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A W Aug 2017
Where do I begin?
Why do I try every time you say "it's fine"?

I can't tell anymore with the feelings I receive.
First it's something I have to believe,

Believe in what?  A sign that I cannot see?
Why should I be naive?

Nothing make sense the more I think about the contradictions.
Do they even synchronize; our emotions?

I cannot tell.
Not until you yell.

It doesn't have to go on for so long,
So why must we chase something if it seems like we don't belong.  

Our friendship is an unresolved issue.
Always getting ready to argue.

Will our years of friendship be the same?
I care for you, but do you only feel sick around me?

I've made my mistake,
but I plan to get back into shape.

I want to confront you but will it make it worse?
Am I now on a high horse?

You tell me all of my flaws,
all of these laws-

Like it's a word for word scripture.
I always need to re sculpt;



Just to fit your mold of ideas.



I'm not trying hard enough,
yet my efforts don't matter through the rough.

I just seem too broken for you.
Or maybe, as always, I'm just making up you view.
I just have bad anxiety and jump to conclusions too soon.
A W Jan 23
Casted over me is a loom of doom.

Chained to the negativity it becomes hard to bare.

Crushed by my despair I drag it around and wear it as my armour.

Cursing at myself for the dark emotions, I shrike alone.

Covered by love I still reject.

Cannot receive when there's no respect for myself.

Chasing away the ones I hold dear is the only way I can endure.

Carrying memories that hold me back, I relive alone.

Costs I pay for my depression.
A W Apr 2018
Pitter-patter;
     pelting peaking the poignant hearing of a peering, personable
     person.

Awakened she walks;
     waiting for water to weaken against the small windows,
     withering away.

Flourishing souls;
     stemming from spring came spitting droplets, refreshing flora.

Drab days;
      dead development dawdled by dreary dates - winter is gone.
    
Joyful cheers!
     Carrot's stones cherished close for colder days.

Winter disappears for departure.
    Spring reappears for resurgence.
Everyone enjoys spring but I think rural and urban farmers alike understand that rain is the prime time for plant growth.
A W Aug 2017
Traveler by heart of the sunrise
Came down by sicknesses demise
Dusk to dawn you came
In my dreams you wept of confusion;
"Fear not my beloved, I have respiration.
I came from another's wing,
This friend I cannot say
Lay your bodies to rest and your minds at bay."
Despite that the days will turn to years since passing
We keep your spirit to heart
Although I know that we must depart
All I could hold onto is; "Please don't go, I love you so."

- A.W. (April 2, 2016)
A poem I wrote about a dream I had in the passing of my aunt last year.
A W Apr 2018
Falling asleep,
            more like a leep in faith and all that is good.
            A jump into your conscious, praying
             you don't see another monster.
             Another fear behind your closed eyeslids.
             A full, peaceful rest before the haze.
             Dreaming of spirits and emotions holds me awake these past few nights.
             Along with the dread of my real fears like heights, that follow.
              If I wished upon a star, I'm afriad in my sleep the devil will call.
              There is no telling what I will dream of tonight;

Prediction

Fear

Insecurities

Loving memories

Or self hate and destruction.
I couldn't sleep well these past few night.
A W Jan 29
Forget me not,
is a hard thought.

Forget me soon,
is the time to change my tune.

Forget me now,
is difficult look back on our future vow.

Forgotten already,
hoping that we didn't fall out of frame,
the friendship promised only seems like a fever dream.

Forgotten my emotions,
you used to give me a nice sensation,
now you're the reason I lack passion.

Regretting my intimacy,

You search for another girl like it didn't matter.
Letting my heart shatter.
Being alone has left my teeth to chatter.
Feeling like the latter.

In only a few weeks.
Forgetting to be checked in as a friend hurts from someone who used to message me everyday. Seems like the promises we made were empty and you're less as upset than me.
A W Jul 2018
At only 18 years old;
He was a Jack of all trades

Had the passion of blazing flames.
The free-spirited heart of a dove.
Debating skills that reached high above.
Athletic gifts that even the most talented could adore.
A witty personality that was hard to ignore.
Smatter than most I've ever known.
Reckless with a charm that was hard to condone.
Courage that surpassed the bravest.
Achieved the highest, and came back the greatest.
Friendly as if he had all the love to give.
Always smiling,
leaving everyone breathless.

Conner binded a small community together before and after his departure.  

He may not be here with us to pray, but he can be here to guide us along the way.
No doubt in my mind is Conner going to give up so easilly.  
If his legacy stays, so will he.
He was a blessing to everyone who had the pleasure of having them in his life. Mary and Wendy, the most caring guardians of my friend who passed away two weeks after graduation in a terrible car accident that was devestating. He told someone he wanted to be remembred for something, I hope this surfices ❤ July 9th, 2018
A W Aug 2017
Hack, hack, hack
At my memories.
Tear at them to show my face.

Follow me like a lost soul to torment me in my place.

All it's doing is making it worse for

One,
Two,
Three,
Four,
Five.
How many more?

