Okie okie oh okay
Counting all these bodies dame those things are starting to pile.
Judge me how judge me I didn’t mean to walk the mile.
love me how you love me Take all that to trail
Covered in the moment I forgot my smile at the house.
Hiding behind the shades for too long dame the sun is coming now.
Never felt this good sense I can’t recall
I’m okay you don’t have to come out now …
Slow steps turned to strides
And his eyes turned into piercing fire until they turned white.
I could see it every passing day
His hands wasn’t shaking no more
And his heart wasn’t on his sleeve
The shackles they used to pierce his worth was now his armor.
I heard from the crowd “How…did he do that.
As he jumped as high as he could and with a loud thump! To the ground!
He got up and bowed his head
And with a quick turn to the mirror he looked at me with a look I never seen before
I whispered with a tear in the corner of my eye I said
“Go…As high as you can”
The ground started to shake and the wind dance between his feet!
And that was the last time I saw him.
That was the last time I saw…me
I have made love to myself so much til my hands started cramping.
Entertaining a thought until I am covered in exaggeration.
Knowing it’s not gratifying
I reached for tinder but the place has guys that are behind the screen like roach in the tv
It’s just infested with broken hearts that are cracked differently but in the same notation.
Then it came to me like lightening threw the clouds million miles away
Do I love myself?
Have I took out the time to look at myself in the mirror and be comfortable in my own skin?
I haven’t done this in so long that it felt like I was cheating
I want to know what that smells like?
How do you wake up with a smile on your face ?
How do you workout with the theory of just being the best you?
I desire to be alone and don’t have to call on the stars or my mom to make me feel appreciated.
I APPRECIATE AND I APOLOGIZE
I. WASNT ALWAYS THE ***** UP THAT I TAUGHT MYSELF TO BE
So forgive me for not giving you enough time self
Cause it shows during all the times I looked for happiness in people
I’m ready to do what I can and need to
I’m ready to experience a life where I just wake up and be totally fine by myself
Roses are red and clouds are blue,
I write a love letter to myself.
Remember when you worked so hard that you got your license?
You drive for hours knowing you would get in trouble
But look at us now… better than ever
Remember when you didn’t make it on varsity ?
Look at you now a whole city knows your name and you didn’t remember theres
You can’t give up cause I wouldn’t give up on anyone I love
Come back to me and work liek you never before
Trust me ig will come an you will find yourself waking next to me
I gave them my last
I gave them my cup
I gave him my virginity
And I gave her my trust
My dad toook my sanity and my mom drug my wants
Needing someone just to tell me I won’t leave
You left …
You left me
Your lied to me Nathan
My sky is falling and you said you wouldn’t
My own family hates me
And you said you told me to leave
And now that I left
Where are you
Where are you
I’m …… tired
Of giving something that I don’t have
Laying on a couch that’s not mine
Drinking from a bottle that I didn’t buy
Of not having my own
I will change that
And it hurts cause now ….
I have to sit here and act like I don’t even see y’all
I’m done being the bad guy to your story
I’m ready to start my story
I should of been …. I’m just tired
I have dirt on my face and they say “God man pull yourself together”.
With a smile on my chin they say “Lord why does he have a attitude today.”
Replaying back times I would drive a distance just to sink in music like the tub was over flowing
If they only knew Good things I’ve done has turned into a lot of broken promises
So much I spread them all to make a new road for myself and soon they will say “Jesus why didn’t he give me key..? He dosent love me”
But they weren’t there when he had to pick up his life
They wasn’t there to set the blue print down tonight
I didn’t see non of them come back when the tears became my only friend
Who would of thought that I woudl be the bad guy in there imperial thought.
Abs I embrace it cause when he was beating you and she was telling me what to do and he said how I should ….
I watch them as they turn there nose to me and said with there hearts
“Dude your not good enough
They point the finger to the man who had it altogether
They kicked him when he was trying to get together
I use to reach for hands that woudl save me but it’s the stranger who critics my life that has best voice in my head.
