In the dark and cold I sit alone
While my demons chill me to the bone;
When my time is done on this rock
Death will greet me with its knock;

The rain has not stopped for some time
Leaving me soaked in these clothes of mine;
And the darkness gives way to no light
I fear it won't be moved by even God's might;

Lights go off in the distance from me
Giving me a brief moment to see,
But there is nothing around me to view,
Leaving me feeling even more down and blue;

I am alone within the confines of my mind,
With thoughts that have made me cry;
I cannot see any end in sight for me,
And there is nowhere where I can flee;

There is no end in sight
To this long, cold night;
I wish I could no longer be on my own
Sitting in the dark, all alone.

I sit by the fire
And think of all I've known;
While I envy the ground that's dryer,
Than my bleeding heart of stone;

Some days I feel colder,
Than the winter air around me;
And feel the crushing weight of a boulder,
With no way of breaking free;

I no longer have any hope
Of getting out of this on my own;
If only someone would help me cope
So I wouldn't feel so alone;

In the very end,
I know what I truly desire;
Of having a companion,
Who will also sit by the campfire;

I sit by the fire
And stare at the embers;
Thinking of all I desire
On that cold night of December.

I walked barefoot on the pathway of life
When I came upon a crossroad;
And at its sight, I let out a sigh
Of sadness and displeasure
For now, I must make a choice

The crossroad looked like many before it
One path was full of light and color
With many leaves falling on the soft green grass
And the other was dark and cold
With many rocks and fallen trees that covered the walkway;

I looked at both and grew quite distressed
Because neither are as they appear;
In past experience, I have taken both
At different times for separate occasions;
Both were quite painful to walkthrough
And ended up making me regret my journey
in life;

The soft grass would ease my feet
Of their burden and pain
But it would make them soft and
Easy to tear and bleed and cause
Me to stop more frequently causing
My journey much delay;

The rocks would bring me
Much pain and make my journey slow at the beginning
But my feet would harden after a short while and
I'd be able to walk with much ease;
But the cuts and bruises still would remain
And I would end up messing my feet up
For the rest of my life.

Both have their benefits
But they also have their consequences
One to punish the weak
And one to punish those who think differently;
So, in the end, I will be in pain from
The decision that I will make;

I tire of making decisions
For no matter how long I ponder
I always seem to make the wrong one;
So this crossroad is no different from the rest
And thinking about it makes no difference
Because I'll make the wrong decision and
Mess things up for myself but,
Alas, I will still sit and think about which course is best;

It might take a second, minute, hour, day or year
To come to a decision that I believe best suits me;
It would be faster and easier to come to a verdict
If I wasn't without a companion and by myself;
Thinking of this choice will take all my thoughts
But for right now I'm too tired and
I think that I will lay down
In hopes that my next breath is my last one

Here at the crossroad, I lie
Dreaming of what would become
If I chose one path over the other;
I have a tough choice before me,
Shall I stay or shall I go?

But only time knows when I'll pick between those roads,
So I must wait until my mind is made up;
But truth is, I wait secretly with much hope,
That death will find me before I choose
So I don't make the wrong choice
And look back with regret at that decision I made
At that crossroad that once stood before me.

I sat broken atop a mountain
Cursing all of the gods
For having me restrained
Against impossible odds;

For having me seek love,
Never to obtain it;
For giving nothing to write of,
And be viewed as a hypocrite;

For needing rejection,
To function in life
To never have the affection
Of caring, loving wife;

For making me soft in heart,
Afraid of the world before me;
Fearful of being torn apart
By some unholy earthly thing;

For having me always laugh
But never feel joyful and reviled
Being a joke on people's behalf,
Yet always having to smile;

Tis the gods that I curse
For my stubborn will and spirit
So that even when it hurts
I'll still be adherent;

For making me a fool
Before all of the earth
For treating me quite cruel
Making me wish I'd died at birth;

For forcing me into solitude
Making me able to see
That I am not being pursued
By those who could love me;

So I sit cursing the gods
Who sit on their thrones so high;
Hoping they'll strike me down
Leaving me up on the mountain to die.

