I miss the old days of how it use to be
You and I will go all over the place
Day or night
Anytime
Any day
Just to be with eachother
Laugh
Tease eachother
Yes, you were my beautiful side of me
Where I felt so happy
And I still do feel that feeling
With every thought of you
Makes me feel happy and special
All I can say I wish and pray for those times to come back
I loved you
Still do
My heart aches
But now I got a new love I made him myself
My son
My love
But you were my first love
In which I still crave for
I miss you so bad
But least I still got these happy feelings and memories to look back on
Maybe one day
We will come across eachother
I also believe I was the only one you fell in love with too
Actual love
Not the kind your living
Cause I know how you are too
No one will ever treat me the way you did
You treated me better than anyone else
And it's hard to move on
I miss you.

Year 1 - June 30th was the day I fell in love with you. It was rough at first, you were always stealing me away silently like no one knew I exsisted. No one cared about me at the time, you knew that I was bound to be all alone in my life of how I was. I just wished it wasn't you but **** you stole my heart this beatiful  year.
Year 2 - It was young love for the both of us, I taken it rough cause I was so in love with you I loved spending my time with you, even when we drank, you treated me like your girlfriend. But I had those dark days where it bugged me that I loved you most and I spent most of my days with you which I could've did way much better with schooling and all that other stuff but I managed then people really started to care about me but I didn't care about their care about me cause I know I was bound to be alone, after they starting really looking for me and realized that I was with you but they couldn't do anything about it, was too late for that now.
Year 3 - I'm sure it was in the winter, you got into trouble with playing with guns, and jailed for a week, and you couldn't be around the community due to danger to the community for a year. I decided to move to the city where you were staying, I didn't mind the city but at the time I started seeing someone from the community, I missed you but I also missed the community and I couldn't do this anymore babysitting and not being able to get my freedom. you had to go get into more trouble in the city when I left and got more jail time you were gone for a long while.
Year 4 - Things weren't working out for you and me. I know that you really wanted me back. But I was with someone else and he didn't want to let me go, he kept me silent like he was ashamed to have me or just didn't want to show me off. I was starting to become his joke or whatever I can call it. I loved him, he's kept in the dark from his family but accepted by my family. Could say I was with him for like a year, till he really started to see someone from the city. I left him I'm angry cause he was a keeper but man he is dark so I kind of didn't like that, hiding on me whenever he wanted like I was never apart of his life. I got fed up of this and left it hurted but it didn't hurt as much as losing my first love.
Year 5 - We aparted. My second love I left him or we just wanted to apart. I wanted my true lover back I did whatever I wanted to do. All adult and what not and no one can stop me now and no one can do anything too. I pray that I haven't chosed the wrong path. with this guy I'm hoping to be his partners in crime. I'm back with you my love, I did tell you that I love you cause you wanted to hear it and I never said it to you ever till that night. Our birthdays are coming up, I'm looking forward to spending it with you.

My thoughts became louder.
I can't even hear myself talk.
I must be crazy, insane.
The people around, annoy me.
It kills me to know that I'm still alive.
There's this ball of flames
Ready to explode.
Thoughts of suicidal
I'm tired of feeling this pain.
I'm so hurt.
I am going to end this pain someday.
Unloved,.
Unaccepted back into everyone's lives.
I hate people.
They ruined who I was.
I push people away.
Don't want them to see me.
I feel ashamed.
Guilt
Sorrow.
Alone
Lost
I'm on the verge.

I'm a nice person to talk to. I respect everyone and everything. May don't like being in a room with three or more people, makes me feel trapped. Got no enemies, just friends, or I don't know if you can even call them friends, their people I know but don't talk to.

