i lash out at anyone deserving,
i love way too hard,
this illness is so unnerving,
and i feel like i’m breaking into shards,
i know i can’t handle this,
i know i won’t last much longer,
i’ll stay as long as i can if time permits,
i’ll try to make it farther.
his playlist was by far my favorite,
now i can’t stand for it to be played,
i guess what i’m saying is savor it,
before you get betrayed
it’s clear that i’m not good enough
so why, tell me
do i even try?
"do you love me?" i asked with utmost uncertainty
he looked at me as he said, "sometimes."
unsettled, unsecured and in limbo, "no guarantee."
he repeated, "no guarantee... at all times."
craving his touch,
his breath on his lips
his fingers between mine.
and i realize, at most, that is a wish,
not a possibility.
as i lay awake with my eyes open, i notice that i don’t love him, at most i love how he makes me feel. nothing more.
it’s not right but i have to accept it. it’s not true but i must accept the lies. i can’t change them.