Many times we say things to hurt each other especially if we feel hurt by them somethings cannot be taken back But if you care at all you feel guilty you feel sorry and that’s proof that you care the people who keep hurting and pushing you till u snap only to still play victim was never for u a man who claims to love you yet makes you feel like the most worthless woman there is on gods green earth every chance he gets a man who accuses you of things that you didn’t do who’s probably doing it himself a man who damages you emotionally mentally does not love you and they always turn around and say good women don’t exist or love don’t exist honestly my three-year relationship a part of me wish I could take it back but a part of me is grateful for it because I learned a lot and prove myself right about a lot of things but it’s ok I’ll be the bad guy I’ll be the girl that flirts with everybody just by saying hi I’ll be the one who lies even if you have no proof it hurts to know that one person who promised never to hurt you and take you back to this dark place did exactly that yet I’m still the bad guy they say never regret but I wish I could wake up tomorrow and everything was different I don’t care to be alone because I would never hurt me like you did I wish you the best in life And I hope you find what you’re looking for because it’s not me you made that very clear I give up.

It feels like I deserve you but you deserve better

I can’t help but blush when I reminisce on the good times
I can’t help but miss everything about you even your big *** head
But then the bad ones slowly creep up
Now I’m confused, stuck in the middle
It’s as if my heart is torn in two
A million reasons why I should go but a million reasons why I should stay
That little hope that this is not the end
I think that’s a little too much for my heart to comprehend

I want you to love me now
but I don’t see that happening I don’t know how
I want you to have faith in me some sort of trust
But all hope for that is lost  
If only wish could come true
I would wish to be the one, that one made just for you
I will **** me if ever this is over
But I don’t know if I can do this anymore
My best never seem to be enough

I write because I think no one gets me
When I’m by myself I seem to get my words out fine and say exactly what I want to but when it comes to others I stumble on my words my accent gets in the way and I get emotional out of frustration.
However when I write its like speaking freely no one to judge me but me
I speak from the heart and I can think clearly
I close my eyes and picture the person in front of me and I let my mind become one with my fingers the pen and paper. When I’m done I always feel so much better because from beginning to end I live in that moment as if it’s really happening
I cry, I laugh and always find a reason to smile
I have that confidence I wish I had all the time. Then “BOOM!!” Reality sets in and it’s all over................

How did I get back over here
It feels even darker than before
It’s so quiet it’s frightening
Trapped in my thoughts and uncontrollable emotions
Fighting to be free and find peace
Why couldn’t I keep my promise to myself
Why did I have to fall so hard
I hate it here. Every corner every inch of this place is unwanted memories
If only I can turn back the time who knows I’d probably be happy again
But was I ever?