I will try tell you people a bit about me and area. I live in Canada, Saskatchewan. In a reserve called James Smith, this is home in this village. Not much to do here. I got both my parents, but my dad wants to run away from us, he's stuck in a old folks home for the old and disabled, my dad aint that old. He needs one of his daughters with him, I'm the only one that's still young and free, the other two sisters of mine they're struggling for a home for their little families. I  love my dad for who he is, don't get to see him much though. My mum, i ran away from her once or more. I'm mum's babygirl, I dont think I will leave her again cause it hurted the both of us. Theres just something different between my mum and I. She knows I love her though, she's just as bored as I am.

My two sisters, they both live in this village, Genevieve is having a rough time with her boyfriend, at least she won't ever leave her two kids, Dante and Danica. Not much to say about Gen, she is the oldest, she's a good sister. She bites sometimes, nibbles on my nerves. Ha!

Cassandra, my sister she has two sons, Jathan and Nickolas, she's going to school. She's trying to move away from our village and get a life, I might seem funny saying it that way" get a life" but foreal people here don't do anything cause most of them quit school and got no carreer, just cheap jobs that's something though.

My little brother Joey, I try look out for him, only bro I got. There's two ways to say Moostoos, there's Moostoos and mostos. Moostoos is my dad's last name, and mostos stands for cow in Cree. I'm 100% Cree, full blooded First Nations Cree Indian. Being native is like we can live on welfare and get a lot free. I'm only living on welfare cause I'm stuck till I graduate so if I want to get out of here I got to finish school, nother two and a half years till then.

My past bothers me a whole lot, but I am managing it, people thought I lost my mind when I went suicidal a few times. I will be ok. I tell everybody to be ok. My family knows I'm shy, I'm not afraid, I'm just not use to being around loud people. I love to laugh and smile a lot, it hides my sadness, depression and all that. I nearly forgot what its like to laugh hard, I got no one to laugh with and be weird, just my sister Gen, but I rarely see her.

My goal is to be around people more often, made that up as I am thinking of random stuff I like about this place. Pp.s I really really have a big heart for animals. I try my hardest to sound like I care about other people, I must seem very nice.

Got to love art, books, and poetry. Only if I was as good as you's at poetry and stuff. So have yourself a good day or night. Take Care out their. Ta ta!

Oh you know just smokin dat dope. Lol. Who's all from Saskatchewan CA?

Overwhelmed with calculations
How much time I've truly wasted
Spend it all anticipating
'til my blackened heart is faded
Now I know how far I'd take it
Now I know how far I'll take it
Won't be lost in conversations,
Headiness or accusations
Now I know
Now I know

It's far away from here
I file it down do anything
Anywhere but here
Burn it down and disappear
Far away from here

I'm not fighting any longer
Nothing left for me to conquer
But my tired soul's on fire
If I don't move I'll surely die here
Now I know
Now I know

It's far away from here
I file it down do anything
Anywhere but here
Just far far away from here
Won't you tell me dear
It's far far away from here
Far away from here
Now I know
The whole world could disappear
Disappear

I'm not looking from approval
Just the strength to finally move on
If I don't move I'm surely doomed
And I'm the only one I'm foolin

It's far away from here
File it down do anything
Anywhere but here
Just far far away from here
Far away from here
Burn it down and disappear
Anywhere but here
Just far far away from here
Far away from here
File it down do anything
Won't you tell me dear
It's far far away from here
It's far away from here

"Well, I think I'll drink myself right back to sleep
When I awoke no one was missing me
I will be lonely till the day I die
Then all the angels will be by my side

All of the angels, all of the angels
All of the angels by my side
I think I'll be needing one tonight

All of my dear friends have abandoned me
I'm just a stranger in a strange city
How many more days must I live this life
To have the angels standing right by my side?

