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Mar 25 · 17
Moments I live for
Aaliyah Bella Mar 25
As my fingers caress your scalp
I watch your eyes slowly shut
God they are beautiful,
Lashes stretched out like hands  busy protecting your vision
I would do anything to guard you from the horrors those eyes have seen
Finger tips wander along side your hairline where several scars are tucked away
Energy calm
Your head leans into me as my fingers run across the back of your ear
This is intimacy
Voices in my head whisper line of poetry when we touch in silence
My spine pulls into you naturally as we rest
Your wisdom has been the missing piece to my mess unorganized brain
Love seems possible again thanks to you
Aaliyah Bella Feb 24
Burning with lit passion of fire and heat
In the morning you are the first and only thing I need
Sending bubbles of addiction through my gut and up through my thoughts
Knowing it will turn to Ash
But I admire the slow burn
Smoke clouding judgement
How can something feel so good but fill my lungs with tar and shame
Once we burn out I'll throw the stained yellow  filter  away without second thought
Just to grab another from a pack
Because love this good was never built to last
Feb 16 · 34
Aaliyah Bella Feb 16
Hallow soldier of a man
Feet made of concrete and heavy Boulders
Stood tall above me
Eating the clouds in his way
His body stretches to the stars and darkness of the night
His eyes like salty tears
Dropped shaped
Dark like his hair
He says with a tembling harsh voice that his love has changed
But so has he
He became cold like the soldier they wanted him to be
He no longer smiles
No longer has a spark in his soul
He stands like a telephone pole and let's his anger surge through his limbs
He looks too skinny to be himself
Too hallow and shallow
And he wouldn't say something like that, think again.
The person he was is no longer standing here
Rest in peace to the soul you were
I hope you find yourself again
Aaliyah Bella Feb 15
Heart being pulled in every direction possible
He makes a smile grow that I believed was lost
Undiscovered feelings develop in the dark
And I want to hide from my own emotions
Never admit I'm falling in love with you
A soul that will never belong to me
Skin that will one day forget my touch
Lips that will never say my name in vows
I accept the fact that I'm not made for you
Shoulders weren't made to carry all your hurt
But they were made like umbrellas for your tears
I will try my hardest to guard you from my sensitivity
I know you wanted me for fun
But I'm too attached
Not to say
I'm falling in love with the thought of you
Feb 9 · 31
the woman I am
collarbones exposed to the sun like open hands worshipping God
words spoke as soft as wind
as gentle as the cold of the snow
the warmest smile you've ever felt
an abandoned home of a soul
giving in every way
selfish but only when expressing self-love
intentions as rule ridden as the laws of the land
nobody shall conquer this body
for it belongs to the lord
soul sold years ago
to a life far from touch
disappearing fingerprints
constantly changing into a person unrecognized
self-expression becomes more than words
skin like communication
eyes deeper than rock bottom
******* deeper into a void of the past
but shoulders built to hold a house of broken promises and disappointment
bags under eyes packed full of regret and shame
showers wash everything but the past
but still standing stronger
at peace
Feb 9 · 30
After I die
a cold body rotting is all I am
bone decaying
flesh falling into the atoms they are
slowing turning into dust
casket 6 feet deep
tears from fake friends fall
everyone dressed in black
my lovers front row
to watch the body the once made love to sitting in eerie silence
cold and alone they will stand
unware of how broken I was
Don't be sad
Don't cry
when my body returns to the earth that birthed me
Feb 4 · 34
New feelings
love is so free,
free to give
free to receive
the sun hums when you're around
the grass dances along with your steps
the sky glows and grins with your smile
It takes every ounce of will from stopping me from fall face first
into your arms and safety
his eyes stare at the lips he is scared to kiss
I can see dark thoughts overwhelming him like clouds rolling in and getting ready for a storm  
I fear of hurting you
but the opposite if love is fear
so I open my eyes and head straight towards your affections
because I am so eager to discover the depth of your love
I pour everything I have into forgetting the taste of your name when I wakeup
I spill all my blood trying to erase your words of love you filled my body with
I rip the flesh you have touched and I am letting them scab over
This is healing
I grow every day I don't hear your voice
I flourish on the days your memories don't have time to surface
I will never sit at the bottom of the stomach of a beast ever again
I will kick and stab my way out of the next controlling chains I am put in
I am stronger without the help of my abuser
I do not miss the way you hurt me