When the band starts pack up
And the old ladies have made it the car
My friends text me “Where are you”
And my heart is silent sitting in the wind of my stomach…
And smear the make-up and I take the red nose off.
I text them like nothing ever happen
“I’m on my way”.
I lock the doors and drive next to the bk
Just to let the real play happen
My tears play the symphony
abs the music becomes the background
I shrink in the driver seat clutching my knees…
I’m not enough for you is written in cursive on my sleeve
Vivid old memories starts to bleed
I never meant for you to leave
I just wanted you to notice everything we did and now finding out the truth
I can’t even speak
I lost another from the intuitive voice that conquers the greed
I can do a million things for you but you can’t even acknowledge our anniversary
Who am I to you?
….nothing but wind that blow the trees
Today I’m feeling kinda low
Today I’m bottling my emotions
They’re not important right now
Today it’s all about moving forward
I’m not content
I’m not happy here
I’m not welcomed here
I need my own
I’m not resting until I see whaf I want
I’m not resting until I’m laying next to you
I made up my mind
I made up my road
These fake scenarios are not home no more
I’m evicting my own self
Im not going to rest until you are by me.
The taste of freedom is not to gulp,
Cause the work is never finished.
Maintaining is the cup an working is the substance.
Faith is the thing to hope for and evidence of things unseen.
Taking off your mask is vulnerable
But keeping it on will cloud the vision
My helmet was too tight
My knees were buckling
My chest piece was to heavy
And my shoes was mud.
Taking off the only things I knew was just not me
But every warrior knows that evolving without getting strong is risky
Late hours is nothing
Sleeping in is my toxic entity
Speaking about things and not doing it has been put far from me
Cause if I stay I won’t evolve into the better me
Is it over or has it just began
Are we moving or standing still
Not numb but not intense
That’s just it
Nothing but moment cause we both know how to burn down a city with just one kiss..
Let’s just cuddle and watch something that fits the description.
There you will find me and you just vibing to the sound of movie that were not even watching just to feel your skin on my skin…
And it’s just us
That’s just it
And I’m finding out
I love this ****
I don’t why I even try…
The rain is going to come even if I say no more
Abs the sun is going to rise to the occasion.
The birds are going to sing there song
And we are just going to lay beside us like lost dogs..
And yet I’m okay with a kiss on the lips
And yet I’m fine with rubs on my chest to tell me your day
And yet I’m in love with the way you get frustrated about politics
The way you look outside the window bothers me
And the way your lone wolf attitude eats me…
The crumbs I feed you is nothing but love
And my heart bleeding is the drink for you to stay quenched
And the times I get quiet and soak in my own silence…
Who would of known I’ll be caring with the coldest zodiac sign
But who would of thought you would need the warmest hugs cause of your own mind
I believe I’m becoming your remedy
Cause even when you wanna do it yourself
You ask me to open my heart so you can run from your own winters
Shots of ***** is clouding my vision
I made it to Mount belview with ciroc in my trunk.
Legally 18 he looks for attention with a cup of concoction that I just drew up.
His best friend is his cousin but we just dropped her off to get ******.
Laying on my Chest he sells me his soul as I play along holding him with the feeling of being loved.
I take out bag full of treats and tell him to take it as we walk naked on a street at 4 am.
He starts performing his ritual of kissing me south I start seeing devils walk with us ….my God you wish I was making this up
Shots of ***** is clouding my vision,
As I black out pulling up.
I don’t know how I drove so far but I was behind the wheel.
His house is big
And I have to *** like nobody was even up still.
They follow us home as the pills start to wear off
I was summond by him as my **** is erected and there is ***** on his tongue.
the devils crowd aroudn us as he smiles there as I’m losing my ******* mind telling him
As he looks at me and say
“Chill you’re just drunk abs making **** up”
So my grandma died
And I’m not even at home
I got kicked out by playing my right
My dad use to hit my mom so I fought him and put him inter hospital and now My mom says I went to far ….
Do she not remember 7 th grade when he was bouncing her hesd in the wall?