All of the angels, all of the angels
All of the angels by my side
I think I'll be needing one tonight

I've been robbed of the love I used to have
Well, he stole my heart and never gave it back
So, angel, wrap your wings around me tight
I will have faith and never leave your side

All of the angels, all of the angels
All of the angels by my side
I think I'll be needing one
I think I'll be needing one
I think I'll be needing one tonight"

Almost every night, I cry myself to sleep. I got told to go see the doctor today, he'll give you anti-depression meds. I told her I'll get through this myself. My uncle John came by today, he came to see if I'm alright, guess he knew. Uncle John was the second person I rejected about talking. I've been forced into a closet till I was 18, now its hard to talk about my feelings and all that. But look on the brightside I'm shutting them out. I stay up late at night thinking, its hard to go to sleep when I'm sober, or a bit burnt out. Everyday is a new day I have that written down on a note to remind myself why I'm still alive.

I can't believe your gone.
An owl kissed you when you went away.
Forever in my heart is where you will stay.
I never seen a man cry, till I seen a man die.
Dealing hope
Please dry my tears
losing you was my biggest fear
For you I'll fight like the way you want me to
Times are gone
I can't believe your gone
Fly, fly, fly, hold me, hold me close
An owl kissed you where my heart is I hold you close
True, true love will never be the same
True true love will never ever die
Tried to remind myself every time I cried
Times are gone
I can't believe your gone.

When I see you.
My whole world feels at ease.
When I'm not with you
I feel lost, alone, scared.
I wish I can tell you how I feel about you.
But I don't know how you feel about me.
I'm confused.
I love you though.
I'm not too sure who you are.
But I love you.
Anxiety attacks occurs when I don't see you.

I wanted to come with
I wanted what all you have said
I wanted that love again
I wanted it all back what we had
I wanted you back
I wanted the real me back also
I want to live with you
I want to get off this place
This cursed place

What's stopping me
My heart aches
Its torn into tons of pieces
I really hurt
Saddening hurt
I wanted to see you

How long does distance becomes a chore.
**** I wish I knew why myself
Why am I scared to go to you
Why am I afraid to hurt someone else that have already hurted me mentally and physically and spiritually.
Its not what I really meant to stand you up.
Your gone
Would I have to wait another year to try get to see you again
Will I come to you
I didn't even get to see you two days is not long enough.
Two years is too long
We got this bond that will not go away
I feel it
Its real
Since the beginning.

I will come to you
I will do something about why I feel the way I feel
Why I am torn
Why I'm hurt
Why I didn't do what I wanted to do

I'm sorry but I will make my way to you.
When the time is right.

Lastnight Wasn't As Worse As Few Years Ago.
When My Mother Was Drunk Nearly Everyday,
She Didn't Care About My Brother And Me.
Now I'm A Little Bit Older And Much More Protective
Over My Brother And Myself.
At Nights When My Mother Was Drunk Out Of Her ******* Mind.
Use To Hear Her Yelling And Going Crazy.
Taking Her Anger Out On Us Like We Were Her Punching Bag.
I Had No Choice To Live With Her And Put Up With Her.
My Biological Father Was Gone,
He Lived Far From Us.
Only People I had To Depend On Was My Sister's Or Granny And Uncle.
During Some Cold, Blizzard Winter Nights I Walked Off.
I Walk To Somewhere Safe.
I'm Sorry I Couldn't Take My Brother With Me
It Was Too Dangerous And Risky.
Putting My Life On The Line
Daring Jumping Out Of A Window And Landing On Snow Or Either Grass.
My Brother Was Always In A Safe Place With My Uncle's Somewhere.
My Mother Kept Me Home, Didn't Let Me Go Anywhere
Or I Had Nowhere To Go.
Glad I Didn't End My Life
Had All Those Chances To
But I Don't Know What Stopped Me.
To This Day I Still Don't Know Where I'm Trying To Go.
I Have Everything, Just Got To Try Figure Where Or What Am I Going To Do.
Happy I got My Granny And Uncle's House To Help Me.
My Mother Is Sometimes A Drunk But Not Worse.
Yeah! She Still Calls Me Down And All That.
I'm Use To Words And Fighting Back.
I Walk Away Cause Its Useless Arguing With A Drunk.
I don't Hide As Much Anymore.
My Attitude Changed After I Realised There Were Worser People In My Community.
I'm Still Happy That's If I Got A Dog Beside's Me Always.