I sat in a green meadow,
Staring at everything pass and go;
I saw the deer run wild and free
And I wished that it could me;

I stared at the grass and how the green
Was a beautiful thing to be seen;
I counted the number of blades
And at the sheer number, I was amazed;

The trees stood tall, strong and still
And their shadows made the ground quite chill;
I sat in their shade and thought of what to write,
On that summer's evening that was so bright;

As I started to write, I felt much peace;
For now, I felt my happiness increase;
And I knew that I never wanted to leave
This dream that I had conceived;

I knew that soon I would have to wake
And be in a world of heartache;
Where the stress overwhelms me,
And where hope's embrace would never be;

But for now, I will sit and write
In the bright sun’s light;
And hearing the rush of a cold stream;
In this place that is, my perfect peaceful dream.

I sat alone in the dark
Beside a cold damp road.
I sat feeling sad and unwanted
By those who passed me by.

Some people with lanterns would walk by,  
They would say “Wait for God, For he is coming!”;
“He is the light and he loves you no matter what!”
So I waited with much excitement for
The being that will bring me hope and life.

But the years start to pass and
Still God had not shown up;
And every day I kept hearing that
He is going to arrive soon.

I kept on waiting and eventually, I was filled with some doubt
And those who saw me screamed at my thoughts,
They then started to question whether or not I was one of them;
Which now makes me question his arrival even more,
For if God is loving and kind
He would not have such violent believers
Speaking to me on his behalf.

While some people yell at me
Others would sit beside me and discuss who
God is and what he can do for me.
They told me that he would come by and give me a lantern
And then I would be able to walk alongside him.
They made me feel like my waiting will not be in vain
And that I will not have to wait for him alone.

But then they would leave without warning and
They would take the source of light and
Thus I was again in the darkness of life.
Feeling betrayed and once more unloved.

Those who were supposed to guide me
And keep me believing and waiting
Abandoned me in in black abyss, with
No source of light to keep me warm and comforted.

Now others started to pass by me,
They carry not a lantern but a torch instead;
They tell me “Do not wait for one who does not exist”;
“Ignore those who carry lanterns and create your own light,
Then stand up and walk your own path.”

Now I felt conflicted and I didn't know who to believe,
It caused me to think long and hard about who was right;
One day while I sat there pondering, another
Person carrying a lantern walked by me.
She did not see that I was broken from thinking
For I had masked the pain in the darkness that surrounded me;

I made her laugh and she made me feel alive
But she started to leave me behind;
I begged her not to go and not to leave me behind;
“Let me walk beside you. So that way I do not feel alone.”
She stared at me with a blank look in her eyes,
And without hesitation, she said, “Wait for God, For he is coming!”;
“He is the light and he loves you no matter what!”

I explained to her that all I had done was wait
And for years God had yet to show up.
I tell her how alone I felt and how
The lack of companionship was killing me;
But she proceeded to again say “Wait for God, For he is coming!”;
“He is the light and he loves you no matter what!”

I scream at her that I needed help
And that I couldn't wait alone for him
Otherwise, I would be driven to madness
From staring into the empty blackness
Of this long wet road.
But she could not see or hear me
For I had masked myself in the darkness too well

Then with sadness, I let her go, for
I could see that she did not fully understand my situation
And she would not be able to help me even if she did;
So again I sat down waiting for the one who
Would bring me light and warmth.

Now I know why God had not shown up;
He is punishing me for doubting him;
He makes me wish to have a companion
And yet he prevents me from having one.
I now lie down on the cold wet cement
Wishing that death will walk on by;
Thus ending my loneliness
And this pain of being alive;

But until that day comes,
I will lie here and wait
And even though there is doubt in my heart
I will choose to believe that
God is coming.

Trapped in my thoughts
Dreaming of hopes,
Thinking they'll be caught
Before I reach the death's *****;

Staring at the bright blue sky
And observing the birds,
Wishing I too could fly
But the idea was absurd;

Noticing a girl walk by
Dreaming that we'll be together
And that I'd be one lucky guy,
But I know I can't get her;

Hearing the rush of a stream
And the water hitting the stones,
Wishing that it wasn't a dream
But it was a hope too well known;

I dream of hopes to often
Causing me much pain,
And my mental sanity begins to soften,
From dreaming of things I can't obtain;

I need to stop dreaming
And live the life I was given
Instead of wasting time sleeping
About things that are forbidden;

So I'll start trying to focus
On things that are a bore,
Being rid of this diagnosis
And alas, I'll dream no more;

In a foxhole in the cold December night,
my brother next to me trying not to freeze.
No socks, food and very little ammo;
We'll freeze before the enemy attacks.

