What should I do?!
I am bewildered,
As all normal things are becoming weird.
What is real?
Your fear or my hurt?
Let's in a while change our 'chairs',
I suggest you leave your traditional chains.
Which are forgivable?
My lies or my real pains?!
And you make me lie, knowingly I hate it
'Cause you carry inside your worry
You try to make me put off my coat
Like in the story,
As the wind tries with violence.
Which is more valuable?
My excuses or your silence?!
I lied, but I am on the same way,
With my inner wrath to slavery
With full of force going ahead.
Which do you want to choose?
Your anger or mine instead?!
It is really hard
To lose the light I found with you,
And it is very perishing for me
To fight with you
I wish you were much more deeper,
At least as an insane poet.
Still, I struggle with him inside,
And he resists saying 'do it!'
I see his anger to my lies and cowardice,
I see his anger to all existing realities...
Now I try to pierce into your deepness...
I have seen both reflections of tears in your eyes
Tears of thankfulness and regretting.
With the first one, I began to live,
With the second one, I blundered and dag my own grave.
Resist only one of them, make a human choice in your cot,
Decide, what was better for me?
And for you from me getting?!
The real ones which were yours or the fictions were not?!
Did you burn my inner feelings I gave to you?
Did you ignite them because they were not yours?!
I wish you had burned them courageously before,
When you deemed that they really were yours!
....And the reality is,
They had always been!
I just lied to make you sure and that you were not afraid
And I tried to hurt myself rather than you,
With my lies and with your untrustworthy attitude.
But my those feelings will remain gallant and nothing can change,
You have only ashes of them you deserve,
And it is something like my revenge.
You made me be stingy,
You broke my hands with full of merit and joys
Maybe it was like you were getting first-time toys?!
I am not a playground, sorry,
I only intended to rejoice
The precious one who made me feel deepest...
And all my presents are now spread around,
You can get them when you will only be courageous,
However, I cannot give them anymore.
And I will keep my apathy again as I had kept for ages.
Was it too hard for you to be respected?!
Maybe you were not too mature to hold them
And you had more shaky hands than I expected?!
What the hell would happen, tell me please,
If you were generous and brave forever?!
If you were not afraid like for the first time?!
We could hold it together with you,
We could hold it without any fault or crime,
We could hold it regardless of nonbelievers,
We could call it even something trustful and new,
Like the feelings inside of sisters and brothers...
You said that we give the meaning to anything,
So, I named all the things sacred related to you,
That's why I did not keep them secret,
And never hesitated to tell,
But you came around with your cold anger
And I saw you even call sacred - the hell
And you tried to persuade me to it also.
Thank you, I have my own hell inside
Which never can be accepted as holy
But I would never want to show it to you,
I would never want to make you down, of course,
I have my own god who shares only intrepidity and mirth
And my god is not cruel as yours!
You justify and forgive the fault of your god,
Who created the satan and committed the worst crime,
But you are ready to judge and even denounce me -
A straggler drowning in the depths -
Like the most dishonest one
For my unwilling and unruly misbehavior.
I perceive the truth,
That you can never understand me
And never can be on my side...
I stand beyond good and evil,
But you can embrace only simple contents.
You are not mature for virtue of not embarrassing someone,
You own only habits,
One example - just to ignore peculiarity.
We will be only on our own ways hereafter,
And all that we had lived we will brush aside,
Maybe it is not even your own fault,
Just we are like to our gods inside.
With your tyrannic and frightening creator,
Go ahead, don't stop and go forward!
But I say - I hate him!
And I always will hate!
Because he made us be shallow and coward!
He taught you to fear of something you really feel
And to run out from what you cannot understand.
He taught you to be superficial,
Fearing that one day you may surpass him,
He was afraid of the questions one day you may ask him.
He forbade deeper ones, precious ones.
He taught you only one name of feelings or thoughts,
But various ones to myself I have taught...
So he hates and he is afraid of variety of my senses as you do
Senses in fact which are pure and contain no unforgivable fault.
To what extent even my senses excel,
I trust myself and I will always tell!
So happy I would be if we could interact,
So sorry, you did not trust and were afraid in fact...
Though, I had told you - trust me till the end!
So sorry, I made you hurt sometimes,
Forgive me, please, forgive me,
Now I know that I had no chance,
Now I know that I have no chance
Because the path on which once I felt grace
Now is full of mistrust and suffers.
The life I have just existed for years
In a while became a place livable and meaningful
It lost all miseries, pains and tears.
In my world, my every piece greeted it like royal,
However, it was rashly considered betrayal...