Ellis isn’t real
Dissipates after quick google search
But here she breathes

Wisdom arbitrarily determined
By tallied walls
Gains nothing but past mistakes
And generations’ stupidity

We hauled ourselves to wealth and safety
But we forgot them.
   -whoever they were

I bought it
hanging purple
size double zero
in my closet
I won't let it go

I wonder
when I'll be able to put it on
when my body won't roll
when I'll be accepted
for who I am
And not the 129.6 pounds I held this morning

I run at five a.m. sometimes  
the face of diet culture
before the sun
c o m e s    up
with only moonlight to path my way
only venturing out
when my weight
drops, drops
d
   o
      w
          n
with my depression

.2 or more is the minimum
the equivalent of an extra cookie
a glass of water, a second helping
and my worth

I'm scared someone will see
my flaws

16 counted, growing
you taught them to me
shouted via ads
and social cues
and who you'll let on tv

my face, 4 pimples today
with rounded cheeks
I don't want to be the fat one
the ugly one
the girlfriend's best friend
the duff
the dud

But me is all that's left
1 fat duffy dud of a best friend

And as it is now
what value do I have

Writing is like a road map
carving directions
through times of trouble and hardship
in little yellow lines
it tells us the way
and keeps us on our journey