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Jul 16 · 27
thunderstorm
N Schulte Jul 16
the thunder is
here and i crouch
under the
noise. i
didn't understand how anyone could
ever feel so powerless. i
really didnt understand how
someone could
take cover
or crouch so lowly in such
real fear until i
met the thunderstorm, and then i understood
7.16.21
Jun 29 · 398
time will heal
N Schulte Jun 29
you cant see the teeth marks...

they're hiding under my watch
6.28.21
Jun 28 · 49
productivity
N Schulte Jun 28
i dont wanna lay in bed
but i cant seem to move my limbs

i feel bloated
i feel selfish

i just wanna lay here
maybe watch some tv

numbly watch the gorgeous
actresses and actors work

im just so tired
but i cant sleep

i wanna be free
but i dont know how anymore
6.28.2021
Jun 17 · 25
baby
N Schulte Jun 17
sticky sticky
dripping honey

the words spill out
of your mouth so often

at first i felt
the butterflies

but now i feel
kinda sick inside

i dont know why
i dont like you less

i just feel like
im swimming

in sticky sticky
dripping honey

far too sweet
for a girl like me
Jun 16 · 58
regret
N Schulte Jun 16
do you ever regret doing something you've always wanted to do?
6.16.21
Apr 6 · 165
rage
N Schulte Apr 6
I’ll smoke cigarettes with a fury that the dead will wonder at
I’ll invite the disease in with a smile and the dinner table full
I’ll drive faster than the shadows
The sun will envy my rage
i just get SO angry
N Schulte Jan 26
loneliness isnt necessarily
when youre alone.
loneliness is the feeling
that you shouldn't be
even if you are surrounded by people

people are happy alone
until they come to learn
that they are, to society,
lonely

the first loneliness is when
you have never not been alone
when you want to be with someone
but you don't know how to get to that point

the loneliness after
is when you have been with someone,
but they left, you left,
or it just didn't work out

people talk about finding love at first sight
but how would you know unless you were looking?

i am finding love at first loneliness.

i look at a stranger
and i envision our lives together
our children
our pets
our house
our LIVES
but then they walk away (literally)

and i am left
with half a dream
that they never knew about
Jan 26 · 52
Jojo
N Schulte Jan 26
i made a friend
in an online chat room
too bad i'll never talk to him again

he said he liked the way
i worded things
he said the way i said 'EPIC'
was adorable... it made me blush...
i don't know why

i laughed at his jokes
as we spoke about ghosts
and the rolling hills of england
Jan 26 · 38
A Wilting Flower
N Schulte Jan 26
the flower in the
field was swaying in the wind
a patient flower

Flower was taken
placed into a vase to be
admired by passers

Flower slowly dying
yet willing to wilt for us
yearning for our love

she is beautiful
and she, dying beautifully,
has given joy to me
Dec 2020 · 41
Loneliness pt.2
N Schulte Dec 2020
Loneliness when you’re surrounded by people
But nobody understands you would be worse
Then if you were the only person left on earth
11/1
Dec 2020 · 237
One day
N Schulte Dec 2020
One day I’m gonna live by myself
In a cabin on a mountain
I’ll be the loneliest f**ker you ever did see
And I’ll dance with ghosts
11/1
Dec 2020 · 44
Hell and Hope
N Schulte Dec 2020
Everyone talks about how
Hell will be a pit of fire
I think the opposite
For fire is warmth and light

Hell will be cold
Cold on this earth is only
The abscence of heat
Hell will be truly cold

Nothing to warm you
Nothing to give you light
You’ll be frozen in terror
Unable to take flight

Stuck in the moment where you realize
There is no hope here
And you can’t close your eyes
To make it disappear
N Schulte Dec 2020
When we think of grandparents,
We think of smiling faces
Warm hugs
Sometimes slow or in a wheelchair
But they are always there to listen

But one day they won’t listen
They want to but
they can’t
Their ears aren’t working as well anymore
You have to shout when you’re five feet away

They won’t hear your words
But they’ll see your face, the sadness
The frustration
They’ll know that they are getting old
And when they know it, you know it and it hurts
Pt. 2
Dec 2020 · 112
12/26
N Schulte Dec 2020
14-10
10-4
4-2
2
The day the family leaves the grandparents house.... 14 all the way back down to two

