There are just something's that don't change.
Like memories.
Like people.
Like thoughts.
I've grown tired of seeing his face in my nightmares, waking colder than winter, with fear worse than the thought of death.
I don't remember what it feels like to sleep soundly.
I've tried to tell myself that one day he will fade from my mind, but in truth, I doubt that's true.
For the things that he imbedded in my brain, like deep marks on cows for branding, can never be erased.
I've grown tired of watching them destroy their lives and the lives of the people whom they claim to love. I say claim with direct intent to harm ones heart, for you do not hurt the ones you love.
There are things you do and say, things you hope make an impact, make some sort of change, but let's face it.. When those things fall on deaf ears you lose hope.
You stop caring if they try to fix what they have detremented, because at this moment when you can no longer feel the nerve endings meant to cause emotion, you stop believing it even matters.
I've grown tired of listening to the inevitable words caught on replay from my minds own habits.
You want so desperately to work your brain away from the mental disorders many therapists have told you will never escape you, but as much as you want it, it's not granted.
Thoughts that plague you beyond the measures of comprehension, with things that never make sense.
You're always confused, even when you're angry, or depressed.
You're confused.
Not by how you become to feel this way, not by what caused you to have your latest break down, but why in the first place you have to feel this way.
Why everyone tells you that it's so simple to stop, when clearly, if it were that easy you wouldn't feel this way.
But as you dwell in a constant state of confusion, while contemplating your existence, you still whisper to yourself, it's going to be okay.
And it is.
For that moment.