Inside I'm screaming like a banshee
I was wrapped round your finger
Would do anything you'd ask
Go anywhere you go
Now I'm wearing my death maskI swore to tell you everyday that I love you
Even now I know it's something that I can do
Letting down my gaurd
Letting everyone in to touch my heart
But your mind is just full of black art
I can't even begin to explain what hurt in me you caused
Now I'm putting my whole life on pause
One day you might see it through my eyes, maybe you won't
But I know you can't carry on like this, because no one else wont
Using my own reactions against me
To make me feel crazy
I just don't understand what you set out to achieve
Teasing, joking pushing my boundaries
But your heart and mind is just a foundry
Distant and cold, my memory of you is scarred
Now my mind is a complete junkyard
As clear as day I saw the love in your soul
All thats left is a dark empty hole
Through all the tears and the pain
I still love you
In denal, it was never your fault
I took all the blame
Confused as I was and as hurt as I was, I know I always wanted you because...
You loved me once
When I needed you most
You became a ghost

Power and control is all you know
I have a feeling your heart was always closed
Sorry was never good enough, you made me feel like I wasn't
No one ever will
To all of us gone
We are yesterday's bill
You loved me once
When I needed you most
You were gone like a ghost
Streets are empty, sun is cold
It hurts to know you will not be with me when I grow old
Promises we made, the times we shared
I beg you more that you care
I have to leave this now knowing I will always love you, knowing that there's nothing I can do to change your mind, hoping one day our paths will again intertwine.
Alice Chew Jul 2017
This is going to turn ugly I can tell,
But you hurt me, what the hell?

This is a normal reaction this is mature,I have always been this way even before

I never moved the goalposts it was always you, always setting me up to fail just to prove you were true.
373 · Jul 2017
Im Trying...
Alice Chew Jul 2017
I'm trying to put things right between us,
I'm trying to make things better

I hope you will read my letter,

Yes i'm still waiting,no i'm haven't disappeared,
I'm kooky, strange and weird,
I will be this way forever and ever

How can you make me smile when your not even here
How can you make me laugh when your nowhere near

Your miles away but you still give me butterflies when i see your name flash up on my phone
How do you know what i'm thinking when i'm all alone

I'm scared its not going to happen,
I'm scared its not going to be real
I'm scared all the healing I have done will peel

I just want to see your face
I just want to see you smile
Even if its just for a little while

I'd love to see you sitting opposite me
I know things are going more positively

Let me show you the things we can do
Let me show you the things i am willing to go through
Just for you,

Your the only one that matters the only one I care about
Together we can be a knockout.
361 · Jul 2017
People watching
Alice Chew Jul 2017
Got my seat,got my coffee,
I won't give it up for the love of toffee.
I'm watching all the people around
Listening without a sound
Young couples and old couples,a lady on her own.
I wonder if she has ever been cut to the bone.
Funny how we look at each others lives
Not knowing what it's taken them to survive
Have they lost someone dear
Wanting someone near
Banging cups scraping of knives, of a off duty midwife
It's not for us to judge it's for us to love
Love makes the world go round
But hate is always in the foreground
358 · Jul 2017
Hunting you down...
Alice Chew Jul 2017
I can't find you at the bottom of this glass
I can't find you walking bare foot on the grass

I hear my head shouting your name
I want to hear you whisper my nickname

I won't find you by my side
I wont find you in the driver's seat as we drive

I won't hear you shout my name after a long day at work
I hear you asking me to help with children's homework

I won't feel you next to me, skin to skin
I won't see that cheesy grin

I won't smell you on my skin as I shut the door,
I won't be able to wash your clothes and put them away in the drawer

I won't be able to touch you like before
I wont be able to hold you, the one I adore

I miss your kiss, your smell your touch
I want it all back too much.
291 · Feb 2021
The week after valentine's
Alice Chew Feb 2021
I can still feel my light burn
I feel it in my chest
Im waiting for you to take your turn

I had everything then a little bit to nothing
Im here waiting for anything

Im hurting im longing to feel your breathe on  my skin
I have never been good at taking pain on the chin.
272 · Jan 2021
So smug
Alice Chew Jan 2021
I got a phone call today
A word of advise to not be your prey.