What about pushing her down the stairs?
Or that time of ripping her purse from her ?
What about the time he choked my sister?
Or slapped my other one.
But the fact that the worst thing he did was nothing at all
She kicked me out cause I went to far by putting him in the hospital cause he wanted to fight me.
I’m no longer seeing myself as the bad guy the bad guy is my mom she could of got a divorce like the several times bedded she told us as kids she was when we believed her…
I find it funny and peaceful that I’m staying on this couch rn at my friends that I got to leave in one piece instead of losing my mind
Drinking ciroc before work has become a tool,
The wrench of life is to know so much but act like a fool.
Until it’s time to play in there rules
Then show them the bottle of truth
So truth is
I love you but I’m no ones foot stool
I can pick u up but that hard shell Capricorn I’m no mule
So ******* don’t worry about the parties my democratic energy will give u medicine
Isn’t something that the lovers of this world gets looked upon as the bad guys when the credits end?
I’ve been up all night but I’m use to it
Drinking all night but I’m use to it
Cause I've been up all night but Im use to…
It’s what I’m use to…
Drowning out my mind for couple of hours
Memories on memories I know the power
Tears getting cut out the ******* picture even if you were my Mona Lisa.
The life that you want me in is so ******* dangerous
I just ****** the dad then made the son famous
Kisses on my cheek because his dad is vacant
No one would believe me if I said the truth.
Slept in the closet just to keep you happy
Tell me was it worth just to know your family
What If we don’t
What if we did
I’m tired of overthinking such inconvenience…
I want you by my side with a couple of kids
Show me that I’m not the world while we fly across the grid
You are on the other side of the world and yet you have found a place in my heart
Mr.Capricorn found the warmest hands to lay upon
Not telling you you’re perfect but if I don’t I wouldn’t understand your confidence
And making you mad wouldn’t feel so good without telling you in the same breath you come first.
Why do you have a hold of me so much like I’m thinking about you crazy
If there was someone in this world that was trying to love yo for real….
You found me
I just want one person to love me the wya I love them… show me in your love language that you want me only me and if I made you mad can we just talk it out ? Can we just **** it out can we just love it out..??
Simple minded men work harder then the over thinker but the over thinker sees every out come there is so he can establish his one decision.
I find it funny that I didn’t get the joke…
I find it odd that I like to get even
I find it very very complex when I have no reason.
And as I sit like Gods in a pool of emotions
I created the hurricanes and the still waters…
It’s simple to me to create havoc In my own mind just to set a lot of my problems in motion
And the greatest part of it you didn’t even notice
I’m not afraid to go down the road …where we go I don’t know..
Walk this empty soul until I’m cold ….I don’t know.
I’m alone and I can her the silence
Trying to hide behind the smoke
But all I can think of how far I am
God I know you see me
I’m tired and I don’t even now why
All my energy is spent with life
Why am I so far from you
Where did my heart walk to
I have someone laying next to me and I can’t even feel the thrill of company
Who’s looking for me ?
Who’s searching for me?
Full of ***** my love is spreading on my stomach
Even though that’s fragment picture.
The smell of my sin has bowed on the alter
Losing my friend this year has made me shiver
And fighting my dad until he’s in the hospital saturated my mirror
Am I the bad guy in the story ?
Am I the loser who has to be tormented with my actions
Saying sorry had become nothing more like vinegar
And I’m flooded with things I have done like salt in the water
I find it hard it’s hard to find the will whatever never mind.
My trust this the things I mind
So yea, I mind if I’m your guy.
If this don’t make sense
Then that is fine because I talk to myself
Until I’m alright
I’m not a girl
I’m not a boy
We are only love..
Do you Believe me?
We are nothing but energy
And if mine is Kinetic
Then place me next to where your desires are born..
That private place where the world limits your lovers
Who told you I had to be a girl?
Who lied to you that I had to be a boy
For we are only energy
Do you believe me
If I’m yours then you gotta say it,
Show me who I am when I’m around you if we only have 2 hrs....
