As I recall I was five the first time I met the monster in disguise
He threw my brother's plate to the ground
He told him to eat off the floor like the dog that he was
Then kicked him while he was down
He laughed and he laughed at the spectacle taking place
And I cried and I cried for my brother’s sake

The very next morning I stared up at him from his lap
I was trying to see if it was the man or a mask

A few months later I had my answer as the man was hitting home runs
On my brother’s flesh and bones
He smiled like a jester as my brother was ******* his pants
We rode in silence to Sunday school
And I saw it happen clear as day when the monster slipped on the mask of my father
The one I knew and loved

A couple years later and a thousand more tears
My mother wept as she answered the call
The monster had drawn the last straw
As he took my brothers innocence during the night in that hotel room

Then they came like angels and whisked us away
The men dressed in suites with badges of authority
We were safe for the first time

As I look back I still miss the mask but not the man

I will NOT give up.
I will FIGHT
I will SWEAT
I will SUCCEED!

I felt your spirit follow me
ten thousand feet above the sea - floating,
flee(t)ing over aquamarine mountains
in a metallic bird with frozen wings.
In my dreams,
you are a wild sycamore tree who sings
lunar symphonies to bumblebees
sun spotted eyes,
sight of a man searching after ephemeral mystery.
I will whisper your name into the wind, send
my spirit back round the earth -
we will breathe the same air,
after passing through a million lungs (heaving)
see the same clouds,
after traveling distances unspeakable..

And will you remember me:
eyes brimming (in silence)
hips twitching (in stillness)
biting lips and picking skin and
itching to hold you with palms and fingertips,
head in crook of shoulder,
hand pressed upon chest,
stomach to stomach breath stolen,
heavy, wet -
having communion without the wine or bread
just the body, unbroken
no call to repent.

divot discoloration blemished imperfection.
The storybook of my flesh is peppered with these pockmarks of life.
A secret connect the dots maze on my body binding the story pages together.
I grin as I examine my body and all it's protruding oddities, how beautiful  it is as I crash course through this crazy ocean my breath still ebbs and flows in synchronization.
I love the nooks of me no one else could possibly understand.
my peculiarly chipped tooth buried in my gums as a reminder of juvenile fun.
I tuck myself into a bed of comfort cradling these imperfections, a grand testament of life.
The girl with the electric smile and lazy eye.

When you stare at a light in a dark room
Everything else in the room seems to disappear.
Maybe this explains why every time I look at you
The world around me seems to disappear.

Take a look at my body,
Look at my hands,
There's so much here
That I don't understand.

You made so many promises
Whispered like prayers
I don't need them.

I've been treated so wrong,
I've been treated so long,
As if I'm becoming untouchable.

Contempt loves the silence
It thrives in the dark.
With fine winding tendrils
That strangle the heart.

They say that promises
Sweeten the blow
But I don't need them.

I'm a slow dying flower,
A Frost killing hour,
The sweet distant taste of
untouchable.

I need
The darkness,
The sweetness,
The sadness,
The weakness.

I need
A lullaby,
A kiss goodnight,
Angel sweet,
Love of my life.

Do you remember the way
That you touched me before
All the trembling sweetness
I loved and adored?

Well, is it dark enough?
Can you see me?
Do you want me?
Can you reach me?
Or I'm leaving

You better shut your mouth,
Hold your breath,
Kiss me now before your death,
I'm going to miss you,
I wish you had known,
If you had maybe you wouldn't have gone.