I do not miss the taste of own blood
I do not miss the way you said sorry after screaming until your lungs bruise
Feb 3 · 39
stronger without u
I only miss you late at night, in the comfort of my own room
since you've been gone
I've slept next to the most similar soul to you I could find
He sleeps every night to the sound of rain and thunder
I've found comfort in this because since you left I've become a storm
but he admires this about me
all the chaos you couldn't handle
he does with pleasure
He tells me my soul is a deep lilac color and he feels it when our skin touches
I've never been admired like the art my hands create
I haven't cried about you since the day I hung up the phone
not one single tear I think you deserve
I would wish you the best but I am too far away to touch now
Feb 1 · 35
we eat the nickles and irony taste of the trip
lights fill the room like laughter and I see his smile glow
He looks at me with such realness and intimacy
I kiss down his spine, while whispering good energy into his ear, blowing love into his thoughts like a balloon
my curves lay exposed from lack of clothing
we like it this way, clothes tend to reflect our shame
and tonight our shame was healed, and our life together has begun
a new chapter has been written in my story
experiences I can only feel when young
we whisper about why we are catching feelings, communication has never been this clear before
his shirt looks so good on my soft skin
he admires every cell on my body
souls at peace
tripping and falling for you  
patterns kiss your checks just like my lips
under blankets
breathing hope into me
I hope this feeling never ends
Aaliyah Bella Jan 29
The familiar feeling of falling in love
Happens too quick
Trying to stop myself from falling face down at rock bottom
You breathe hope into me like CPR
And fill my head with thoughts of us like a balloon
The sounds of affectionate names replay like a scratched CD
Frustrating that guards are being let down  to let you in
Jan 28 · 23
dont say i love u back
Aaliyah Bella Jan 28
when a boy says I love you in the back of a car on a drunken night
wait to say it back
because loving should never be shy
but the desire to be accepted for the broken soul you are might just be enough to convince yourself to let your guard down
hand your self-esteem to him like a coat when you enter an unfamiliar home
lose track of the days when your mind is a calendar
he slowly unravels your habits just to switch up your maze you've memorized
he wants you with stained hands with the color of his lungs  
be strong enough to give yourself time before saying it back
Jan 28 · 29
bad night
Aaliyah Bella Jan 28
He stands tall like a telephone line, energy surging through his limbs
a permanent frown on his red-tinted face
he carries guilt in his veins
the tattoos show symbols of a violent that tracks him down like a private investor
but her
she cowers softly with broad shoulder blades to carry her weight of sins
makeup caked on to bring all attention to the ill intentions in her eyes
her skin is soft but covered in fingerprints and cuts from her last lover
but there's such a bright light void of a soul that radiates through her fragile transparency
this brings out the best in him, the part that makes him crave stability
the part that strives to grow
and that's why despite all odds
the strangest love connections build
Aaliyah Bella Jan 26
Disconnected soul from subconscious
Rust and tar fill my lungs
I can hear their concern so clear it rattles my thoughts
They can see my intentions are no longer clear
Behind the curtains is a wrecked ship soul
Behind the chaos in my veins is a deserted island at which no body has traveled on
Nothing but a ghost in a haunted house
Forced to fake every interaction I become a robot to emotions  
Much like my past lover
A brick wall of a soul
My mind and heart has never had a debate this harsh
My skin lusts
But my soul crawls when around him
Jan 26 · 127
Anger stage
Aaliyah Bella Jan 26
Darkness over powers the day light
Memories of his love only floods through me at night
Tears only fall down my face when memorizing a new stranger's lips
Weakness only appears when in isolation
I remind myself that life was better before you but the truth is life was better with you
Jan 26 · 31
Aaliyah Bella Jan 26
I wonder if you can hear the voices in my head
Because my every thought is resting on your taste buds
I feel so ****** into your solidarity
Sinking deeper into undiscovered ideas and understanding of myself
I'm drowning in your reinsurance
Like a good fish in a tank
You observe my habits
Understand my life style
And admire my beauty
I know I'm not easy to love
I'm nothing but damaged goods  and left overs in your fridge
But if you just give me a chance I will show you what you deserve
Jan 26 · 137
Aaliyah Bella Jan 26
Orange juice and LSD
Solidarity in my existence
Glowing auras of peace
Colors blinding with life
Sound bouncing with love
baptized in the shower
Change is growing within
Birthed a new self-awareness an inner love
Jan 26 · 40