Suddenly the ground explodes next to me
like a firecracker on the fourth of July.
The sky shakes as if God is moving it,
and the sky lights up as bright as day.

My ears ring and my vision is blurry,
as I look next to me I see him.
My brother lying there motionless,
and cry medic in hopes that it's not too late.

In hopes to protect us, I aim my weapon
And I pull the trigger till my magazine is empty,
But even then I do not notice
For my shock makes everything numb as if I was on morphine.

Now I rush over to where my brother lies
In hopes that death has not grasped him,
I jump on top of him in hopes that I can prevent
Further destruction that would harm him.
As the shooting stops and the explosions quiet,
I feel my eyes water as I hold my brother's body.
He may not have been my blood
But we shared a great bond

Now I weep for him,
As the light fades from his eyes.
I can't stop cradling his head
As if he were still alive.

I watch them carry him away
as if he were a stick in a dog's mouth.
And I wipe the tears away from my face
As I ask myself, why him? Why not me instead?

I use to look up at the moon and stars
And dream of things that were afar,
In this universe that is so large;

The moon shone bright
As a lamp in the night,
And the stars were so many
That if one burned out we'd still have plenty;

Those beauties that lay in the night sky
Made me long and wish that I could fly,
So I could see their beauty up close
And to take it all in and maybe overdose;

I use to look up at the stars and moon
And dread the thought of them being gone soon,
The sun would rise and make them disappear
And I would be left alone sitting there;

But I would not be sad at their passing
Cuz in my dreams they're still there being enchanting,
And I would wait where I had been
Just to see their beauty once again.

Life is a tyrant with an army of darkness
That wields weapons of pure awfulness,
While I am a fool that stands against it alone,
And all I can feel is fear in my bones.

Depression, Anxiety, Loneliness, and more
Stand together in that mighty large army.
But Life has a far more effective weapon to use on me,
Hope! It’s a well placed trap that keeps me from being free.

Hope is a promise of an end to the loneliness,
But in truth it is secretly an empty abyss.
And it will make me defenseless and easy to slay
With all of the destruction that life will send my way.

I will be struck first with anxiety
Which will lead me to stay away from society.
Depression will be the next to attack,
And it will leave me far behind with no chance of a comeback.

Finally loneliness will strike a near fatal blow,
Making me feel like I’ve reached an all time low.
Hope will still be there to deal the final strike,
Stabbing me in the back with a large metal spike.

I will still be alive but only because they want it so,
So I can feel all of the  pain they inflicted and know
That they will leave but soon they'll return,
Because there will be much more of me to burn.

Bystanders will walk by and offer words of encouragement
But they will keep their distance and pretend that I am nonexistent.
Because no one wants to take time to assist a fool,
Thus leaving me thinking that people are cruel.

Before the battle I helped many individuals heal,
From their fights with their own demons and things that were too real.
Now it is my turn to call for their aid,
But alas no one wants to help remove the blade.

So I lie there, with a sword in my back,
Pinning my to the ground making a crack.
I feel the blood drain from my the wound,
Leaking the pieces of my heart which makes me feel doomed.

But I will take advantage of this,
And become a man that is emotionless.
I will remove this blade and stand tall,
Letting life know that never again will I fall.

It can send all its weapons against me,
But I will be strong like an oak tree.
Hope will no longer make me feel weak,
Because I am now an hopeless freak.

So once more, against life I will stand alone,
But this time there is nothing in my heart but stone.
And all of those who had ignored me will be sorry,
At the sight of me, a powerful one man army.

