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What4221 Sep 22
I've had these thoughts crashing around inside my head ever since the last shell fell to the ground

Pictures of the orange clay breaking in midair
Your finger still resting on the trigger

Did you know, when they said the cars crashed they all saw broken glass
But if they just collide,
All the harm is hidden inside

I stop raising my hand in class.

At night,
The nightmares walk over the broken glass in my mind
The cool metal of the barrel rests against my forehead

I picture my bones as orange clay.

The words creep into my mind when I don't want them to
Intrusive thoughts, extrinsic motivators staring at me from dull eyes

Lonely, lonely, how alone are you now?

My bones shatter on impact and the pieces rest in the field with the rest of the broken disks
You pick up shotgun shells and shards of glass

Motivation hides somewhere in the dark with my voice

I can't even cry anymore.

When the cars crashed there was broken glass,
But all I told anyone was collision
So they think the failure was my decision

God, I just want this to end.

But at night
Lying in my bed wide awake because I slept all day
It's your eyes staring at me in my mind
It's your voice guiding me this time
And the momentary pleasure comes as it always does
And I can imagine it's your touch,
Your love,

But my bones are scattered orange clay
And you are the one emptying the shells from the 12 gauge

And my hands shake when I clean my face in the bathroom
The mirror cracking with the absolute ******* weight of it all

I grip my hair and I want to tear it off.

I start to decompose
I don't know how to put it poetically
I just turn with the leaves
As September turns and the weather turns and the earth turns

I become the dirt and they walk all over me
And I watch you paint another person's bones orange
I watch you load another clip
I watch you trace them through the air

***** shooting hearts.

and im trembling in the dirt
my voice doesn't work
my eyes and ears are gone
im just orange clay,
decomposing
until im-
gone.
.
What4221 Sep 17
I stumbled into a well
And fell
Down, into the dark and the damp

And the circle of light above me
And the water rising around me
And the rats crawling behind the stone

I fell into a well
And I gazed up at the light
As the sun hid behind the horizon
And day gave way to night

I'm stuck at the bottom of a well
And the stars are glowing
And the moon is showing
And the people are wandering home from work

And I'm at the bottom of a well
And I'm crying
I'm not hiding
I'm stuck as the water rises

I'm at the bottom of a well
As rats dig behind the stone
And the people are talking and laughing

They're so loud, so loud,
They can't hear me crying

I fell into a well
And I can't claw my way out
And the water is rising
And the light is dying
And the people are walking away

I stumbled into a well
And I fell
And now all I am
Is loneliness and shadows
And the people walking home
Can't hear me scream

I fell into a dark well
And now I'm drowning
And trapped inside the darkness
Of a dream.
What4221 Sep 10
Why did you pick the smallest tree?
Because that's the one that grows the most.
What4221 Aug 30
There are all different kinds of people.
Short, tall
Big, small
Slow, fast
First, last.

I just happen to be one of the turtles.
Slow, you know.

Quick enough with books
But not friends
Slowly and steadily trying to win the race.

I am a turtle of a person,
And I think this worries my parents.

Do you have new friends?
No
I'd like some though

But it's only been a day,
And I'm doing this my way,
So it'll be slow.

Being social,
Having fun?
I've done enough of both,
I think,
For anyone.

I'm a turtle of a person,
So though it might take a while,
I will climb every mountain,
I will pass the finish line with a smile.

It may take days,
Months,
Years,
But I will achieve and continue
Through hardships,
Pain,
And tears.

I'm a turtle of a person
I like to take it slow
But I'll get there eventually
I'm not afraid to go.
What4221 Jul 24
God drew my outline
And then he let me be
Told me to fill myself in
With all life’s mystery.

My parents pulled me to my feet
And taught me to not be mean
My parents gave me nightmares
And my parents gave me dreams.

My brothers taught me strength
And my brothers taught me patience
They taught me to be brave
And to never hold back my two cents.

My friends gave me words
And my friends taught me to live
They weren’t afraid of stormy days
And to them my love I give.

And I walk along an endless line
And in my heart is an endless rhyme
And in my soul an endless dance
And by my side are my endless friends.

Life’s mystery is starting to fill me in
And I think I’ve learned to forgive
My outline isn’t empty
And I’m not afraid to live.

And in our hearts an endless question
Follows us down the line
Singing a hollow tune
With a lonely rhyme.

How long have you been walking
Along this endless line
You say you want to walk
Until you reach the end of time

But the miles left are many
And your heartbeats left are few
How long have you been walking
How long have you been you?
What4221 Jul 15
And what will they say about you,
When your bones rest in the dirt?

                            soil, my 8th grade science teacher
                            reminds me, dirt is what we track
                            into our house but soil is what we
                            plant everything in.  Our gardens,
                            our flowers, us.

Ok, so what is your legacy when your lungs are tangled in roots and your ashes mingle in the air.
What has history written about you when your face stands fading in old yearbooks and photo albums.

                          who are we when we can no longer
                          be ourselves?

And the moon watches and the sun watches and the clouds watch ever present in the sky.

Leave your name somewhere.

Leave a picture somewhere.

                           your memory will drift with the
                           dandelion seeds.

Horribly creeps the countdown
And softly the ticking of the clock.

                           I am older than I have ever been
                          and younger than I'll ever be again.

Don't fret about these times
Your breath forever floats in the air
The earth won't forget your footprints
It won't forget you were there.

                          for horrible and quiet as time is,
                          every life is loved by the earth
                          and the earth doesn't forget.

.
What4221 Jul 6
This whole past week
Of the Fourth of July
The sky’s been screaming
Day and night

Thunderstorms then fireworks
The only difference is the color of the light.
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