Remember when,
the Amazon meant the rainforest,
remember when,
Birds were winged creatures that flew above us,

remember when,
our memory wasn’t something on our phone,
remember when,
memory was something in our minds?

Do you remember?

Do you remember,
when we were Light Beings,
not confined to physical bodies,
remember when being a being wasn’t so disgusting?

Remember when we lived,
without farting or pooping or bleeding or sneezing,
remember when we loved for the sake of love,
remember when we’d get together without needing a reason,

Do you remember?

Do you remember unconditional love,
I mean real unconditional love,
back when what we did actually seemed to matter,
before we gave up and stopped giving a fck,

before we threw in the white towel,
and sold our souls to buy in by trying to buy the right vowels,
remember when we had each other to believe in,
before we bought into the dreams they sell and we sold out?

Do you remember?

Do you remember when we lived freedom,
and it wasn’t just a dream we believed in,
do you remember when our little personal revolutions were evolutionary,
do you remember when we could trust everything we were seeing,

now the whole background seems like a green screen,
now the whole world seems like a crime scene,

in a Mandala of Samsara,
trying to break the cycle with Tantra Mantras,
and I wan’t to be Dr. Jekyll all harmless,
but sometimes I scare myself and become a monster,

but I guess that’s the price we pay to play The Game,
ah this life is expensive but liberation is priceless,
so I pay my dues and keep moving through,
making moves like there’s nothing to lose but this life I shine until lifeless,

taking trips without falling to destinations that are calling,
my name by ship car or plane trying to get it all but in the process forgetting everything,
so I preemptively apologize if we meet again,
and I admit that I easily forget and have to ask you to please remind me your name,

remember when,
the Amazon meant the rainforest,
remember when,
Birds were winged creatures that flew above us,

remember when,
our memory wasn’t something on our phone,
remember when,
memory was something in our minds?

Do you remember?

∆ LaLux ∆

Still Running

She’s still running,
so when I offered her my home,
and a place to unpack,
she didn’t even stay long enough to hang her clothes,

I suppose,
we’ve all gotta find our way on our own,
I suppose,
not every place we lay our head is our home,

in a zone,
can’t answer my phone,
don’t know where it started,
or where it will end,

she said she wanted a friend,
someone she could feel comfortable,
but I betrayed her trust because I’m a Man in Lust,
so instead of a friend I touched her like her drunk uncle did,

I’m sick,
don’t go so far as to put anything in,
but I did cross a line,
when I got turned on and held her hand,

****,

****,
what happened to our plans,
****,
what happened to a Happily Ever After end,

what ever happened to functional,
why do we have to all grow up so fckt up,
when well we find a place where we can heal,
who will help you me us we finally grow up,

I’m torn up,
and I know exactly how she feels,
because I was taken advantage of as a kid too,
and I know exactly how much she wants to heal,

but you can’t heal a wound,
if you don’t open it up,
and she’s still busy running from your pain,
and covering up her cuts,

and this is exactly why,
when I started to cry,
she began to get scared,
and decided to take flight,

because she thought I was becoming,
exact what she feared the most,
which is an unstable person,
that can not offer her solid support,

so she left,
without closure,
and I messaged her,
once I’d gained my composure,

I apologized for being so emotional,
and for not communicating with her clearly,
I wrote her I’d do anything to see her again,
I wrote her that I missed her very dearly,

she wrote back saying I could meet her at the airport,
to say goodbye,
but asked me not to ask her to come back,
because she wasn’t changing her mind,

I immediately agreed,
and asked her what time her flight was,
9:45 at LAX,
which was exactly when and where my flight was,

so we met at the airport,
and had a soul to soul,
you know the kind of conversation,
that simply can not be had over a telephone,

I apologized,
for not being the man then that I was now,
and told her,
if she came back I’d be willing to take that vow,
she smiled,
saying we’d only known each other a few days,
I smiled,
and replied when it comes to Infinite Love time doesn’t matter anyways,

we said our farewells,
and I watched her disappear up the stairs,
then I went to check in for my flight,
because I too had to get out of there,

and wouldn’t you know it,
in a twist of fate,
it turned out that my flight and her flight,
were departing from the same gate,