I am not mocked I see everything even though I don’t address it
That just mean I’m not dressing up your lies for credit
I just want you to love me the way I deserve to be...
I just want you to want me
Looking deep in your eyes just to find myself
And I find myself getting lost there
Lost my mind and I lost my hair
Grey areas and deep flares
Deep strokes on intimate
So my golden days is for you my dear.
I hold your head when you’re down,
My nose is red I look like clown
And yet you laugh .... I love that sound.
I’m sorry sky I took a cloud,
Then made it mad, it’s raining down
Just to show you threw the storm
I’ll be right here on the couch
I’ll be right here on the coach
...yeah? ...oh I thought you called my name but sense I’m here ... do you want anything?
..no I was just bout to go to the store and ...
Oh ok yeah hey waht are you watching..?
Oh thet looks interesting can I watch it with you...
If you were me for week what would you see?
A couple of pills that strangers diagnose me with by the age of 13.
My demons had friends they called
Anyone who knows how it feels ... it’s like you got million things to say but you can’t even speak.
Your mind is real and your body is a dream.
Your hands calm but your eyes wonder as if it had feet.
In those days i had no peace.
You wake up as a 26 year old stronger then the 15 year old you were.
Yet still throwing the alter egos away as they snarl insults of your uncle who took your innocence away at a park.
Don’t listen to them.. all they want is to see you cry.
I shed tears but I learned how not to reply.
Something that I did Better when he told me to close my eyes.
And finally you blinked!
You’re standing on a stage with models with the light in your eyes you can finally see a Mascara of a guy who covers his sexuality.
He was the only one who believes I was somebody to meet.
You clean out your closet and you show your mother the skeletons.
Without the acceptance it was still medicine.
Because I breath into these bones and for the first time in the mirror I could touch my own reflection.
...nothing literally nothing,
Complete silence and you found a smile in that.
Nothing worth more then a person who can be alone and wake up to them self stil intact.
You stopped taking the pills years ago and found resolutions,
And to say the least you burned every thought that made point out your darkest illusions
At the center of it all,
I found the center of him
Only putting the tip in I’m finding my love exceeds within
Sweet satisfaction for him
To know there someone that’s all in
Without putting the shaft in
I find myself in your silence
When you speak you take my tongue
And when your beside me it’s like resting in my heaven
Angles fly and the demons laugh.
We yell and fight just to stay alive
Funny how were high and still find a common ground.
But anyone who loved anyone would know what goes up must come down,
But Abide in My arms for there you will always be safe and sound.
Sometimes I feel like you generally don’t care and when I start you silent.
Other times I feel like you care so much to the degree of still trying
That one time you didn’t let me see your phone I believe it kinda messed me up but they say to a healthy relationship, I suppose to give you space
but being honest with me I believe is your first resort as well in healthy relationship.
All the time I’m with you I pour my heart an I like that bout us
I don’t know where you not being fluent in that is coming from
Which gives me suspicious that you’re not being real with us
Then questions flood in but when you told me I’m leaving and go find someone else like you cause I don’t love the way you love made me feel like it’s me that’s asking for too much
even my ex said that so I know I tend to gice you the benefit of the doubt
My sister said i just love you and in love there is a reverence of fear there that they could walk out
Now that we’re yelling I asked you are you really done!
You not walking away and staying quiet you really don’t want to
I held my hand out and you came to
I guess being passive aggressive to see a better view
Is a different me, a trying with us and the same you.
Don’t worry I wanna see us work to
Push me and you find yourself falling deeper
We walked threw the worst like mud on sneakers
***** words thrown out your mouth
All because I was watering your soil!
This broken complex you live under needs it
Maybe if I wasn’t so driven
I would of crashed the first few seconds.
And yet I still would of been ok
See a lover like me I see the danger and I run to it
Making the mountains leveled
And the streets a complete ruin.
Tell me you don’t love me again
And as you lie to your own self
You can’t neglect
My loyalty & my passion
If you ever wanted real love
Then lights, camera.....