I hate leaving... I hate having to say goodbye. I hate having to drive away and leave people behind. I hate the end of Christmas.... I hate putting away decorations. I hate the end of Christmas break. I hate going back to normal... I hate when Christmas presents aren’t as special as when you first opened them...
N Schulte Oct 2020
You know you’re grown
When your monsters change
They don’t lurk in closets
And hide underneath beds
Now they stand in the hallways
Bunched up, whispering
Now, they point and gossip
Spreading rumors
You’re not afraid to walk
Upstairs at your grandma’s anymore
You’re not afraid to turn off the lights
Instead, you’re afraid of the rush
to get to the classroom
You’re afraid to go to lunch
You’re afraid to talk to them
So, how you know
When you’re grown
Is when your monsters change
Part 1 in my new series, How Do You Know?
Sep 2020 · 11
AMU
N Schulte Sep 2020
AMU
if sadness was a color . . .
if despair was a shape . . .
what a
            marvel
                        loss
universe it would create!
A Marvel(loss) Universe
Sep 2020 · 176
The Journey of the Moon
N Schulte Sep 2020
Once upon a time
A star fell in love with a star
He could see the other in the distance
But they could never touch
They could only see the other’s light
The first star was not satisfied
He watched the other star from a distance
But he could not get any closer
Then he made a deal with the devil
for a chance to get closer
But he sold his warmth
He sold his own light
And became a planet
The star loved him more for this
But she still could not touch him

So she made a deal with the same devil
To give him some of her light and warmth
And a chance for them to get closer
But this deal came with a price
And the devil doesn’t play very nice
The planet was moved closer
But the devil placed a rock in between
Told them to keep it warm
The star shone bright on one side
The planet reflected the suns rays on the other
The planet was not as cold
But he was lonely
For he could see the sun
But she was just out of reach
And she could see him

The planet in between took pity on the lovers
And made them an offer
That if the once-star would become the planet’s slave
They’d someday have no responsibility
To the him and the beings on it
So He became a moon
Tied to the planet revolving his star
The moon would travel around the rock
To come between his love and his master
And he’d bask in her rays
And theyd be happy for just a moment in time
But eventually
The moon will be called back
To the lonely
Cold
Dark place behind his master
Where he can only catch a glimpse of his sun
Around the curves of a rock
09/21/20
Sep 2020 · 50
Castles II
N Schulte Sep 2020
sometimes a castle holds a damsel in distress
but this castle holds a fair maiden's heart.
its purpose is to guard it against
the foolishness and destruction of love
but castles are merely stone
and love seeps through the cracks
8.20.2020
Sep 2020 · 52
Castles I
N Schulte Sep 2020
build up the walls!
for love leaves ruins
8.30.2020
Sep 2020 · 116
Puzzle Pieces
N Schulte Sep 2020
were we meant to fit?
8.29.2020
#no
Sep 2020 · 42
What is Love? rewritten
N Schulte Sep 2020
love is the pitter-patter of rain
on the old cracked concrete
worn from the feet that
walk upon it
love is the silence of the lightning
and the power of the thunder
the way that for just a moment
the world is silent and then
how the earth quakes!
love is the ferocity of a river
knowing that with every turn
you are closer to a waterfall
and the doom that accompanies you over the edge
love is the comfort of another being
because when simply near another you feel you're
not alone in the dreadful toil of life
that maybe, somehow, it was all worth it
8.29.2020
Sep 2020 · 55
Truly Living
N Schulte Sep 2020
if we cant know pain
what makes our time
on this wonderful, desolate earth
worth it? what makes us
strive
to be better, to do better, to
LIVE
better? what makes us value the
beauty
amidst all the suffering?
8/8/2020
Sep 2020 · 56
Heathcliff and Catherine
N Schulte Sep 2020
like heat and cold
alone they destroy
but together they
are neutralized
July 12, 2020
Based off of Wuthering Heights by Emily Brönte
Sep 2020 · 52
Absence/Abundance
N Schulte Sep 2020
hatred and anger are only
the absence of love
and can be diminished by
the abundance of love
July 12, 2020
Inspired by Wuthering Heights by Emily Brönte
Aug 2020 · 44
H
N Schulte Aug 2020
H
Helping
Hands
Hurt from
Holding
Hurting people