31A and 31B,
this must be destiny,
so there we were a with each other again,
just her and me,

and this is when she told me,
as the salty water began to appear in windows to her soul,
that when I’d called her to invite her to California,
she’d thought that she’d finally found a place where she could feel comfortable,

how she’d been in this cycle of meeting men that made her feel unstable,
and I knew she’d been in this cycle ever since her drunk uncle,
and I knew that even though I’d improved and could provide the stability she craved,
it was too late and she was gone gone away to probably repeat the same mistakes,

because she’s not going to get rid of the issue until the issue is faced,
and she’s not going to be able to face her issues if she keeps running away,
and I could have been the one to see her through be her truth and heal her too,
but instead I just lusted after her became emotionally unstable and pushed her away,

and that hurt me more than almost anything ever,
because I realized I’d betrayed her trust in the worst way,
I realized all she needed was a true friend and then maybe a lover,
not a lover that she didn’t love that couldn’t behave,

and then I watched her walk away,
for the 3rd time in as many of days,
and even though she walked,
we both knew what she was really doing was running away…

∆ LaLux ∆

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Writing by the moonlight,
she gets lost in the Ocean’s waves,
half Angel have Mermaid,
have uncontrollable have behaved,

so beautiful she is,
this Work of Art in Progress,
she’s got this God feeling God Blessed,
which only makes sense since she’s a Goddess,

lost in,
her conscious,
we’re in love,
it’s obvious,
this life,
is only an instant,
then it’s gone in a flash,
like an epiphany or meditative vision,
everything’s intrinsic and happens in an instant,
so we operate of instinct and intuition,

we drink from the Fountain of Youth,
and eat the Forbidden Fruit when it comes to fruition,
swimmin’ like a dolphin all in this current current that’s constant,
not a fish or a fisherman so I’m not fishing,

just sittin’,
on the beach in Venice,
watching my love swim in the sea,
at midnight under the full moon feeling replenished,

listing to Miguel sing tales,
of The Day The City of Angels Fell,
with my girl and I know she’s only human,
but she seems so much like a Mermaid I swear I see a tail,

as she swims in the ocean,
on a wave catching waves,
half Angel have Mermaid,
have uncontrollable have behaved,

her gaze,
melts these walls I’ve built,
and yeah the water’s rough,
but her touch is smooth as silk,
as we set sail,
into the future and all it entails,

oh God I’ve never felt,
so much for the touch of one,
told you before she’s my lifeguard,
we’re just getting started and the rest are already done,

writing by the moonlight,
she gets lost in the Ocean’s waves,
half Angel have Mermaid,
have uncontrollable have behaved,

so beautiful she is,
this Work of Art in Progress,
she’s got this God feeling God Blessed,
which only makes sense since she’s a Goddess…

∆ Aaron La Lux ∆

I am indebted,
to her like a samurai,
that’s why she is my girl,
and I am her guy,

she is my Mermaid,
and I am her slave,
so I always come second,
because she is first place,

at worst case,
I knew she’d get me with the right hook,
because I’m a sucker for good words,
almost as much as I’m a sucker for good looks,

I took,
the bait hook line and sinker **** it,
she got me with the right hook,
even though she’s left handed,

we take nothing for granted,
I give her the ground where I’m standing,
total opposites that’s why we fit together,
every moment spontaneous no planning,

see existence exists in every instant,
an instance of this is the existential bliss,
that her and I have when we unite,
and our unity is sealed with a kiss,

like a rose I suppose,
which is a reference,
Seal, kiss, rose,
now do you get it,

see there are similarities in my similes,
and metamorphosis in my metaphors,
and no I’m not **** about my analogies,
or allergic to verses so there’s always more in store,

topic always hot like that shop at the mall,
that’s us when we’re on fire like a phoenix,
see she saved me after I’d been crucified and burned,
not by Romans but by romance so I owe her my soul like Jesus,

I mean this,

she made spoken art light up from my broken heart of darkness,
broke apart then lit the spark so call us Spontaneous Combustion,
because when we’re together no matter whatever everything’s better,
and we light up the sky like lightening bolts see she’s where I put my trust in,

never rusting,

her mom died so on Mother’s Day we went to the beach,
where she protected me from myself and I protected her from the wind,
see we lived life grateful for every moment,
because we all know we’re all gonna go we just don’t know when,

well one day you’ll be gone and your love will be gone,
because we all get lost and then get gone like the wind,
see this is real love no counterfeit,
this is both generous and genuine all real no pretend,

when,
with here I feel found,
my lullaby for restless nights,
is the heart in her chest and the sound it makes when it pounds,

I am,

indebted,
to her like a samurai,
that’s why she is my girl,
and I am her guy…

∆ LaLux ∆

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Wow,
life is such a trip,
one minute you’re up next minute you’re down,
one second you’re happy the next you want to slash your wrist,

almost slashed my wrist today,
naked wrapped in a towel,
on the shower floor,
ready to let go,

used to be a Cutter anyways,
used to be a punk in the gutters anyways,
used to think about suicide and still do,
so even though I’ve got more money now what’s really changed?

