All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through:
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.
Peace, re-assurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin:
I talk of love --a scholar's parrot may talk Greek--
But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.
Only that now you have taught me (but how late) my lack.
I see the chasm. And everything you are was making
My heart into a bridge by which I might get back
From exile, and grow man. And now the bridge is breaking.
For this I bless you as the ruin falls. The pains
You give me are more precious than all other gains.
We move around uncertainties within uncertainties, perhaps revolving around them forever, for we are afraid to come to face with the truths we would eventually have to face.
Living in denial seems easier than out in the open, maybe we like holding on to a flimsy layer of hope, even clinging to it.
Perhaps - it keeps us sane.
Perhaps - it makes us who we are.
Perhaps - we need to get out of that circle of uncertainty to really see the shape of what we've been revolving around.
Hopes, dreams, love, expectations... I wish there was a life beyond and independent of these where we could be our own masters;
where none could influence us, not even ourselves ...
the night plays ~
high up in the sky,
a make believe
a half spoken lie.
The tell tale
of my throbbing heart
unable to hide the
composure I wrap myself in,
as the night ~ plays.