Aaliyah Bella Jan 26
Rough turns into smooth touches under sheets with lights on
Breath against his neck
The cold bites our toes but the warmth keeps cores heated
He mutters about feelings growing
I refuse to believe in love anymore
Kisses tells secrets about intimacy that our mouth's refuse to say and our minds refuse to believe
Sleeping in his shirt
I memorized the smell of his pheromones and how they linger along with the cigarette smoke embedded in his clothes
His phone calls started to comfort my ears
I've been searching for a voice to bring me healing
I've been searching for a body to baptize me
I've been searching for a soul to memorize my touch and ears to memorize the sounds of I love you
But our love would be tainted from the start
a slow poison
Heart's and peace  would be Disturbed
And I can't risk getting hurt again
Jan 23 · 39
Come home already
Aaliyah Bella Jan 23
I look for your eyes in the dark
Search for a soul that has been absent
Touch skin that doesn't have your cells
Everything is wrong without you
I woke up and the sky is green
Grass is blue
Nothing is the same since the day you left
The air is suffocating me
The bed chains me down with depression
My voicemails are stuffed full of meaningless flings
Mountains have turned to water
My world has developed into a black and white film without you
Jan 22 · 77
Aaliyah Bella Jan 22
I go to write a poem, pour all my anger and blunt feelings about you onto a page
But everything sounds cliquè and boring
You stole my vocabulary
The adjectives I use in my writing is hidden under your coat
You stole my creativity
I can see it in your eyes this is what you wanted
You wanted to take everything I built with my own hands
You wanted to make me dig my own grave
And I won't let you
I'm taking back my power
And moving on with grace
And I'm stealing my vocabulary back!
Jan 18 · 29
Aaliyah Bella Jan 18
Tonight I just can't get Comfortable
Tossing and turning while watching the clock slowly development into the morning sunrise
I am no longer myself but yet a hallow shell with lifeless interactions
I allow abuse to my body in exchange for intimacy and surface conversation
I allow my soul to bargain with demons and still manage to bring myself to church
I see the mirror and only see hatred and memories of precious quality time  I should have just spent with myself to avoid this hurt
Jan 16 · 22
hurting so bad
Aaliyah Bella Jan 16
and just like that, we become strangers again
talks full of flowers and life becomes distant and cold interactions, does it make you uncomfortable to know you can never make my skin moan your name?
does it make you angry that my soul belongs to myself again
what will you do when I walk past you like we don't have a past?
Jan 13 · 22
Anger is a disease
Aaliyah Bella Jan 13
Vision blurred to only see red
If I was a cup I would be over flowing with anger
Veins stuffed full of unsaid thoughts
My aorta is covered in tar
The doctors say they can't help
They only specialize in shoving pills down our throats and telling us we have daddy issues
I need treatment to cure this disease
Running rampid through my skull
Taking over slowly
Day after day
I feel my anger bubbling up
Jan 13 · 34
Aaliyah Bella Jan 13
A soft whisper spoke in silence
The low rumble with a masculine tone
Words that carry such truth
Skin raises with goose bumps
A soul talking in the dark
My ear begs to listen to every line
Like poetry I analyze your intentions
Jan 13 · 22
Who am I
Aaliyah Bella Jan 13
A smile so bright you confuse me with the sun
A heart so gold its shameful
Tongue sharper than the knife in my back
Intentions as pure and clear as glass
Sins ******* in the closet
Regret and guilt in the backseat on my mind
Behind the curtains of my soul is depth and pain
But on the surface I'm as calm as the sea
Jan 13 · 71
Aaliyah Bella Jan 13
There's something about a broken soul that intrigues me completely
Jan 12 · 31
Labeled a bad guy
Aaliyah Bella Jan 12
Kisses down my neck make my skin pur
Finger tips on my inner thighs

Heart of gold
The track marks on his arms show the strength in his growth
The Bible verses on his tongue show me the word
He is my peace of mind until the clock hits 11 am
He is my solitary confinement when I'm drowning in sin
He shows me  his sin and offers it on a silver plate
And I feel so full of his demons
I never need to eat another meal again
Not on drugs just intoxicated by his honestly and strength
Aaliyah Bella Jan 12
I give you complete power and control over my body
I have no more soul left to offer
I lay my curved body on the warm sheets and let your eyes eat me
I allow you to tie my limbs down to prevent me from floating
you admire every whimper that I mutter
you listen close to my lungs as the search for air
blindfold on  and you become my darkness
you devour me in your sin
I see the beauty in the pain
anything to please you
belts come out and you mention the way I squirm and how powerful you feel
screams until my lungs bleed
I give you all I can offer
begging, moaning, power.