How could I just let that *** ruin me,
and make a big impact on my life.
Now he's going to abandon me,
For someone else.
******* ****.
Liking someone doesn't last long.
Yeah I ain't jealous,
I'm just disappointed.
Disappointed cause I couldn't tell him anything what was wrong.
Yes. Could say he tried helping me.
I can't open up to anyone,
Can't talk to anyone,
Can't smile at anyone,
A friend would be just nice,
someone who'd listen to a very ****** up story.
I am dieing on the inside,
I feel no happiness,
No anything,
He killed me.

Trapped.
Hurt.
Locked Up.
Only If I Can Escape My Mind.
And Speak Up.
Thoughts I Can‘t Bare.
Hate My Own Guts.
Guiltiness.
Sorriness.
Day‘s I Wished That Never Happened.
People I Wished That Were Never On This Earth.
I Just Want To Dig A Hole And Never Come Out.
Nothing But Emptiness.
Rusty Mind.
Dull days.
Cold Heart.
Hopeless.
People.
I‘m Going ******* Insane Staying Away.
Try Atleast Look On The Brightside.

You
Fell in love with you
On a beautiful summer day
Smelt like mud
And pines.
This love
Is forbidden
But I am insane to tresspass

You raise the fire in me
When you
Touch
Feel
Me

Why do you have to be
The beginning
And ending
To my poetry

Why are we still here
In this house
Were
We
Met

With your georious looks
Hard stares
**** body
Tough
Rebel

You
Blend
My taste
You do know
What I love most

Your beauty to me
You became my reason
To stay be strong.

When winter is here
Life feels right
Then there's spring
Another spring
With you

Summer days come
I enjoy leaving with you
Glad we're still together
And you forgiving me
For the wrong things I did
I'm just happy
You kept me so close
All these years
It doesn't seem like
Your here for me
But you do got my back
You got me.
All of me.

I am crazy over you.
I'm pretty sure you know it.

Can I give myself back to myself, after months of being lost in this whole other different part of me. Would that be acceptable now?

Time is going by so fast
     **** I don't even know anymore
My heart rushes
        I wait everyday
  Really don't know what I'm waiting for
I've been thinking
  What it could've been.

I love my son I am raising on my own
     Lots of people loves him
...

He makes my days fly by.
I enjoy every moment I have with him.

I am in love
In love with his smile
His dimples when he smiles, so ****
His eyes are the most wonderful I ever layed my eyes on
His laugh, kills me on the inside everytime
All I can do is smile at him
His pure black hair. Wow. I love the way he puts his hair, under his cap, combed back
He's ******* ****
He is a lot
We will never be apart cause we're close in a very different way.
I don't know if it's love or just me putting stuff into my head.
I miss him everyday though.

Audrey. I met you on here hello poetry. Man have I never loved anything more but your wicked poems. I wish you never left. I loved how you talked about taking her far into the desert and how you described your love in that wicked way.
Come back.

Man I'm so lonesome, lost everything that ever was there! If I wasn't so heartless, maybe everything would be different. I loved and I lost.

My mind is ******....

All the shades of blue
The saddest one is you
Lower than the ocean
And the sky
When you never been so down
So lost
And so unfound
You've used up all the tears left in your eyes
And its So sad
It's so sad
Yeah it's saddest day you've ever had
When life leaves you by the road
Abandon and alone
And you never ever been so freezing cold
When standing your on the bridge just praying for someone just to pick you and to take you all the way back home
So sad
Yeah it's so sad
It's the saddest day you've ever had
Oh and it hurts so bad
Yeah it hurts so bad
Yeah it's sad.

Only Three Types
Of Drugs I'm Trying
To Stay Away From
****
Alochol
And You.

I can't sleep.
I can't stop crying.
I love him too **** much.
I wished he knew that.
Very sad night\early morning.

I'm Crazy.*
Slightly near the edge.