Pain,
is still such an overpowering emotion,
which is how I found myself in a horizontal fetal position,
on the bathroom floor ready to cut myself open,

just wanted to clean out the pain,
so that maybe I could start again,
a new life with a chance to make everything right,
and have someone that falls in love instead of falling apart again,

and it was all over a girl,
isn’t almost always,
she left me with no explanation,
my last image of her was in my hallway,

going down the stairs,
with a bag that’s too heavy to carry,
and I thought about that bag and her travels,
and how I thought she might of been the one I married,

but apparently I wasn’t perfect enough for here,
she wanted a Catholic Vegan and I am neither,
I told her that she should not restrict her love with discriminations,
because even though I’m not religious I am still a True Believer,

and I’d just wanted some space I didn’t want to forever leave her,

but she took it the wrong way and made her escape,
and as she left out that door I knew I’d never again see her,

and there I was,
with all the pain from my past,
triggered in an instant by a girl I barely knew,
in a place where everything just felt bad,

and I was alone with my tortured self,
and everything from my tortured past,
and everything I saw reminded me of her,
and I wanted to just escape so fast,

so I grabbed a knife,
and headed to the bathroom,
I laid myself in the shower over the drain,
and assumed the position,

and just as the tip of the blade kissed my wrist,
and the first drop of blood escaped,
my phone rang in the other room,
and I wondered if I’d been saved,

my best friend was calling me,
he must be telepathic,
because the first thing he said to me was,
“Are you okay please don’t do anything drastic.”,

he made me promise,
that I would see him tomorrow,
and wouldn’t let me get off the phone,
until I promised him that vow,

see I never break a promise,
even if I do break hearts,
so when he made me make that promise,
we both knew that today would not be the day for me to depart,

so instead of slashing my wrist,
I went outside to bask in bliss,
to Venice beach I ran,
because the beach is just a block from where I live,

I ran until I was exhausted,
and ended up at the shoreline,
where I noticed a mystical gypsy girl,
meditating in the sunshine,

“Excuse me,
can I ask you for some advice?
What would you do if the woman you loved left you,
and you were considering ending your life?”,

she explained,
everything was only temporary,
and sometimes the pain,
is truly necessary,
and,
that we have to have our hour broken,
to let,
the light in and let our love deepen,

She then said she had something for me,
reached into her back and brought out a black tourmaline,
she gave it to me and said when she was on Suicide Watch,
a shaman visited her in the hospital and brought her black tourmaline,

she told me to where it,
listen to my heart and I’d get better,
I put the tourmaline on with newfound purpose,
and with strength and guidance I thanked her for the gesture,

I then left that mystical gypsy women,
there in the setting sun,
then set off back into the world,
to finish things I’d left undone,

on the way back,
I met a group of people kinda like myself,
they asked me what I was doing,
I replied “Trying not to **** myself.”,

they invited me to their place,
and here where the story takes another twist,
because there I met a girl,
who also had a story of desperation and wrists,

and that girl,
she was everything I’d ever wanted in a woman,
she was intelligent and beautiful,
she was hurt and a healer she was fixed up and broken,

and in that instant I saw how divine this all is,
and in an instant I realized the magic of this Life we live,
so I invited her back to my place,
and she instantly said yes,

life’s such a trip,
I mean it’s really something to think about,
like how every event in your entire life,
led you to this moment you’re living right now,

and any person you’ve ever met,
had to have their own exact experiences,
to lead them to find you,
and for both of you to be together in something that seems instantaneous,

and so there we were,
and we went back to my place and made love,
and everything felt so automatic and natural,
because with true love that’s just what is up,

she came and I came,
and we both knew how long it had been,
so after we made love,
we just laid there in our moment of bliss,

in that bubble we created,
that was only ours to have,
away from everything else,
where we could explore and laugh,

because we’ve all been through a lot,
but with love we will heal,
so there is no time for small talk,
only want you if you’re real,

and speaking of real,
to keep it real I’ve got to shout out my Ex,
because if she hadn’t left right when she did,
well then I wouldn’t have met my Next and had ***,

and I’m so glad she did,
and I’m so glad you did,
and I’m so glad I did,
and I’m so glad we did what we did,

and now I’m in the kitchen naked cutting asparagus,
with the same knife I almost used to cut my wrist,
see life is a beautifully horrible tormenting joyful state of painful bliss,
as yes what an interestingly twisted experience this life we live is,

and I’m going to get back to my bliss,
because I want to take a rest,
but before I go,
here’s a few words for me Ex,

