maybe i
am slow
with words

maybe i
cannot comprehend
what people say

i say what i feel
for the first time
in over 19 years

but that does not
matter to you

because no matter
what
i cannot
do anything
right

i am too
emotionally
hurt

       for y o u

we fight
day after day
night after night

poison spilling
from our fingertips
poison spilling
from our mouths

when will
i finally be
enough for you

will it ever happen
in this lifetime

or are we
just fantasizing
about something
that will never
happen

life has finally
gotten the better of me
life has finally
caught up with all my bad decisions
life has finally
consumed all of the light

i am confused

i am trying to
piece things together
without any memory

every feeling
I can’t figure out
why I feel this way

it is relearning
life again
hurt again
love again


i am relearning everything





i want
more than anything
to be me again

I don't feel special,
I'm not unique.
I want to cry
but I can't even speak.
My hands reach out,
but they cannot hold
a single thing
but the bitter cold.
Everything's frozen,
I feel lost.
Even my tears
have turned to frost.
When I cut my waist
it bleeds black.
I'm so deeply gone
there's no way back.
This is goodbye

what I would give
to go back
and restart

every second
of my life

to restart
every feeling
every emotion

i need it all
to stop

please



just stop

i feel pain
i feel hurt
i feel ******* betrayed

i feel like i wanna run away
i feel like i wanna shut off
i feel like i wanna forget everyone

i feel hollow
i feel numb

but

i feel fine

imagine
what you once thought was
people you could call family
people you felt safe around

turn their backs
shut you out
hush you
ban you
people who throw
you in the dark
and shut the door

throw me to the wolves baby
I’ll come back leading the pack