I am always scared. I'm always stuck at tha same house. "You know I want to go home too. Right.?" I got addicted to drugs, always hanging around the drugdealers. Getting high, that feeling everytime. Its a bad feeling, but it feels good.

When I go home, sometimes late at night. I am depressed, always have all that time to think. All I Care about is getting high.

I will quit in an nother day.
               *wrote this while i'm high.

Tie me up
If you love me.

The Cure To All The Darkest Days
Was A Person
I Rarely Spoke To
The Person
The Things I said
I Got To Quit Thinking
I Wresteled With Depression For A Whole Year.
I Did Not Noticed The Person Was There All This Time.
I Finally Found What I Was Looking For
The Cure.
The One And Only Person.

I ****** up along the way to a successful life, till the alcohol got to me.
I'm back, it feels good to be back. :)
I fell in love for a year or less, guess we weren't happy; he wasn't happy, but I'm happy I'm in the big city of Saskatoon. I left the rez last week on Wednesday. I left behind my love, and my two boys(dogs). I've been busy, keeping out of trouble sort of. Sure am glad to be back on hello poetry thought I forgot my password n email lol. Enjoy I be writing.

Love is so mysterical
I am in love
With the same man
I've been with
Since the beginning
There is other guys
Trying to steal me
Good luck.
It taken me
A year to get over
My love
He came back
He loves me
The more time goes by
This is love
Love
It feels asif
It is love.
Time
I depend on time
With him
He knows I love him
Is it really love
Its ghetto where I'm at
Dope as ****.
Glad it aint rank.

Lay your hands on me baby
Make my body cool
Just when it may ends
under my skin
like a silver
Oh baby
Why don't you hold me all night
Cause I know tomorrow you'll say goodbye
When I kissed you my baby
Did you feel anything
Cause when you kissed me my darling
I swore I can hear angels singing
Oh baby
Why don't you hold me all night
Cause baby I know tomorrow you'll say goodbye.
Time passes slowly as we lay here in the dark
Babe I can always sleep to the sound of your beating heart
Oh baby
Why don't you hold me all night
Cause I know tomorrow you say goodbye.

He is my prettyness I wish he can be my shadow but don't leave me at night.
I am in love with him
It's been 3 full years
And we been aparted for a year,
Due to him going to jail for a few months
Since then I never got to be free
I feel pretty when I'm with him
He looks at me different.
Now we look at each other from a distance and up close
I lost myself when we aparted
But I died along time ago.
With you I feel warm
Just love that warmth feeling
That's why I choose to love you.

I Can't Stop Thinking Of You
What Happened?
To Us?
Was It You?
Was It Me?

I Miss You
Hurt
I Feel You.

Why oh why oh why
does my tummy feel like its upside down today
I am lonely
for him
I am sick
There is this other guy
that wants me
but he's a dog
no good.
It's best if I leave for awhile
Go stay in town with my sister
then again I'd leave to Regina
Cause I'm lonely
And I'm really ashamed
Maybe I'll go back to Saskatoon
visit my dad
I got till January to go where ever I want to go
January, I'm starting a course in Melfort with my mum
Make some money
and buy a truck, tv, game console, and beautiful good looking clothes
I will treat myself
to a new life.
That course is for unemployment work or something like that.
I can travel with my mum
all the time.
I'll get over him
I had a miscarriage
I'm sorry to those mothers out their
I wasn't ready
not with him
I loved him
Our relationship was falling apart.
it was the best choice to separate
I'm to young to be with him
I can't tell
it's hard to explain
I am looking forward.
I could say that I **** some bad paths in my life.
I'm more sober than ever today
I just want to leave
Lost today though.
I pray for myself and struggles to be taken care of, and for peace & happiness. Forgive me dear Creator, And Lord Jesus Christ for my wrong doings.
Amen.
I love myself
I just feel so lonely...

Why won't you come back for me and to me. I'm so lonesome. Depressed without you. Do you ever think about me? Do you even miss me?
I think about you everyday, I miss you everyday. Somehow I wished I can go back and relive that life we were living together.

