WickedHope

WickedHope Aug 2021

Just Me.

This is the other me
        The fake me
                The real me
                        The screaming
                The crying
        The Chain Smoking Cigarettes so I can Hurry Up Dying

Bitterly Hopeless
Sweetly Toxic
Maybe if I stare enough
You'll finally   u n l o c k   it
The secret I've buried
The one that I wish I had never seen
The secret I've carried
I spill my veins on the floor,   u n c l e a n
Hoping my insides Drown Me
Praying you forgot the key
Because you know what I know
The lie that I told
It's Rotted And Empty
Hollow like my head could be
So hurry, run, go
Before you understand

The Worst Part
           None of it was real
I'm just
           Me  .

Reality is a *****.

God, WickedHope was such a cu nt.

#death #end #lie #me #hope #depression #suicide #reality

WickedHope Jul 2021

Whoever Said...

All is fair in love and war
Was full of it

Because how can something that burns so quickly and leaves charred corpses in it's wake be fair
How can something that uproots the lives of many while leaving the lives of those adjacent fine
It is wholly unfair fall victim merely for being in the wrong place or time

Battlefields consume souls
No matter their varied geography
The path is always the same
Destruction can not be avoided nor cheated
Like Sister Death, both lie in wait
Lurking and prowling to devour the unfortunate ones
Praying for fairness that doesn't exist

#death #love #war #pain #battle #fire #wild

WickedHope Jul 2021

F*cked (TW)

*******
*******
*******
Or **** me

******* **** me like my depression does
I'm already your ***** so what does it matter
Pass me off to your friends
What fun is it anyway unless you can share

Everything feels like a **** ****
You're lines are too rehearsed
My face is painted on so heavily
So heavy
My face literally falls to the floor
Though that's a win isn't it
You only keep me for my assets
Great ***
Bottoms up

**** me

**** my personality, it's ******* up anyway
**** with my head
Hands in my hair
Rip out fistfuls
Gag me
That way I can't ruin it with words
Or whatever

*******
*******
*******
**** me

I can't see straight
I can't think straight
I can't breathe
I'm so far into the mattress
I wonder if it's kink is choking
I can't breathe
I think I'm crying
I don't how long we've been here
I can't breathe
I- everything is numb
I stopped noticing my pulse
I can't breathe
I could be dying
I'm probably dying
I can't breathe

At least one of us had a good time

******* for ******* me

This is a metaphor.

WickedHope Jul 2021

Blinking and Risk-Taking are the Same Thing

Why are all the good things scary
You'd think that flying would be breathtaking and exhilarating
But
All I can think about
Is how close I am to falling
It's suffocating

I really, really feel like I'm watching my own life instead of living it. I'm not supposed to have days like that anymore.

**** the government.

#fear #hope #death #suicide #breathing #love #beauty #pain #fall #suffocate

WickedHope Jul 2021

Titles Are Sorta Pointless

When I close my eyes...

I see sunrise on the water
Or a hazy morning on 495 driving blind
I see a gun aimed but not fired
Or waves lapping over head with lungs screaming
I see a fractured reflection staring back of a girl who threw herself at walls, out windows, at people as lonely as she was
Or a toilet with a silhouette draped over it hiding the evidence inside
I see the worms in my mind
Or what it felt like to die

I see a writhing den of snakes cocooning a half buried body
Or a heart once stepped on and shattered, by the shoes you hide in your closet, stained in blood

Inspired by Gavin Barnard's poem from 7/25/2021

Sorry Josh.

#destruction #sleep #love #heartbreak #nightmare #secrets

WickedHope Jul 2021

Matches Don't Stay Lit

Where you should be
I no longer see
If I blink you are there not here
Make it stop
Make it start over
I don't want to be missing
The life I had with you
You told me it wouldn't last
And I ignored it
I ignored your warnings
I lit the match because I wanted to see
And how bright we were you and me
But the light went out
And it reeks of sulfur
And you're all gone
Without so much as a smoulder
Stranded in the dark
I feel out my way to where you were
But my fingers only graze
The damp cool air
That has taken your place
I'm suffocating in this frozen hell
You told me it was coming
But I didn't listen
I didn't want to believe our days were numbered
Not when the moments were so sweet
We drank them like honey
But I can't hit repeat
Instead I am here alone
Waiting for a match to re-light
But all that remains is dead nights

Come back. Please.

#love #hesrtbreak #separation #lonely