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Each night as I'm stuck in bed
My eyes our sewed opened
Being forced to stay awake
So I could relive all my sins
I lay each one out on bulletin board
In my mind
Connecting eachone to one another
With simple red yarn
Im trying to pinpoint
the exact moment
My life became filled with
secret regrets
Its suffocating me
I want to speak up
To tell some other living soul about
All the bumps and bruises
That is my life
That is me
But i cant
So I lay with my dry eyes
Unable to blink away this feeling
Regret is tortuous
Admiration is best from distance
The pure thought of you
Is beautiful
You however is tainted by
The ugliness of reality
*** was never vulnerable to me
I krept into a small corner of myself
Attempting to keep me safe
While  hundreds of your hands
Groped every inch of what you thought was me
So you could come undone
Lavender linen
Swallowed me whole
Waddled me up in
Silky sheets
Cradling my skin
I hate to admit it
But
Im a scared little girl
Calpurnia was a mother to my mother
  Sep 9 Christina iguala
Alexis
but dear,
if we humans were only ever meant to be beautiful

we wouldn't have been born in
the dirt .
you don't need to change .
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