This little bird gave me a heads up
Needless to say i needed the catch up

Opened my eyes, To the real you
Seeing your colours black and blue

I will walk away with my head held high
To be respected by some other guy
268 · Jul 2017
Why do I never learn
Alice Chew Jul 2017
You keep me at a distance
Keep me holding on
Been played like a pawn

You say things are looking up,things are more positive
When really my love is just being exploited

You know how much I love you,how much I care
I want nothing more than to be in your lair

I know it's wrong and and I will only have myself to blame
If once again I become a pawn in your game

I know what you are
I know who you have become
But I don't listen to their advice,not even one

No ever made me feel the way you did
I'm a adult but you still spoke to me like I was a dumb kid

I'm waiting for something that might not happen
Are you rubbing your hands and laughin

My love flows deeper then the rivers
What I have to ask myself is why am I a forgiver

I don't learn from the past
Alot of questions unasked

But I'm still waiting to try, even if you make me cry

Why do I still love you
Why do I still crave you
I will ask myself when I'm emotionally black and blue.
257 · Apr 2021
A weekend alone in my head
Alice Chew Apr 2021
Here's a question.

Are you just using me for your own selfish pleasure?
They say another mans trash is another mans treasure.

Do i walk away?
Call it a day!

Or do i treasure you
And take that risk!!
240 · Aug 2017
Time ticks by...
Alice Chew Aug 2017
Every minute seems like a hour
Every second seems like torture
When I don't hear
When i don't get that order

We are in a conversation of silence
We are in a play of mine
Am I seeing this right or
Am I ending up in a asylum

I beg of you let this happen
Don't hold me at arms length
Let us become one again
I don't want to become misshapen

I'm scared and excited
I'm nervous but bold
I'm forward yet shy
I hope we can be reunited

I hate waiting
I have no patience
I'm exhausted
All this waiting is grating

How long till I know
How long till I get the answers
How long till once again we are driving through Bordeaux
238 · Jul 2017
How come your not here?
Alice Chew Jul 2017
I can see your trying to be there but I need you closer so I can repair.
You don't believe me when I say you hurt me.
You want to help but then you want to flee
I'm nasty and bitter because of the pain
Have never felt so much distain
I'm confused as hell, should of listened to the warning bell
Knowing that I love you deep down
So why do we argue is it a communication breakdown
You frustrate me as I frustrate you
But somehow we stick together like glue
223 · Jul 2017
Shivers.
Alice Chew Jul 2017
I saw you once walk down the street
You stopped me on my feet
It's like we'd never met before
I wish I'd get swallowed up by the floor
I'm proud to say you lost out
Because now someone else has something to shout about
208 · Jul 2017
Dark skies lay ahead
Alice Chew Jul 2017
Dark skies,makes me want to cry
This cloud has been following me for so long
I just don't know where I belong
As I knew it,it was by your side, you have already done your goodbyes
I know I now have to stand on my own two feet
Tell me one day again we will meet
Cast out like the outsider, I always have have been for the past 18.
Johnny cash wasn't wrong when he wrote the song, you are my sunshine my only sunshine
Because once you were mine
Now all I see is this dark cloud still hanging over me.
188 · Feb 2021
Saw it coming
Alice Chew Feb 2021
My prediction came true
I knew you couldn't resist
To find out how i was
After i was dismissed

Checking my social
I knew it was you
Did you really think this came out of the blue

Im fine i dont need you or anyone
To have a laugh to get drunk to have fun

Your in the dust mate
Im gone
On to the next one, go on, walk on
187 · Feb 2021
War and peace
Alice Chew Feb 2021
In a world of frustration I want peace

In a world of hurt I want love

In a world of confusion I want sense

In a world of silence I want a conversation

In a world of insomnia I want a rested head

In a world of disaster I want to howl with laughter

In a world of space I want cosy

In a world of my own brokenheart I want you to make it whole again.
182 · Jul 2017
Window shopping
Alice Chew Jul 2017
I want it all,I want it now
But how can I do that without it ending in a row
You want to run and hide
But I need you here to be my guide
For better or for worse those were our vows
I'm not ready to go and browse
Believe me when I say I will fight tooth and nail
Until I eventually derail
I have one person who is a true inspiration
165 · Aug 2017
Some day....
Alice Chew Aug 2017
These days get easier
These days get harder

There are days where everything is as beautiful as flowers
There are days where I could cry for hours

There are days where I could skip along to the beat of life
There are days where I could scream, cry and fight

There are days when I can go out and do it all
There are days when I just want to curl up in a ball

There days when I want people to be around
There are days when I feel I could just breakdown

I never use to feel like this, until one day
One day when i couldn't come home
One day when you wouldn't answer your phone...