My fingers are weak
From holding on to you
My arm has been held over this ledge
for way to long
My muscles are straining
They are about to break
4/15/20
Aug 2020 · 43
a poet is
N Schulte Aug 2020
A poet is a castle
Having been built from stone
Seemingly impenetrable
With a moat around it’s walls

A poet builds these walls
To protect what’s within
The moat is filled with creatures
That will destroy whatever tries to come in

But castles are not perfect
The stone can crumble with age
The things within the castle will quarrel
The boiling *** will overflow

And when this happens
A poet writes about the anguish
That they have captured
The pain that they protect

They do not let anyone in their castle
Because they do not want them to get hurt
But castles, no matter how strong they seem,
In the end, will burn
4/5/20
May 2020 · 213
Rainbow
N Schulte May 2020
Red for the blood of your father and mother
Orange for the warmth of love
Yellow for the stars that shine for you
Green for your growth
Blue for the tears of joy and sadness
Purple for the riches of wisdom
Pink for the peacefulness of age
Black for the life beyond
Inspired by 'Yellow' by Coldplay
May 2020 · 62
Chesire
N Schulte May 2020
Crazy, yet relatable...
does anyone else remember the times
that they've pasted a smile on their face?
Hid their pain so well that
the superficial smile was all others saw?
Purple fur to cover a withering heart
Hope was all but lost
Yet you kept on smiling?
You don't want to let others down
So you drown yourself in fake happiness
Your cheeks hurt from the strain
And you're just hoping that you can fake it until its real
You don't share your hurt with others so
you won't bring them down with you
And all the while you are slowly
disappearing until there is nothing left.
its okay to stop smiling...
its okay to not be okay
May 2020 · 103
time
N Schulte May 2020
Its crazy to think
that yesterday's tomorrow
is our now... today!
crazy, huh?
May 2020 · 601
Letters
N Schulte May 2020
a             b             c             d             e             f             g             h
happy|sad|      happy |sad    | happy | happy |sad |happy
i             j             k             l             m             n             o             p
happy|sad|    sad|    happy|  sad|    happy|      sad|     sad
q             r             s             t             u             v             w             x
sad|   sad|       sad|        sad| happy|    sad|        happy|    sad
y             z  
sad| happy


acefhilnuwz
bdgjkmopqrstvxy
Everybody's letters would be different.... what do yours look like?
Apr 2020 · 346
Men of the Earth
N Schulte Apr 2020
The man from the sea
Salty, wind-blown hair
Wood-worn hands from the ships
Eyes to see land along the horizon
Mouth to sing with the voices of the waves
Rocking, iron legs, made for the sea

The man from the trees
Tangled, leaf-filled hair
Calloused hands from climbing
Eyes to see disguises in the branches
Mouth to sing with the melodies of the birds
Jumping, strong legs, made for the trees

The man from the sands
Sandy, dried-out hair
Nimble hands from the ropes and silky sand
Eyes to see amidst the light from the sun
Mouth to sing with the cat-calls of the burning winds
Moving, steady legs, made for the sands

The man from the grasses
Sweaty, sun-scorched hair
Paper-cut hands from weaving through the blades
Eyes to see danger amidst the weeds
Mouth to sing with the whispers of the rustling stalks
Skipping, quick legs, made for the grasses

The man from the river
Dripping, slicked-back hair
Smooth hands from the flowing water
Eyes to see fish amongst the rocks
Mouth to sing with the sound of flowing water
Slow-moving, quiet legs, made for the river

The man from the mountain
Thick, shadow-covered hair
Hard hands from the heavy stones
Eyes to see distantly from the mountaintop
Mouth to sing with the tumbling rocks
Trodding, stout legs, made for the mountain

The man from the ice
Frozen, ice-cold hair
Blue hands from the frostbite
Eyes to see places where the surface is thin
Mouth to sing with the crackling of the frozen ground
Tip-toeing, careful legs, made for the ice
Which one are you??
Apr 2020 · 129
I GUESS WE’LL FIND OUT
N Schulte Apr 2020
i wonder what a noose around my throat would feel like

i wonder what the pills in my mouth would taste like

i wonder what the razor against my skin would feel like

which one would hurt the least?
which one would be quickest?
which one would make it easier for those i’ll leave behind?

i wonder how long it would take for them to go through my things

i wonder how long they would cry for me

i wonder how long it would take for them to forget me

when will be long enough?
will it be years? weeks? days?
what amount of time will make it easier for those i’ll leave behind?

