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Kristina Nov 18
I'm one of those.
Left behind as a child,
still struggling to find a home
for my tears
for my feelings
for my pain
for my joy.

I'm one of those.
Being chained down as a child,
still fighting to break free
from my insecurities
from my fear
from my silence
from my shame.

I'm one of those.
Silenced when I was a child,
still trying to find my voice to tell you
all my stories
all my emotions
all my thoughts
all my loneliness.

I'm one of those.
I'm one of the lost children.
Kristina Nov 13
I will never be everything for him.
He will never be everything for me.
I will never be able to heal his scars.
He will never be able to take away my pain.
I will never be able to soothe his insecurities.
He will never be able to dry all my tears.

We will never be able to change the past.
But we are able to change our future.

We don't have to be everything.
'Cause we are enough.
Enough for each other.
Kristina Oct 22
If all the clocks stood still for a whole day I'd pack my bags and take a walk.

As I leave the house I don't check my mail 'cause nobody could reach me anyway this day. I walk down the streets, breathe in the clean air and listen to the sound of silence since there are no cars or people around.

A song forms in my mind, which I sing while walking down my path alone. I reach the park next to my home and look around. Noone's there except the wind fondling the trees and bushes. A few yellow flowers are growing on the meadow, not wondering why they are even there.

I keep on walking, reach a huge square that's totally empty. I pull some chalk out of my backpack and begin drawing on the ground. I take my time drawing while admiring the place in a way I've never been able to before due to all the people and noise.

"Love is the answer, not matter what you're asking.", is written there now for everyone to see. I leave the place, walking on, taking down flags, posters and stickers of fascists and racists on my way, replacing them with rainbows and hearts.

Until the sun sets, I keep walking around, tearing down signs of hatred and building those of love.

As midnight draws nearer I sit down in the park I visited first this day, watching the world starting up again. It starts with clocks ticking, birds singing, the growing sound of voices and vehicles. The others are waking up again, hopefully to notice the traces I've left behind, maybe wonder and think about them.

I hope to have changed anything on this one day I had as my time stops and I fade away leaving a small share of silence.
Finally my clock stood still.
Kristina Oct 19
I'm searching for a place to come home to.
A place that is calm and warm,
a place to feel safe in
after a long day out there.

After a day in the cold world,
filled with empty and silent people,
filled with silence that screams
and an emptiness that's crushing.

I'm searching for a person to come home to.
A person that is protective and loving,
a person to feel safe with
during a long day out there.

Fighting with me against this world,
not letting it steal our inner beauty,
not letting it take away our words,
so we don't become empty and silent.

I thought I could find it with you.
But I was wrong.
Kristina Oct 15
Maybe I could fall asleep in your arms.

Maybe that would silence the voices in my head.
Maybe that would take away the feeling of loneliness.

Maybe I could fall asleep in your arms.
Maybe.
Kristina Oct 13
Depression
is like Spooktober
all the time
except
the funny memes
and decoration.
  Oct 5 Kristina
REY
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m stupid –”
I know it sounds stupid,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems like *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.
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