i hope one day
if not soon
you see that
her and i
do not have the same
hair color
skin color
eye color

my name is mine
and hers is hers
we are different sizes
we have different voices
my history is more than a few
textbooks you receive throughout high school
where hers is just a chapter

she is easy you see
and me
well i am complicated
i am the destruction left in the wake
of when a hurricane and tsunami meet

please stay
even though i am rough
but know
i am not her
i am me

i am locked within a cage
of my own making
my hands and feet are ******
from trying to climb these walls
made of my own bones and hatred

i am screaming please don't leave
but by the time the words
make their way up to my mouth
from this prison
only the word
leave
escapes my mouth

My name is Erin
and i was *****
at the age of 7

it has taken me
14 years of my life
for those 13 words to escape
my hollow mouth

the only questions i come to now
is why
why lock me in that room
why take everything from me
my innocence
my purity
my childhood

in that room
where my family trusted you
where i trusted you
the night terrors i have to this day
still haunt my mind

like a never ending
drive in movie that plays
over
and
over
only the moon in the night sky
isnt made to be found here
there is no light in these terrors

i cant sleep this time of year
because every time i do
its you
in that room
locking the door
shutting the windows
******* me
yelling at me
every single night
i close my eyes

it has taken me 14 years
to accept the fact that i was taken by you
i have been numb ever since
left in the dust
rotting away at the core
thinking i was nothing
thinking i deserved nothing
because you took everything

but not anymore
i will recover from this
i am strong enough
i believe in myself
i believe in my own happiness
and i promsie
that when i have children one day
i will never ever let them rot at the core
i will find happiness
the darkness will not take over this time

you are not who
everybody wants you to be

you are you
and that is far
more than enough

if you take advantage
of someone's weaknesses

that is
n o t
love

when you are a little girl
they tell you
how to act
how to talk
how to smile
to always be forgiving

but how do we forgive
the man who couldn't help
but force his own body onto us
without consent

how do we stay quiet
and not speak up
when his fist meets our throat
and the bruises look of a
red and purple painting
mashed together with pain on our skin


i want to be like a vibrant watercolor painting
u n f o r g i v i n g