Smoking tonight but I swear that I’m sober,
We ain’t talk in minute but ima head over
People say I changed
They don’t know the pain
I needed you the moment I came your way
I called from the roof tops covered in vain.
I use to drive by my ex just to feel the pain
My tears were the only thing that made me leave this place.
Far from the pain,
You can say I changed
When he called I came
Because I know the shame.
He came in the moment when I needed a flame
He waited on the roof top to pick my brain
He was tired but came anyway
And now you’re ready to receive your only son but I'm miles away
You shouldn’t wait,
You are here
And I am here
Why think of there
When we are here
Wait who is there that you know?
If you go over there then you will be over there
And here will not be here no more cause it was us who made it there and if you leave here for there then why am I here?
I’ll tell you cause I’m here and there
But I never knew you wanted to leave and be with him who I don’t want be...
I have to be who you want me to be
And yet I stay silent and just be until come back to me
The real me
Killing myself is life
Life is killing myself twice
I think so much that I created my own mind
Switch sides and you have the 3rd eye
Who said I wanted to go that far to see what I find?
The devil is Christ
Christ sake the angels around me starting to see the fight
It’s crazy when you take a slice
And now your eating the same circumference that eve and Adam ate from there own pie
Even though it’s been billion years
Pie diameter is still
The room is spinning and I forgot what I was made for,
Can someone just love me until my body turns to sand so I can see the sea take me away from my own times
Perfection is nothing when it comes to a relationship
So if you are trying to be
You will never find your self
Cause finding the perfect person you will never.
If ever was a person and for was it’s heart
Then I’m in love with forever.
I’m doing everything that I can
Giving everything that I am
In return I just want your face in a frame
Don’t give up and no games
I want the love that most appreciate
Talks with my dad are still frozen,
Walked in the house like I’m nothing.
He thought this faze was a faze
Until someone’s son showed his face.
Losing my time from all this working,
Even my friends say you got to be joking..
Popping when nobody sees
Avoiding my house just to keep the peace
And yet I’m being tossed to the dawgs
Torn by piece by piece
But when I’m with you
With just your smile I feel at ease
By your side I stop to breath
And you hiding your phone is not scarying me
To be honest I’m use to being played like I’m dumb
But for you I will play stupid even when I can see
Cause soon enough someone will notice
When it comes to the goat you really are one,
He gives me patience under the blissful sun.
He causes my hands to be sharp as a knife
Then show me how to take them off so I will hold him at night.
His words are direct but his heart is silent
To a lover I can sniff out even the best even when there being defiant.
Brace my walk cause this needs patience
What will take long to make
Will not easily be broken
So I’m slowing down and listening close to understand your motions.
No good deed will go unpunished
So you’re well calculated even your secret motives
To a cancer I can over look that even to your default
Cause once you are all mine
You will try to look for another will feel as if I’m blunt to a lighter
Only way is up even when you’re climbing your mountains telling me
“Let’s go Higher”
...I’m already there to be honest.
Being a man is now
Being a man is taking hold not control
Being a man is saying when you messed up
Being a man is me
Being a man is more then what’s in the middle of your body
Being a man is being yours only
Being a man is knowing when to fight for you
Digging has to be Precise,
After all this work minus well get it right
Over him I should just hit it right
And while I’m down minus well let the tears come out tonight.
Everything don’t have to deep
Everything don’t have to be about me
If you are my everything then the process of learning you is understanding me.
You are one of the best in my life...
And even though I am not perfect like you
Well I guess you’re the better half of me.
If trust still coming...
And time still running...
5 months and I’m still in the unknown.
mind still running...
Yet you say you’re coming..
Capricorn you lay but don’t get to close.
Capricorn why do want me dude?
Capricorn I’m getting tired dude
Digging it out is not helping you
And you seeing my face with all my dirt is like ...
Makes you smile from all the sweat I do,
Backing up now then you pull me close
Babe I’m curious
He like pipes and I like swishes
Yet we light the feelings
Scents of marijuana leave us opposites attract
It’s the smile he does for me and I for him its the morning text.