I can count but I can never undue your raveling.
Can you embellish your pride, when you have no one to turn to?

Such a pity, such a pity it is of how you've become so petty.

A beautiful being so divine falling from so high.

Sorry highness, I won't be there to catch you this time.

Not after a betrayal that measures up to my height and above the clouds.

Not even the gods can save us, from something that can turn so loud.

I will bow one last time,
Maybe blow one last kiss.
But I will never give one last chance.
This was written in a time when I was having tough times with friends in my life. I've grown from then and I want this to be a mark of me moving on. Hopefully this helps somebody.
A W Apr 2018
Finally, tears were shed.
There was a heart that bled.
An able body that could not be held.
Calling out to the silence; cold.
Shaking a hollow breath.
There I lay beneath.
Your feet raised to step over me once more.
I can't bare the pain in my core.

No longer do I feel my life is mine.
I don't feel like myself anymore. He took that away from me. The fear I constantly have feels like I can't reach out.
A W Aug 2017
Gone for weeks, my craving peaks.

I miss your companionship, the things shared in our relationship.

Things I never truly thought I would lack after your absence, if that makes any sense.

My favourite qualities about you are fresh in my mind and my lack of caring made me blind.  

Please come home, I promise never to overlook or blame you for my problem.

I love you as much as I love the idea of travelling; I want you to be the one that accompanies me while exploring.

You'll come back from your leave, I want to believe.

I'm sure you will.
A W Aug 2017
Do                     You                              Mind                   ?    
          I                          Don't                 ­            If          
                 Know                     Know                      I
                              You                        Me     ­               Trust    
                                        ­?                            !                           You


                                                     Too much?
Trying out a new style of writing.
A W Apr 2018
Deep wounds with an invisible mark.

Carved by one I used to love; a love that never loved back.

Used, to be replaced with a friend.

A better body and high narcissism,

someone who wasn't afraid to use others,

also played with my heart.

They left me exposed,

Told people something that I am not.

Forced myself to become something I was not,

just for them to walk all over me.

He threatened to hurt my friends, dignity and poise,

She ruined potential love for me, dignity and poise.

The laughter and love I once had has left me.

Yet I feel sorry.

I felt love for them.

I always feel like I'm in the wrong and shouldn't say anything,

That I deserve the labels I'm given.




I know that's false,

that I can find love as true as can be;

also live with the emotional scars.

With time, comes a fork in the road to growth and self recovery.
I'm always sorry, but not for this anymore. Him and her did enough damage; I'm the only one that can fix myself.
A W May 2018
***** girls with lousy guys, drives me crazy
Maybe you shouldn't feel too sorry.

Old Sally, so **** good-looking but a pain in the ***.
                 "Oh, darling, I love you."
                 "You're probably the only reason I'm in New York right now"
I told her I loved her; it was a lie.
    felt like five hundred thousand years, looking at all the phonies.
Ivey League guys with ****** voices,
a witty bunch of actors drinking their tea
and rubbernecks stand around to watch.
    I was a ******* wolf, just wondering for intellectual conversation.
                 Someone, Anyone!
    Just give old Caulfield the time to spoil your evening
                 because he's not sorry at all.
"A small project I did for the Catcher in the Rye where we were to make poems with words from chapters 17-19. They are suppose to be about his relationship with Sally or the feelings he has about her. Enjoy!
A W Apr 2018
I'm ****** if I do and ****** if I don't.
Mom, Aunt, Brother and others, please let me go.
It can help, but would further drown me more than you know.
I feel sick, my mind is a mess from the constant consumption of multiple drugs.
End my suffering, pull the plug.
I would rather fade away right here.
A W Nov 2017
"I will always love you through the thick and thin.
I plan to always follow you through the dim and dark.
My heart will always be yours through the pain and pensive."
Have a heart. It doesn't hurt to collect one more.
A W Aug 2017
You cannot possibly imagine what I saw today, trying to keep my mind at bay.

Minding their own business came a pair.
Inseparable.
Even one could say
Destructible.
But where does this line cross with me and this duo?
That I may owe.

With a sigh I hang my head low, the thought of another gruesome blow.
In curiosity or spite
I do not know when these two are ready to bite.

Are they hungry or is it loyalty they are after?
I do not know;
I am only an outsider to those hounds that dug for what was already gone.

Prey they once tried to feast on.
Bound to this sickening notion; the false lulls of security they once had.

Something they could only turn into the gritty,
Painless pity,
Insufferable grabs of ***** filth they once called a party.

Once a whole, a group that dissolved slowly under the time of an hour glass.

From birth to death we breath.
Grasp at anything we can hold ourselves accountable without being the accused.
Departures to new comers we welcomed as our own.
Only to be betrayed and left out at dawn.

Now today I stand as proof of a wolf who alas left the pack; we once called ourselves a flock of deer in disguise.
Friends of the past got the best of me, so I wrote my emotions out because it helps.

— The End —