i wonder if my life will amount to something

i wonder if anyone will remember me as a stranger

i wonder if i have the courage to end myself

i guess we’ll find out
Apr 2020 · 114
Definitions
N Schulte Apr 2020
You,
Pronoun that is used to point out or address another being

Broke,
Past tense verb that means something is somehow changed, usually for the worse

My,
Possessive pronoun that means something belongs to me in some way

Trust,
Noun which describes the building block for all relationships
The ‘you’ is plural.
We are working on it though....
Apr 2020 · 46
Ever feel this way??
N Schulte Apr 2020
Do you ever feel like you’re the one
Who always starts the conversation?
Like you’re the one people only hang out with because they are bored?
Do you ever find yourself wondering what part you play in your favorite person’s life?
Do you ever wonder if you’re just a placeholder??

I do...
                                                                   I do...
Time to put my happy mask back on
Apr 2020 · 383
Hair
N Schulte Apr 2020
I used to have long hair
That was before I really cared
About what people thought of me

I cut my hair
It’s really short

I care about what people think now
And I really want love

All the girls I see have long hair
All the long haired girls have boyfriends

I have short hair
But I want to grow it out again
The thing is... I look better with short hair, but I don’t want to look good... I want to feel good. I want to feel loved.
Apr 2020 · 81
the money in your jeans
N Schulte Apr 2020
like the money you leave in your jeans
i am washed until i am no longer new
i am thin and easily breakable
yet when you find me,
you are delighted
because i stayed

but i just wish that next time i will completely dissolve
because you will forget me again
like the money in your jeans
N Schulte Apr 2020
jump
i dont want you to
exist
breathing in this untainted air,
I want you to be
what they say
no matter what,
dont do it,
live
Apr 2020 · 46
The Battlefield
N Schulte Apr 2020
love is silenced by our fears
yet this battle cry for equality rages on
and though the unarmed are at the front lines
every soldier plunders on
wanting to reap the marvelous crops from the seeds their ancestors have sown
yet they are unaware
that they are the pawns of their masters
and they will never see the product of their seeds
Apr 2020 · 257
The Cry Was Heard
N Schulte Apr 2020
<                              Friend                            (i)
———————————————————
   (Cool! I didn’t know)
   (that you wrote.        )
<(poetry!!!!!!                 )

                                               (Yea, you want)
                                                (to read some?)>

<(YES!!!)
*warm fuzzy noises and a ray of hope*
Apr 2020 · 58
Paper Cut
N Schulte Apr 2020
Let my thoughts pile up inside me
Let my emotions be suppressed
Let my mind be shielded
Let nothing penetrate me

When this is all to much
When I need a break
When I start to take off my shield
When I try and be normal

Then, just a word will make me cower
Then, just a thought will make me shrink
Then, from just a paper cut to the skin around my emotions
Then, flows the ink

That long silenced part of me
That part will write!
That part will write about all of the things
That have been stewing inside of me
The paper is near my skin... I can feel it.
Apr 2020 · 435
A Cry For Help
N Schulte Apr 2020
<                             Friend                             (i)
———————————————————-
                                        ­                        (Hey)>
<(Hey, hows it going?)
                                             (Pretty good, I’ve)
                                             (been writing a   )
                                             (lot of poetry...  )>
<(. . .)
One I didn’t send....
(I’m actually not)
(doing so well...)
Apr 2020 · 88
Vultures pt. 2
N Schulte Apr 2020
from the bird in the sky
we hear no cry
yet it always hears us
it hears as our heartbeats quicken
breaths freeze
and thoughts race
it swoops down
tries to get closer
wanting a bite of our body
while we suffocate ourselves
with our tears
it can hear us no longer
though its wandering eyes search
we have build ourselves a house
that none can penetrate
but none
can
escape
Mar 2020 · 58
lonely
N Schulte Mar 2020
i thought i knew what loneliness was
but i was so, so wrong

loneliness is when you are surrounded by people
but nobody knows that there is something going on

and nobody seems to care
because you are getting better at hiding whats happening
quarantined with your family tings
Mar 2020 · 77
Vultures pt. 1
N Schulte Mar 2020
the vultures are circling
the vultures are searching
the vultures are waiting
for me to mess up
the vultures are hungry
they want a taste of the skin
around my fragile bones
but i,
i hold a torch
a warning sign
DONT COME NEAR ME
ive had enough
(please leave me alone)
(im so tired)
put up these walls
so i can forget
but it leaves US
with the task
of making holes to communicate
while trying to keep
the walls glued together
DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) is a complicated and yet amazing mental disorder...