So simple yet deep
I am deep and I’m unique
It’s his words he said of me
I am still curious
Babe is this serious ?
Lessons always there less is always more
When you’re alone with me you’ll never come up short ,
If I give it to you would you. Leave?
If I tell it to you would speak?
my emotions kinda deep
Ride my heart or you will sink
Cause I’ll take you high that you never seen
Low as Lucifer dreams
The flames of it all is becoming blue my dear,
And privacy has become your only hope
But why you need your phone threw the night?
In the car
Go ahead neglect my time for you.
The earth is spinning around for you
And all I tried to do is give it to,
But now it’s going slow so slow...
My mind questions “is this end?”
“Is this the man you want for you”
As the airplanes fall like
No! If you don’t wanna stay you can go!
It seems my coals are torched in vain
Come quick before I call on the rain
My emotions heading back to my brain
Waiting for you
Do you hear the thunder to!
Are you still hear my love?
Do you see the thunder to!
I’m holding back because
Do you hear the lightening to?!
Let’s just talk this out
There’s nothing left to do!
Who is calling you?
Come to me
I’ll come to you
Ignore my thunder love
I will mend my clouds because
Show me you really care
Even with your sins right there
Is it true?
The feeling of having someone for 5 months now is unsettling
It’s like heaven and hell because now you invested in them and you don’t want them to leave
So I hope you see me like I see you,
It’s better when they put there arms around you
i guess that what I need
We don’t live under the same roof yet so I guess I’m becoming a feen
I want to see us do it I want to see us succeed
Even threw bad times or where the water come up to our knees
Needless to say I want you for me so much that it becomes a need
Same with you I hope one day you need me too the point where when I’m in your presence
It’s like you can finally breath.
I never mean to dig or peak threw your curtains,
And I never mean to run my hands threw your feathers
But you are my angel that I discovered.
Me being an alien I never thought some will get scared of a flying saucer.
That’s home but A scary sight to others.
By your beauty alone I was captured,
Bound to gravity I shape shift to what you know as a lover,
Greetings I come in peace
Some want to see what I can do,
But you ...said what’s wrong
And for a while do you know how long I’ve been waiting to speak this knowledge I have and show someone what I been threw...
Dude I’m picking myself apart again,
He’s probably in love and I am to but here I am asking am I enough my friend..
No seriously I got threw moods like ***** laundry
And week from now I’m contemplating on just being myself for now
I ran out of ideas, I ran out of questions
My mind is growing dark in his presence.
I’m not over him or over us I’m just overwhelmed so much to the fact that if I show you me and I being to much.
Where can I turn I cut off everyone I know
Just have you smile
I wonder if I should let go,
But I don’t want to
I don’t wanna be replace either
And this happened to the last person I was well
He’s right I’m crazy
Crazy in love with you
You can show me your imperfections,
Cause I’m in it just for the lesson.
If you’re in it for the long run,
Think once but never second guessing’.
I never thought I’ll find my patience in you...no,
I don’t think you thought when you said “I love you”....woah
Slowly to speak,
Don’t worry I got it
Warm up to me
Don’t worry I’m bout it
Open up to me
Don’t worry my love you are home.
Don’t worry my love you made it home,
My love is your home
I’m happy you are home.
Be careful what you take for granted,
I say it but I really meant it
What if I was the man that was loyal to the ending?
What if I was the one you kept over looking.
Wait just take a second
Would you let me in or have me waiting
If your world was on fire who would you call to save it.
If I was him then there’s beauty in ashes
Beautiful boy don’t worry I get it
I’ll open my arms and soak your world in my love.
Christmas hanging in my future,
Such lights cast small figures
And I just figured out...I’m not scared anymore.
I’m no longer scared of you either
Love can be so scary because you don’t know if the other is interested in you like you are to them
So you create dark figures to cloud your mind
And now you have sky full monsters
and all i want to do is rest in the fact that
I’m not scared no more
I’m going to bed