Allyssa

Mar 2021

Vale Luna

Open your eyes
“...”
Look at me
and tell me what I have become.
I cannot see for myself
My reflection melts mirrors
and turns puddles into vapor
I glare into the abyss
Hoping to catch a glimpse of my own pupils
I don’t know what I look like
Tell me,
How will my eyes look
when our stares meet for the first time?
“Empty”
Yes, I tore out the soul
Behind the doors of flesh covering my eye sockets
I have scraped my nails against bone
As my fingers pressed into my eyes
and carved out the consciousness that possessed me

Open your eyes
“...”
I need to know how my skin pulsates
What undulating form has it taken today?
Can you hear it?
Gurgling restlessly
My shape refuses to remain consistent
Tell me,
What will my body look like
when you lay eyes on me?
“Damaged”
Yes, I am wounded
The color crimson oozes from my pores
It sticks to my flesh possessively
I collect chunks of the liquid on my skin
As I imagine it decorates me nicely

Open your eyes
“...”
I need you to describe my limbs
For I always feel that I am reaching
for something I cannot obtain
My fingers squirm
into tight crevices and holes they are unwelcome in
Like curious, thoughtless insects
Unaware of the consequences for prying
Tell me,
What will my limbs appear as
when you set sight on me?
“Demented”
Yes, I have fought against conformity
by twisting my bones out of line
Listen. Hear each splintering cracks
defining how I am different

Open your eyes
“...”
You have to answer what my expression looks like
I can never seem to sync my face with my emotions
It’s tricky to coordinate such complex ideas
Tell me,
What will my expression be
when you finally gaze upon me?
“Grinning”
Yes, I’m afraid I can’t change that
I carved my smile with a butcher’s knife
from ear to ear
So I wouldn’t have to fake it anymore

Now open your eyes
“...”
Tell me what I have become
Shackle me to my image
Let me stare back at someone
who sees me for the first time.
Look at me.

#eyes #nightmares

Allyssa Mar 2021

Tiny Little Pieces

Imagine all the ways
That I could cut myself
Into tiny little pieces
That separated from loving you
And loving myself

Picture those pieces
Were like glass
And they sparkled
While falling to the ground

You'd think
The night sky
Had fallen
To Earth

Oh how tragically beautiful
That must be.

Allyssa Feb 2021

Fresh Start?

All of it.
I'd give all of it,
If it meant that we could start over.

I keep getting Error 505 whenever I post??

Allyssa Jan 2021

"How are You?"

"Dear God, what happened to you?"

I couldn't look at him.

I couldn't look at him with sad eyes with what was left of my broken heart pouring out of my chest. I hugged myself and kept looking at the ground as the tears fell.

"I fell in love with you. As stupid and as simple as it sounds, It's more complicated and intense than you will ever know. I didn't just fall in love with your laugh or the way you looked at me. It was the passion and drive you had for the future you wanted, the meaning behind every song you showed me, the life behind the eyes of someone who breathed fire into my lungs for the things I loved most; you. That is what happened to me."

I dunno

#alone #him #fire #love #broken

Jan 2021

Mr Shankley

Chains of the past

I kissed a girl with a broken smile;
nothing could come near.
She carved it with a pocket knife;
slit from ear to ear.
And she wears it like her favourite scarf;
it keeps her from the cold.
So I told her its only woven by
her enemies of old.

Jan 2021

nica

What is time in moving on?

"Time"
that's all you need they said
To forget about the past
To let go of what wouldve been in the future

Seconds passed turned to minutes then to hours
The horror of the passing days
Revealing the truth of the one that got away

I tried my best to make use of my time the best way possible
In short, on ways that gonna make me okay
Fling here, hang out there, hoping that all the pain will be carried away
But to no avail

It ***** to be stucked
on what if's, shouldve been's, could have's
I'm ****** by the fact
that I cant just move on
I just wont

"It's been a long time" they say
Yeah but is time really helpful in moving on?
Or is it just a tickling reminder of all that happened in the past and what the future holds?

Like at this present time, I'm still holding on
to nothingness

#her

Allyssa Jan 2021

Papillon

It was your hand gripped onto the back of my neck.
You pulled down onto my body and I ached for more.
Your hips were grinding against me.
The music in the background faded and the windows fogged.

"No more disappearing," I breathed heavily.

You said, "I won't."

We collided in heavy need and our lips crashed as if the waves of our beach was caught in a storm that had been long overdue.
Our clothes pulled off our bodies and the heat between us steamed.

After that,
It was a blur.
We melted in each others embrace not so lovingly.
Somewhere in that moment,
You asked me,
"What do you want?"

I said, "Something I can't have."

And in that moment,
We realized just how human we were.