Edit: reading back on this i realize that it sounds like i have did... I do not have did but I wrote this because i was inspired by a YouTuber with did
Mar 2020 · 133
Our Friendship was a Candle
N Schulte Mar 2020
a
spark of light
growing into a glow
bursting into a flame
dying down to a flicker
a puddle of melted wax
whyd you have to move?
Mar 2020 · 104
We Will, We Had, We Live
N Schulte Mar 2020
We will build our future
On the ashes of our father's work and love
On the ashes of our mother's sweat and tears
On the end of our childhood

We had our past
In the fields of innocence
In the safety of confinement
In the unawareness of youth

We live our present
With the knowledge of yesterday
With the joy of today
With the hope for tomorrow
What's Eating Gilbert Grape.....
Amazing movie....
Mar 2020 · 75
the fallen angel
N Schulte Mar 2020
i am a fallen angel

i no longer can fly
my wings reduced to brittle bone

i am burning and freezing
from fire and ice alike

my wings have been scorched by the flames of hate
my heart has been molded to cold solid stone

my head hurts from overthinking
my hands hurt from overdoing

i feel so lonely

i wish i knew if someone truly loved me
the people around me say they do
but its so easy to lie

i feel so broken

chaos fills my thoughts
and spills onto these keys

i feel so worthless

i feel so tired

i feel so sad

'its all inside your own head'
they say
then why do i feel
like the darkness
is surrounding me physically ?

i can't wait to die

i don't want to experience the nothingness
so i choose to believe
but its still scary....

what if, what if
there is nothing after this?
this droning toil ends
and there is nothing to look forward to

but what if, what if
i missed my chance
if there actually is something out there
yet i, a broken being,
am not good enough

i dont think i met the standard
i dont think i will ever get there

im only a fallen angel
why would anyone love me ?

im only a fallen angel
why do i deserve anything ?
Feb 2020 · 87
All Dogs Go To Heaven
N Schulte Feb 2020
The dog in the cage
The puppy in the cage
Scared and scarred
Whimpering and bleeding
Wanting to run free
Exhausted
Collapsed on the wire
Shallow breathing
Eyes closing
Tail wagging as he sees a light
Tail stilling
Breathing ceasing
Lonely heart finally tranquil
Innocent, broken soul finally at rest
Because all dogs go to heaven
Jan 2020 · 105
What Is Love?
N Schulte Jan 2020
I love myself
and those who love me
but I'm scared it won't last
and I'll find myself in that dark, horrible place again
I'm scared that everything
will disappear and I'll be left alone
>I'M SCARED THAT I WILL BE THE END OF IT<
yet even in the midst of the chaos
i find myself wondering, pondering
the choices, the sacrifices, and the pain
that made up my existence
the knowledge that i once was nothing
but two cells
and before that
mere atoms
                                                yet even then I
                                                       feel I would've known
that i could be loved
that i was loved
that i am loved
             that i will be loved

So I ask
          What is love?
Is it an emotion or more than that?
    Is it a force?
        Is it something we should praise?
            Is it something we should fear?
                Is it why we ARE?
                   Or is it the bane of our suffering?
Knowing that only with love will we be happy, we also know that really only without love can we miserable.
And really only without the hope of love can we be terrified of        
                                                LIVING?

For it is love that holds us together
                                                            and the lack of it
                                                                                       that rips us apart
                                                  It is love
                                                 That fuels
                                      Instinct, Passion, Desire
                                 And their brothers and sisters
                              Work, Selflessness, and Happiness
For even if it is only for ourselves,
                                      we all have love
we all feel its strings
we all long for it's call
------------------------------------------------------------­---------------------------------
                           We are terrified if it eludes us
                                             for we know
                                               that to live
                                             without love
                                                is to live
                                                without
                                                meaning
Thanks for reading... this is one of my personal favorites.... Oh what comes out of a teenage mind!! :P
Jan 2020 · 62
Untitled
N Schulte Jan 2020
i wonder how many people are crying right now...
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