“Dear Love,
I’m glad you left me because I found a better you,
she’s like you except new and improved,
because she’s vegan too but she’s only 22,
and she loves me unconditionally,
and here’s the proof,
if we have problems we work it out,
because that’s what grown people do,
we don’t runaway,
we stand and communicate,
and I know you understand,
because I know you relate,
but your love was not enough,
and ultimately you didn’t care,
so you had to go to make room for someone that actually loves me,
well okay then goodbye take off and take care,
I will always love you,
always have and always will,
even though you’re not ready for grown love,
because even at almost 30 you’re still just a little girl,
so good luck and goodbye,
I wish you well,
maybe see you again but I doubt it,
I guess time will tell…”,

and to you dear reader,
and to your depression,
don’t deny your depression go through it,
because it leads to progression,

and progression leads to transition,

and you never know what the next moment will bring,
and you’ll never know if you do the irreversible,
so even in your darkest moments of despair,
remember to stay hopeful so,

you can look back and say,
you were stronger than Death,
you lived to love another day,
and well this is your story too so you know the rest…

∆ LaLux ∆

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Had myself baptized today,
but there was no priest present,
only I but then again I am Aaron,
The High Priest and I was present,

so maybe there was a priest present,

had myself baptized today,
and no the water was not holy water,
but then again it was a hot springs deep within the earth,
Mother Earth offering Her blessings in the form of water,

so maybe it was holy water,

had myself baptized today,
but it was not in a church,
though in a way this whole Earth is holy,
Heaven is our roof and every word is a prayer,

so maybe I was in a church,

had myself baptized today,
wearing nothing not even a crucifix around my neck,
wearing nothing except my 24k gold chain,
which in a way represents sacrifice and redemption around my neck,

so maybe I was wearing a form of the crucifix around my neck,

for Lord knows I’ve sacrificed,
and only God knows the extent of my sins,
but through the power of the pen,
I constantly write my way towards redemption,

had no cross to dip in the holy waters,
all alone I was deep in a steaming cavern,
naked as the day I was born I prayed as I poured,
myself into those holy waters,

inside a mountain somewhere in Colorado,
a place called Indian Springs,
where Native Americans used to gather,
before the Europeans came colonizing,

it’s all more than sorta symbolic,
it’s more than a little ironic don’t you think,
how the only place I can find peace from these people,
is alone deep in a mountain at a hot springs,

here Mother Nature takes me back into her womb,
where I can surrender without fear of betrayal,
in her warm embrace I let her carry my worries away,
accepting the fact that I may never find my savior,

that I may never find a partner,
that I may one day die alone,
that unless I change my ways,
there will be no one to carry my legacy on,

and that gets us back to the subject,
which I haven’t even brought up yet,
of the woman that broke my heart,
and how she led me to this process,

I guess she had to ****** my heart,
for my heart to die and be born again,
so it a way her actions were a blessing,
which allowed me to write this poem we’re in,

see she said she wanted a Catholic Vegan,
and I act more like a Blasphemous Pagan,
but I’m not one to conform to any Rules of Man,
just because Man calls those rules a religion,

and I know my relationship with God is unbreakable,
and I know God loves me unconditionally,
but I just wish she loved me as much as God does,
and would accept me unconditionally,

but she didn’t and she doesn’t,
so she killed my heart so it could be born again,
and for that I am thankful and eternally grateful,
and for that I will forever be her friend,

but that doesn’t make the pain hurt any less,
it just makes the pain a little more bearable,
because I would do anything to have her back,
I would offer her my everything even my soul,

but I had to let her go,
because nothing last forever,
and even though she might have been an angel,
she for sure was not my savior,

seems no one can save you except for yourself,
I mean when you’re having issues most people won’t even help,
so if you want to improve heal your bruises and move,
you’ve got to learn how to get up and help yourself,

and that’s why I went for a drive,
and that’s why I soaked in those hot springs,
because I don’t need a religion to have a relationship with God,
I don’t need a collection plate to give offerings,

told you before the whole earth is my church,
and no one can tell me what God is telling me,
don’t need a priest, nun, rabbi, or imam,
to explain the meaning of these futuristic prophecies,

I don’t need any one person or thing,
I’m on a mission that’s divine in it’s essence,
and I am divine so even though I haven’t been ordained,
I am Aaron so when I’m here there is a priest present,

so I channel these revelations,
creating scriptures that read like repentance,
and as was in the beginning so it shall be in the end,
so here is where we shall return to the first sentence,

and I had myself baptized today,
but there was no priest present,
only I but then again I am Aaron,
The High Priest and I was present,

so maybe there was a priest present…

∆ LaLux ∆

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