One day things might change
One day we might not be ashamed

One day we might be able to put this all in the past
Alice Chew Jul 2017
It's 6am,sat on a bench,Adele's on got my headphones in
Throw my empty coffee cup in the bin.
I think of you at home,in bed, all alone
I left you sleeping
Inside my heart is bleeding
I didn't want to argue, now I'm asking myself
Who are you?
161 · Jul 2017
Out of the blue
Alice Chew Jul 2017
I told you where to go, now you want to know
Before a wall of silence, now you want to be my angel of guidance
You leave me baffled and all because I got you rattled
I'm not complaining, please don't go
Stay with me until the sun changes to snow
151 · Jul 2017
Northern soul
Alice Chew Jul 2017
I go dancing to try to forget you
Only to get on the floor stare at the door just incase I catch a glimpse of you
The djs doing his thing
He's playing the music I am worshipping
The room is bouncing now crowd is cheering and now
The vinyl is spinning needle coming down then I heard that sound
A song so familiar a song yet forgotten
It leaves me speechless to a place that's now reachless
I'm still on the floor still staring at the door, feeling the warmth of my tears and I realize my fears
We danced in the kitchen to that voice just you and me
Id go back to that place if I had the choice
I know I have to keep dancing to not make a scene for I was once your queen
99 · Jun 2021
12th june
Alice Chew Jun 2021
Thankyou gin for giving me the courage
Not just to survive but to flourish

Twelve years is a long time
But it's officially over for wartime

Be at peace your heart and head say
Here comes a brand new brave day

A new sun brings a brand new warmth
You have conquered the storms

A calm sea lays ahead
Blue skies are widespread.
73 · Feb 2021
Frankensteins lover
Alice Chew Feb 2021
When you started to love me you created a monster
The devil inside
My demons on my shoulder
You promised we would always be bonnie and clyde

In the dark corners of my mind
There is a tealight of hope
Thats dimming by each passing day
My stomach feels like im walking on tightrope.
72 · Apr 2021
A heart on a sleeve
Alice Chew Apr 2021
There is a scar on my left wrist
But theres a twist!

Even though it's faded, it still causes me great pain
A pain of no amazing gain

It's like having your face on my wall
A little reminder that you never say hi or even call

I will carry it for the rest of my life
The scar of a knife reminding me i will never be your wife.
69 · Mar 2021
Seasons of fortunes
Alice Chew Mar 2021
The rain is easing
The sun shines through ever so slowly
I can see it peeling
All the dread from my skin

Fortune is changing
Lady luck for once might be on my side
I swam through my own dark ocean
Broke down all my haunting memories

I am going to bury them
Never to be dug up again
Lay my trauma to rest for the sun is shining
Burning you from my mind.
69 · Mar 2021
Decision acceptance
Alice Chew Mar 2021
The final cold shoulder
The last time I ever run towards this

I have found the fire in me
The fire you tried to drown out

I never imagined I would get this far
I thought I would always need you

The only person I need is me
I stand tall, can look in a mirror and for the first time in a long time finally be free
66 · Mar 2021
Still Grieving You
Alice Chew Mar 2021
Memories of us flicker through my mind
Like negatives under a lamp
Times we shared in peace
Times when I felt I was in a prison camp

Things are still fuzzy
My feelings are still not at ease
I have be left to deal with this alone
If I saw you i could only simply fall to my knees

Breakdown like a piece of technology
Glitch like a game
Beg you not to do this to me again
The next time I will see you will probably be through a shop window frame

You dissapear into the crowd
Gone like the wind
Never to share the same space again
Standing, leaving me alone and love blind.
63 · Jan 2021
Untitled
Alice Chew Jan 2021
Im drawing a line in the sand
Im owning this land

Sorry you missed out
But not as sorry as i am for showing me the doubt

Good luck on the otherside
Sometimes two wrongs do make a right.
60 · Jan 2021
The time has come
Alice Chew Jan 2021
The rope has been cut
Im not grabbing the short end again
This time im going to gain.

I have done the tears i have done the pain
I have been through it all alone
Its time i finally grew a backbone
54 · Feb 2021
No answer
Alice Chew Feb 2021
With eyes glazed
I think of you
Emotions inside raised

Tears dried in corners
Head pounding like a drum
I ache to move forwards

Heart snagged on a pinhead
Unable to love again
Wishing you were here in my bed

This is not my home
My place in this crazy world is with you
I would go wherever you may roam.
53 · Nov 2020
On my own
Alice Chew Nov 2020
Im on my own path now
These are my four walls
Im not looking back
Im running before I fall

You still have my heart,my soul,my everything
My heart is breaking
But I just can't take the sting

I know I will recover, I will heal
It all takes time
It all takes patience
I need to learn how to deal
But apart of me wishes it could still be.
45 · Nov 2020
Flying
Alice Chew Nov 2020
It's been a long time since you last saw my face.
But i have only been down the street.
There's too much space
Too much silence.

Every knook and cranny of this town is a reminder,
I need to get out!
I only hope your thought is to find her
Before it's too late.

I feel like a wildbird
Allowed to fly where i want
My please i know won't be heard
That only leaves me with one option
.....to fly.

— The End —