Yes I know you made those two years ******* yourself, with me always being there near you. I'm sorry we got attached to eachother, we got to close and I want to be that close to you again.

You made me pretty.
You made me feel pretty.
You are my prettiness.

Which i should be ****** thankful to have you or to atleast onced your near.

You and I, we were deadly together.

I have decided to take a new path in my life
I will be having my first child
20 years old isn't so young
I look forward to having more children with him
This guy I met a few years ago but I never gave him a chance
He knows that I've been on my own all my life
I have decided to keep him
He wants to keep me
He's offering me a new life
New journey
He wants me to finish school
And get what I thought I never deserve
I have more to discuss with him
He's successful himself
I think I have found love
Real love
Young restless love
He says he's not young but to me he's just as good as me
He makes me feel good
Better of myself
The other side I never got to see
I am very happy that I found love
I thought I will never get someone who accepts me
The baby I am holding is not his
But he wants it
He wants me
I can't wait to carry on with my life with him
Everything will be great
Cause of him
Now that we happened to just be together
I am also happy that I'm having my own baby
Just about 5 months
I look forward with this new life
He asked me to move to the city with him
He even told me I can start school
Finish where I left off in school.
Who knows maybe I will just might graduate
I don't want to let this opportunity to pass me by
Not with this guy
I have told him
He's so interested in me.
Pray he won't leave me
I still feel alone
I know I won't be so alone when I have my love in my arms in some months from now.
Make's me tear up and smile
Glad that I never gave up
Life changing
I have lost many friends as the years went by
Yes I miss them
I still don't got much friends but not like I need any
Friends will gain when I gain to a better self of me.
At times I was lost but I held on tightly
Stayed strong
Held my head high as I always have been doing.
I will take care of him and my children
When I say no matter what
I mean no matter what
I've taken care of myself.
I'll love to love my children and bring them up.
When I have more with him.
He seemed happy that I'm ready to grow up and have plenty of babies
I told him I was much mature than him
He said no I'm not
Just makes me smile
I can't wait to have what I never expected
It's never hard to expect the unexpected
Even when it's a loss.
I'm in love
Can't wait to show my dad what I have made and found
That his baby girl is going to build her own life.
Even though he was part of my life for a short period
My father is my father
I kept him updated and really close.
One of these days I will get a house for me and my family and have my dad to live with us too
Since my sisters can't seem to want him to live them or take care of him
I know it's a big responsibility I look forward to it.
I always have been and I don't think I will ever let that dream slip by
Now that I have this chance to do what I never thought I would get to.
Good things happen or great.
I found love it came out of nowhere.
A family I can call my own.
I will never did what I did before.
I will never leave my new love not even if anyone tries to steal me.
Cause that's how much I feel in love
Will be tough love.

My first love will always be true
My first love will love me and accept me for my wrong doings.
My lover now will be insecure, mean, tollarate, cruel.
My baby will love me back no matter what goes on least I got him
My first love taught me how forgive and how to treat eachother
When loving and caring.

Every night I'm here in this place. This house makes me feel scared, alone, afraid. What am I afraid of? Why do I feel alone? Who am I scared of? Questioned myself all of these questions that appear in my thoughts, sometimes I think someone else can hear my thoughts. I can feel someone in my thoughts, and I can feel their thoughts. We can hear eachother thoughts in this strange way. I will be OK. Someone told me that I'm OK and that I will be OK. Am I OK? I am in this room. I'm trapped, walked myself right into it and I didn't know it till now. Its just something I see. Complicating writing, or talking about whatever, haven't really spoken to anyone.

Forgive me for my wrong doings
I'm guilty
My past is catching up to me
I'm scared
I must make a change
Change my future
Forgive me to you whoever I did wrong to.

So much poems made a day. I'm so amazed that the system could handle all that.

Swallow your pride just to keep your family proud.