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It pulls you into the depths of darkness,
Clawing at your faith,
Straining your soul.
Further and further, you descend
Past the nine levels,
Straight into the flaming pit,
of Hell.
Too much time to think
has guided my mind to fall
back into the black hole of depression.
This one I fear I will not be able to escape.
Its claws are gripped tight
around my neck like a hanging rope.
I feel my feet slowly being lifted from the ground.
What's the difference
Between love and hate
What's the difference
Between the immense
Feelings they create

They both consume,
Reeking with
A robust perfume
Sweet and sour,
They both have
A way to devour

One is hot
One is cold
Neither can stop
Or seemingly grow old

Once I was told
They're simply a mold
Which grasps a tight hold
Into the heart

It
Slowly drains
Like a ****** rain
All it brings
Is sorrow stricken pain
"Is it normal to be missing someone so bad, that you can't even keep your mind on track? To the point you forgot the time, and the date. To see him was all you could think of, and so you wait?"
For me it's like suddenly nothing matters any more and trying to do anything becomes impossible.
It makes me feel numb sometimes so I cut to feel, or its makes me so anxious and I cut to calm myself.

Other times it makes the stupidest things seem so incredibly important.
Makes me unable to cope and worry about everything, makes me paranoid that everyone hates me.

It makes me consider suicide, makes me want to disappear and never be seen again.
It makes me want to rip my hair out and peel back my skin.
It makes me want to be someone else anyone else.

Then it goes away for a little while and I feel calm again, I feel like I can cope and I feel like suddenly I'll be okay, everything will be fine.
Then like a strong cloud it comes back and ruins everything.
I wanted to write something personal about what my depression feels like.
11/9/2014

Hey Thanks,


Thank you for the long talks on the phone,
Thank you for all those fights and arguments,
Thank you for all those times we yelled and swore at each other,
All those times you said we where done.


Hey Thanks,


Thank You for staying after we fought,
Thank you for never giving up on me when everyone else has,
Even though I'm a big weight to carry.


Hey Thanks,


Thank you for giving me hope,
Thank you for giving me meaning again,
Thank you for making me a better person.