The fire lit is bright,
As a lamp within the abyss;
It ignites the contents
Of the wooden chamber;

Smoke slowly escapes the contraption,
Designed to guide its flow;
Into the bags of flesh
That only fresh air have called home;

It swirls inside with no escape
Before it is slowly & gently removed;
Smoke now escapes into the air,
Dispersing, never to be seen again;

Inside the little fire dies
Leaving behind a pile of ash;
Fresh air is again acquainted
Into the passage of which air flows;

The taste that is left behind
Is a burning that cannot be quenched;
Calmness now sweeps over
Bringing a cool feeling;

Thoughts were much clearer
Than the mist that was once breathed;
Now they are scattered,
Similar to the smoke that had left;

Fearing that this feeling is but a dream
and praying that it will last;
But no sadness shall be felt
When the pipe is no longer lit;
For all things must conclude
And the briefness of existence celebrated.

I sat and stared at the sun
And at its descent I'm stunned,
For it's passing is beautiful
Like sitting through a musical;

A mixture of blue, orange, and yellow
Makes me feel quite mellow,
And as the sun leaves its final scene
It creates a sight to be seen;

But now finally I will sit
Staring at that beautiful sunset;
And I'll shed a tear at its sight
While I say hello to a starry night.

Life is an ocean
And I, the sailor;
Sailing at first with no commotion
On waves of silk that was formed by a tailor;

But as the years progress,
The waves become harsher;
Engulfing me with stress
Making my journey even harder;

Lightning crackles in the sky
Indicating the beginning of a storm,
And thus bidding the blue sky goodbye
I say hello to its new form;

My ship begins to flood
As darkness swallows me into the abyss
And begins to drain my life's blood
Even though I try to resist.

And on the horizon, I see happiness;
But, alas I know it'll never be,
Because it is a trick by the abyss
And I'm still lost at sea.

I sat staring at the wall
No expression upon my face,
As I contemplated the life I lived
And remember that it's just been me,
All alone behind these empty eyes;

No one knows that there's nothing there
Because not a single soul has gazed into
My eyes to see the pain that I am in
And how I am in need of their help
So I wouldn't feel so alone;

This leaves me setting up barriers,
Not wanting anyone to gaze inside;
So I put on a show for everyone;
I think positive thoughts,
Dreaming happy dreams,
Hoping to pay no heed
To the dark reality;

I put on a wide smile
And laugh a loud laugh,
To put on the illusion that
There is not a thing wrong with me;

But I leave a hint that I am in need of help,
It's behind the gates that are my eyes,
The emptiness shows the lie that I live
And the battle that I fight every day;
But no one cares if I need help cuz they're blind;

I put on too good of a show;
Smiled and laugh more than I should have,
Listened and cared more than I had too
I did such a good job that no one
Knows that there's something wrong with me;

I've become consumed by this character
I have created within the confines of my mind;
I don't know where I am in this empty space
And I don't know if I can get out of it

The only thing left to do is the embrace it,
Until it ends the rest of my sanity;
So I must follow the old saying
And keep the show going.

A wall that stands at a magnificent height
That guards what little remains of my heart,
It blocks all of the outside light
As I curl up on its inside falling apart;

I built this wall with my own hands,
With no one there to keep me company;
It's all apart of my own great plans,
Keeping this pain from being seen by somebody;

Outside the wall is a smile
As well as a loud practiced laugh;
I haven't truly smiled in a while,
And only laugh for the photograph;

Alone I am behind this wall,
Afraid to let others inside;
Not wanting my heart to take a fall,
Like those who have already tried;

Noone knocks on its gate,
Noone gives a welcoming cry;
So I'll sit alone with the weight,
That comes from the lonely sky.

The cold reveals the air being taken
By a foreigner who has just awaken;
They hear the rain hitting his tent
And smells an earthly scent;

They pack the tent into a pack
And lifts the heavy load onto their back;
Begins the journey over the mountain
To see what beauties in contains;

The thickness of the fog is great
That it makes it difficult to travel straight;
The rain picks up as the wind blows harder
Which makes seeing difficult for the wanderer;

But the fog clears as the winds die,
The rain calms down as it falls from the sky;
The journeyman sees a clearing close by
And what it reveals could make anyone cry;

Drops rain down from heaven above
To the earth that absorbs it like a sponge;
The grass and trees become greener,
The air and ground grows colder;
Truly a beautiful sight for a traveler’s eyes.