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May 2020 · 96
dream screen censorship
alina May 2020
In a tank of shrimps
You’re a Moorish idol
You make everything
Look a trifle…

since I’ve learnt of you
you’ve been in my dreams
you sat close to me
I could feel you near
despite image banned
on my nighttime screen…
got no closeup of you
only contours unclear

i've been touching you
with my fingertips
i've been watching you
with half-closed eyelids
through a keyhole
in the dusk of night
through a door gap
in blinding sunlight

not a photograph
but a blurry snap
poorly painted draft
of your silhouette
in the dark of room
we talk tete-a-tete
but your mouth is mute
and I doubt… what’s that?

Is it a cigarette...
or it’s just a pen?
But before I know
I’ll wake up again
May 2020 · 102
to myself
alina May 2020
stop being idle
before you become useless
why your success is ebbs and flows?!

no time to dawdle
though inspiration may be elusive
it's only a part of the whole

hard work pays off, so...

astound, conquer, enthrall
Efforts exalt
Inaction stalls

p.s. lately i've been feeling stagnated
i can't help it i just hate it...
May 2020 · 132
lesson learnt
alina May 2020
I endued with divinity your every trait
Since the very first day I happened to sit in that chair
In your doctor's office with those curtains ominously drawn
I was admiring your face placid like a doll
No less then your velvety voice - calm, measured
I kept in memory what took so little for too long as treasure

As soon as i got home i was consumed
I inserted dreams of you into my daily ritual
My appetite and sleep was shredded
I only prayed on you via your social media

I stumbled once upon you in her company
She didn't look like someone tantalizing
And that served as a crucial impetus
I felt imediately narcisstically amazing

When almost on a brink of losing sanity
Sticking around the whole day in your vicinity
I gamely took on a blueprint despite a lack of clarity
If i can claim on you due to my superiority

Not by a lucky chance but by my piercing efforts
( because when i want bad i get what i want)
I ultimately defeated your borders
I ultimately captured that stronghold

Since then another chapter followed
But happiness woudn't last for long...

I had to bear in mind it's not a lady's job
to chase a guy and be overinvolved
I was naive to hope
I'd win a gentelman but not a snob

To the day I never forgot
how you treated me like dirt
Right in the middle of rolling up my T-shirt
Casually telling stories of other girls
With a blatant look into my eyes and mocking smirk
and put on that tone, you aimed to sound innocent
I always could say when your words were being ambiguous
when i resented you immediately knew the cause
But you've never said a word in your self-defence
Other than repeatedly "dont take offense"

The first part was great expectations for too tiny you
I'm overwhelmed now with repulsion toward you
You only capable of twirling your hose
Just like orangutans do in their cells in zoos
And me? i'll keep on nurturing my human decency
the one you poor thing never had in you

— The End —