Jan 2 · 46
Day 2 without you
my bones ache without you here
My heart is over grown with saddness
My veins are full of my rage
It's lonely without you here
Come home baby
I'm waiting
Dec 2019 · 171
Aaliyah Bella Dec 2019
I have dirt under my nails still from digging my own grave
Stared down death With my own eyes
Shook hands with the devil while preaching to my Lord
My hands are still bleeding from the roses I picked
To place on my grave
Once all my sins have been washed
Nov 2019 · 299
Letters to my actual heart
Aaliyah Bella Nov 2019
Dear heart,
You are one of the only thing that keeps me going most days. You fill me with warmth and life. Thank you for staying so strong during my overdose, I’ll forever be grateful for that. You’re the only one who’s been here through it all, I am so surprised you still keep going especially after all the heart break and pain I can feel you get consumed with. If at any chance you decide to stop working just know I understand and I am ready when you are
Sep 2019 · 532
Suicide letters
Aaliyah Bella Sep 2019
I sat down to write a suicide note
So many people  to apologize  to
But the only words on my final paper is
Say I am sorry to my sisters for not being  strong  anymore
Sep 2019 · 79
Death wishes to myself
Aaliyah Bella Sep 2019
My ****** eyes are burnt into my skull and suddenly  I wish I was only decaying  bones in a casket 8 feet deep.
His eyes made me wish the pills worked on my first suicide  attempt
His eyes make me wish I would have died the night he ***** my cold shaken body
I wonder if he can he my screams in his sleep cause God knows I replay my screams like a record  with one track
I hope he wakes up in sweats after remembering how he burried my soul in the ground  I was ***** on
Sep 2019 · 72
Aaliyah Bella Sep 2019
The memories  visit me so often now it's  like an angel  but dark and twisted
It kisses my head and tucks me into bed where it visits me in my sleep to torment  me
I started to cry in the shower
So my husband  hopefully  won't  hear my sobs
I don't  talk about it
I refer to my **** as "the situation " because saying **** outloud makes my body shake
Recently  the memories have been so vivid
Details i forgot sufferaced
Like the dirt in my shoes
Or my yellow shirt covered in sand
My skirt around my ankles and underwear with monday on them
The feeling  of his hand around my chin and pulling my hair towards him
I remember  everything  i forced myself to forget
After 4 years you think you would start healing
But his face pops up on facebook  
And i start to have nightmares  about his eyes
His eyes
When i think about  them i feel  like i was looking  satan in the face and lost
The eyes of my ****** are burnt into my skull and suddenly  i wish i was only  bones
Sep 2019 · 536
Evil people in safe places
Aaliyah Bella Sep 2019
Evil people  live in safe places
With dogs and jobs
With a husband under her control
With children she manipulated  the state to get
Evil people hide in safe places
They are nurses in church
A " hard working mother"
But behind closed doors
They project all their hurt
They pour their trauma into their children like potted plants
They train you to believe  you are the weakest  link.
They morph your brain into soilders fighting for the wrong side
Evil peopl hide in safe places
Sep 2019 · 197
My trauma photo album
Aaliyah Bella Sep 2019
I froze my trauma
Capture it like a picture book
Put it on a shelf  and forgot
But whenever i look at the images
The one of me running to a place i called home after my ****
The one of me seeing my mother for the last time
The one of my foster mother screaming  at me for self harm
Images of me in the hospital  after an almost deadly accidentally overdose on drugs
The one of my hands in cuffs outside my school
The one of me screaming  when he ripped my black skirt off
Fill to the brim
Too much to handle
too much to see
If i could burn that photo album  I would
But at the end of the day I convince  myself  I am nothing without  my story
Aug 2019 · 185
wedding vow draft1
Aaliyah Bella Aug 2019
Dayton, I've spent my whole life waiting for you, searching for the best parts of you in everyone I meet. I promise to love you until my last breath, to comfort you in times of need, make you smile everyday, bring nothing but joy to your life. I vow to be honest with you share inmate moments and trust you with my life. I vow to never shame you, always be understanding and most important love you regardless, through thick and thin and better and worse I will be right by your side. you are my yesterday, today, tomorrow and forever.