Even though we talk less now,


Hey Thanks,


Thank you for loving me.
I thank you for being the greatest gift god has given me, I pray we can fixed everything that we have wronged, and become that same happy person when we started talking.
It's four in the morning,
And my eyes are still open so wide.
A pen shivering in my hands,
Waiting for me to breathe into it-
Some Life.
I wonder where my sleep is
-Does it ever miss me too ?
I ponder over it like a mad-man,
Such a trivial thought,
But it paints me my blues.
There's nothing but silence-
Or maybe,
Silence and nothing.
Which way does the road leads ?
-A dark descent in madness.
Would I bleed emptiness,
If nothing is left inside.
Would silence prevail my screams,
And it would seem I am alive-
From the outside.
Is there a way to feed on the silence,
If not-
Would I be hungry forever ?
I seek solitude in disguise,
Served in solace-
With a hint of serenity together.
Moon-light is the preferred sauce,
And I don't feed unless-
I have no cause.
The clause clearly states that-
Dark clouds may hamper the supper,
But I had one the other night-
And the moon disappeared.
Would it be still here, somewhere ?
Can it hear me,
With all the dreams it bears.
So many souls lost in peace,
A buffet of tales,
For it to feed upon.
But I am sure,
It must feel alone-
For we haven't seen each other,
In a while.
It's so exhausting to walk so many miles.
Only to find scars and a barren land,
I hope someday I would understand,
Why I see a man-
When I stare in the night sky.
Is it a trick of the eye,
Magic ?
As they say.
Delusional fusion of illusion,
Escalation of my confusion-
If the man wears the crown of scars,
Or if those scars wear the man.
Is it not tempting-
To be so close with the stars,
In reach of his hands.
Do they kiss his skin,
Whenever he stands.
Or do they disperse in star-dust,
With dusk,
As if he's waving a magic wand.
I wonder if the earth can still find him,
Even if the eyes don't seek him no more,
I remember before,
Every-night he would sing a lore.
The time swept the tides,
And now I see no moon-light.
Only street-lights grace this oasis -
Made of star-dust,
But a heaven no more.
Pillars of concrete emotions,
Rise through the air.
Who ate the sky, I wonder,
I see no sign of it anywhere.
My world isn't big enough,
But how big really is life ?
Would I deserve my answer,
If I walk through it alive ?
Or is the question too fragile,
Dangling by a noose of faith,
My fate, isn't mine at all-
So how am I a master,
Of the journey to be made.
Would not the reflection,
Touch the mirror and break.
The pieces lost forever,
Even though the time won't wait.
A curious curiosity of reality,
Side effects abundant-
But can be cured easily,
By a daily dose of fantasy.
Though it can alter mentality,
Patient won't suffer from duality.
Fantastical whimsical array of-
Spectacular rectangular view,
Drawn in circles,
In three dimensional fashion.
A factional directional window-
For rational,
Though the mind would-
Serve thy passion.
Only if they understood,
A name isn't what's true.
An essential equation of reasons,
As seasons change hue.
My ink is due,
But the words still scan the page.
Every moment is grow,
With All these memories I age.
Won't the world sing me a song,
It promised when I was born.
Heavy and sinking,
With all the past I have borne.
It's not five in the morning,
But it feels so close.
I left my dreams to die, again-
And yet, I feel no remorse.
The barren wings lift the sky,
Enough to keep me awake.
The eyes keep begging for more,
And tears have yet to make a lake.
The mighty must have lied,
There so no philosophy here to learn.
All that is, will be gone,
His chosen gift ever-ready to burn.
And the angels have all but died,
Mighty bridge of darkness,
Burned all through the other side.
No more trips to the dark corners,
Only four walls and no trees to oblige.
how would I ever taste the fruit now,
Will the leaves still kiss my feet ?
I miss the meadows of naked -
Whispers,
As they wither,
For the hours that cut inside deep.
No more ashes left to keep,
As the sun now consumes our all.
Taking with itself,
As it falls,
The last ray of hope too.
Wish the men had known,
Diamonds grow in the sky.
To be cultivated and grown,
Till they cover all of our eye.
That's where the dreams are gone,
And that's where the moon hides.
Behind the haze,
That litters the horizon-
Is where the universe resides.
Notes (optional)
You know what sounds nicest?
In your bed lying covers half drawn.
Afternoon bath just as I'm waking up.
Your notes upon nightstands and mirrors.

I hope you understand that I'd do
unspeakable deeds and make deals to
realize this vision --

but I'm only human,
you lecher

I'm not the one distributing kisses
I'm not the one love has found you
in paper and ribbon
I'm a companion for us
lonely ones, called suckers
I'm a ******.
I cannot believe the **** culture that exists in these modern times. We, as Women live life thinking that our rights have have come a long way since those times when we had little to none but have they really? Have our rights gone anywhere when we are still, now WARNED about ****, when we are told ‘you need to be careful, you’re vulnerable, watch out for ****’.. Why is it our responsibility to not be *****, why is it not our responsibility as a nation to educate our young Men on ****, to educate them on a Woman’s right to say ‘No’ and to not have it ignored, argued with or discussed, to have it accepted, respected. Why is this placed upon our shoulders, something for us to guard against, something for us to worry about as we walk down a street, as we walk through our towns and something for us to be blamed for when we wear a short skirt, a tank top, tight jeans and are therefore ‘asking for it’. I was warned about being ***** today on the bus, an old man said to me ‘you be careful, you watch out, a young woman with a body like yours’. This is the body God gave me, this is the gender God gave me, this is the woman that God made me and why should I therefore have to protect myself against being ***** because of it? This is **** culture and it needs to change NOW.
How can this be accepted? How can we ignore this when we have daughters, granddaughters, sisters, nieces, friends, sons, grandsons, brothers being raised with this perspective, this ideology, this **** culture?
Today, this is said not as a poet but as a woman in this society, as a one-day mother and as an individual who knows that things need to change for the better.
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