You took me by the hand
and shut your bedroom door,
I wondered if you had read the
philosophy book on your bare
shelf and I wondered what about
space fascinated you. You took
control of the space in between us,
colliding the heavy stardust of
unspoken disclosure with anticipated
kisses and creating cosmos
of philosophical
questions of morals and values
to appear in my mind,
one right after the other
until I lifted the little dipper
lock from the door, dismissing
the idea of the possibility
of the big bang.
I wanted to stick to my
religious views.

You took me by the hand
and led me to a corner booth
at the overcrowded bar.
We talked drunk about
home, family, relationships,
and other sober promises.
Your hands wandered and I
wondered how many days
and drinks it
will take for you to
forget about me,
so I guided your hands and the
conversation to less
intimate areas.

You took me by the hand
and kissed my forehead goodbye
the first time. the second time was
a soft kiss on the lips
and the third time we
kissed like no other while the galaxies
were collapsing in my heart as
the beginning philosophical questions
made me hurting to redefine intimacy.

You took me
but we’re not holding each
others hands anymore
so I’m still trying
to learn to love
the space between us again.

Those late summer nights when we kissed
as Bohemian Rhapsody was being drunkenly sung around us,
the less connected we became;
You were enthralled about the future of
the next step you could cross while
I was too aware of the absent past we had never created.

Kissing friends with empty mouths in the heart of
june’s and july's became my home,
crowded with knick knacks of nothing.
August appeared and the familiar faces had long grown to
become lonely strangers now ready with their bags packed,  
the other months calling them to come home.

The first boy I kissed had too many plane coordinates for
me to keep up with no matter how hard I tried.

The last boy I kissed had too many kisses on his lips before mine,
holding onto too many girls hearts lazily in his back pocket and
a real home thousands of postcards away.

One day there will be a kiss that will not leave me
with an unsettled heart and new meanings to the words
temporary and genuine for there
are still still winter winds, spring hymns and
autumn hues to hold hands in.

My heart is not to meant to catch in the summer heat
only to be left to burnout once the words
‘leave’ and ‘leaves’ are too applicable in the silent fall air.

These bare kisses leave me with unspoken hellos, goodbyes
and the heartbreaking notion that summer hazes don't last forever.

Dearest one please silence your sobs
and let your eyes dry.

He is going, going, going.
You’re growing, growing, growing.

Please know that is enough.

Don’t mistake love with coincidence.
He loved you for your little habits
and your soft attitude.
You loved him for the way the room
shifted when he entered it.

You still have your gentle voice and
little ways of life.
Hold onto something when you
see him again, the room will sway.

Please know that is just the way it
will be for a little while.

You loved him.
You may still love him.

But please know that you are
growing, growing, growing.
And he is going, going, going.
And that is enough.

There is a boy
sitting across the table from me,
whose voice cracks like an old record
when he sings hymns and
kindness rests in the color of his eyes.

He is explaining to me that order
scientifically can’t come out of chaos,
how the big bang never really happened because of
the perfect order our lives are set up to be.

The way the consistent order of the solar system
helped humans create the concept of
days, months, and years.

We climbed a tree whose leaves mimicked the
sunset’s arrangement of colors;
we watched the sun simmer into the horizon,
watching this chaos of color come to an orderly end.

My life shifts from one chaotic moment into another.
I remember sitting next to him on the crowded bus,
sides pressed up against each other.
There in that small act, I found order.

However I worried because I heard on the radio
one hot summer ago that us as individuals
need chaos to grow,
but then my name fell from
his mouth and my mind is now repeating
itself with chaotic worries that I
may never find someone like him again.

With a tank full of gas and a yearning to
grab the keys and get lost for a little bit,
I left my quiet empty room.

The sun was shining and the
music pounded against the inside of my cars windows.
My mind was heavy and my heart was light.

I came to a road where you and I got out
and danced after staring at the stars;
It looks uglier during the day time.

I drove on the road where we blasted
John Mayer’s Slow Dancing In A Burning Room and
I still listen to the the lyrics and they still taste bitter
dripping in symbolism,
I wonder if you knew what you
were doing when you hit the play button.

I drove faster past the ice cream shop we
would go to everyday and everyday the lady behind
the counter thought we were a couple.

I drove by the playground where we pumped
our legs as we shouted out our life plans and
how different elementary teachers seem now.

I drove by the drive-in movie theater,
we said we would go and pile the car with pillows,
blankets and popcorn but never did.

I drove by the watering hole where
we spent the entire day there,
both of us hoping that we could have stayed
there a little bit longer.

I drove by your ex-girlfriends house,
I think I was part of your heart still on the lawn.

I drove by your mom’s work place and saw your car
and ended up crying.

I drove by the lake we went kayaking where we
imagined what we’ll be like in ten, twenty years.

I drove on a road with rolling hills,
I sped up and on the downhills my stomach matched
what my head was feeling when you were going in to kiss me.

I drove by the park where that time you
were telling me how you were leaving early for the summer.

I drove by our rival schools sports fields and
saw a man flying a kite and thought of you.

I drove by the town’s tiny airport and thought of
you and how you never liked being here down on the ground.

And just like that I hit a dead end.

The phone bill is increasing all because of
too many minutes I’ve spent falling asleep
listening to the dialing tone.

Where are you?
I’m sorry it’s so late,
it’s just that I’m still trying to
plan our future but you are
already three hours ahead of me.

You see it’s just that
your present is my future and I’m no psychic,
my present is your past and you
never really had a thing for history.

In certain parts of the world,
a word can have a specific definition,
however while used in a different location
that specific definition loses meaning
and the word is redefined.
I wonder if that was the case for us
for when the words ‘
love’ and ‘forever’ fell from our mouths
over the phone one night.

I’m sorry my dear but my heart will forever be
three hours behind yours.
But I guess I should just give it some time
because I’m sure by then
the hours will cancel out and
I will have stopped caring
just like you have already done.

I hear you say her full name and know of the beautiful potential of the two of you, so I let go you go and watch you fall in love.