When you can't think,
can't do,
can't see,

through the storm of work and the chaos developed around it.

There is no such thing.

Inside, a shrinking breathing
With heaves and sighs.
Outside, nothing
Except the slight sting of the eyes.

Watching my phone,
Side by side with my homework.
Waiting,
for a response...

No one gets it.

Why do you act different in school and outside, a classmate might ask.
He would see me everyday at school then when he talks to me via phone, he doesn't think it's me, except my voice.

At school,
I am cool with my friends,
Respectful to my teachers,
Laugh just as hard as them,
Go out sometimes to Panera or the movies,

With family, however
I do chores,
Mostly playing video games for 5 hours a day with friends.
Cuss so much that I'm glad there's a door
And seem so relaxed that I'm a whole 'nother person.

Some wonder why.
Some never payed attention and will after this poem is published.
Some question how.

Hai.
Yes, it's me.
I'm still here.
Right in front of you.

Congrats on losing your friend!
Congrats on messing everything up!
Congrats on turning people against me!
Congrats on putting me down to boost yourself!
Congrats on being so sensitive that people will protect you!
*Congrats on hiding this from all of your friends

Only traded you in.

A creative
bright sky
from a black and dark earth.
Sculpted, smooth, cylindrical.
A simple layered texture.

Gun in hand,
I feel the power coursing through my veins.
One click.
Bang.

The sirens wail,
sending me pumping my feet.
The roar of cops,
Put your hands up!
I run.

Days later,
I'm in court.

For the charge of first-degree ******, what do you declare?
Guilty, Your Honor
Abstract Colleague, you are hereby sentenced to death for first degree ******.
Bang the gavel goes
Just like how I killed that man.

Can I be forgiven?
as I think as they strap me in the chair.
no
►►►◄◄◄

You gang up on me,
with all your fancy gear.
Don't hesitate,
get me until I'm almost dead.
Then say, "IF YOU WON'T PLAY FAIR THEN I WON'T EITHER".

And to think
we were friends
3 hours ago.

What had changed?
Nothing,
as a friendship only ends when multiple problems come up.

It hurts.
I know too much.
I'm on the border of sanity and its opposite.
I'm with my friends and thinking
"What if they knew?"
Their lives would change.

Maybe it would be better if I forgot everything.
But how?
I talk to them everyday.
Perhaps the summer will dull my mind.

I used to completely disagree with this quote.
I realize I have been manipulated.
I agree
*"Ignorance is bliss"

Just to know I can't get a girl,
stabs my heart like a sword.
Girls are like climbing a mountain,
when you get to the top you get love.
Sometimes it takes a while
but other times its an easy climb.
I must have been heading up but got hit with a rock avalanche.
Now I am at the base of the mountain.
**Crippled.

Swaying
side to side.
Head bobbing
up and down.
Nice warm feeling
freezing your chest.
Agree to anything
and everything.

Conscious afterwards,
hungover, wondering
What did I do last night?
Until the police arrive.

Chest swelling,
mind blown
as two eyes stare at the percentage.
Jump up and down,
like a frog.
Squeal if you want,
enjoy the moment.

Trust is so hard to earn
making sure you gain trust.
Trust is so easy to lose
one slip and all is lost.

Spends 3 weeks
trying to gain trust.
Loses it after
telling 1 secret

Never gains it back.
Trust is too tentative for any of us.

That was my deepest secret.
Now everyone knows.
I trusted you.

Oh yeah, the other day I went
to that 5-star hotel
and got a breakfast by
Bobby Flay.
Never heard of him, but the food was
pretty good.
Afterwards I went to the gym and lifted some
100lb weights.
Oh and yesterday I got a
100% on my quantum physics test.
All in all, my week was
NO BIG DEAL.

Are those grocery bags heavy?
Here, let me give you a hand.

WATCH OUT!
You might fall!

Do you want to take my plane ticket?
Take it. I don't have time for vacation.

Thank you so much for this check!
Anything to help the homeless.

Thanks for donating so much!
Kids need books, don't they?

You have helped out so much!
*All in a day's work.

Due tomorrow:
Lab report
Argumentative essay
Group project
39 textbook pages
I can do this.
Get some coffee and caffeine
Lock the door and close the windows
Put on those sound-blocking earbuds
FOCUS
Keep in mind the future good grade.

How to be vain:
Admire yourself in a mirror for 20 minutes.
Choose your clothes from 5 walk-in closets.
Make sure each and every article of clothing matches each other.
Wear as much makeup as possible even if you look hideous.
Never wear the same outfit more than once.
Lastly, spend time getting prepped for events even for going to the gym or the park.

Facing your fear
makes you go all cold inside.
Intestines shrinking and suddenly
the floor looks pretty.

Facing an impossible act
makes you get butterflies.
The mouth blubbers meaningless phrases
Tries to gather courage and bravery.

Why suicide?
1. I'm too stressed out.
2. Life will end anyways, so why not die now?
3. Someone's ****** at me for doing something.
4. I'm drunk/high.
5. Life *****!
6. No one likes me.
Why live?
1. Stress can be relieved in other ways.
2. You have a great future ahead of you if you work hard.
3. Try to seek forgiveness. If this fails, seek forgiveness.
4. Seek rehab.
5. Life has its ups and downs. It will get better.
6. Someone loves you, even if you don't know them.

I don't know what to write,
because my mind is white.
A walk would be in order,
to get thoughts out of disorder.
As I'm trekking through the forest,
I get an idea! A florist
who goes to Vegas
and...encounters writer's block.

Why did I do this?
Did this have to happen?

What is life?
Is it a given time before death?
Or a blessing after pregnancy?
Is it simply an adjective that describes a living organism?
Or an insult, such as "You have a horrible life!"
Is it something I don't have?
Or something no one has fully accomplished?
What is life?