I was taught that:
love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. and your love has never failed me.
and i promised myself I would never marry until I believe that our love is patient and kind and always protects, and that is why it's a true honor to be your wife until my last days on earth. I love you Dayton Reed and I will never stop loving you
Aaliyah Bella Aug 2019
almost everyone fears spiders and i came to understand why
I sat at a window watching a creature with many long legs and eyes to match
i watched as he wrapped and suffocated a small frail bug in his web
he twisted and pulled on his web until the bug stopped moving and slowly but careful devoured him. I never related to a small bug like this before, the moment the bug stepped into the spiders home he was devoured and killed.
the moment I stepped into your home I became prey to you. You are my spider. maybe people fear spiders because they know human ones
Jun 2019 · 188
Rosie child (k)
Aaliyah Bella Jun 2019
she is the girl people write love stories about
she is my perfect ending
as she sit in the back seat next to me
street lights stop to pay her skin a visit
and goosebumps raise as she looks at me with eyes wide
I've spent  my whole life kissing with my eyes closed
and I don't want to close my eyes a single second and waste staring at her beauty
she plays music that feels my heart with guitar strings and tunes of love
and it makes me want to kiss her for the first time all over again
Jun 2019 · 150
tequila showers
Aaliyah Bella Jun 2019
on the bottom of a bathtub and the bottom of a bottle
I found the beautiful woman, breath taking
she laid in my arms
skin to skin I felt a true honest connection
the girl I stared at for months in English class  with her curls that fell as elegantly our her angel face
the girl my love poetry is about
finally kissed me
and it tasted like 1950
her skin soft like the blankets we shared
her freckles are stars and I wouldn't change a single thing about the sky
because tequila and showers
made me fall for you.
May 2019 · 285
puppet master
Aaliyah Bella May 2019
sometimes I feel like your beautiful doll
dressed in silk dressed hand picked for me
rose colors engraved into my cheeks
a painted smile
and I dance for you
just how you want it
cause at the end of the day
you control every movement I make
you are my puppet master
Apr 2019 · 274
I want to leave you
Aaliyah Bella Apr 2019
He makes my fist bleed, I pour my anger and blood for his affection
I crave his lips and attention so badly I look desperate
and I proudly play the role of the fool
because when the show is over and it's just us
and he is loving me as I deserve
it feels like a fairytale
but days like that don't come often
Apr 2019 · 152
anger like my father
Aaliyah Bella Apr 2019
I have bubble wrap around my throat
trying to help me with my deep anger
she makes me want to hit
hurt someone, something
she makes my porcelain skin break out in hives
but I will not be tempted by anger like my father
anger and my father were made for each other
and I want to be more like the mother I admire
and Breathe
becomes one with the feeling of calm
and use my strength to hold my fist open
Aaliyah Bella Apr 2019
All good things come to an end they say
well I apologize for not wanting the smell of you to leave my blankets
I am sorry for crying when I think of this summer coming to an end
but You aren't just a good thing you are a life changer
Apr 2019 · 170
so sad
Aaliyah Bella Apr 2019
I can't think about the future, it makes me swell
in 6 months everything will have changed
I will be in college
the military put distance between me and the people I love most
they will be in basic training
while I am walking around a new campus
new faces, old friends and lovers have gone.
Apr 2019 · 124
Aaliyah Bella Apr 2019
her hair rests with greasy roots, it is ******* with a pink scrunchy.
her body is built like an Amazonian woman, tall.
her legs are thin, they stretch like veins and she is my blood supply and when her shirt goes up I suddenly feel my pulse.
Aaliyah Bella Apr 2019
his head is in the clouds
where the sun is brighter
and sky rests so blue it's blinding to his deep brown eyes
the constant buzz and shakes from the large engine must scare him
but once he starts to fly maybe he will calm
Apr 2019 · 236
Aaliyah Bella Apr 2019
today I felt so small I could have sunk into a salt shaker and hid
I could have melted threw the cracks in the tile and been lost
I felt so small.
they make me feel so powerless and small
I wish I could outrun their harsh belittling words
Apr 2019 · 454
dear 8th grade me
Aaliyah Bella Apr 2019
Aaliyah, you are so bright with your blond hair that touches your hip bone when straighten. You learned at a young age that men take what they want and soon you will willingly sell parts of yourself to men, I am not talking sexually I am talking emotionally and personally. You are seen as prey to older boys now that your ******* no longer say "Monday" across them. You will make it through this. You will face the worst parts of your life, soon very soon your bloodstream will be filled with alcohol to drown out the **** and medication to tame your teenage emotions and they call this " bipolar" and you will wear this label around your neck like a noose and your mother will cry at the sight of you being such an addict eventually you will ruin it all. but by senior year you will grow up get on a plane and restart life. well just know you will be okay. through all of this, you will be okay
Apr 2019 · 177
Aaliyah Bella Apr 2019
the past month has held me close
hearing your voice tucking me into sleep
your warmth used as my blanket to keep me calm
the past month with you left my cheeks permanently numb from smiling
I never want this feeling to end with you
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